I wouldn't be YTCat if I didn't include these! Welp, enjoy! Also idk their real names so sdhoaoidfjahofjda

~

Red Guy: Yellow Guy-

Yellow Guy: *sighs* Duck used to call me Yellow Guy...

Red Guy: ...Because it's your fucking name.

~

 Duck: Did you hear that!? Yellow Guy just threatened to destroy my lego AT-AT!

Red Guy: ...You just threatened to kill them in their sleep.

~

 Duck, reading the newspaper: Huh. Did you know Nickelodeon opened a hotel?

Red Guy: Yeah, I went there once. There was a dead squirrel in the pool and I made some of Yellow Guy cry by telling them it was the real Sandy.

~

 Yellow Guy: Hold on! I'm having one of those things... a headache with pictures.

Duck: What the fuck?

Red Guy: They're having an idea.

~

 Duck, in Yellow Guy's window: I thought I'd find you here!

Red Guy, climbing past Duck: WE COULD HAVE USED THE DOOR-

~

 Yellow Guy: Duck isn't answering my messages.

Red Guy: Allow me.

Yellow Guy: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-

Duck: *replying to message* Hello.

~

 Red Guy: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.

Yellow Guy: You are literally making a Valentine's day card for Duck.

Red Guy, pointing their hot glue gun towards Yellow Guy: You're on thin fucking ice.

~

 Yellow Guy: Guys, I didn't memorize my lines!

Red Guy: Just use your lack of common sense! Everyone knows the characters in plays are dumb as fuck!

*During the play*

Duck: Hey! You finally made it! Did you get the donuts?

Yellow Guy: W-what're donuts?

~

 Duck: My father's name is just mine as well, so I'm technically Duck Jr.

Red Guy: But who comes up when you look up Duck on Google?

Yellow Guy: That's what I thought!

Red Guy: One Duck to rule them all!

~

 Red Guy: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance?

Duck: No.

Yellow Guy: No.

Red Guy: Didn't think so.

~ 

Red Guy, to Yellow Guy: You have room temperature IQ.

Yellow Guy: What's room temperature IQ?

Duck: 73°.

Yellow Guy: Oh, okay.

Yellow Guy: How much is that in IQ?

~ 

Duck: I bet you're wondering why I gathered you here today. It's because we need to have a discussion about how some people in this room aren't getting along with other people in this room.

Red Guy: Why did you say that so vaguely? Yellow Guy and I are literally the only people you called in here.

~

 Yellow Guy: So you're dating Duck?

Red Guy: What? No! I'm just buying them an accessory since they have terrible fashion sense.

Yellow Guy: That's literally a wedding ring.

~

 Duck, knocking on the door: Yellow Guy, open up!

Yellow Guy: It all started when I was a kid.

Duck: That's not what I-

Red Guy: Let them finish!

~

 Duck: Red Guy, I know you love Yellow Guy. I mean, we all do, they're a very nice person and I respect them immensely.

Duck: But I think they might be a fucking idiot.

~

 Duck: *pitches an idea*

Yellow Guy, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!

Red Guy, under their breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.

~

 Red Guy, about Duck: Yellow Guy, they're an asshole! They have purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion!

Yellow Guy: Some of those stabbings were accidental!

Red Guy:

Yellow Guy: Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.

~

 Red Guy: I hope you have an explanation for this.

Yellow Guy: We have three actually-

Duck: Pick your favorite.

~

 Red Guy: How do you know how to kiss? Like who teaches you?

Duck: Well it's actually a class, but unfortunately it's full right now.

Duck: Would you like me to tutor you?

Yellow Guy: That was smooth.

~

 *In the chip aisle at Walmart, doing a late-night grocery run.*

Red Guy: *Minding their own business, looking for tortilla chips.*

Red Guy: *Finds tortilla chips.*

Duck, to Yellow Guy: See, they know what they're here for. They know what they're doing. Be more like them. Make a decision, Yellow Guy!

~

 Yellow Guy: I mean. Duck's just standing there now.

Yellow Guy: Waiting for me, I guess.

Yellow Guy: But it's okay, I think they've pretty much settled down.

Red Guy: Settled down?

Yellow Guy: Well, they only stabbed me once. 

~

Yellow Guy: Hey, Duck, have you thought about having children?

Duck: ...

Duck: Does looking over you and the others not seem like I already do? Because I promise you, it sure feels like it.

Yellow Guy: But we're not childr-

Duck, already distracted: RED GUY, PUT THE FIRE DOWN! 

~

Yellow Guy: Can I get a waffle?

Duck and Red Guy: *fighting and yelling at each other*

Yellow Guy: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle? 

~

Red Guy: Hey, Duck. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Duck: To get to the other side?

Red Guy: You were supposed to say "I dunno, why?"

Duck: Uh... fine. I don't know. Why did it cross the road?

Red Guy: To get to the idiot's house.

Duck: ...Ok?

Yellow Guy: Hey, Duck. Knock knock.

Duck: No.

Yellow Guy: You were supposed to say "who's there?"

Duck: Fine... let's get this over with. Who's there?

Yellow Guy: The chicken.

Duck:

Yellow Guy:

Red Guy:

Duck: Listen here you little shits-

~

 Duck: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.

Yellow Guy: I think you mean cards.

Red Guy: They did not.

Duck, pulling out knives: I did not.

 ~

Yellow Guy: I've never asked someone out. How do you even do it?

Red Guy: Oh, what I do is, I look them up and down and I say: "Hey... how you doin'?"

Duck, scoffing: Oh, please.

Red Guy, to Duck: Hey, how you doin'?

Duck:

Duck: *giggles and blushes*

~

 Red Guy to Yellow Guy: Me? I'm the bee knees, but, you? You're just...

Duck: Cockroach ankles!

Red Guy: Ye- uh, what?

~

 Yellow Guy: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Red Guy: Screw that, I'm not kissing any of you.

*Duck walks in*

Red Guy: Fine, I'll do it. Rules are rules you know.

~

 Red Guy: Okay, can we all stop saying stupid shit for a moment, please?!

Duck: Alright.

Yellow Guy: Hey, I-

Red Guy: SHUT UP!

Yellow Guy: I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED MY SENTENCE!!

Duck: It was bound to be stupid.

~

 Red Guy: *yawns*

Duck: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Red Guy: Then you must be exhuasted.

Yellow Guy: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

~

Red Guy: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults!

Duck: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best?

Red Guy: Obviously. Now, Yellow Guy, pass the shovel.

~

Red Guy: Well, Duck, is there anything you would like to say to Yellow Guy?

Duck: How do I put this delicately? You're a horrible roommate and nobody likes you.

Red Guy: How about we frame our statement with "When you do this, it makes me feel this"?

Duck: When you live here, it makes me angry. Because you're a horrible roommate and nobody likes you.

~

 Duck: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Red Guy?

Red Guy: No.

Yellow Guy: I do!

Duck: I know, Yellow Guy.

Yellow Guy: I'm sad.

Duck: I know, Yellow Guy.

~

 Red Guy: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Duck a little bit.

Yellow Guy, holding Red Guy's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Red Guy: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Yellow Guy: My mistake.

~

 Red Guy: Last night I found out Duck is a sleep talker.

Yellow Guy: Oh, really?

Red Guy: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

~

 Yellow Guy: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Duck without them noticing?

Red Guy: Hey, Duck, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.

Duck: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.

Yellow Guy: ...

~

 Red Guy: Duck just insisted Yellow Guy and I remember a code word in case we're ever confronted by their clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we're not sure which is the real them and which is the imposter.

Red Guy: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.

~

 Duck: Red Guy, Yellow Guy, I love y'all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing?

Red Guy, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Yellow Guy is sitting atop: Oh nothing much.

Yellow Guy: I love you too :)

~

 Red Guy, to Duck: Why is Yellow Guy not talking?

Duck: I'm playing the silent game with them.

Red Guy: Well, then you just lost.

Duck: I lost two hours ago. I gave them ear plugs and told them to close their eyes. It was the only way I could think of to get them to shut up.

~

Red Guy: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?

Duck: Bees?

Red Guy: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!

Duck: Wait-

*Yell Guy approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

~ 

Yellow Guy: The first time I ever got upset in front of Duck, they put their arms around me and it was so awkward that I had to ask them if they were hugging me or reaching for something on the shelf behind me.

Duck: I was doing both, for your information.

Red Guy: The first time Duck hugged me, it was such a disaster we didn't make eye contact for, like, a week after.

~

Okay that's it for now lmaoooo. Stay tuned for more if I don't forget about this book