Forty.

That afternoon I found myself getting fucked by a priest. I wish I could say I found this in any way surprising, but to be honest this was now a normal thing to me (not that it meant I enjoyed it any less though.)

"Fuck" I groaned as he slammed into me again, hands gripping my hair with such a strong force I worried he'd rip some out in a minute. I couldn't really talk though, not with the way I was holding onto his thighs. I'd be surprised if they didn't bruise afterwards, especially when I dug my nails into his pale flesh, feeling his pulse racing faster and faster with each movement our bodies made against one another.

"So.. So close I..." He trailed off, losing his train of though as the pressure started to build inside him to a blinding level.

I'd developed a bit of an addiction for letting Gerard dominate me recently. There were these moments where he made me call him father that I lived for, especially when he wore the collar and played rough. I guess there were kinky depths to my personality that were only now being fully awakened, as even the idea of this would get me hard in moments. Of course, I didn't need to imagine right at that moment as it was happening right before me.

"Gee-" I gaped, reaching out and grabbing onto one of the pillows on his bed. I needed something, anything, to truly rip into with my nails, and I certainly didn't want to hurt him.

I just hope the pillow hadn't been expensive.

"So tight I-" he finally released into me with moans and groans that made me come all over myself without a care in the world. I couldn't help it when he insisted on yelling out like that - especially when he was sweaty enough that his black hair stuck to his face with a glistening shine, lips parted and eyes dark.

He just looked down at our entangled bodies, having pulled out by this point, and leaned over to chuck the condom in the bin.

"Here" he handed me some tissues and took a few for himself, and together we started to wipe ourselves of any remaining fluids. "You can use the shower in a minute if you like."

"Sure" I nodded, breath slowly returning to it's normal pace. I was still floating in that limbo of ecstasy though, where the only thing that mattered was me and Gerard, and anything else either didn't exist or was seen through rose-tinted vision. I just wished I could always feel that great, but it was a feeling only ever achieved at moments like that, when his arm was loosely draped over me in a casual manner. The way he looked over at me was enough to sustain my high, especially when he moved closer to me, pulling our bodies together in a resting position. 

 Honestly, i don't think any drugs could ever come close to the emotions he made me experience. Or perhaps he was just my sort of drug. Hopefully not  quite as lethal though. He was certainly a secret though, an addiction i didn't need anyone to find out about just yet. 

Luckily for me i was pretty sure a rehab for teenagers was a priest kink wasn't a thing, or I knew James and Isabel would be packing my bags for me the moment they found out. And I wasn't stupid, I knew they would eventually, when the time was right. 

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, taking in my dazed expression. 

"The future I guess" I sighed "For us, that is." 

"And why are you troubling yourself over that?" he raised an eyebrow "there really is no use in worrying over ifs and maybes you know." 

"Yeah, I get that. I was just thinking about what we're going to do when we have to tell my aunt and uncle. I mean, when are where would we even start? How would we even begin to explain something like this without one of them having a minor stroke?" 

"Look, we don't need to worry about that until October-" 

"You say that, but my birthday is only three months away now" I'd had this revelation a few days previously, when I saw the date glaring up at me from my phone, telling me that soon enough i'd be eighteen, and then i'd have a shit ton of damage control on my hands. 

"I know, but that means only three more months of sneaking around. Then even if someone does find out about us, they won't be able to do anything. We can just lie and say we waited until you turned Eighteen" he ran his fingers along my arm "but if you want to keep it from your family for a while longer then that's okay too. I mean, we don't want anything getting out until we've sorted out how i'm going to get around it all at work." 

"I thought me turning Eighteen would solve everything, but the closer it comes the more i'm starting to realise that it does very little" I gave a groan of defeat, although part of it was due to me suppressing a shiver every time his fingers trailed up and down my arm.  

"Very little is better than nothing" he shrugged "come on Frankie, you're suppose to be the optimistic one out of the two of us, but recently you've been nothing but negative about the whole situation. What happened to not caring about what anyone thinks?" 

"Of course I don't care what others think. I'm just really stressed at the moment and you pretending like it's all going to be smooth sailing doesn't help matters" i snapped, and I could feel him recoiling slightly from me, which of course just made me feel worse. 

"I'm sorry, I know you're stressed. I am too, but we'll get through it. I'm trying to keep a positive mindset here" his voice had grown quieter when he spoke next, something I hated to notice. 

"i'm sorry i snapped at you. It's just this whole thing with Ian... i'm trying not to let it get to me and that's proving harder than I thought." I guess you always end up taking it out on those closest to you, and for me Gerard was as close as close could get. I was determined not to take it out on him again though - I just needed to get out and do some tagging to keep my mind off the subject. 

"At least the drug drop went okay" He sighed into the crook of my neck. I'd already brought him up to speed on my antics, and he was horrified to know that Ian had me doing his runs for him now. I knew he was trying not to think about it too much as there was nothing he could do, but knowing him that just meant he was pondering it even more. 

"It must have done for him to tip me like that" I sighed, thinking back to the drugs stuffed into the bottom of my back, hidden away in the bottom of my wardrobe at home. I knew they'd probably remain there for a very long time to come. Until i found some way of disposing of them without running the risk of getting caught. I knew I could just flush them down the toilet, but i was uneasy about throwing the so-called tip down the drain in case it was asked after again. 

"Just don't touch that stuff, ok?" 

"Trust me, after seeing Dewees the other day I am never going near it" I sighed, thinking back to the mess my friend was rapidly becoming. "I guess i'll leave that part to whoever is receiving the stuff on the other end." 

"I hate this mess" He pulled me closer to him. 

"Me too" I admitted "but i love you more than I hate the drug drops, so it's worth it in the end." 

***

When I got home that night, it was to an unexpected crisis. 

I'd stayed longer than i probably should have with Gerard, which is why when I stepped into the kitchen and saw my aunt and uncle sat at the table expectantly, i immediately thought it would be another lecture on my punctuality. However when my eyes drifted to Ray, who was sitting near the doorway and wearing a look of sheer warning, i knew something must have been up. There was a wide look to his eyes, telling me I would've been better off not coming back at all. 

"Hey" I tried to force a smile, but my attempt was met with nothing but serious, sombre looks from both my relatives. 

"Sit down Frank" James all but growled "We need to talk. Properly." 

"What is this, an intervention?" I rolled my eyes and ignored the offer of the chair, instead leaning against the kitchen counter "what do you want this time?" 

"You never take us seriously, do you?" there was a tired tone to Isabel's voice, like she was done with having to put up with me. Of course, there was also anger mixed in with that tiredness, and perhaps it was the combination of the two that made me pay closer attention.

"Why?" i made a conscious effort not to cross my arms, roll my eyes or let any sarcasm drip into my tone. Instead I wore a guarded expression, readying myself for whatever storm was about to hit. I knew the signs - i'd been through similar interventions with my parents before.

"Frank, we agreed to take you in because we thought we could help you" James started, which didn't surprise me "We thought this could be a chance for you to set things straight. But of course you never saw things that way did you?"

"Just cut to the point" I sighed "I don't need to hear my own story retold."

"The graffiti we could handle Frank. The... sexuality. The drinking. We kind of expected as much. But you've crossed the line for good this time, and we just can't accept you anymore" and with that he placed a bag on the table separating us.

The same bag I had assumed was still buried in the back of my wardrobe. 

"Oh" for once in my life, i really didn't know how to excuse myself. 

"Drugs Frank?" Isabel said in a high pitched tone, as if the house was fucking bugged or something "and not just taking them, but hiding them in our house?" 

"How did you-" 

"I was cleaning" She snapped, cutting me off "I thought your schoolbag might need a quick wash, and instead i find this" she gestured to the clear bag "I really did expect better from you. I thought you were getting better, but now we can see clearly that there's nothing we can do for you." 

"Look, wait -" I knew i had to make some sort of excuse up quickly if i wanted to ever be able to recover from this one. 

"No, we're done listening to your excuses" James all but shouted at me "We can't have an influence like you in the house with our son around. Not when you're on drugs too, as if the rest wasn't enough" He shook his head "We've tried Frank. But now it's over. Pack your bags." 

"Pack my bags?" I was shouting too by this point "You know what? Fuck you both. I will packs my bags and leave. I always did want out of this shithole. But don't expect me to ever come back, or even speak to you again." 

"We can't get hold of your parents right now to arrange flights but-" 

"Don't bother" i cut her off "I'll stay with friends. I have less than a year left at college and i can't afford to leave now." 

"Fine" James snapped "You're not our problem anymore. Do what you want." He threw both his hands in the air in surrender. I guess it was literally that easy for him to clean his hands of me. He'd never really wanted me around anyway, and neither had Isabel to a certain extent. They just wanted to help my parents. 

 I wondered how long he'd been wanting to do this. Just kick me out and go back to their seemingly-perfect family life. I turned to where Ray was stood, a blank expression on his face that I couldn't decipher. Was he mad at me? Sad to see me go? Did he believe I was on drugs, or was he just keeping out of the drama for his own sake? 

"Good" I spat, and with that I stormed past them all, up the stairs, and then to my room, where I slammed the door behind me. 

It didn't take me long to gather up my things, packing them all into the same bags i'd carried when I first moved to England months ago. I shoved anything I wanted or needed, leaving a few pieces of clothing that I no longer cared for. Once that was all done I pulled on my backpack and surveyed the room before me. 

It had been my home for the past few months, and although I wasn't sad to be leaving that house, I still felt mildly sentimental for the bed I had tossed and turned in as I fretted over everything from Gerard to Ian. 

However my anger was stronger than any other emotions, so i soon found myself storming back down the stairs like some sort of animated character, chest puffed out and a scowl across my face. Ray seemed to have disappeared within the time I took packing, but James and Isabel were standing in the kitchen.

Isabel looked mildy distressed as she took in my bags, but James showed no remorse. 

"Well?" I stood there expectantly "Did you have something to say or are you just going to stare some more?" 

"I think we've already seen enough" James just snapped, and I considered even trying to explain a fraction of what was going on with Ian, but I knew he wouldn't believe me for one second. Even if I told the complete truth, he'd think I was just trying to make up excuses. 

So I held my breath and bit my tongue, because I never did want their trust anyway, so it's not like I was really losing much. If anything I guessed that the drugs were just my ticket out of there, and I was about to take it. 

"Fine. Goodbye then" I moved past them and out of the door. I don't know why, but part of me was almost disappointed when nobody came after me, or at least said a goodbye in return. Instead I walked down that driveway alone, and out onto the road as if i'd never even stepped foot in the house before. 

I just swallowed any emotions that were threatening to rear their ugly heads and kept walking, reminding myself that I didn't need blood relatives to have a family.

If I'd lost my family, i'd just have to make a new one. A better one, full of people who understood me and cared for me.

I told myself that this was the wakeup call I needed. I needed to turn things around and stop letting myself get dragged under the current. Of course, I was going to have to learn how to drown before I learned how to swim, but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make.  

END. 

FIRSTLY, DON'T PANIC THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL. 

The sequel's going to be called "Ashes To Ashes" and the two choices for the cover are attached on the side, please tell me which one you like better (either the one of Gerard on his own or the one with both him and Frank).

Don't delete this book from your libraries just yet as I will post a note when the first chapter of the sequel goes up :)

It's really weird to be ending this book (even though i'm continuing the story on) as i've been writing it for ages and so much stuff has happened in between in my life. 

So THANK YOU to everyone that's been reading this, especially those who've been there from the start. Big shout outs especially to @CosmicMisfit, @DangerGays, @therevengeparade, @PotatoYoghurt and a load more people i've probably forgotten and will soon kick myself for doing so! 

((Good Vibes))

~ H