C H A P T E R
T H I R T E E N

     Standing over the gravesight, she bent down laying flowers next to the other millions of flowers people had placed there. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she thought of all the memories her and her bestfriend shared and hated how she got called home so soon.

Everyday this is where she found herself after school. This was suppose to be their year together, they planned to go to prom as twins, go to the same college, be roomates and everything. They had it all mapped out but it was all cut short after that accident.

It had been three months since the accident and everyone was taking it pretty hard, her death was so unexpected and everyone felt she didn't deserve to die the way she did either.

It wasn't the same walking down the halls knowing her bestfriend wouldn't either be waiting for her at her locker or in the classroom sitting next to her. She honestly didn't know how she was going to get over it cause she meant so much to her.

Feeling a touch on her shoulder she looked to see Twan and Leon holding roses. Giving each other tight hugs they turned their attention back to her grave. "She really didn't deserve this man," Leon mumbled biting his lip to keep himself from getting emotional.

Leon knew her the longest out of everybody since they grew up on the same street together and the feelings he had towards her just grew overtime.

He never thought this would be how they'd say goodbye to each other. It was so much he wanted to say but never got a chance too, he was in love with her and he never had the chance to tell her.

Of course she knew he loved her but she didn't know she was the girl he dreamed about at night, planning a future with the whole nine.

He wasn't sure what her reaction would've been if he ever did tell her but he hates she'll never know now and that he has to bury his feelings force himself to move on.

Leon's feelings for Amira always remained a secret especially when she started dating his bestfriend Twan, so he forced himself to date Imani .. he cared for Imani, thought she was beautiful but Amira had his heart and she always would.

"Nah they didn't deserve this.." Twan mumbled squatting down. Tracing Amira's name with his pointer finger.

That night Twan lost two special people his baby and his girl. And everyday him and Leon blamed themselves  for it all, if they hadn't gotten caught up in that gang and started beefing with those dudes she would still be here living and Imani blamed herself cause she pressured her into coming to the party in the first place.

She was only four weeks pregnant when she passed, so their was no way to save the baby since it was no where near developed.

His love for Amira ran deep, she was his happiness and he honestly didn't see himself moving on from her. Yeah they were young but he knew he wouldn't be able to bring himself to love another woman and try to start a family with her either when that was suppose to be him and Amira.

Imani, Leon and Twan were the only ones that survived the car accident coming out with a few broken bones, but Amira since she reacted during the flipping of the car she snapped her neck in half and was one of the ones dead on arrival.

Everyone took her death hard cause she was special to a lot of people. She was that person that could light up a whole room with just her smile and bubbly spirit.

When Ahmad and her family arrived at the hospital it broke their hearts to hear that their baby girl was gon' and it really broke them that she was pregnant so there was nothing left behind to remember her by besides memories.

Ahmad went into a dark, deep depression.. he took a break from work and just stayed cooped up in his apartment drinking and taking pills. At this point he was like fuck life and fuck the world.

People kept trying to tell him that things would get better and that God would make a way but he didn't want to hear that. He hated God at this point, he felt God didn't love him.

For years he suffered and always called on him for help and it was like his prayers went unanswered, he suffered with depression all his life and he felt he didn't deserve any of it and now that his baby sister was gon' and wasn't returning that was icing on the cake for him.

He didn't even want to try to be happy anymore because he knew that it was impossible at this point, he shut just simply himself off from the world cause he felt if he did he would dodge pain.

He no longer talked to Cali, leaving her confused until Anaya explained what happened. She understood how he felt, but she missed him dearly and wished she could make him feel better but he stopped paying his phone bill so she couldn't call or text him to make sure he was okay and she had no clue as to where he lived..

Everyday she worried about him hoping he wouldn't reach that limit of wanting to end it all. She could tell Ahmad was a good man who just needed real love and affection and she was willing to give him that later down the line once their feelings for each other grew but now she felt that would never happen and sadly she had to live with that.. she only kept tabs on him through Anaya since Anaya was like her messenger.

Ahmad didn't even attend Amira's funeral, he couldn't bring himself to see her like that. The last time he saw her alive was when he walked out that door to go see Cali, he was happy they at least exchanged I love you's before she was taken away but he'd much rather have her here.

Each night he sits in the room she slept in for at least an hour and cries, clutching the pillows she slept on just to smell her scent .. life just felt grey for him, it could be sunny and the birds could be chirping happily but he felt the complete opposite.

He could barely sleep or eat so he was losing weight and with him taking the pills so heavily they had his mind gon' all the time and acohol wasn't helping either.

His parents they took it hard as well but they know they have to be strong for their kids, they cry at night sometimes or watch old family videos of her and just think back on the good times they shared with her, the death wasn't easy for nobody but they knew life had to go on regardless.

Ahmad on the other hand didn't care if life did or not, he was just tired of being depressed, tired of feeling this way just tired of being tired and always thought about just ending it all but Marcus, and his parents always came to mind stopping him.

He knew he couldn't leave Marcus since Ahmad was all he really had since his parents were gon' and his parents just lost a child so he wouldn't even want to hurt them like that either.

So he just decided to suffer until his call for home came..

Their brother Amir he felt guilty and full of regret when he heard the news cause he was so absent in her life, he always gave her false promises letting her down and he wished he could go back in time and spend every minute with her.

She'd call him all the time just wanting to talk about her day or what bitch had her fucked up and he always ignored her not wanting to be bothered, but many days he just hoped and wanted a call to come through and tell him this was a joke.

He had his own personal issues like staying out of trouble and now bringing his troubles to his family so he distanced himself and now he wishes he never did.

Ahmad and him are cordial noe only because they realised life was too short but they didn't speak everyday like they did with their parents.

Marcus stopped by Ahmad's house everyday making sure he didn't kill himself, to bring him food or just to make sure he was straight. He knows people handle situations differently and Ahmad was that person you had to watch closely when shit was going wrong.

Marcus knew Ahmad like the back of his hand so whenever he came over he made sure he brought all his Martin dvds and bags of lays so they could just chill and watch tv .. sometimes Ahmad would bust out crying in the middle of the show but Marcus was always there to lift his brother up because Ahmad did the same for him when he lost his parents.

His parents adored their friendship so much, even when Ahmad snaps on Marcus out of anger and frustration .. Marcus just brushes it off and continues doing his duty as his brother.

After dropping off the flowers at her grave everyone hugged then got ready to leave to go home. Imani got in Leon's car grabbing a hold of his hand.

She knew he took Amira's death hard but he was really becoming distant and she couldn't help but figure out why. As his girlfriend she tried being there for him but she was hurting also but wasn't getting that same support she was giving him in return.

"Can we please talk before we leave?" She asked,

Sighing, he took his hand off the key sitting back in his seat. "What's up?"

"Exactly, what's up?"

"What Imani? You said you wanted to talk but all you doing is repeating what tha fuck I'm saying."

"This is what I'm talking about, since Amira died you been having this attitude towards me like I did something! You aren't the only one hurting, she was my fucking bestfriend too! I been here for you and I can't get the same in return, everytime I turn around its like you're bothered with me or something, what did I do?"

Rubbing his hand down his face, he groaned. "You ain't did nothing, I'm just tryna cope with this."

"We can cope together, I'm your girlfriend!" She said raising her voice a little. "Let me be there for you!"

"Okay, you're my girlfriend .. but maybe sometimes I want to be alone. She been my bestfriend since elementary we got deeper history, you guys just became bestfriends two years ago so I'm taking this harder
.. sorry if I come off as an asshole but I can't live knowing I was part of the reason she died in the first place!"

Imani watched as his eyes began to water, "Don't blame yourself for that babe, it wasn't your fault."

"Tell the truth Mani, I joined that gang, I was in the beef they were after me and Twan and you two got caught in the middle of our shit! It's our fault she's dead!"

Hitting his fist against the stirring wheel, Imani jumped from his actions. "Babe.." She tried touching his arm but he moved.

"Don't touch me, I know you deep down blame me for the lost of her! I know you do and I can't get mad cause its true. I hate myself for it too, I got the love of my life kid and I have to live with that..." He mumbled but regretted it just as it left his lips.

Fuck, he thought in his head. Imani eyes filled up with tears as she began swinging on him. "Are you fucking serious right now!? And what am I? A replacement because you couldn't have her!?"

Grabbing her hands, she looked down. "It's not like that, I care about you.."

"But you don't love me? You love her? This whole time you been faking your feelings for me and been feeling Amira this whole time. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Letting her hands go, he looked away. "I never wanted to hurt you,"

"Alittle too late for that don't you think .. I'm so fuckin' stupid." She mumbled wiping her eyes.

"I just thought if I dated you my feelings for her would fade .. I have love for you and I do care for you Imani and I'm sorry."

"Just take me home,"

Nodding his head, he started his car then pulled out of the cementary. He didn't mean to hurt Imani but he couldn't help how he felt.

Imani laid her head against the window wiping her eyes, first she lost her bestfriend and now she losing her boyfriend .. she was just gon' take a break and focus on herself and heal by herself from all of this..

    Ahmad laid on the floor as his tv played old videos of him, Amir, and Amira as kids. The video was of them at the pool for the first time. Amira was about seven or eight at the time and Ahmad and Amir were sixteen and eighteen.

"I don't wanna get in the water, I'm too small." Amira pouted as she stood on the edge of the pool.

Their mom stood off to side recording them all as the guys tried to get her to get in. "We got you Mira, we not gon' let you drown .. you want to swim on my back?" Ahmad asked her and she nodded slowly as he swam towards her.

Turning around she got on his back locking her arms tightly around his neck. "I got you alright,"

She nodded, walking around the pool with her she cheesed widely waving at the camera. "You see me mommy, I'm in the water."

"I know, you're a big girl now."

Ahmad smiled watching these videos of them made him happy, he went by his parents house and raided their basement collecting most of the tapes while they were gon' and had been cooped up in the house watching them.

When the sound of his doorbell went off, he paused the tape then got up walking to the door. Unlocking it he swung it open stopping dead in his tracks when he saw Cali there.

He was happy to see her but he didn't want her to see him like this. The two just stared at each other until she cleared her throat. "Can I come in?" She asked.

Stepping to the side she walked in frowning at the smell of the house knowing he probably ain't cleaned anything. Sitting on the couch Ahmad closed the door and awkwardly walked over taking a seat next to her.

When he went to speak she spoke at the sametime causing both of them to laugh. "You can go first," She said softly.

"I just want to apologize for going ghost on you, I'll admit you out of all people didn't deserve it .. it's just I'm in a fuck-"

"Ahmad its fine, I understand .. I really just came over to check on you and keep you company."

He nodded. "I appreciate it, how you been?"

Slipping off her shoes she crissed crossed her legs. "I've been fine, but right now its all about you .. how are you feeling honestly?"

"Numb, still in shock like I'm still in that phase of not believing that she really gon', and these pills are the main things keep me sane."

"Have you been to her gravesight?"

He shook his head no playing with his fingers, "Nah, I ain't ready honestly .. cause then its gon' hit me that this shit real."

She nodded, "I just feel like I'm cursed .. like I was cursed to have it hard out here. From when I was eight til now shit been tough for me and I'm just like when my rainbow gon' come? When that happy ending gon' show up so I can be at peace."

"It'll come, we all deserve happiness." She spoke looking directly into his eyes.

"Nah not me, God don't want me happy no matter how much I ask for it or try .. its just not gon' happen."

Turning so she was fully faced towards him, she smiled. "You know .. before I met you, I thought only work and my son was my happiness, but that changed once I met you .. You make me happy and these three months of not talking to you honestly hurt me, I was constantly worried about you everyday .. so please don't say you can't be happy because I'm looking at my happiness as we speak." She admitted.

She knew she hadn't known Ahmad long, they really just dealt with each other for like three weeks but within those three weeks an instant connection was sparked between the two.

She longed to have those deep conversations with him and when he went ghost, she missed them.

Ahmad looked at her for a second then leaned in closer placing his hand on her cheek. Leaning in closer he pecked her lips softly a few times then slid his tongue into her mouth as they gave each other a long I missed you kissed.

Pulling away she rest her hands on her chest, "I missed you," She mumbled.

Smirking he grabbed her hand kissing the back of it. "I missed you too."

Smiling she rested her forehead against his shaking her head. Kissing his lips she pulled back then stood up. "Since I'm here let's straighten up this house cause it stinks."

"My bad,"

She chuckled. "It's cool but come on get up let's clean this nasty ass kitchen and air this muthafucka' out."

Laughing he stood up from the couch,  following behind her. The rest of the time they joked and laughed, her goal was to come over here lighten his mood up and lift him.

She felt good too, her mission was accomplished and from here on that was gon' be her goal, helping him get that happiness he deserved even if it wasn't with her ..

-

Hi loves ❤

Excuse any mistakes!
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- Denise 💕