C H A P T E R
N I N E T E E N

In the dark room he looked down to see himself naked once again. He wasn't bruised up this time though, the scars were healed but he still knew something was off, he got weird feeling in his gut.

Feeling a hand touch his back, he jumped and turned around to see his Aunt Shondra but she wasn't alive, her face had no eyes as if she had no soul.

Her skin was dull looking, her hair was a mess but she still gave that same sneaky smile she always did when he was younger before she went into action then started stepping towards him. Tears swelled up in his eyes as he ran from her. "You think you can run from me? Theirs no one here to save you pumpkin." He heard her call out.

"It's just a fun little game, come play with me."

"No," He shouted back sounding like his eight year old self, he didn't sound like he was grown and when he looked at hisself again, he realized he was a kid again.

But he didn't stop running, he ran til he couldn't no more but then he ended up tripping over his own feet. Groaning in pain he got back up with the quickness and ran as fast as he could but he felt he was still going nowhere, he could feel her smokers breath on the back of his neck and that made him cringe.

"Leave me alone, I don't want to play." He cried.

When the sound of her not being behind him stopped, he turned around and sighed in relief once she was gone. Sliding down to the ground he cried but as his tears dropped he noticed it was blood instead of salty water.

Wiping his eyes a smudge of blood was on his fingers then he realized his hands were covered in it as well and he began to panic, the sounds of people screaming could be heard in the distance then it began to grow and grow louder but of course it was still dark so he couldn't see anything or what it was.

"Murderer, Murderer," Somebody taunted all around him. Seeing a black spirit come and go through the darkness, he closed his eyes as the taunting of them saying "Murderer" continued.

He could feel the spirit right next to him in his ear, whispering "Murderer," sending a chill down his spine.

Covering his ears, he screamed for them to stop but they wouldn't. "I'm not a murderer, I'm not a murderer!" He shouted loudly and they stopped instantly.

Feeling his heart rate slow down, he tried to calm down and figure out what was going on. Standing to his feet the best he could without hurting himself.

He started hearing a loud bangin' noise, soon a light appeared in the distance. Walking towards the light the sound of the bangin' got louder and louder...

When he woke up he realized the bangin' was coming from the guard beating on his jail cell. "Get up inmate, you got a visitor." The lady guard spoke up more so known as Officer Douglas.

Mumbling a few cuss words under his breath, he sat up rubbing at his eyes, before getting off the top bunk, he slept in each night.

His roommate laid out on the bottom bunk reading a playboy magazine he brought from commissary. "Hopefully its your girl today fam," He called out as the lady handcuffed him and escorted him out the cell.

After going through many doors and a body check to make sure he had nothing on him, he reached the visitor section door. His hands started to get sweaty as he thought about who it could be on the other side of the metal steel door.

When they opened the door, they uncuffed him then pointed to the table near the back. When he saw who it was, he was happy but he was hoping to see Cali.

Walking over to the table he took a seat across from Derek, he avoided eye contact as he looked down at his feet. The two sat in silence for awhile but since Derek had things to do, he had to be quick with this visit .. he didn't want to cause he actually wanted to be here for Ahmad but duty calls. "How you holding up?" Derek asked sincerely concerned.

Ahmad shrugged. "Horrible, I had another dream." He muttered out. "I knew the happiness I found was gonna be snatched away, it always is. I'm not meant to be happy. I tried so fucking hard man, I was taking my medicine, seeking help and look at me now .. back at square one."

"We all make mistakes Ahmad, its okay to start over sometimes you'll get to the point where you want to be in life."

"Nah, I feel like giving up."

"What is giving up going to do? Besides let the people who hurt you win ..I'm here for you, I've been telling you that since day one and I want to help you .. I just need you to open up about your feelings on that day and tell me from the beginning to the end so I can know what lead up to that exact moment."

Ahmad stared at him for a second, before rolling his eyes. Derek was like a leech but a good leech, he had good intentions and only wanted to see people at their best and thats what Ahmad liked about him.

Giving in, Ahmad leaned forward. "The day started off perfect man, went shopping with my babies ..had a good time with them then at the cook-out .. I was vibing with my family you know having a good time, my folks met my girl they loved her, and my brother came out to our parents and they accepted him, when I tell you that evening was perfect it was.. until that bitch showed up and she started fucking taunting me .. just like she used to when I was a kid, she had that same sly sneaky ass grin across her face .. she was so cold hearted and heartless to the pain she knew caused me and I snapped.."

"I blacked out, I just wanted to hurt her just as bad as she hurt me .. but I ain't mean to kill her, I'm not a killer D. I'm not some fuckin' nut case either, and they treat me as if I am." He cried. "And these fuckin' dreams keep coming only making it worse.. and they won't give me my meds."

"What do you mean they won't give you your meds? The judge ordered that until you went on trial you had serve time in prison and continue sessions with me and take your medicine.." Sighing, he rubbed his forehead. "Stupid ass system man, I'll handle it don't even worry."

Ahmad nodded. "What about the dreams? It's the same ones with me getting called a murderer .. but I'm not one, I'm not a killer D but I feel like one deep down."

Derek sighed, "I know you're not a killer, we all know that. You're gonna get through this okay? We're gonna get you out of here. I talked to your parents and lawyer, and they're going the temporary insanity defense route so its possible you can get off this murder charge .. but you just gotta have faith and remain good in here." He explained. "We'll handle everything out here."

Finally looking up at him, Ahmad eyes were bloodshot red. "You know .. it's been two months since I've been in here..and I haven't seen her or him in two months, she won't answer my calls, she won't come visit me .. I lost her, because I fucked up." He mumbled looking around the room as his leg shook.

Derek looked over at the guard that stood by the door watching them closely, before turning his attention back to Ahmad. "You didn't lose her, she's coping with this as well .. she called me the other day crying, she misses you just as much as you miss her, she just doesn't know how to handle this .. she doesn't want to see you like this cause she knows you don't deserve to be here behind bars."

"Can you tell her to please call me? That'll put me at ease in here .. at night all I do is think of her and little man, I gotta see her or at least hear her voice man." He pleaded. "I'ma go crazy if I don't."

Derek nodded, "I'll talk to her, but I have to go .. I wish I could stay longer but you have other visitors so our time is split up today.. see you next Tuesday alright? and if they still haven't given you your medicine by then let me know,"

Getting up from the table they slapped hands before Derek was escorted out. Sitting there at the table he watched the doors just waiting for whoever that came to hurry up.

He hated this place, he wasn't a criminal .. he knew this wasn't the place for him, getting treated like shit for nothing on a daily was becoming overbearing and them not giving him his medicine was making him crazy.

The suicidal thoughts were weighing heavy, but he used Cali as his drug .. when he thought of her those thoughts faded, but he didn't know how long that would last being that it might not be enough to save him one day.

When the doors opened he looked up to see Marcus, Shaun, Cali and Marquette. He wanted to get up and run and her hug but he knew they prohibited touching, hugging, and kissing here.

Staring at her he admired how beautiful she looked. He missed her dearly and not seeing her everyday was killing him.

When they reached the table Marquette jumped out of her arms to hug him. Ahmad cradled him in his arms as his eyes filled up with tears. He missed his little man "I missed you Mad," He mumbled into his neck.

Rubbing his back, Ahmad closed his eyes. "I missed you too,"

"When you come back?" He asked pulling at his beard.

"Soon buddy, just gotta handle some business then its back to me and you, and when I return we'll watch movies, eat candy and get on your mama nerves.. how does that sound?"

"Good!" He said excitedly as he rested his head on Ahmad's shoulder.

The last time he seen Ahmad was when he was getting put into the back of the cop car. He didn't understand what was going on he just knew Ahmad went wherever the flashing lights went and he wanted to go.

Cali just told him he went on a business trip so he would stop asking about him but that didn't help, everyday he asked when Ahmad was coming back and at this point no one had the answer to that question.

He killed Shondra, it was two ways it could go at this point. Life in prison or he gets off. Everybody just prayed and hoped he did.

After having their little moment, Marquette pulled out the toys he wanted Ahmad to see that his mama had brought him.

Cali had yet to say anything as she looked down at her feet. She didn't know what to say at this point. She knew he had to be mad at her because she went ghost for so long and any excuse she could give would probably not be enough.

Hell even she'd be mad if someone she loved didn't call or visit for two months, so at this point she was feeling real guilty.

As he talked with Marcus and Shaun, she stayed to herself, beating herself up mentally.

She was suppose to be his girl, his rida and she was letting him down. She knew he had to be taking all of this hard, hell even she was so she could only imagine how tore up he was inside.

"The shop is still doing good, you know me and Shaun holding it down for you without a doubt." Marcus told him and he nodded half listening, his main focus was Cali.

"That's good, Derek said they gon' try and go the temporary insanity route so I might be able to get off."

Marcus nodded. "As you should, we got faith it will all work out .. this ain't no place for you man,"

"Yeah, we miss you brodie .. miss cracking on yo ugly ass." Shaun joked.

Rolling his eyes playfully, he pointed towards Cali and they both shrugged not really knowing why she was so quiet. Both standing up they grabbed Marquette to give them some alone time.

"Want some chips?" Marcus asked him as they walked towards the vending machine.

Clearing his throat she looked up as he stared back at her wondering what her problem was, "You can't speak to a nigga now?" He asked simply.

"What do you want me to say?"

Scoffing, he leaned forward. "Hell an explaination would be nice! It's been two months and you ain't made no attempts to talk to me. Tell me you still love a nigga, tell me you ain't giving up on me. I can't do this alone and you know that man."

"You know I still love you though,"

"How I'm suppose to know that when you been gon' for two months, you know how hard it is to not to be able to see you and be around you whenever I want .. I think about you all the time and all I could think was if you even thought of me."

She wiped the tear that fell from her eye before it rolled down her cheek. "I think of you everyday, I-I just didn't want to see you like this.. you don't deserve to be here." She cried grabbing his hand. "It's been hard for me too, and I apologize for not coming to see you, but know I don't look at you any differently .. I love you just as much as I did before." She admitted.

Smiling, he grabbed her hands. Kissing the back of them, they just stared at each other. "Promise me you won't go this long again?"

"I promise."

Getting lost in her eyes, he chuckled lightly to himself. "Damn, I missed you," He mumbled softly.

"I miss you more, its not the same without you here but I have hope we'll get through this together. Marquette was dying to see you, I apologize for keeping him from you as well."

"Don't even trip, just glad y'all here now .. how you been holding up though?"

"I'm okay, I'm remaining strong for the most part .. you?"

"I'm good now that you're here."

Smiling, she sighed hating she couldn't kiss him. When she looked over at the guard, he sighed looking down then motioned with his hand for them to do them. Leaning over the table, Cali pressed her lips against his cupping his face with her hands, but Ahmad deepened it sticking his tongue in her mouth.

When she moaned into the kiss the guard called for them to break it up. Pulling away from each other, Cali rolled her eyes, wiping off the lip gloss that she left on his lips. He grabbed her hand kissing the back of it.

"You don't even understand what you mean to me.." He mumbled.

Ahmad respected and loved Cali because she looked passed his flaws and learned to love the real him. He ain't never had someone on his team besides Marcus ride for him the way she does, and he was grateful for her.

Usually when shit got hard, people would flee away but here she was still there loving him and supporting him through this battle, that they would fight together to win.

Right now he was just ready for his trial so he could see what they were gonna do with him, the wait is what was killing him but he was gon' trust his people to get him out of here.

When the visitation was over, Ahmad stood up waving by to Marquette who began to cr, it kinda stung seeing him break down like that but Ahmad remained tough. Pecking Cali on the lips, he slapped hands with his boys before he was handcuffed and escorted back.

Cali watched until he disappeared until she left with tears in her eyes. "You gon' be alright sis, he good." Marcus told her and she nodded trying to keep hope alive.

Walking with his head down, two guards stood on each side of him. When they reached his cell they opened it then let him in. Waiting until they closed it back he climbed back into his top bunk.

"Your girl come?" His roommate asked.

Over the two months of him being in there, him and his roommate sorta grew a bond. They weren't the best of friends but they respected each other.

"Yeah finally,"

"Glad to hear that man, I hope you get out of though .. this ain't no place for people like us, just some young niggas tryna make it in this world that don't wanna see us grow."

Chris was charged with drug prosession at the age of sixteen been in jail for years, he was in his last few  months but he was ready to get out.

He had missed out on so much of life, and was ready to be back out in the world and when he heard Ahmad's story, he wanted the same for him.

Nodding his head, Ahmad sighed. "My lawyer say they gon' go the temporary insanity route."

Chris nodded. "A few niggas went that route and got off plus you got a good story so its a good chance you can get out of here."

"I hope so, being away from my family and my girl ain't what's up."

"I feel you man, my sister and nephew all I got and I been away for years .. she writes me here and there when she ain't busy but it ain't nothing compared to actually being in that person presence though."

"Yo day of freedom coming so you good,"

"Yeah true, but I'm finna take a nap wake me up when its shower time."

Nodding his head, Ahmad grabbed his journal he brought from the commissary with the money his parents and Marcus put on his books. Sketching in it, he focused on that to let his mind escape reality for a second.

An hour or two passed and the guards came bangin' on the bars yelling shower time. Chris was now up getting his towel and bar of soap as Ahmad did the same.

Getting in line behind the other the guard opened their cell motioning for them to step out. Walking in a straight line Ahmad walked with his head down. Being that they were one of the first ones in line they went in.

Ahmad didn't undress to shower since he ain't wanna take no chances with one of the fag niggas there. Chris did the same while some men got butt ass naked as if this wasn't jail but Ahmad just shrugged it off, he was only worried about himself.

After his shower was over, he walked out to grab his new pair of jumpsuits, shoes, and socks. "Inmate 106813?" She asked and he nodded.

Handing him the clothes he was escorted back to his room where he quickly dried off and got dressed before Chris returned.

Getting in his bunk, he laid there on his back with his hands behind his head as he thought about how much his life had changed and once again it was all because of Shondra.

-

Hi .. trust me guys, I got this everything is really going to fall into place and make sense in the end ☺

but anyways tell me ya thoughts?

Again thanks, for the love and support!
- Denise 💕