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Mark

Initially, I was blinded by my need for her in my life. I agonised over the fact that I wanted someone who didn't reflect the same emotions back.

But, shortly after  being in her company for a couple of hours, I realised that this exquisite pain I felt deep down somewhere inside me was beginning to consume my every thought.

I just can't put my finger on what this majestic feeling is yet. Lust or Love?

What she demands of me is metanoia; the journey of changing one's mind, heart, or way of life. She makes me question it all. I'm not sure if I'm ready yet.

I've never been one to believe in coincidences, but maybe I'm one to believe in second chances. Somehow Steph, metaphorically and literally  speaking bumped into my life, just when I needed her the most.

It's a strange concept that I'm still trying to get my head around. I've never needed someone like I need oxygen, to breathe. To be able to get up every day and know that no matter what, I'd have somebody to come home to.

She's quirky and different. An odd digit amongst a binary code. She's beautiful in her own rightful way and I wouldn't change a single thing about this slightly crazed woman.

I love her faults, I love her spontaneity, I love the person I am when I'm with her. She makes me consider things I've never even heard about.

It's strange being in a relationship with the woman I used to check up on every few hours, to ensure she still had her sanity intact.

I know her body, better than any other woman I've dated to this day. So there hasn't really been any need to take our relationship at a slow pace.

Although I also know  that Steph hasn't needed any drastic change in her life so to speak, she's still trying to settle back into her old routine.

The reasonable part of me thought that we should take it at a 'walking pace', but the daredevil in my roots knew that this woman had been at the corner of my mind for the past four, maybe even five years. She didn't need time to settle in. She had already rented the view for long enough.

There are moments in the morning when I wake up to take a shower before work in the early hours, when her eyes flicker in the direction of my own. This is probably my favourite occurrences of the day.

We share this wordless look between ourselves, it speaks of the knowing desire drawing us together and yet we both seem equally reluctant to thrust this fascination into actions. She usually falls back asleep, after this occurrence, but it's enough to start this man's day to a smile worthy start.

Now she isn't in the workplace, it's made me relax a little, but that doesn't mean my infatuation with her has burnt out at all. In fact, it's almost the opposite. She still seems so foreign to me, there's so much to learn but at least time is on my side.

She confessed that a certain somebody might have allowed our paths to be reunited. Who else than my guardian angel , Guard.

I honestly don't know where I would be, without this honourable man in my life. I also know that it's his little girl's ballet recital this weekend, followed by a needed catch up with the old chap.

Steph was still sound asleep as I wrapped up my thoughts before I commenced the day. She looked so tranquil as she did so.

I felt so lucky to have found someone that I could feel so comfortable with. She was a beautiful mutation in the world, that I wasn't planning on letting my grasp off. Not unless the choices was out of my hands.

Steph loved children, you could see that glow spread across her face as she rubbed the dimples across Lily's face. Lily was the spitting image of her Mother.

She was cute in her own unique way, as was her Mother. It was this enchanting beauty, that was becoming such a rarity to find in a woman amongst our peers. Sylvia was all natural, it was so refreshing to see her raise her daughter with the same attitude.

It made me proud to be associated with such respectable individuals and hoping that one day my children would turn out the same way.

Although it was such early days, I could just sense that Steph was destined to trigger her maternal instincts. She was so calm whenever we visited Lily, or even in the company of our other friend's children.

She was destined to be a mother, it concerned my financial situation and yet brought a smile to my face.

I was wary of the fact that most of my close friends were getting married and tying not, and yet here I was still trying to figure out - what exactly is going on between Steph and I?

"Steph, Hunny do you think I can draw you away from Lily from a couple of minutes?." I stroked her shoulder, which brought her back into the room.

She'd always had the habit of just losing herself in those mischevious thoughts of hers . I'd gotten used to this aspect of her personality, I was fascinated by it.

"Sure, Rose anything for you." She squeezed his hand in recognition, as they found a quiet spot away from the crowds of proud parents discussing the performance.

" I just wanted to talk about us, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page about where everything's heading and where we're at."

Mark was a confident man, but whenever his feelings were on the itinerary of conversation he started to feel nervous.

His hands began to sweat vigorously, he felt embarrassed already and decided to remove his hand from the embrace with her skin that had settled his nerves previously.

"Mark, we've already discussed this, but do I need to make myself any clearer." She cocked her head in surprise at that doubtful expression  she could see exposed across his visage.

" I've never felt like this about anyone, I've ever met. I'm scared and I'm scared, scared that I'm scared. I'm nervous and I'm rambling, but everything right now it's absolutely how I want it be. You, me, our closest friends celebrating the talent of their baby girl. It's everything I could ever want my life to be. So to answer your question, Doctor."

She bit her lip and then smirked to herself before she finished her response. "I don't know what love feels like, but if it isn't this delusional beauty then I'm well and truly looking forward to falling head over heals for you, because I'm already at the peak of what my emotions will allow me to experience." He didn't respond.

Her face fell into a frown as she realised, that she might have been too honest. She might have regurgitated  a speech she'd been practising in her head for the past six months. And she realised that he might not even be looking for anything serious.

He has a stressful job, he works longs hours, he hardly has any free time for himself. Why would he even want to have a relationship with a woman who just got out of a mental institution. She felt pathetic in those moments he took to digest the words she'd just bombarded him with.

He pulled her body into his, she fit perfectly against his skin, "Steph, I don't want you to ever doubt my feelings for you. I'm not going to repeat myself after I say this, okay." She nodded in approval, eager to hear what he had to say.

" Even though part of me feels like we're rushing into things, the other side of me knows that when it feels right, you just know. I've known that you were the woman for me, ever since I first laid my eyes on you. I don't want to ever see another man look at you, the way I did on that day. " Mark's jaw clenched slightly.

"You're the woman I want to mother my children. You're the woman who fills my constant worries and fears. But you're also the woman who won my heart, so I guess this is me saying in my own way, I love you too."

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