C H A P T E R
T H I R T Y - E I G H T

        Waking up, she yawned looking around the room as she stretched her arms in the air. Rubbing her fingers through her hair, she looked to the left of her and saw her husband sleeping peacefully on his back with his arm draped over his face.

Slowly getting out of the bed she walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Looking in the mirror at her teared stained face, she grabbed a wash cloth wetting it then wiped her face as tears fell from her eyes.

When she heard the bed shift she peeked her head out the doorway to see it was just him moving around in his sleep. She had a feeling he would be sleep for awhile since he got in from work super late, probably an hour after she arrived home from Derek's house.

Frowning at the thought of his name that instant guilt came back as more tears fell. Last night she couldn't even allow Derek to touch her the way her husband does. She wasn't that female and never did she want to be labeled as that female.

So she stopped it from proceeding any further. Before the two could even reach his bedroom she stood her ground, because deep in her heart she knew it wasn't right and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt her man more than she already has and will.

Derek himself was never the type to ruin relationships, especially a solid realtionship such as Hazel's and Landon's. He hated people like that and he almost became that same person he depised. So when Hazel stopped him right before they could even make it to his bedroom, he snapped out of whatever he was feeling and immediately felt bad.

Hazel still felt guilty that she even kissed Derek when she was suppose to be faithfully committed to her husband but she knew she couldn't take it back now, and she knew she had to confess to her wrong doings soon.

Landon knows Derek they all went to high school together so she knows as soon as he hears Derek name and then proceeds to tell him what happened .. he's gonna be pissed and hurt due to the history they do share from being each others first everything but she hopes they can move passed it since she forgave all of his mistakes he ever made and that he sees that she is truly committed to him and him only.

Especially after everything the two have been through she hoped a kiss wasn't the straw that breaks the camels back. She loved Landon, and after they got married she didn't see herself with anybody else.

Leaving out of the bathroom after she brushed her teeth and cleaned away the tears. She walked over to his side of the bed planting a kiss on his forehead as she slipped out of the bedroom quietly not to wake him up.

Walking into the kitchen she flipped on the light switch then walked over to the sink and reached up to the window that was over it pushing the curtains back to bring in some sunlight.

Turning on the tv in the living room she went to the music channel and played music low enough for her to hear as she thought about what she wanted to cook for breakfast.

Humming to the song Permission by Ro James, she bent down to grab a pan from the bottom cabinet, sitting it on the stove she then reached inside the fridge grabbing the maple bacon along with the eggs and pancake mix to make omelettes. Washing her hands she looked out the window to see the playground set they had all set up shaking her head as she fought back tears.

Drying off her hands, she went back to the stove to start doing what she loved best which was cooking since it was like her getaway. Cooking was something Hazel loved doing ever since she learned everything she needed to know about the kitchen from her grandmother and used that gift every chance she got to clear her mind or just to make herself happy whenever she successfully made a new dish.

After she cooked breakfast, she made both her and Landon's plates sitting them at the dining table. Then went to do the laundry to wash his work clothes. It was a Sunday and that was the days she cleaned and since she wasn't working yet due to the shop still being remodeled since they literally changed the whole shop to get rid of any memory with Melissa she had plenty of time on her hands to take care of the house.

Placing all his dirty clothes in the washer along with hers, she patted his pockets pulling lighters, and other things such as pens and gum out. But when she came across a piece of paper that read the name Cassidy followed by a number.

She rolled her eyes already knowing what it had to be. Crumbling the note up she threw it in the trash then tossed his pants in the washer so she could start the load.

Walking out of the laundry room, she began cleaning up the living room, fluffing the pillows and wiping down the coffee table as she burnt candles to get that frosted berry smell to linger around the house since it was her favorite scent.

In the midst of her cleaning, she soon heard Landon's slippers sliding against the wood floor down the hallway. Going back into the kitchen she went and grabbed his plage to reheat it. When he reached the hallway entrance they locked eyes for a quick second but no words were exchanged as he continued his journey to the kitchen.

She watched his every move then frowned when she saw him reaching inside the cabinet to grab a bowl then reached ontop of the fridge to grab the Cinnamon Toast Crunch box of cereal. "You don't see that I cooked breakfast for us?" She asked causing him to look up as he ate a spoon full of cereal.

"Who said I wanted that?" He asked dryly.

"I was just trying to do something nice, especially since its been a while since you last had a home cooked meal with you being in Oklahoma a lot for work. Plus I thought you loved my omelettes."

He shrugged, "I do, but I'll pass on them today."

Biting her lip to keep from saying something slick, she took his food out the microwave throwing it in the trash.

Landon soon made his way back down the hall as Hazel watched his figure disappear shaking her head hating that this is how he has been towards her since the incident.

The sound of the house phone ringing scared her but she soon relaxed as she walked to the living room to answer it already knowing it was her sister calling since her sister never believed in calling cell phones or texting, she was very old school but so young. Grabbing the phone she pressed the talk button then pressed it to her ear. "Hi Egypt, how are you?"

"Just fine, just called to check on you ..how are you?"

"I'm fine, I guess." She shrugged walking back into the kitchen to start washing dishes.

"I guess? What's going on?"

"Things here are still rocky and I don't know if things will ever get better for us .. since the lost of the baby he's just been so distant towards me, he won't look at me for too long .. conversation is short between us, and I think he's back messing around with females again."

"Wait wait, why do you think that?"

"I found a number in his pocket and since the lost of our baby he's just been more so to himself. Always gone and never home much like how he was when he lost his mother and thats when I found out he was sleeping with one of his co-workers .. we got passed it and I forgave him but those signs are starting to come back."

Hazel stacked up the dishes as she wiped down the counter. Sitting the rag down, she knew the talk was about to get deep so she walked outside to their deck and closed the door behind her then took a seat in one of the chairs. "I don't think he would cheat again knowing how bad that hurt you, especially since you guys just lost another child only like four months ago, I don't see him hurting you like that .. try talking to him first or something, try to see where his head is at? Have you guys even talked about the situation yet?"

"We don't really talk about it much or talk period to be honest...he just always takes work orders and leaves for three weeks so he I guess he doesn't have to face that reality of not having a child anymore but its hard on me because I have to deal with the pain alone .. and I'm starting to feel like he doesn't love me anymore. Do you think it could be due to me not being able to have kids? I know how bad he wants them and for years we have been trying and each time its either a false alarm or a miscarriage .. this was our third one and this was the first time he's ever acted like this towards me. I just don't know what to do. My life already felt like it was over when we lost her but now I'm like on thin ice of just wanting to end it all since I feel like I'm losing my husband too."

Hazel started to get emotional as thoughts of those sad memories clouded her mind and as the thoughts of her sad marriage appeared as well.

A lot of times Hazel didn't even feel like a woman. She felt women were suppose to have kids and here she was unable to do so when that was something Landon and her desperately wanted. She felt she was the cause of the fall of their marriage and she hated herself more and more each day that the man she loved was falling out of love with her and couldn't even take a look at her anymore.

"Ravi and I went through the samething when I had mine Haze, it will get better trust me. Just give Landon time."

"I'm trying E but then ontop of all our problems I did something so stupid.. I fucked up E, I fucked up bad."

Egypt sat up in her bed growing concerned. "What happened? What did you do?"

"I cheated,"

"What!? With who? And when?"

"....you remember Derek from high school?"

Egypt nodded, "Yeah um your-your bestfriend that you lost your virginity too on prom night right?"

Hazel sighed, "Yeah him,"

"What about him?"

".....well I ran into him like two months ago right around the time we found out the news about our baby but maybe a month or two after .. well Derek also lost his wife about four years ago, I found out from his cousin and she told me he took it pretty hard so when I ran into him I was just like hey you know if you ever need me just call and I'm there you know being friendly and I honestly didn't think he was going to use my number since it had been so long since we talked in the first place but he did and we started getting back close and I vented to him about the lost of our babies and he was there for me like I needed Landon to be .. He was that voice of assurance I needed, he held me when I cried, he wiped those tears of pain, I just lost myself for a moment and last night reacting off emotions we kissed and almost had sex but I stopped it .. I love Derek because of our history and friendship but I love Landon more and I know he is far from perfect but I know he is hurting and I knew if I would have stepped out it would kill him and I really hate myself for it .. I'm not a cheater and I cheated..I just can't do anything right it seems like." She cried feeling that wave of guilt eat at her mind.

Egypt rubbed her hand down her face as she listened to her baby sister vent and cry. "Stop crying Haze, I'm not saying what you did was right because in reality it was wrong but personally I understand why you did it .. Losing a child is hard, and you have lost not one but three .. you lost something that was literally apart of you, half of you and the time when you needed Landon he wasn't there instead of coping together as a couple he used work as his getaway leaving you to deal with that heartache alone. You had me to be that shoulder to cry on but I know you needed him more and he didn't give you that, Derek did. But I am proud of you for stopping it before it got too deep, and I hope you learn from this .. nothing is worth losing the man you truly love, and I hope you guys can talk this out as a couple and work through it. I know Landon loves you, and you love him so please go upstairs and talk it out with him now."

Hazel nodded wiping her eyes, "I'm scared I'm going to lose him .. he can't do anything with me .. I'm just a lost cause, he wants a family and for as long as we live we will never get that all because of me and now look I cheated .. I'm just better off alone."

"Hazel stop! What you have is out of your control! You have no control over what goes on its not like you told your body to not to be able to carry full term so please stop beating yourself up over this and talk to this man about how you feel and what you have done. Clearly these incidents have taken a toll on the both of you and instead of acting like strangers towards each other, come together as one and work through this as a married couple. In a marriage its going to be a lot of ups and downs but the love is what keeps it together, the love and committment is the glue so listen to me, get off this phone and go make things right with your man.. I love you, you are a beautiful and you are an amazing woman no matter what or how you may feel about yourself."

Smiling small, she wiped her eyes, "I love you too E, thanks for this pep talk."

"Anytime babe, call me later."

Hanging up the phone, Hazel looked out at their pool taking a deep breath standing to her feet. Even though she was scared shitless to confess her wrong doings she had to tell him, like he told her when he cheated. When she turned around she nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Landon standing there with red eyes and tears falling down his face.

Hazel said nothing since she figured he heard everything from the look on his face. When he started to walk towards her, she stepped back scared of what he might do but was surprised when he pulled her by the hand into him as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

Instantly wrapping her arms around him, she heard his low sniffles as they rocked back and forth for a moment. She was confused but she went along with it because she missed this feeling of being in his arms. After a long moment of silence, he let go but grabbed her hands.

This was the first time in four months that they had touched each other or been around each other this long. They locked eyes for a moment until he got down on both knees wrapping his arms around her waist as he laid his head on her stomach. "I'm sorry," He mumbled and that alone brought tears to her eyes.

"No, I'm sorry .. you didn-"

He shushed her, "I deserved it. I should've been there for you but instead I wore my feelings on my shoulders and pushed you away when we needed each other the most. I don't love you any less because you can't have kids Haze .. if anything I love you even more because you're so strong .. stronger than me to be honest."

"I'm not strong," She mumbled.

Leaning back some, he looked up at her. "Yes you are babe,  you've been through so much from me cheating and losing our babies and you always remained strong through it all. Even when I know it had to be times when you would cry and break down but you didn't let it take over you completely but I did .. I let everything that happened control me and I left you out just to deal with it all by yourself and I'm sorry Haze. I don't even blame you for kissing Derek yeah it hurts, but when you needed me I wasn't there, I was never there and I apologize for that."

Pushing him back some, she motioned for him to stand so they could see eye to eye. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Leave, shut me out, cheat, abandon me right when my life came apart? I am your wife and you just left me hanging! I know I fucked up, but I needed you Lan, I needed you and you weren't there .. you left me in the hospital alone for days until I was strong enough to be released and I just want to know why? How can you say you love me but do all of this? I was trying to be there for you because I knew how bad you wanted to have a baby but instead you just fled to God knows where. Was it too Miranda's house again? Instead of being home with me was it to be with her like you did before? Or was it Cassidy? Yeah I found the number in your pants pocket .. so who is she?"

        "Let me tie your shoe first before you run off to go play," Lifting his leg up onto his thigh, he tied his shoe then took the jacket off of him. "Stay around the areas where I can see you okay? and if one of those ugly ass kids mess with you don't hesitate to run over here and tell me." Nodding his head, Ahmad kissed his forehead then let him run off to play.

Due to the bad weather in Florida the trip had to be cut short but Ahmad wasn't tripping. He accomplished what he wanted to do and that was to propose to his baby girl.

Since the trip Cali has been over the top with showing her love and appreciation for Ahmad. She had no clue that he was going to propose and she just wanted to constantly show him that she was truly grateful for everything he has done.

Now their focus was mainly on saving up for their home, planning their baby shower and getting ready for the arrival of their baby girl to enter the world.

Turning around to sit his bag down, he saw Shaun making his way towards him. "What's up Raven Symone?" He joked as they slapped hands.

"Fuck you bitch,"

Waving off the name he called him, he stuffed his hands in his pocket. "Hey, you the one with the dream visions and shit. But anyways, you still planning on telling him about it today?"

"Yeah but I ain't gon' front I'm nervous as hell about his reaction to it, cause like I know its gon' hurt him. He loves that girl a lot."

"Yeah but the most important thing is that he knows, cause he needs to know that he might be sleeping and loving a snake."

Ahmad sighed, "Yeah I know."

"Daddy! Look," Snapping his neck in the direction of where Marquette's voice was coming from, he saw him running towards him with a little boy behind him.

Meeting them half way, he assumed something was wrong. "It's Ken." He cheesed allowing Ahmad to get a look at the boy remembering who he was.

Ahmad smiled as he squatted down to the boys, "What's good witcha Ken, I'm Ahmad." He greeted reaching for a handshake.

Ken slowly shook his hand as a shy smile appeared on his face. "We play on slide," Marquette announced loudly out of excitement from seeing his friend again before they took off running again.

"Don't fall Mar, slow down."

Shaking his head, he chuckled when he started running in slow motion. "That little boy something else,"

"I know I be joking and shit when it comes to you and Cali but man you really is good with him. At first I thought it was more so a bestfriend relationship cause I mostly saw you playing with him and buying him stuff but that day you got on his ass cause he was whining and complaining at Cali shop, little nigga got the message fast and started to act right real quick, I was like damn." Shaun commented as they walked over to the benches.

Ahmad smiled, "I don't like getting onto him, but he is spoiled and he at the age where he likes to whine and shit. I don't do that whining shit though, whine when something really wrong not when you don't get your way."

"I feel you, Alisha ass and I had a pregnancy scare the other day but luckily she wasn't."

"Luckily? You don't want kids?"

"I do but not right now at least, plus with her about leave for that thing in Paris I don't even want to be stressing my brain hoping she ain't over working herself and stressing out while carrying my seed cause sorry I will fly my ass up there and cancel all that shit and bring her ass right tha fuck back to America."

Ahmad nodded, pulling out some snacks from Marquette's Advengers backpack. "Understandable, I mean with Cali I wasn't really ready to be a father cause at the time I was working on myself then I was locked up so I felt it was bad timing but luckily shit worked out in my favor and I'm able to be around and be the father and fiancé she needs me to be."

"Yeah praise God you got out, you heard anything about that investigation on that Officer case?"

Throwing some skittles into his mouth, he nodded. "Gina called me the other day explaining to me how like over fifteen black inmates been confessing shit, one dude said he set him up to get raped, I don't know why that muthafucka hates us so much because half of us wasn't even be bothering that nigga he just came around fucking with folks."

"He hates us, cause he ain't us. Cause I'm sorry to have that much hate towards a certain group of people for no fucking reason that's some hating ass nigga type shit. I'm sure his old ass got sons, what if somebody did that shit to his seeds? I wonder how he would feel cause like deadass that shit ain't cool, setting niggas up to get raped? Fuck kinda shit is that?"

"That's exactly how I was feeling when she told me that shit, so right now he's been suspended with no pay as they continue the investigation but nigga if that muthafucka get off for what he did that's just gon' show us how fucked up this system really is."

Shaun looked over at him, "You really think they would let him get off with almost twenty niggas confessing?"

"Um yeah, you see all these cop killings on camera, it be straight evidence that the cop killed those people for nothing and they all get off. Then look at the Rodney King story, he was jumped by officers on camera and they saw that shit but did those officers get in trouble? Nope.. so yeah I believe he could get off."

"You got a point..damn."

When they heard a car door shut they looked to see it was Marcus. He walked over slapping hands with them then took a seat beside em sighing. "You good bro?"

"I'm straight, not gon' stress over it."

"Anaya?"

"Yep, but like I said I ain't gon' stress over it .. relationships aren't easy I know that but I really feel like just throwing in the towel its like I don't even know who she is anymore. She started off one way, and now she showing this careless and rude side of her.. shit is stressful. She even brought up me fucking Melissa like what tha fuck? That was almost two years ago .. didn't even know who tha fuck Anaya was at the time, she just be bringing up shit to argue and shit is annoying."

Shaun touched his shoulder, "Don't let no bitch stress you out bruh, if she ain't tryna act right and be the woman she needs to be for you then kick ha ass to the curve point blank period, cause at the end of the day its only hurting you."

"I was gon' talk to moms and pops about it first, just to see what they think like I hear what you saying but before I make this decision I need more input I guess."

Shaun looked over at Ahmad nudging him, "Ahmad actually got some shit to tell you."

Ahmad smacked his teeth as he made eye contact with Marcus who was sitting there waiting for him to say what he had to say. "What?"

"Ahmad had another vision," Hitting his arm, Shaun laughed throwing his hands up in surrender.

"I had a dream about you and Anaya .. the dream started off with me being in complete darkness of course then I started to hear someone crying but at first it was like nobody there until like this light from above started to shine down and it landed on you. You were on your knees just crying and when I started to go towards you a figure showed up with a knife up in the air over your body. And right when I was about to call out your name they stabbed you. You didn't die or anything just your cries got louder so I took off running to your side and when I lifted you up I could see your heart and it was broken and your eyes were lifeless then when I looked up to see who had done it, it was Anaya then she disappeared."

"Yeah so after he told me this shit, I did some thinking .. and I came to a conclusion that the bitch tryna kill you bruh. You need to be like that nigga on Get Out and get tha fuck out."

Both Ahmad and Marcus looked at Shaun who sat there clueless thinking his theory was true. "Nigga shut tha hell up, Ahmad's dream was symbolic not literal. She gon' back stab me and break my heart." He shrugged brushing off his emotions.

Marcus wasn't totally shocked from the news he had recieved but it still did have him feel some type of way. He loved Anaya alot, he had a whole future planned for the both of them and now he starting to see that those future plans would just have to be a dream.

"So whatchu gon' do? Break up with her before she does or wait it out?"

Instead of giving a response, he stood to his feet shrugging. "I don't know, but I'll fuck with you niggas later." He mumbled.

Ahmad sighed knowing Marcus was feeling down, "You know I'm here if you need to just vent bro. Just a phone cal away."

"Yeah, I know but right now I just want to be left alone. I'll be alright.. don't worry about me."

Walking away from them with his head down, Shaun and Ahmad shook their heads. "See this shit man, I knew it was a reason I never liked that bitch."

"Yeah, I hope my dream was wrong, and that it was just a dream." Ahmad mumbled to himself as he watched Marcus pull out of the parking lot of the park.

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I am not feeling this update but here you guys go!
Thanks for the love & support
- Denise 💋