Chapter Thirty Three

After the car park drama, the rest of the week passed suprisingly well. Every day I went to the church for about an hour, was assigned some mediocre chore by Brian, who ignored my constantly remarks, and then I would proceed to sit around on my phone. Of course Gerard would eventually give in and help me with my task, and of course this always ended up with us making out the moment Brian's back was turned. Be it in the bathroom, kitchen, office or even supply cuboard. We never went further than making out simply because we were being careful, although I knew the moment Brian left the building we wouldn't hesitate.

College was fine too, especially now that both Ray and Kellin were speaking to me again. I'd been avoiding James and Isabel like the plauge so as far as your adverage week in May goes, I couldn't fault it. I couldn't even find a fault in the british weather, and that was really saying something.

I guess I'm a pessimist at times though, as I always expect the worst. I can't just appricate something being good, I have to get suspicious of when the bad will raise it's head. I like to think that by being pessimistic I am always either expecting it or plesantly suprised, whereas Optimists are always either expecting it or dissapointed. At least that's what I told myself when the week came to an end without any more drama.

Of course, I wasn't complaining. In fact I relished in it. By the time Sunday came around me, James, Isabel and ray were sitting down in the church pew without so much as a bicker between us. Mainly because I only spoke to Ray, making sure he was seated between myself and his parents, but still.

Throughout the service I did my best to wind up Gerard, the good week going to my head. Whenever Brian was speaking i'd make sure to catch eyes with Gerard and bite my lip, sometimes even smirk a little just to watch him squrim under that tight collar. It certianly made the time pass quicker.

At the end of the service everyone was milling around, drinking cups of tea and coffee and discussing some local charity events or a missing cat. I can't say I paid much attention. Normally I just stood leaning against the wall until they were all ready to go home, but this time Ray approached me before his parents.

"Hey, I need to go ask Father Way to sign a form for me, want to come?" He asked so innocently that I almost laughed.

"Yeah sure" I shrugged "What do you need him to sign anyway?"

"I'm applying for universities and one of them want's my priest's signature to confirm that i'm a Christian" He explained.

"Hmm and let me guess, your dad is making you apply for this one?" I asked as we made our way through the crowd and into the hallway.

"It's not my first choice or anything, but yeah he suggested it" Ray shrugged it off "Not that I really mind though as it's a good university and by doing this I keep my dad happy too, so it's a win-win situation."

"Not really, seeing as you won't be studying music there and we both know that's your real talent here" I called after him as we made our way up the stairs towards the office that I had grown to know so well.

"What do you expect me to do?" He frowned, turning to wait for me as I caught up "Drop out of music and start some sort of aggressive punk band?"

"Why not?" I grinned "You could piss your parents off and have a great time doing so. Who knows? Maybe you'll make it big time as a rock star."

"Get real" He rolled his eyes "I'm from a sleepy town with average aspirations. People like me don't make it."

"Says who?" I kept on, not caring that my persistence was probably irritating him by this point "I think you can make it. You have talent, brains and a personality, what more could you possibly need?"

"Your vote of confidence means a lot" He sighed "And hey, if you're crazy dreams for me ever come true then I'll totally but you a whole housing estate that you can tag to your hearts content."

"Works for me" I laughed as Ray opened the door, and both of us stepped into the church office. Of course, Gerard was standing by the coffee machine, in the process of making himself a cup.

"Oh, hey guys" he smiled at us both.

"Hiding from the congregation?" I raised an eyebrow, thinking back to how quickly he'd scarpered up there in an attempt to be unsociable and not have to converse with the elderly.

"Maybe" He took a gulp from his cup "Anyway, what are you guys doing up here?"

"I need you to sign some uni forms for me" Ray held our the papers "If that's okay."

"Sure thing" Gerard walked over to his desk, setting down his mug before taking a seat in his chair "Let me just grab a pen."

"You sure you really want to submit these?" I asked Ray "I mean, you don't seem like you have your heart set on becoming an accountant or whatever it is that your parents have all but planned out for you."

"Let me just get these signed and then I'll think about it, okay?" He sighed, making Gerard look up from where he had been rummaging around in his bag for a pen.

"Ray, if you don't want the career you've planned then now is the time to change" He gave him a sympathetic smile "Take it from someone who was never truly sure of what they wanted, even now."

"You don't like being a priest?" Ray's eyebrows shot up at that "but you always seemed so happy here-"

"I didn't say I didn't like it, I just meant that sometimes I think I would've been better suited or other jobs, but I let myself take the safe, easier option instead of going after what I really wanted. Don't do the same." Gerard pulled a pen out of his bag and looked down at the forms "I'll sign these for you, but please make sure it's what you really want before you send them off."

"Thank you" he nodded "I promise I'll think about it."

"And don't let your parents have a say in it either" Gerard added "As much as they want what's best for you, they have to accept that it's your life. If you want to fuck it up every now and again then you're entitled to do that. They can't guide you through everything."

"You sound like Frank" Ray chuckled, looking over to where I stood at the edge of the desk.

"I'm honoured" Gerard gave me a small smirk "I guess it's all the time we spend together here, huh Frankie?" He let the name slip off his tongue way too easily, and my heart clenched for a moment and I watched Ray's reaction. He seemed a little surprised at the nickname, but nothing too alarming.

"Yeah" I tried to shrug it off "Something like that."

"Here" Gerard signed the papers and held them out to Ray "good luck with it."

For a moment, I was confused as to why Ray didn't grab the papers straight away, but instead just stared at them like he'd seen some sort of ghost. Gerard was quick to noticed too, and looked at him with concern, hand still outstretched despite Ray's lack of movement.

"Is everything okay Ray?" He frowned, trying to look into Ray's eyes, but his gaze was still firmly set on the papers in front of him. For a moment I wondered if he was just thinking too deeply about the whole issue, and was simply reluctant to take the papers as it would soon become a vital part of his future. But then, of course, he spoke, and I realised it was something far worse.

"Father Way, where did you get that pen?" Ray just mumbled, almost too quiet for us both to hear. Both Gerard and me instantly looked at the aforementioned biro, which was also resting in Gerard's outstretched hand, and more importantly at the hotel name written on the side. The same hotel name that Ray had seen on the soap I brought back a mere few days beforehand.

"What do you mean?" Gerard decided to play dumb in his panic, whilst I just stood there, being of absolutely no use.

It was almost ironic really that I should chose then of all moments to come up blank, no excuse forming in my mind. Normally I was a natural when it came to alibi's, excuses and downright lies. I'd lied to almost everyone I knew, whether it was to officer McManor back in NJ on countless occasions when he'd questioned me of my whereabouts, to my parents, and also my teachers. Hell, I'd even been lying to all my friends for the past few weeks, keeping secrets here there and everywhere.

And yet as Ray glanced over at me, I found myself tripping over my own tongue, trying desperately to find something, anything that could throw him off the scent and let him go back to his innocent belief that me and Gerard's relationship was simply nothing more than that of acquaintances.

"That pen... when did you go to that hotel?" he turned to me "And you - you never even gave me a proper answer as to why you had that soap. And.. and..." he turned back to Gerard and seemed to lose his ability to string a sentence together "but you're..."

"Woah Ray, I think you're jumping to conclusions here" Gerard rushed, standing up from his seat only for Ray to take a step back.

"What conclusions? What's going on here?" he looked between the two of us, eyes resting on me "Frank? Say something here."

I wanted so bad to tell him everything, but from the look of sheer panic on Gerard's face I knew I had to at least try and cover up our tracks, no matter how awful I felt for lying to Ray's face.

"Nothing Ray, I honestly don't know what you're panicking over" I spoke calmly; reminding myself of all the acting techniques I had picked up over the years when it came to lying. Be confident, look them in the eye, and don't fidget.

"That still doesn't explain why you two went to the same hotel" He exclaimed "Stop treating me like some sort of untrustworthy child and tell me the truth Frank. And you too Father Way" he turned back to Gerard "What were you two doing there?"

I looked over at Gerard with a helpless expression, and was met by one of defeat.

"Sit down, Ray" Gerard sighed, taking a seat himself "I think we need to tell you the truth here."

"So there is something going on?" He seemed reluctant to sit down, but when I did the same he joined us, taking in our every movement and expression, panic clear in his eyes.

"I'm not one for putting labels on people's sexualities" Gerard started "But I guess if I were to have to label myself then I would say I was bisexual" That sure stunned Ray into silence, if only temporarily, as his mind pieced it all together

"Wait. So you two are... you two are..."

"We're dating, Ray" I just declared it, tired of edging around the subject like it was going to explode at the tiniest prod "have been for some time."

"Holy shit" he gaped, glancing between the two of us at a frantic speed. For a moment he seemed to go into some sort of state of shock in which disbelief took over, followed quickly by the realisation that it did, in fact, all add up. "I knew you had a complete disregard for rules Frank but I didn't think it would stretch to this. And with him too..."

"I know it's kind of shocking, but we really do love each other" Gerard gave a small smile in my direction as he said it "And as much as we'd love to tell people, we really can't at the moment. So you keeping quiet and not telling anyone would be greatly appreciated."

"You love each other?" He turned to me "You really are fucked when this gets out, you know that - right? My parents... your parents... everybody... this is going to blow up" He was starting to panic on my behalf "I mean, is it even legal? What about your job Father?"

"We'll deal with all of that when the times comes and nobody will know you knew beforehand" Gerard was quick to reassure him "just as nobody know about us until we're ready because you're going to keep quiet, understood?

"I - yes, I wouldn't do that to Frank" he nodded "I just can't believe you've been keeping this secret for so long... I mean when did you... how did you... ugh" He ran a hand through his hair out of stress "forget it, the less I know about this, the better."

"You're probably right there" I studied his expression again, glad to see that he was coming down from his peak of shock "I'm sorry I kept this from you, but it just wasn't my secret to tell alone."

"No it's okay. I er, certainly see the complications involved" He nodded "just... please be more careful. Things are actually being kind of peaceful at the moment and this would tear the family apart if they knew."

"Don't worry, they won't find out" I reassured him to the best of my ability "You only know because you're so goddam observant.

"You should go" Gerard sighed "James and Isabel will be wondering where you both are."

"Yeah, you're right" I stood up, Ray following suit "I'll see you tomorrow." Part of me wanted to kiss him right then, just because I now could, but from the look on Ray's face I felt such an act might just tip him over the edge.

"I'll go ahead" He quickly excused himself before heading out the door, obviously cottoning on to the look I'd been giving Gerard.

"He look that pretty well" Gerard smiled, placing a hand on my shoulder "Better than I thought he would, at least.

"He's loyal, we can trust him" I nodded, leaning up to kiss him briefly "as much as I didn't want to drag him into this mess, I can't help but feel like it will be better for me now that he knows. He was getting suspicious anyway.

"I have Mikey and now you have Ray, it's only fair" he shrugged "Now go find your family before they come up here and drag you out."

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My wifi is down and it might be days before it's fixed feel sorry for me guys.

Anyways hope you liked it - I know quite a lot of you wanted Ray to find out.

((Good vibes))

~ Headfirst for Helena