TW: Disturbing scenes/informations, Mention of Suicide.

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"AFTER that, everytime I sit near a window, I couldn't look outside because I am afraid that something like that will happen again. And then, when I finally got a few distractions, I saw her image. It looks so real... as if she isn't dead. As if she is still there, haunting the people who made fun of her while she was still alive," I continued, took another breath and exhaled. "And the fact that her bullies also died the day after she took her own life didn't help. I still don't know how they died. And then... that. Uhm, the day before yesterday... Mylene, the nerdy girl's best friend also took her life in our library. And I was there. I was the one who called the council because I didn't have a choice even if I was also in a state of shock, I had to call the president and the other officers," I explained further.

"Hmm. I'm guessing you didn't sleep too tight after that, right?" Dra. Lesandra stated.

I gave her a nod. "It was terrible," I added.

"It is. But you gotta look after your health, Cerina. I may not be a psychologist, but I suggest that you take enough amount of sleep and eat healthy foods. Mangangayayat ka kung hindi ka kumakain nang maayos at tama sa oras," marahang payo niya sa 'kin.

"I will take note of that," sang-ayon ko na lang.

"What else, hija?" tanong niya nang mapansing hindi ko na dinugtungan pa ang kwento ko.

"Wala na po," iling ko.

"Are you sure? Don't you wanna ask me anything?" tanong niya sa 'kin, inuudyok akong magsalita pa.

Nagbuntong-hininga naman ako bilang pagsuko. "Uhm. Do I deserve any of these? I mean... all this time, I thought I was doing fine after being inside this same room where I spent my time mourning over my twin's death. Oh, my god–"

"Calm down, hija," pagpapatahan niya sa 'kin. Inabutan niya ako ng tissue upang punasan ang ilang patak ng luhang naglandas sa magkabila kong pisngi.

"Okay. Okay, uhm... sorry," hikbi ko.

"I know it is still hard for you to accept his death. I also know that you only pretended to be okay for me to clear you and let you stop seeing me. But, trust me. I can still see the longing and sadness in your eyes. I waited for you to come back. I just didn't expect that it would be this time, with another nightmare haunting you, not only in your sleep, but also when you are awake. And no, you do not deserve to experience all those traumatic incidents. None of us do." Kumuha siya ng isang tissue at siya na mismo ang nagpunas ng natitira pang luha sa pisngi ko. "Do you still remember what I used to tell you before?"

Tumango ako, nanginginig na habang pinipigilang lalong maluha.

"Great. Now I want you to think of the happy memories you had with your family, your twin, and your friends. Think of the gentle waves in the sea, the warm rays of the sun whenever you play outside, and the solemn whistling of the wind. Breath in, and breath out. Close your eyes, step out of the dark alley, and walk along the even road with all of those beautiful memories you have in mind." She held my hand to stop me from shaking.

"All... all beautiful memories," I stammered. She let me hold into her hands as I squeezed them. I started thinking about anything happy about my life, setting the bad ones aside as I stopped my own sobs from coming out of my lips.

"Cerina, do not stop it," I heard Dra. Lesadra said. I paused for a moment, waiting for what she was about to say. "Let it flow. Cry. Do not stop your tears for it holds your deepest miseries, shed them," she then added.

Different memories came rushing through my mind, most of which were those with Kuya Qiel. And before I knew it, I cried... really hard.

For the first time after a lot of days acting cool in front of everyone, I finally broke down. I finally let all the unshed tears I had kept inside. All the sadness, the misery, and the longing I felt everytime I woke up from my constant nightmares. I cried my heart out until I felt my own body getting exhausted.

I fell asleep on Dra. Lesandra's couch for more than three hours according to her.

Dad picked me up before four o' clock. Ilang minuto lang pagkatapos kong magising. Nagkausap sila ni Dra. Lesano. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinag-usapan, hindi ko na inabala pa ang sariling alamin. Pagod na pagod ang mga mata at buong katawan ko. Siguro naman ay hindi niya sasabihin kay daddy ang mga napag-usapan namin kanina dahil doctor- patient confidentiality 'yon. Pagkauwi ng bahay ay hindi ko nadatnan si mommy. Sabi ni daddy ay nasa trabaho raw, siya lang ang nagpaiwan para tignan tignan ako. Hindi na ako nakipagtalo pa dahil wala na akong lakas na gawin 'yon. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang kagustuhan ng katawan kong magpahinga na lang sa wakas.

Pagkakain nga ng hapunan ay naligo na ako agad, nagbihis ng pantulog, at nahiga na sa kama.

I didn't have nightmares this time.

Only because I didn't sleep a wink.