Rosemary

Her lunch was a bowl of beef broth and a roll. She was reminded to eat slowly by Cinna at least three different times, in order to avoid getting sick, but she was starving. Within the five minutes of her tray being delivered, she was already sopping up the remnants of the broth with her roll and asking the Avox for another serving.

"You can't have a second serving," Cinna reminded her patiently. "You know why."

"Because of refeeding syndrome," Rosemary sighed. "I'm hungry."

"You'll get food at the banquet," Windy told her, attempting to comfort her. "Oh, it's going to be so much fun!"

"Can I at least get another roll?" Rosemary pleaded, ignoring Windy's excitement.

Cinna sighed but nodded. The Avox disappeared and then reappeared within a moment, a new roll on a small plate in his hand. She grabbed it from him and gave him her thanks before popping the roll, whole, into her mouth and bit down while ripping off half of the roll. She ate the half still in her mouth, humming in satisfaction.

"Gross," Joss grimaced, looking up from his work on her toenails. "Try to use your hands, darling."

Rosemary glared at him, unimpressed, and swallowed her bite.

"She can't use one of them, Joss, goodness gracious!" Windy rolled her eyes at her coworker.

"Well, she could try a little harder, no?"

"Joss, shut your mouth," Cinna ordered sternly.

Rosemary gave him a grateful look, not wanting to have a confrontation with Joss, herself. She just couldn't deal with it today, and didn't want to waste her energy on him. Already she had had to deal with his envious comments about her malnourished body and the full-body polish (a procedure that erased all of her scars and laser-removed her body hair) that the Capitol so-called "blessed" her with. She couldn't wait until she didn't have to deal with him anymore.

Thankfully, he was almost done with her toes. He'd already done her fingernails. Just a few more minutes and he'll be gone, Rosemary comforted herself, inhaling deeply.

"Almost done," Cinna told her quietly. He was nonchalant about it, still focusing on her make-up, and didn't even make eye contact with her while he spoke.

"Almost done," Rosemary closed her eyes and repeated his words like a prayer. Her chest felt heavy and when she breathed, she did it too quickly. She stopped herself from breathing like that again, and inhaled and exhaled slowly, regulating her breathing. She didn't want to freak out.

There was so much at stake.

Behind her, Windy started on her hair. Her clean, freshly dried, blonde locks were gently pinned here and there until, eventually, a loose bun was created at the back of her neck. By the time Joss was finished with her toes, Cinna was sitting back, admiring his work, and Windy was laying bits of her hair just right to frame her face in order to give her a gentle, feminine look.

As she studied herself in the mirror they presented her with, she found that she liked the way she looked. Even though she had sat for Cinna's work for an hour and had counted how many products he had used, her make-up had a natural palette, with light brown and bronze eyeshadow packed lightly onto her eyelids and nudge gloss on her lips. Her natural skin color and flush came through the foundation Cinna had used on her. Even though she quite liked the look, the simple beauty of the make-up and hair together stunned her. It was not like her make-up and hair before the Games, fierce and proud. It was gentle and sweet, giving her a sort of romantic look. Even her nails were pale pink, the opposite of the metallic colors given to her before the Games.

Rosemary quietly thanked Cinna, Windy, and Joss, her mind still racing. What was with the about face?

The door to their little suite opened and she looked up in time to see Vina enter. He was holding onto a black garment bag and as he hung it up on the clothes rack, her prep team silently filed out of the room.

Rosemary stood up to meet Vina and when he opened his arms to her, she almost dove into him in order to soak in whatever comfort he had to give her. Careful not to hurt her hand, or mess up his team's work, Vina pressed a small kiss on her forehead and curled his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry about Rye, Rosemary," he said quietly. "I know that this isn't quite the ending you had in mind."

Rosemary choked out a laugh and squeezed her eyes shut so she wouldn't cry, squeezing him tighter with her good arm. "No, it's not."

"But here you are," Vina let her go and she obediently stepped back, letting him look over her. "How is your hand? Are you in any pain?"

"A little," Rosemary admitted. "It's not anything I can't handle."

"Make sure that you ask for relief if you need it, Rose," Vina told her strictly. "It's better to get ahead of the pain."

"I will, I promise."

"Good. Now, let's get you dressed," Vina left her only to go to the clothes rack. He slowly zipped open the garment bag and gently took the dress from its hanger.

As he walked it over to her, Rosemary observed the design. The fabric itself was a cream color, hints of yellow in its undertone, and flowy. There was a gauzy overlay with delicately embroidered silver rye leaves and golden mockingjays, tastefully subtle yet proud with its pattern. Rosemary gasped, eyes welling with tears, when she saw the leaves and mockingjays.

What a moving tribute to her brother.

"It's beautiful," she whispered. "Thank you, Vina."

Vina simply smiled at her and then helped her into the dress. The top of the dress was designed like a corset underneath the embroidered overlay, and the straps were two dainty pieces of ribbon that, if she wasn't so confident in Vina's abilities, would have doubted the strength of. The dress ended at her ankles and Vina helped her step into a pair of high heels, encrusted with jewels. Once she was all dressed and ready to go, Vina studied her with a sad smile.

"You look beautiful, Rose, truly."

When Rosemary looked in the mirror, she didn't recognize the beautiful woman in its reflection. Because she did look beautiful, she always did when Vina was involved, but she didn't feel beautiful. Her injured hand, wrapped tightly in an expensive leather brace, was aching numb, she could feel the pain deep in her nerves, but not the flesh and skin around them. It was a weird feeling. Her body was recognizable but the padding Vina put in her dress made her aware of how much weight she had actually lost throughout the Games. It was strange how she missed the slight chubbiness of her neck and layer of fat that folded endearingly when she smiled big. Her baby fat, something she was so self-conscious about, was gone, but not by the passing of time, like it should have been. Her cheeks were too bony, her shoulders too pronounced...

Her eyes were the worst, she decided. Their usual shiny brown irises were now dull and she could practically taste the devastation she found within them.

-

After the first couple of times that Rosemary was trapped in the closet, she began to have panic attacks. She had a few triggers; usually it was small spaces and when someone yelled at her (which wasn't often, besides Capri). And sometimes there seemed to be no trigger, just her normal anxiety that swelled out of nowhere to overcome her body and mind. Her panic attacks were scary and exhausting and she hated having them. Being told to calm down wasn't helpful and there was only so much breathing she could do before it wouldn't help anymore.

It was Rye that came up with some kind of solution. Knowledge was obviously important to Rosemary, so he told her to list things that she factually knew, about herself, her family, or anything around her. She was halfway through a panic attack when he first explained it to her, but he was patient and helped her through the first time.

My name is Rosemary Mellark. I have two brothers. I work at the bakery. I live in District 12. My best friend's name is Kline...

As long as she kept listing things she knew–which was a lot–then she would eventually calm down. It wasn't one-hundred percent effective, but it worked better than the other solutions that she had read in an old psychology textbook.

Her left hand was clenched tightly and her eyes were closed as she stood backstage at Caesar Flickerman's studio. The crowd was loud already but she couldn't blame them. Effie, Vina, and the majority of her prep team were amazing and if Rosemary was in a better headspace, she would have enjoyed listening in on their interview with Caesar.

Instead she found herself citing facts to herself, whispering under her breath as backstage attendants rushed all around her, getting ready to push Haymitch on-stage for his solo interview.

"My name is Rosemary Mellark. I am sixteen. I live in District 12. I have two..." she hesitated, breath shuddering as she thought about Rye. Focus, Rosemary! "I have two brothers. I work in a bakery..."

"Two minutes!" she heard one of the production assistants speak into their headset, only a few feet away from her. She glanced at him, inhaling deeply, and saw that he was relaxed as could be, typing away at his communicuff. A little further behind him, she saw Haymitch standing on the edge of the stage, ready to go on. He looked dreadful, probably because he was somewhat sober, thanks to Effie, and kept swatting away the make-up assistant trying to pat dry the shiny spot on his forehead.

The sight, or more accurately, the distraction that he gave her, regulated her breathing. But as Haymitch was called up by Caesar and the crowd started to cheer, her mind raced.

How was she supposed to handle this? Caesar would call her up onto the stage and ask her how she was, what it was like to be a Victor, and she couldn't answer honestly. She had to watch a two-hour-long recap of the Games. She'd see herself almost hallucinate from dehydration, the first person she killed, her kisses with Kyler, her conversations with Rye, and even worse, their deaths. How did previous Victors who sat on the same stage year in and year out, stay calm, cool, and collected?

How could she do this, act like Rye wasn't dead? He was dead! He was dead because of her.

She tightened her fist and felt her nails break the barrier of her skin ever so slightly. It stung, but it was nothing compared to the pain her right hand was in, even after the pain meds a medic had come and given her on Effie's insistence.

My name is Rosemary Mellark. I am sixteen. I live in District 12. I have two brothers. Peeta is at home. He needs me. I will see him soon.

"Miss Mellark, you're on in two minutes," the same production assistant she had observed earlier got her attention. He didn't touch her, but he gestured toward the spot that Haymitch had previously been. She walked with him toward the mark, the crowd getting louder the closer to the stage they got. "Okay, one minute. Good luck!"

Rosemary acknowledged him only with a quiet thanks and inhaled deeply, turning toward the stage. The crowd was cheering again as Haymitch was escorted down the steps at the edge of the stage across from her and into the row of seats nearby where Effie, Vina, Cinna, Windy, and Joss were waiting.

"And now," Caesar's deep voice was drenched in excitement. "We bring up our guest of honor. You know and love her, the Victor of the 70th Hunger Games, Rosemary Mellark!"

The crowd roared loudly and for a second, Rosemary could not move. Her wide eyes stared at Caesar and it was only when he patiently waved her on out did she finally step onto the stage. The noise from the crowd intensified at her appearance as she made her way to Caesar. It was awkward as he greeted her, as her right hand, the hand closest to him, was encased in a brace and unmoving, but he managed by taking her left hand and twirling her around slowly, showing her off to the crowd.

"Isn't she just beautiful!" he asked the audience.

Rosemary saw someone faint in the third row in response.

My name is Rosemary. I am sixteen. I am on stage. I have to protect Peeta.

"Alright, sit, sit, sit," Caesar insisted as the crowd's roar dulled. Rosemary sat dutifully, crossing her legs, sitting up straight, and adjusting her dress, just like Effie taught her all those weeks ago. "Rosemary?"

Rosemary blinked and faced Caesar, concerned that she had missed something. It turned out that she did, Caesar had asked her a question and was now expecting an answer.

"I-I" she stuttered helplessly and stared at her mentor. Haymitch nodded at her and it gave her some reassurance. "I'm sorry, Caesar, I think I'm still experiencing symptoms from my concussion...Could you repeat your question?"

"Of course, my dear, of course!" Caesar exclaimed. "I asked how you were feeling? Any pain? I see that your hand is in a brace."

Rosemary's eyes flickered back to him. "I–yes, it is. The doctors had to build me a new hand. It's actually quite fascinating how we can grow bones from synthetic material and fuse them into the human body. Imagine what it could do to help amputees in the–"

Caesar cut off her rambling, eyes quickly cutting to the camera. "It is a rather exciting advancement, indeed. Now, tell me, Rosemary, you allied yourself pretty early on in the Games with Kyler, from District 2. Did you think, at that point, that you would come to have a certain relationship with him?"

"No." Rosemary gulped, trying to swallow the lump in her throat at the mention of Kyler. "I knew that I got along with Kyler during training, but I didn't expect to ally myself with him, or what would happen afterward."

"Was it your first romantic relationship?"

Rosemary blanched. "Um–"

Caesar quickly moved on, seeing the uncomfortable look on her face. "After your allyship with Kyler, you soon joined Rye and Xavier. Did you know they would ally beforehand?"

"We talked about allies," Rosemary confirmed and fidgeted with the edge of her brace, playing with it in order to focus. "I wasn't surprised, though. Rye has always had a way of making friends with anyone."

"Rye did have quite the personality and we were lucky to see a lot of it throughout the Games..." Caesar hesitated and Rosemary knew he was going to ask a heavy question. "Will you feel that loss on your journey back to District 12?"

What kind of question is that? She could feel the disapproving look manifest on her face and before she could stop herself, she answered him, "I have felt his loss since I woke up and I will feel it until I die."

That wasn't too bad of an answer considering Caesar was asking a stupid question. However, it seemed like Caesar didn't quite know what to say. Rosemary couldn't help him, because she was clueless as well.

Finally, he managed to speak. "Of course, Rosemary, dear. That's completely understandable." she gave him a small, apologetic smile that widened his. "Let's rewind a little bit so that I can ask you about your talent with the bystaff. Did you come into the Games not knowing how to use a staff?"

"Yes," she partially lied because she knew that the outlier Districts couldn't train their children like Districts 1, 2, and 4 did. Parchment Pike wasn't training, no, but it could be misconstrued and she didn't feel like having to explain that they started it as a harmless game as children. Besides, she had never used the bystaff until training, the weapon was unfamiliar to her until Haymitch mentioned it. It hadn't been in any weapon book she had read.

"You did quite well with it," Caesar praised her. She wished he wouldn't, there was nothing to praise about murdering children. "Your first kill, the boy from District 11, was impressive."

"His name was Mars."

Caesar tilted his head, having not heard her whisper. "I'm sorry?"

"His name was Mars," Rosemary told him, her voice stronger, louder. "And I don't think that killing an innocent child is impressive at all, really."

She cupped her good hand over her mouth, regret filling her chest, leaving tears in her eyes. She didn't know why she had said that, she wasn't even planning on it! Behind Caesar, she saw Haymitch shaking his head. She knew immediately she had to do damage control if she wanted to see Peeta again.

Promptly, Rosemary burst into tears. The crowd, which had gone into murmured confusion at her outburst, burst into sympathetic sighs and coos. Caesar looked taken back as well, and slightly panicked at the sight of her tears.

"I'm sorry, Caesar," she sobbed, more dramatic than she when her usual cry. It helped that she was terrified of losing the rest of her family and she'd been on the verge of tears since she woke up in the Remake Center. The emotions she kept bottled up inside had some kind of purpose, it seemed. "I've been so emotional. I just miss my brother..."

"Please, please, don't apologize," Caesar hurriedly took out his handkerchief and leaned over her, pressing it into her good hand as she sobbed harder. "I think we all understand what you've gone through the past few weeks. It's a lot."

They had no idea what she had been through. Yeah, they watched every minute of the Games on-screen, but the people in the Capitol would never go through what she had.

She wiped her wet eyes with the handkerchief, ignoring the anger brewing within her stomach. What she had said before was true; she was very emotional today. She wondered if it was the trauma she'd gone through or the morphling the doctors had weaned her off of.

"It is."

"I only have a few more questions and then we can move onto the recap." Caesar told her sympathetically. "Is that okay?"

She brought the handkerchief away from her face, hoping that Cinna had used waterproof mascara. "Of course."

"We were all very moved by the conversations that you had with Rye throughout your time in the arena. I think, most noticeably, you two mentioned the stars quite a bit. Could you talk a bit about their importance to you and Rye?"

"At home, every Sunday before sundown, my brothers and I would climb onto our roof and watch the sun set over the mountains. We'd stay out there for an hour or so afterward, just staring at the stars. The constellations were Rye's favorite, he could name every single one of them." Rosemary told him, ignoring the audience. At that moment, it was just her and Caesar and she was telling him about her life at home with her brothers.

"When you return to District 12, will you continue your tradition with your other brother?"

"Yes" she used her good hand to wipe away an errant tear. "It'll be different without Rye, but he'll be there. He'll be in the stars."

When Rosemary looked out to the crowd, she could see that most people were crying. It angered her. Even though the people were crying now, they were probably vastly entertained by Rye's death in the arena, along with all the other Tributes who were pointlessly slaughtered.

"And so he shall, Rosemary, so he shall..." for a moment, Caesar was solemn but then he perked up a bit when the Panem anthem cued, grinning toward the audience who had cheered up at the sound as well. "Well, you know what that music means! It's time for the Recap of the 70th Hunger Games!"

Without much more ceremony, the Games recap began with Panem's national anthem and the Capitol seal. All of Panem was required to watch the recap of footage from throughout the past month since the Reaping. It would show the time before the Games and during the Games and every year the video editors had to pick a story to tell. Like most Victors had in previous years, Rosemary found herself as the star of this particular recap.

For two hours, Rosemary was forced to endure an incredibly detailed rerun of her own personal hell. The video started with all the Reapings, but the editing build up to District 12 was intense, the screen flashing in time with the music used. As she and Rye appeared on screen, the music flourished and footage from the Tribute Parade was cast. Seeing her and Rye from a different perspective was interesting, especially because of the way the camera picked up the color of their outfits, their capes becoming a trail of fire behind them. Next to be showcased was her and Rye's score, along with some of the other Tributes, like Kyler, Xavier, Biff, and Gully. Parts of their interviews were played then, edited to some sad music that had the crowd wiping their tears away.

The actual Games started then and she finally got to see what had happened to Rye at the Cornucopia. While she was fighting Biff for her survival, Rye was on the other side, picking up weapons. He killed two people, both of the Tributes from District 10, and took off toward the woods with the bystaff in hand. Really, it was Rye's part of the recap that she was most interested in, as she spent half of the days in the arena separated from him. Intercutting with clips of her from the first day, she found out that Rye had come across another Tribute, Uma from District 6, and had been there for her last minutes on Earth. He had been there for Benji's death as well, and tears streamed down her face as she watched Rye sing to the little boy, unknowingly calling him by their brother's name. It was sad, watching as her brother was affected by Uma and Benji's deaths. That was the kind of person he was, though. He cared about everyone, no matter how little time he spent with them.

She watched as Rye and Xavier allied with each other and wasn't shocked by how easy the decision was for them to stick with each other. Rye was already easy-going and boys were notorious for getting along pretty well with one another. The mutts that chased them down and had caused Rye's infection and subsequent illness were ghastly but it warmed her heart how Xavier stayed with her brother, even when he would have been an easy kill.

Seeing Kyler's smile again as they allied was hard for Rosemary, she had to admit. The grief she held for Kyler wasn't quite the burden that her grief for Rye was, but her relationship with him was different. Not only was Kyler the first person she had ever been attracted to, but he was a good man who saved her way too many times in that arena. He was her friend and in a different universe, maybe they would have been more.

The recap picked up from there and started getting heavy. It made Rosemary's heart race and as Kyler's death approached and Gully appeared on-screen, she closed her eyes and hunched over, wrapping her good arm around herself and rocking back and forth in order to soothe herself. Her cries were not heard over Kyler's screaming and the sound of her sobs on-screen.

Why were they showing this? How could they be so cruel?

My name is Rosemary Mellark. I am sixteen years old. I have two brothers...

The last deaths came quickly. After a run-in with Cleo, whom he killed, Xavier was flattened by the rocky avalanche. The final fight was shown in all of its entirety but Rosemary didn't watch, instead trying to block out the sounds that came out of Rye's mouth when he was stabbed. She heard herself sobbing, begging Rye to stay. She heard Rye tell her goodbye. She heard his cannon go off. She heard her scream his name, over and over again, trying to wake him up.

My name is Rosemary Mellark. I am sixteen years old. I have two brothers. One of them is dead...

At some point, she must have disassociated to protect herself from her anguish because all of a sudden, President Snow was walking over to her with a dainty, golden crown. He gently placed it on her head as Caesar babbled about what an honor it was to have the President crowning the Victor, even though he appeared every year.

President Coriolanus Snow was menacing, even when he was doing something as simple as laying the crown on her head. He smelt overwhelmingly like roses and something she couldn't quite pick out. It made her nose tickle and her stomach turn and she had to stop herself from puking all over the most important man in the country.

"Congratulations on your win, Miss Mellark." his gaze hardened as it swept over her dress, noticing the rye leaves and mockingjays.

"Thank you."

"It's a shame about your brother. I quite liked him."

Rosemary nodded. It was a shame. Rye was supposed to be here.

My name is Rosemary Mellark. I am sixteen years old. I am the Victor of the 70th Hunger Games. I wish I was dead.