Alejandra

It's been three whole months. We've cried our eyes out, we've hugged each other until our arms were tired, we've screamed until our throats were hoarse, we've stayed up until we couldn't anymore, we've gone weeks without talking to each other until we realized, we only had each other.

All of our parents, dead. The cause? My grandpa and my dad's "girlfriend", my mom was right. She's always been right. She's seemed crazy at times but one thing she was sure of was that Honey was sneaky and couldn't be trusted. 

She didn't want to seem like a bitter ex-wife so she didn't anything. She kept her mouth shut and "stayed in her place" but she never failed to tell me how she felt. I was her little diary ever since my Uncle passed from cancer, years back.

The twins have gotten over it, for the most part, they still cry which I am expecting them to do because they just lost their parents. 

Alejandro isn't talking to anyone because he wants to be Mr. MachoTuffGuy. I keep telling him he doesn't need to keep his anger bottled up and he needs to cry, he wants to but his ego isn't letting him.

Real men cry. Real men show emotions. 

We were chilling in this safe house my mom had bought a while back. It was only a two-bedroom so the twins and I shared the master while Alejandro had his own space. 

He wanted to find any and every reason to get physical with the twins and that wasn't right. They didn't make this happen so they shouldn't be his designated punching bag.

"Jandro! Let's go; we need food! Mario, Marissa! Hurry Up!"

"We're coming, dang!"

"Rissa, don't dang me, you were the one complaining about being hungry."

"I know but, you're rushing us Baby A," she said as she tied her shoes up.

"I'm sorry, I just want to hurry and get everything over with. I'm tired," I confessed. It was hard trying to cater to everyone's needs. I was constantly finding myself trying to calm Jandro down, trying to reassure the twins that CPS wasn't going split us up, feeding everyone, enrolling all of us in online classes, it was tiring. Truly it was, my sanity was almost gone and I could barely function. 

I made sure not to make any big purchases, the last thing I needed was to do was have a card flagged or some shit then boom! IRS, CPS, then my siblings get taken away from me and we get split up. I couldn't let that happen.

I grabbed the list of stuff to buy, my wallet, and the keys to the Jeep as everyone followed me to the car.

The ride to Publix was a bit quiet, it wasn't something I was used to. 

"So, Jandro, anything new?"

"Nope. My parents are still dead," he said sarcastically triggering the twins. 

"Marissa, Mario, I'll give y'all five seconds to shut the hell up. I'm so tired of hearing you guys cry. Death is inevitable. It's bound to happen. Please stop crying all of the damn time!"

I heard a few sniffles before it was silent again, "Alejandro stop being an asshole, don't speak on that shit again. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He shrugged and looked out the window.

"Marissa, how's that math class coming?"

"It's alright, I don't understand where in the 'real world' I'd need to know any of that shit but, you don't like it when I complain so I'll suck it up."

"That's why you're my favorite little sister."

"I'm your only little sister."

"It's the thought that counts. Mario?"

Silence.

"Jr, I know you hear me talking to you."

"Sorry, I was caught up in my thoughts. Did you ask me something?"

"I had called your name because I wanted to know how your classes were going."

"It's alright, my dyslexia kicks my ass the majority of the time. Maybe Jandro is right, I'm just a retarded piece of shit."

"He said you're a what?"

"A retar-"

"No, I heard you, don't repeat that," I told him pulling over to the side of the road. Once I made it to the shoulder of the road I jumped in the back and started hitting Jandro as hard as I could. He started hitting me back and his hits hurt like hell.

"Why the fuck would you tell him that?! Asshole."

"It's the truth!"

"It's not! You pushing that shit in his head is fucking up his mental health! He's already suicidal, bitch," I yelled before I could stop myself. 

Marissa told me how he had thoughts of killing himself, I had promised her I wouldn't say anything and here I was telling what she told me.

"He's what?"

"Marissa, you promised," Mario said crying, trying to get out of the car.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"You lied to me."

"Mar-"

"I don't want to hear it, leave me alone."

I looked at Marissa and she gave me a cold glare. I knew I had fucked up.

-

We were basically finished with shopping. Jandro and Jr went to get the snacks while Marissa and I stood awkwardly waiting for them.

"I-"

"I'm-"

"You go first," she told me, sighing.

"I'm so sorry, it slipped. Even if you guys are only my half-siblings, I love y'all with my whole heart. I'd be devastated if something were to happen to you guys. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if Jr actually killed himself. He isn't retarded, everyone isn't meant to fit in with everyone."

"I apologize for being rude, I know you want the best for us, I know it's hard. I see the bags under your eyes, I see you pray 24/7, I see it. I'm going to try better on my part and help out because that's what daddy said, right? Siblings stick together,"

"Through the hardest trials and changing weather," I finished, hugging her.

"Awe, that's cute but let's go," Jandro said being the asshole he is.

"Jandro, Baby A, they're hiring," Marissa said pointing at the hiring sign. Jandro wasn't getting a job, I was though.

"I'll apply, Jandro needs to focus on school," I said dismissing the whole conversation.

They nodded as the cashier rang up our stuff. The cashier and I made eye contact from time to time. Marissa noticed too because she was nudging me every five seconds.

I looked at the screen and watched the number grow, and grow, and grow, and grow. Once it hit 4 digits my heart dropped. 

"This food needs to last all month, maybe a month and a half."

"Let me get a job and you don't have to pay for it by yourself," Jandro said matter-of-factly. 

"Nope, this is nothing, I just don't need us wasting any food."

He rolled his eyes and leaned on the cart.

"Baby A, can I get some candy?"

"Everyone can get some candy, it won't be eaten all today though."

They nodded and started grabbing handfuls of candy from the rack.

Lord, please give me strength... and money.

"Your total is $1,792.32."

I swiped the credit card, paid, he helped put the stuff in the carts and we left. I had to be smart, I had to stretch the money we had and preserve it. Lord knows I needed guidance.