Rosemary

The air was chilly. When she spoke, she could see her breath in the air like smoke, slowly dissipating until she couldn't see it anymore. Her white jumpsuit was doing what it was meant to do, keep the cold out and her heat in. She was warm and comfortable, even as she laid in the snow and gazed up at the sky.

"That one looks like a bear," Kyler said from beside her, in a similar position, and pointed up at one of the clouds above them. Rosemary squinted, trying to see what he saw, but it just looked like a cloud to her.

"It looks like a cloud."

She turned her head to look at Kyler and found that he was already looking at her, amusement in his deep brown eyes. "Did you try hard enough?"

"Yes," she said indignantly. "It just looks like a cloud to me."

"What if you tilt your head this way?" He demonstrated the move.

Rosemary indulged him and copied his movement. The cloud didn't look any different. "It's a cloud."

"Okay, fair enough." Kyler chuckled. She smiled at the sound.

Rosemary liked the way that he enjoyed simple things, especially in the arena. It pleased him to spot little things like lady bugs and chipmunks, but he also enjoyed the big things too, like pine trees and clouds. It was because of that endearing quality that she decided to indulge him.

"What about that one?" she pointed to a cloud near the one that he claimed to be a bear.

Kyler hummed, studying the cloud. "That is definitely a bunny."

This cloud, she could see how he saw a bunny. There were two separate bumps to one side of it that could act as the rabbit's ears. "I think I see it."

"Atta girl!" Kyler pumped his fist triumphantly, lips curled into a pleased smile. "Alright, you try another one."

Rosemary looked for another cloud close by. When she found one, she took in its shape, how one side of the cloud seemed to sharpen like a blade.

"I think that one looks like a knife," she told him.

Kyler nodded. "Huh, yeah, it does."

Suddenly, the cloud shifted into a different shape. Rosemary's eyes widened as it warped into a twisted face, too detailed to be natural. Were the Gamemakers playing with them?

Her stomach clenched and the fine hairs on her arms stood straight up. "Come on," she popped up onto her feet. "We should keep moving. It doesn't feel safe here."

Kyler stood up and gave her a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

Rosemary shook her head. "I just have a bad feeling."

"Like what?"

"Like something is going to–" she cut herself off with a loud gasp, sucking so much air into her lungs that they felt like they might explode.

A sharp pain flashed through her right side like lightning. After a second she realized that the pain wasn't going away. It flared brightly, like her heartbeat, and burned hot. A throwing knife had made its way into her side and when she turned her head to her right, she saw Gully sprinting toward them.

"Shit," Kyler whispered, horrified, and drew his sword. "Don't take it out!"

She didn't have the chance to say 'I know' before she fell into the snow. As Kyler and Gully collided, she frantically searched her vest for one of her own knives. There were none, even though she swore that she had at least seven the night before.

Kyler's desperate scream made her head whip towards them and she found herself screaming, too, when she saw that Gully's spear was impaled into Kyler's gut. Her vision blurred as she tried to get up but she found herself stuck on one knee, her side rippling with pain.

"Kyler!"

Kyler dropped to the ground, his blood staining the snow crimson. Rosemary blinked desperately, trying to correct her vision, but she froze when she saw Gully slide a knife out of his belt.

No, no, no!

"Kyler, run! KYLER!"

Rosemary startled awake, a sob bursting from her lips. She hugged her chest with her good arm and turned on her side, shifting until she was in the fetal position. Her pillow was soaked, she didn't know if it was from tears or sweat, and her hand was killing her, but all she could do was cry.

It had felt so real, her dream. It was like she was back in the arena with Kyler and if she focused hard enough, she knew she'd be able to send herself back there, where Kyler was waiting for her. She could almost smell him, could almost taste his lips.

But, oh, how quickly it turned into a nightmare. Gully had haunted her in her sleep like Kyler had, through more sinister means. The dream wasn't real, that wasn't how it all ended. It was worse.

Flashes of Kyler's death flickered through her mind.

Her stomach twisted and she threw herself out of the bed, running to the bathroom as fast as she could. Vomit spewed from her lips the second she saw the toilet, most of it landing on the pristine floor and the toilet seat rather than in the bowl. She opened the toilet seat and heaved again, this time aiming true.

Hands brushed her hair away from her face and though she jumped in fright at first, the need to become sick again overwhelmed her fear. It became apparent, through her gagging, that the person was not there to harm her. They started speaking to her and rubbing her back, and though it took her a few seconds to focus enough to hear, she recognized the person that the voice belonged to.

She dry heaved once more and rested her heated cheek on the cool toilet seat, desperate cries spilling from her lips. She couldn't hear Haymitch now, just the blood rushing through her head like ocean waves during a storm.

She couldn't do this.

"Breathe, pipsqueak, c'mon." Haymitch's accented voice pierced the waves in her ears.

Breathe.

She inhaled, held her breath for a few seconds, and then exhaled.

My name is Rosemary Mellark. I am sixteen years old. I have two brothers. I'm from District 12. I lived.

It took her a moment but she finally came to. As she locked eyes with Haymitch for a second and then looked around the mess she made, shame warmed her face and neck.

"I'm sorry." she whispered shamefully, shakily getting to her feet.

Haymitch waved her off. "Don't worry about it. Why don't you get in the shower and I'll send in an Avox to clean up."

Rosemary nodded silently as Haymitch left the bathroom. He stopped the door from shutting behind him and popped his head back into the room. "Beetee dropped off a package for you. I'll put it on the bed."

"Thank you."

Rosemary brushed her teeth first, to get the taste of vomit out of her mouth, and then hopped into the shower. There was a timid knock on the door as she washed her hair and then she heard the door open. She popped her head out of the shower and smiled apologetically at the Avox before slipping back into the shower and rinsing the soap from her hair. The Avox worked quickly, the smell of bleach overpowering the soft scent of coconut that Rosemary's shampoo gave off.

By the time Rosemary was done with her shower, the Avox was long gone. She dried herself off, used the machine to tame her hair, and then got dressed in a new pair of pajamas, knowing that Vina would be stopping by to style her for her morning interview with Caesar Flickerman.

The package from Beetee was left on the bed, as Haymitch said.

It was a slim, brown envelope and as she opened it and tipped it upside down, a thick packet of paper, a short note, and what looked like a small touchscreen tablet fell onto her comforter. She grinned when she saw that the packet was a copy of the telecommunicator schematics. She set it aside and read the small note that Beetee had left her.

Rosemary,

Finnick asked me to get you a communicell sooner rather than later, so here it is. All of the Victors' numbers are programmed in and do not worry, there is no Capitol spyware in the technology. I made it myself.

I also included the schematics from the telecommunicator that you asked about. I hope you contact me with any questions or opinions that you have. It was a pleasure to meet you last night. I am positive that I will see you again soon.

Best regards,

Beetee Latier

Rosemary smiled softly and set aside the note with the telecommunicator schematics in order to figure out her communicell. It turned on easily enough, and there was a tutorial set up from the get go that showed her how to use it correctly. She was very impressed by the communicell, honestly. It was nothing she had seen before. It could take pictures, connected to the Capitol's holo programs and online social platforms, and you could call, communicate through text, and use it as a telecommunicator. As Beetee had said, all of the Victors–even the ones she hadn't met yet–numbers were programmed into the contact list.

The comm buzzed, startling her. A message popped up and she pressed on it. It was from Finnick.

Finnick: Morning, Dewdrop. Have a safe journey back to Twelve. Let me know if you need anything!

Rosemary hurriedly wrote back.

Rosemary: Thank you.

As soon as she sent her message, she cringed. What if he thought she was stupid? What if he thought she was mad at him? How would he know what her tone was like?

She typed again.

Rosemary: Just so you know I'm not mad at you.

Finnick: I know

Rosemary grimaced. Was he mad at her now? Had she completely screwed up?

Rosemary: Are you mad at me?

Finnick: no, love

Rosemary: Okay.

She sighed heavily and messaged him again.

Rosemary: I don't think I like this.

Finnick: texting?

Rosemary: Yes.

Finnick: I get it, it's hard to figure out the tone over text

Rosemary exhaled, glad that he understood the trouble she was having. 

Finnick: Call me if you need me

Rosemary's face was warm as she tossed the comm back onto the bed. She tried not to think about how she had completely embarrassed herself. Finnick Odair was the most popular Victor in all of Panem, and she had acted like an idiot while talking to him. How would she pluck up the courage to call him in the future?

She shook her head and stood from the bed, leaving her room quickly, as if she could outrun the awkwardness still hovering in the air.

She found her team in the dining room. Haymitch was slurping down some kind of porridge, from the smell of it, cinnamon raisin, and Effie was eating some fruit and French toast, taking delicate sips of boozy orange juice in between bites. Vina and Cinna were the only ones from her prep team present and while she was grateful she didn't have to see Joss again before she left the Capitol, she was sorry she didn't say goodbye to Windy.

"Good morning, Rosemary!" Effie greeted her enthusiastically. "Sit! Sit and eat!"

Rosemary's stomach twinged lightly but ultimately, she knew she had to eat. Food made the medication easier to take, after all. She gathered some bacon, eggs, and bread from the buffet before sitting down next to Vina. He was the most comforting presence at the moment and she felt safe and secure next to him as she started to eat.

The more she ate, the better she started to feel. She ate all the food on her plate and when the Avox presented her with her medicine, she swallowed it down without a hint of nausea. Once she was settled with an iced cinnamon bun, Effie started going through their agenda.

"Alright, you'll have an hour and a half for interview prep with Cinna and Vina. Caesar's people will get here around then and set up in the living room. It will be super casual, don't worry," Effie flapped her hand at Rosemary, who nodded quietly.

It was impossible not to worry about the interview. She had royally screwed up the night before and with Snow watching her closely after his threats, she had to be perfect. Her family's safety relied on it.

"...After the interview, we'll allow for any makeup touches before we go straight to the train station. The train leaves at 11 o'clock. Any questions?"

Rosemary shook her head and drank the last of her ice water.

Within moments of her finishing breakfast, Rosemary was escorted back into her room. Cinna got to work on her hair first, in absence of Windy, and did it simply, pulling the wavy blonde strands into an artfully messy ponytail. Her make-up did not feel simple, but when Cinna showed her herself in the mirror, it looked like she had none on.

Vina disappeared from the room but came back within a couple of minutes with a jewelry box and a garment bag. He handed the bag off to Cinna for keeping and then approached her with the jewelry box.

"I got you something," he crouched down so he was eye-level with her.

"Thank you," Rosemary whispered, delicately taking the box from him. She opened the small box and gasped when she saw the necklace inside. "Vina, it's beautiful."

Inside the box was an oval locket made out of gold. On the front was an engraved mockingjay with rye leaves surrounding it, almost like a laurel wreath. Tears in her eyes, she opened the locket. The picture inside was of her and Rye, the night of the pre-Games interviews.

Her breath left her when she saw his face, the smile on his lips as they both stared at the camera. If she closed her eyes, it was like she was there, standing next to him, nerves pooling through her belly for what was before them. She missed him so much.

"Thank you, Vina," Rosemary whispered through her tears. She took a second to wipe them away and then wrapped her arms around him.

"You're very welcome," Vina rubbed her back. His voice was soothing and though it did nothing to cure the heartache she was feeling, it did help her. "Rye was a good man and you, Rose, are a wonderful person. You are so strong and kind and beautiful."

Rosemary sniffed, trying to control the tears that slipped from her lips, and leaned back, pressing a quick kiss to Vina's cheek. "Thank you for everything, really. I never thought that I would meet people like you two—" she glanced at Cinna with a watery smile. "—in the Capitol."

Cinna smiled back at her, walking over to her and Vina as his partner squeezed her once more and let her go. "We're a rarity, unfortunately."

Rosemary laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, I think I've learned that."

"I wish you didn't have to," Vina told her, a sad look on his face. She wondered if he knew what President Snow had asked of her. "We're on your side, though. If you ever need anything, you let us know."

"I will."

"Now, come on, let's get you dressed." Vina wiped his own eyes and smiled brightly at her. "The good thing is that we'll see each other again. I got the assignment this morning; I'm to be your stylist whenever you're in the Capitol."

"That makes me feel better," Rosemary admitted, watching as Cinna unzipped the garment bag.

The outfit was not outrageous, but it was still stylish and girly. It was a sundress with a bright pattern that would land a few inches above her knees. She liked it. She liked it even more when she was given a pair of leather flats to wear with it. She didn't mind heels but she didn't want to wear them on the way back to District 12.

She got dressed with Vina's help, her injured arm doing more to hinder their progress than assist. Every time she moved it, jolts of pain raced up her arm and it took a few seconds of breathwork to get through it. Though she spent most of her life getting hit by her mother, she never quite got to the part where she got used to the pain, leaving her defenseless against the agony her hand was in now. Nevertheless, she was dressed and slipping on her flats when Effie's impatient knock came from the door.

"It's time!" Though Effie's high voice was muffled by the door, Rosemary, Vina, and Cinna all knew what she was talking about. Cinna and Vina each gave her a hug and then escorted her out of her room, right into Effie's awaiting arms. "Don't you look darling? Come, come. Caesar's people are ready for you!"

The living room was full of expensive filming equipment and there were so many people in such a small space that it made Rosemary overwhelmed. She searched for Haymitch somewhere within the fold and sighed in relief when she spotted him perched at the one of the stools by the kitchen island, holding a drink. He didn't seem too drunk yet, but she bet that by the time they got to the train, he'd be plastered. Either way, his presence was relieving and had a way of grounding her within the sea of Capitolites.

Rosemary was herded toward the couch, newly set up with cameras and sound equipment surrounding it, where Caesar Flickerman was waiting for her. He stood up when he laid eyes on her and held out his hands for an embrace that included kisses on each cheek. Rosemary tried not to grimace throughout the whole exchange, but she held back. She couldn't screw this up.

Soon she found herself sitting on the couch with Caesar, one of the cameras pointed right at her face. The director of Caesar's show called everyone to action and as soon as Caesar introduced himself and her to the camera, she played her part. She was not going to do anything that would endanger her family. If she had to act to keep them safe, then she would act.

-

Rosemary was restless after the first hour on the train. Far behind her was the Capitol and all the people practically drooling to be noticed by her as they crowded around the train station. Far ahead of her was District 12, her home. She felt empty as she sat at the dining table, numbly scooping some strawberry shortcake into her mouth. The chair where Rye had sat in on the way to the Capitol was empty, but it was like she could still see his ghost sitting there.

She forced down the last bit of cake on her plate and then set down her spoon, staring at the chair. It didn't feel real. She was not used to a world without her older brother in it. To her, it felt like he would walk into the room any second, and everything would be okay. But Rye was gone, he wouldn't be walking into the room at all, and it killed her to know it.

Rosemary had never lost someone before. Her grandparents on both sides of her family were dead before she was born, and her parents had no siblings. She had never dealt with the death of someone she loved and the new situation and all the emotions that came with it terrified her. Would she feel this way for the rest of her life, haunted by an ache in her chest and the inescapable urge to hyperventilate?

Losing Rye was like losing a limb, and the ghost pain he left in his absence was never ending.

"Rosemary?" came Effie's gentle voice from across the table.

Rosemary glanced at her and saw the concerned look on her face. Next to Effie, Haymitch sat swigging down the contents of a silver flask, his eyes on her the whole time.

She shook her head, as if to clear it. "Sorry, could you repeat that?"

"I asked if you were finished," Effie said. "Are you alright, dear?"

Rosemary wanted to scream at Effie, the depth of her emotions roaring inside her like an animal locked into a cage.

"Don't ask her that, Effie," Haymitch grumbled, setting his empty flask on the table. An Avox swiftly picked it up and went to the bar, filling the vessel to the brim with spirits. "Of course, she's not alright."

Rosemary swallowed her rage and inhaled deeply. Without even knowing that she had been clenching her good hand, she relaxed it, feeling the sticky red residue on the tips of her fingers. She didn't thank Haymitch for what he said, but was touched, nonetheless, that he spoke for her. Otherwise, she would have been rude to Effie and that just wasn't her.

"I want to see him."

Haymitch's gaze jolted to her. "I don't know if that's a good idea, pipsqueak."

"You said I could see him when we left the Capitol." Rosemary argued, eyes stinging.

"I think, dear, that we're just concerned about how you'll take seeing him," Effie said softly, as if she was too fragile to hear the words. If Rosemary had been rational at the moment, she would see that Effie had a point. She was not emotionally stable.

But it didn't matter if she was or not. She needed to see Rye.

"My brother died, Effie," Rosemary felt no remorse with the way her voice stiffened. "I'm going to be emotional either way. I want to see him now."

Effie looked at Haymitch for help, but a gleam in his eyes told Rosemary that he agreed with her. "Okay, let's go."

They both stood up and left the dining car, heading through the residential cars and into the medical bay. It was colder in the medical car than the others and Rosemary's heartbeat roared in her ears as Haymitch approached one of two metal storage compartments.

"Brace yourself, sweetheart."

Rosemary inhaled deeply as he opened the door and pulled out the drawer where Rye's body laid. The first thing she saw of him was his hair, still blonde as ever, but dull and limp. His eyes were closed and she could see that his lips, pale in death, were sewn shut. A choked sob left her mouth before she could even think to stop it. She didn't even attempt to look at the rest of his body as she laid the back of her hand on his cold, lifeless cheek.

It didn't look like Rye. The face she was staring at was peaceful as could be, but it wasn't the Rye she saw when she closed her eyes.

"This isn't Rye," she said through her cries. "It doesn't look like him. It's not him."

Haymitch cautiously raised his hands and laid them on her shoulders, only for her to push him away. "It is Rye. I'm sorry."

"It's not him!" Rosemary's hand slipped from Rye's cheek until it was laying on his shoulder. "It's not, Haymitch. It can't be him."

Rye was supposed to be here. He was supposed to live, she was supposed to protect him. And she had failed. She had tried so hard in that arena to make sure he got out, but she was the one left standing, not him. She failed Rye. She failed him and she could never make it right. Everything was her fault, everything that had happened was because of her, and god, she couldn't take it. She couldn't do this!

It wasn't fair, what had happened to her and Rye. It wasn't fair that he had died and she had lived. It wasn't fair that he wasn't here and she was. It wasn't fair that she couldn't have saved him.

It should have been me. It should have been me.

Without realizing it, Rosemary had collapsed into Haymitch's arms and sobbed into his chest as he held her upright. He tried to comfort her, but she couldn't hear him over the sound of her cries and the horrid thoughts that played around in her head. And he held her tightly, knowing that she just needed something to hold on to, someone to hold her to earth.

Haymitch had lived so long in his grief that he had forgotten how much it could be sometimes. When he was fresh out of the Games, he had been a mess too. And though years did nothing to soften the blow of grief, he did learn how to live on, to grow around that emptiness in his heart. As he listened to a hysterical Rosemary tell herself that it should have been her in that morgue, he hoped that she would have the time to learn how to grow despite the loss too. Otherwise, she wouldn't survive. Not like this.