"Hey Linky, we have a surprise for ya." Lola smiled as I got home that night.

"How's Lana?" I asked.

"She's still sleeping." Lola said. "But come upstairs. Lucy and I have a surprise for you."

I fallowed Lola and Lucy up the stairs to the closet that was once my bedroom.

"We restored your old room!" Lola said as I opened the door.

It was almost exactly how it was when I was younger. Somehow they had even found copies of all my comic and video game posters.

Of course, I had taken those posters with me when I had initially moved out to L.A. Seriously why the heck would I leave those behind?

"We thought this might feel a little more comfortable than the couch." Lucy explained. "At least for as long as you stay here."

...

Memories came flooding back as I lay in my old bed.

I looked at my old window and remembered how we had attached a blow-up slide to it for "emergency exits" really though it was just for fun. Like most of our projects back then.

This room may be small, but it was my sanctuary, it was... me.

I remembered that one time my sister Lynn tried to bunk with me after she had gotten into a fight with Lucy. I laughed, that was a bit of a disaster. But I wouldn't trade these memories for anything.

I drifted off to sleep.

"Hey Linc." A voice woke me up some time later.

It was still dark.

I opened my eyes to see Lana hovering above me.

She was wearing a different outfit now than she was before, which suggested she had gone out again.

She had on a brown and Yellow stripped sweater with denim overalls that were very much unbuttoned.

She had a drunken smile and glazed eyes that starred into my own.

"Lana did you have more to drink?" I asked.

"Just a few drinks." She said caressing my cheek with her hand. Then she wrapped her arms around the back of my head and laid her body flat on top of mine. Then she pressed her soft warm lips against mine in a deep passionate kiss.

I was completely caught off guard.

"Lana NO!" I said pushing her off of me. "This ain't appropriate. I'm your damn brother."

Then she grabbed my right hand and held it against her cheek.

"Why is your hand so cold?" Lana asked before falling limp in my bed fast asleep.

"Well at least I can keep an eye on you in here." I said softly as Lana started to snore.

...

"LANA! What are you thinking!?!?" a voice woke me up the next morning.

I saw Lola standing in my doorway. Her hands on her hips and a livid expression on her face.

I heard Lana groan as she woke up beside me.

"Where am I?" Lana moaned. Then she saw me next to her and a look of shock spread across her face.

"She didn't try anything funny, did she?" Lola scorned.

"No, no, it's fine." I said. "All she did was sleep in my bed, nothing else."

"Oh man I did it again." Lana moaned. "I'm so sorry Lincoln."

"No, it's fine." I assured her. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I just... I just black out sometimes." Lana said. "I do crazy things. I don't mean to I just."

"Don't worry about it." I said getting out of bed.

"Oh my gosh." Lola raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I said.

"You actually found an exact replica of the PJs you had when you were younger, but in a larger size?" Lola said.

I looked down at my orange shirt and orange lounge pants. "Hay, why fix what ain't broken? Now both of you get out of here, I gotta change."

...

"Hey champ, I see you found the restoration job your sisters did on your room." Dad said as I came down for breakfast.

"Yeah, they did a good job." I said. "Hey Dad. I've been thinking. I'm gonna talk with Clyde today and see what he thinks but. I'm thinking I might move back t royal woods. Like permanently."

"That's great son." Dad said.

"You're moving back!?!?" I heard Lola yell with glee.

"Yeah. Between what happened to Darcy and what's going on with Lana," I said. "I think you guys kind of need me. A lot more than LA does. By the way how is Lisa?"

"Hey Lincoln." As if on cue Lisa walked into the kitchen. She talked in a monotoned voice that was much more fitting for Lucy than Lisa, her hair was even messier than usual, and she had dark circles under her blood red eyes.

"How you holding up kiddo?" I asked in a calm voice.

"How you'd expect." Lisa grumbled. "I was talking with Darcie's mother last night. The funeral is going to be tomorrow."

"Well, if you need to talk." I said.

"I'd rather be alone." Lisa said. Then she picked up her plate of pancakes and headed upstairs.

"Hey Lola." I turned my attention to Lola. "What was in that briefcase you had last night."

"What? Just because you're a cop, all of a sudden you feel the need to question everything I do?" Lola shot back at me. "The contents of that briefcase are private! I know my rights! You don't have a warrant!"

"Ok forget I asked." Ugh that's Lola for you.

Then my phone rang.

"Hello." I answered.

"Lincoln, it's Clyde." Clyde said as I started to take a drink of my coffee. "There's been another murder."

PPPPPPFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT!!!!

I spit out a mouthful of coffee in shock.

"Oh, sorry Lola." I said realizing I had sprayed coffee all over her.

Soaking wet with coffee Lola simply growled at me.

"I uh gotta go. Work called, emergency." I said as I high tailed it out of the house.

...

I arrived at the victim's house. The house had belonged to Meryl and her sister Sheryl.

When I walked in the house, I found that Meryl's body was lying dead in her living room floor.

Meanwhile Sheryl's body was in the kitchen. Both women had their throats sliced open and were laying in pools of their own blood.

I could find no signs of struggle, suggesting the kills were done silently. These women were dead before they even knew what had happened.

The wounds indicated that they had been killed by a pair of scissors, just like Darcy.

"You think this is the same guy that got Darcy?" Clyde asked.

"Looks like it." I said. "However, with Darcy there was clearly a fight. These girls, however. It's like they were killed by a ninja. My theory, when this guy killed Darcy, it was as the result of a heated argument. It was messy and intense. Likely the first time he or she had ever killed anyone. But these two. This was done with precision; the killer was now starting to get used to the act."

"Meryl was a witness. You suppose the killer was trying to tie up loose ends?" Clyde asked.

"Most likely." I said. "If she saw the killer, there's a good chance the killer saw her too."

"Probably why they also killed Sheryl too." Clyde said. "No witnesses."

"Most likely. But something tells me this case won't be so..." I said putting on my pair of aviators. "Cut and dry."

YYYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

"Did you hear that?" I asked

"Hear what?" Clyde asked.

"It was like a yyyyyeeeaaaaahhhh sound." I said. "You know what, never mind."

...

I got another phone call as I left the crime scene.

"Yo, Detective Loud." A deep voice came from the other end.

"T-money?" I said. "What's going on?"

"What if I told you I flew out to your town of Royal Woods." The man on the other end said.

"You're hear in Royal Woods?" I said. "Why?"

"What I can't come visit my favorite detective?" The man said.

"You're not the type for a friendly visit." I said.

"You got me there Loud." The man said. "I have something you need to hear. Meet me in front of that Gus's Games and Grub place."

...

Earlier I had mentioned associating with some unsavory folks back in LA. T-money was one of them. T-money was the kind of guy that knew things. If you wanted information of the dark criminal underground, T-money was the guy to see.

You see back in the day, T-money was one of the most feared crime bosses in LA. He was like a black Al Capone. That is until he was put behind bars.

And who was the cop who finally brought him down. None other than yours truly. However, something changed in him during his time in the slammer. I don't know if he found religion or what but he was let go early so long as he agreed to become an informant for the police.

Me being the one to take down his criminal empire, you'd think T and I should be archrivals. But somehow, he became one of the only friends I made in that crime ridden city.

I don't know why I was the one guy he trusted. Maybe he saw it as a way to stick it to his own rivals for with his help, Clyde and I were able to put the majority of T's rival gang's behind bars.

I waited outside Gus's Games and Grub until an egg-shaped car pulled up. It was a self-driving car with a black glass dome. LA had hundreds of these cars rolling around for anyone to catch a ride in. And now I guess royal woods has them too.

The door slid open and I got in.

Purple light illuminated the floor of the car.

Instead of what you'd normally see on the inside of a car, this car simply had two rows of seats that were positioned across from one another. Being a self-driving car, it had no need for a driver's seat or a passenger seat. Left room for a more comfortable arrangement of seats.

Across from me sat T-money.

He was a very large man with dreadlocks and a thick beard. He had a golden tooth in his crooked smile and a robot eye that glowed red. Her wore sunglasses (despite being inside the car) a red tank-top black leather pants and black boots.

"So, T, what's up?" I asked.

"So, this is the birthplace of the legendary super cop Lincoln Loud." T-money said.

"I wouldn't call myself a super cop." I said.

The car started to move, driving itself around the block.

"Can I get you anything. Smoke? Beer?" T offered.

"I'm not really in a drinking mood. And I've told you before T, I don't smoke." I replied.

"Always the goody two shoes cop." T joked. "I like that about you kid, someone needs to be the good guy in this world. So, what do you use to take off the edge in this town?"

"You ever heard of a flippy?" I asked.

"That some kind of blow job?" T-money asked.

I burst out laughing.

"Boy are you in for a treat." I smiled.

...

Me and my ex- criminal friend stopped off at Flip's food and fuel.

"Welcome to Flip's Food and Fuel." I said.

T-money took a few moments to look around.

"I have been to the kinkiest night clubs in L.A," T-money said. "Yet still this is the filthiest place I've ever been in. I like your style Loud."

"Hey, you look like a guy who likes to eat." The gas station's owner, Flip said from behind the counter.

"Why yes I do." T-money said patting his stomach.

...

"Uh... you know this is just a slushy right." T-money said after we ordered flippies and got back into the car.

"Yes, I've known that for years." I sighed. "So, you said you had something I needed to hear."

"Word on the street is..." T said. "Or at least the streets back in LA is that the ACs have set their sights on Royal Woods. Now that they've turned LA into complete chaos."

"But, why Royal Woods?" I asked. "We're such a small town, no one's even heard of us."

"So, some of my guys told me, that that drug boss you killed," T said. "The case that got you promoted to detective. His sister is the one heading the operation to take Royal Woods. And from what I've seen, the police department in this town ain't all that great. If the ACs manage to start a full-scale riot I'm not sure they can handle it."

"Wait, so the drug dealers sister is here?" I asked.

"Girl who goes by the name Amara." T said. "Thinks it means darkness, even though a quick google search can tell you otherwise."

"Holy crap I met her." I said. "Back at Gus's Games and Grub. I told her I was a comic book salesman."

"Well, no doubt Amara knows the truth." T said. "Once you made Detective your name and face was all over the news back in LA. She may have a few gaps in knowledge when it comes to the meaning of curtain names, but she ain't stupid. She's angry, she's a radical, and she ain't alone. This is a dangerous woman detective, don't underestimate her."

"Think she's connected to the cereal killer?" I asked looking out the window and sipping my flippy.

"Cereal killer? What cereal Killer?" T asked.

"There has been a string of killings in Royal Woods." I replied. "Someone's been slicing people's throats open with a scissors."

"I'd say that's messed up, but you and I both know you've seen worse." T said. "But no, I don't know anything about any scissor killings. Doesn't exactly seem like AC's MO."

"You're right about that." I said. "The Agents of Chaos are more about intimidation and destruction. They're violent and radical. But these killings are much more precise. Less about making a statement and more about simply wanting the victims dead.

Still if I really did kill this Amara girl's brother, no doubt she's here for revenge. I should be careful."

"I'd suggest deputizing some civilians to get the numbers on your side." T-money said. "People you can trust. Good news is, if you find yourself in a war against the ACs, this time you have home field advantage. The people here, they know you, they grew up with you. They know the good man you truly are. It'll be much easier to get the citizens of Royal Woods to rally on your side, no matter what story the ACs try to spin."

"Well, I think I know just who to deputize." I replied.

...

I struck a cool guy pose, leaning against a support beam in my Dad's restaurant. I had dawned a light blue suit and aviator sunglasses as my friends entered through the front door.

"So how would you guys like to help me catch a serial killer." I asked.

"Uh... are we qualified for that?" Stella asked.

"You and Clyde are the cops, not us." Liam added.

"Detectives." I said. "And I do have the power to deputize you guys if it helps me catch a criminal."

"So, are we talking about this scissor slasher that's all over the news?" Zach asked.

"Word travels fast." I said taking a step toward my group of friends. "We don't exactly know it's a serial killer yet. We have yet to establish a motive. He, or she has killed 3 people thus far. But it's possible that the second two victims were just to cover his or her tracks."

"So, does this mean you're planning on moving back to Royals Woods permanently?" Clyde asked

"yes it does." I replied.

"You really think we can catch a killer?" Stella asked.

"Well, we did great work in the middle school news team." I pointed out. "When we put our heads together, we can accomplish a lot more than we think."

"I'm game." Rusty said. "Let's kick some butt."

The rest of my friend group agreed.

"Great, we'll meet up at my place later this afternoon to discuss strategy." I said.

Author's note: I don't really know the logistics of deputizing civilians. But from a writing standpoint it's sometimes a better idea to go with what's more exciting over what's more realistic. Remember this is fiction after all.

...

After that I headed to the local police station to discuss transferring to Royal Woods full time.

There I met a tall buff man with blond hair and blue eyes.

"You must be Lincoln Loud. The Detective from LA." The man said reaching out a hand to shake.

"Well technically I'm from here." I shook his hand. "I was living in LA for a while, but I was born and raised in Royal Woods."

"Well, my name is Chad ThunderCock." The man said striking a heroic pose, standing in front of an American flag mounted on the wall. "I'm the chief of police around here."

"ThunderCock? Uh... is that your real name or..." I said.

"It is an honor to have you here Detective." Chad said.

"Uh yeah... I actually came to ask about transferring to the RWPD." I said.

"We would be honored to have you on our force." Chad said in a heroic voice. "To be honest, the RWPD is a bit understaffed, and crime has been slowly rising in Royal Woods. Perhaps you can prevent a crime wave from tearing apart our fair city."

"I'll do my best sir." I assured.

...

My friends and I met in my back yard.

"Hey, would you look at that." I said. "My old treehouse is still standing." I began to climb the latter.

"Uh, Lincoln." Stella said. "I'm not sure if that tree house can still support your wait now that your like, what? 6 foot 2."

"Six foot one." I replied, stepping into the treehouse. "180 pounds."

I lightly stomped my foot on the floor of the tree house.

"Seems pretty stable guys, come on up." I yelled.

My friends reluctantly joined.

"If this thing starts to show signs of falling, I'm out." Clyde said.

"Oh, hey look." I said with a smile. "I still got some Ace Savvy comics up hear."

I picked one up that read "Ace Savvy and the Revenge of the Card Shark."

"These babies are what got us into crime fighting in the first place." I said.

"So, uh... this killer you talked about." Stella asked.

"Right." I said. "So, the first victim was Darcey Helmendollar. The next two were Sheryl and Meryl. Meryl was a witness to the first killing, so my theory is that they were killed simply to tie up loose ends."

"Do you have any suspects?" Stella asked.

"Well Chandler for one thing" Clyde said. "Darcey beat his high score at the Arcade, and a guy like Chandler doesn't have much going for him. He wouldn't have much too loose from committing a murder."

"Then we have Agents of Chaos member, Stacy AKA Amara." I said.

"Amara?" Stella said. "Wasn't that a character from Supernatural."

"She thinks the name Amara means darkness." I said.

"Uh, actually..." Zach said googling the name Amara on his phone. "Amara means everlasting."

"Clearly she has some gaps in knowledge." I said. "But she is a member of a dangerous street gang, and could very easily be a killer."

I sighed. "And as much as it pains me to say this. Lynn, and Lola are also suspects."

My friends gasped.

"Your sister?" Clyde said.

"Lola has been exhibiting suspicious behavior." I sighed. "She also got into a fight with Darcy the same day she was murdered. And Lynn... well apparently Darcy's mom is the mayor now? And Lynn is not very fond of her. I pray that it's not true, and that my sisters are innocent. But as a cop I need to be fair, no one is above the law, not even family."

"Well Chandler is usually hanging out by the mall." Stella said. "We can start with that. Either find him and talk to him directly, or anyone who might know if he's doing anything shady."

...

I parked my police car in front of the Royal Woods mall and began to head in. Though Leni worked here I had my doubts she would be much help to the investigation. However, I did know someone else working here who might be a bit more help.

I headed down to Spencer's gifts.

"Well, there's the funniest sister ever." I said as I entered Spencer's.

My sister Luan was working at the front counter.

Her light brown hair was still tied in a ponytail. Her teeth had finally evened out, so she no longer needed braces. She wore a tight black sweater that showed plenty of cleavage, along with a yellow mini skirt.

I always figured Luan would be the one to grow up to be the promiscuous type. Granted many would call Leni the hot one, but she was always blissfully unaware of her own beauty. Luan however was much more outgoing and confidant.

"Oh, hey Linc!" Luan smiled. "Wow it has been a long-time little bro. That cop thing ever work out for you?"

"Sort of." I replied. "I made detective now."

"Oh congratulations." Luan said.

"Hated LA though." I said. "Weather was nice, but the people were not."

I was about to mention that LA was a crime infested rat hole that I left to burn. But I felt that would be an inappropriate way to break the ice. So, I smiled and lead with the good news.

"Good news is that I have transferred to the police force here in Royal Woods." I smiled.

"Well, I'm glad you decided to, cop on by." Luan joked. "But I must say, transferring back to Royal Woods is a bit of a cop out."

I burst into laughter.

Never would I have thought I would miss Luan's puns, but gawd did I miss her puns.

"But on a serious note." I wiped a tear of laughter from my eye. "I'm kind of investigating a case right now."

"Is it that scissor slasher I've been hearing about?" Luan asked.

"yes, yes, it is." I said.

"Oh, hey Lincoln." I turned around to see Luan's boyfriend Benny. He had just walked in the door, no doubt to see Luan.

"Didn't expect to see you here, I thought you moved to New York or something." Benny said.

"LA." I said. "And now I'm moving back."

"He's here to catch that scissor slasher guy." Luan said.

"Well, that's what the tabloids have been calling him." I said. "To be honest I'm not sure yet if we're even dealing with an actual serial killer. It's very likely that the second two killings were to tie up loose ends."

"Man, a killer loose in Royal Woods." Benny said. "Crazy times we're living in. Never seen an actual murder in this town."

"I'm not surprised though." Luan said. "The new mayor cut funding to the police and fire department so she could buy a gazebo or something."

"A gazebo?" I said,

"Ever since then there has been an increase of break ins and vandalism." Luan said. "It was only a matter of time before someone got killed."

"There have also been a lot of fires." Benny pointed out.

"No wonder Lynn hates this mayor." I said, "What about the old mayor, Mayor Davis?"

"I think she still lives in town." Luan mentioned.

"I'll have to make a mental note to look her up." I said, "Could give me some clues. But for now, have you seen Chandler around? I know he hangs out at this mall."

"Chandler? Is he a suspect?" Luan said.

"Officially, I don't think I can tell you that yet." I said,

"Ugh Chandler." Benny rolled his eyes. "I saw that loser in the back of the mall, spray painting on the walls."

"Thanks, I'll talk to you guys later." I said.

...

And so, I made my way behind the mall to confront Chandler. I had my walkie talkie strapped to my hip in case I needed back up, and my gun in my holster in case I needed to use excessive force.

"Oh fuck!" I said once I got behind the mall. "Well, looks like I can cross Chandler off the suspect list."

And damn, I was honestly hoping it was him.

Before me Chandler's body lay in a heap. His throat was slashed open, and blood pooled around his body.

I knelt down to look at the body. The position of the body suggested he was grabbed from behind, much like Cheryl and Meryl. However, judging by the jagged nature of the wound and the shocked look on his face I'd say he put up a fight.

I got back up and saw a can of red spray paint next to the body.

I looked at the wall to see what our little Picasso was creating in his last few moments.

I rolled my eyes. "Ugh, seriously Chandler?" I moaned.

On the wall written in red spray paint was "Welcome back Lincoln Lame" next to a crudely drawn picture of my face with Xs for eyes.

I noticed a security camera. Maybe it captured the murder on tape. I walked up to the camera to get a closer look.

"Dang it." I said.

The lens of the camera had been coated with spray paint. Now way that camera had captured anything.

I'm sure Chandler covered up the camera so it wouldn't see his latest entry to the Smithsonian. Curious though, the paint on the camera was black.

Chandler was using red spray paint for his Monalisa. I didn't see any other cans laying around. Could the murderer have done this?

"Whoa, what happened here?" I heard a voice call out.

I turned to see Lana in a janitors uniform.

"Lana?" I said. "What are you doing here?"

"Taking out the trash." Lana said, motioning to the trash can she was pushing around. "I'm the mall janitor."

"Well, that job suits you well." I said.

"I used to work at an auto repair garage until they fired me." Lana said. She was holding her head, clearly suffering a hangover from last night. "Is that Chandler?"

"It was," I said. "You didn't see what happened her did you?"

"No." Lana shook her head.

I walked back over to the body.

"The wounds still look fresh." I said. "He was killed recently. The killer could still be close by."

Lana looked around nervously. "R-really?"

Then I saw her.

A young woman walking through the back ally. It was Lola.

She was wearing a black hoodie and carrying a black briefcase.

She was cautiously looking over her shoulder as if to make sure she wasn't being fallowed.

"Oh hey Lol..." Lana started to call out.

"Shhh..." I cupped my hand over Lana's mouth and pulled her behind a dumpster.

"Hello?" Lola called out. "Anyone there? You should know I have a can of pepper spray and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"Wait?" Lana looked at Chandler's body, then back at me.

"You don't seriously think Lola did this? Do you?" Lana asked.

"Well..." I whispered.

"No way!" Lana shot back. "Lola would never do something like this, she wouldn't hurt a fly."

"She's black mailed her own siblings." I pointed out.

"Yeah, but she's not a murderer." Lana said.

"What do you suppose is in that briefcase?" I asked.

"Probably just make up or something." Lana said.

"Maybe, but it could be something else." I said.

I wanted to believe Lana and just leave Lola be. However, the facts seemed to place Lola in a very unflattering spotlight.

1. She had just walked past the scene of the crime.

2. She was acting very suspicious, looking over her shoulder as if she has something to hide.

3. Lola is a girly girl, who fancies herself a princess. Always trying to be as perfect as possible. So why was she hanging out in a dirty back ally. Clearly something was going on.

4. She just happened to get into a very heated fight with the Darcy, just before Darcy was murdered. Unfortunately, as far as I could tell, out of all the suspects Lola had the strongest motive.

5. She was wearing the same style of black hoodie that the suspect was said to be wearing. And then there was that briefcase. Every time I see Lola in that hoodie, I also see her with that briefcase. What could be in that thing? What was she hiding?

Lana and I fallowed Lola down the dark alley. We ducked behind trash cans and corners and kept a safe distance as not to get spotted.

Lola reached a sketchy looking building. She looked around making sure no one was watching. Little did she know someone was watching, and that someone was me.

Then she entered the building.

Lana and I walked up to the door.

I tried the doorknob.

"Locked." I said.

"Can't you just bust the door open?" Lana asked.

"Not without a warrant." I replied. "Or a plausible cause for entry."

Then we heard a shrill screaming sound.

"Is that plausible enough?" Lana asked.

"Yep." I said.

Then I took out my pistol and kicked in the door.

"FREEZE! POLICE!" I yelled.

"Oh!" I said once I saw what was inside. Then I put my gun away.

In the middle of the room was a table. At the table sat three very nerdy looking guys. One of the guys was very skinny with a white dress shirt and glasses. Another was an overweight guy with a beard and his hair tied in a ponytail. The third guy was another skinny guy with glasses, but he had on a red short sleave flannel shirt over a yellow t-shirt.

Among them was non other than Lola. Only now she was dressed in some sort of pink fairy princess dress. Her briefcase was laying open on the table. Inside the case was a bunch of character sheets, miniature figurines, and dice.

"I am so sorry." I said, my cheeks flush with embarrassment. "I heard a scream and I thought..."

"Oh, that was me." Lola said. "A big mean dragon shot me with a fireball and took out half of my health."

"Well, that is a good reason to scream." I chuckled.

"I told you she wasn't a murderer." Lana said.

"Murderer?" Lola raised an eyebrow.

"So, why didn't you tell me you were into DND?" I asked.

"Because I didn't want you to know." Lola placed her hands on her hips. "Wait were you fallowing me?"

"You passed by a crime scene while acting like your were holding the arch of the covenant." I said.

"Crime scene?" Lola said. "What crime scene?"

"Chandler was just murdered." Lana said.

"Who's Chandler?" Lola asked.

"The guy who used to pick on me in middle school." I said.

"Did you kill him?" The guy in the white shirt asked.

"What? No, I'm a cop." I said.

"What about your friend there, she's clearly a janitor." The guy said.

"Guys, guys." Lola said, calming everyone down. "This is my brother Lincoln, and my sister Lana. Don't worry they're totally cool."

Then she introduced me to her friends. The one in the yellow and red was Steve, the one in the white shirt was James, and the big one was Jeff.

"So, back to this, Dungeons and Dragons thing." I said, trust me I am going somewhere with this.

"I... I just like feeling like a princess, ok?!?!" Lola said.

"Not just a princess." Jeff said. "Your sister happens to be a level 15 warrior princess."

"Impressive." I said. "Now, I am investigating a crime here. And I would like to ask you gentlemen a few questions. And instead of taking you downtown. I figure maybe we can have a little fun."

I sat down in one of the empty chairs around the table, pulled a character sheet out of my pockets and slammed it on the table.

"After all," I smirked. "I just happen to be a level 20 ranger."

The others staired at me in bewilderment.

"Well do you have any..." Lola started.

I pulled out a bag of dice from my pocket and plopped it on the table. "I don't exactly spend all my down time stuffing doughnuts in my face and drinking coffee."

"Well, you can talk the talk, but let's see if you can walk the walk." Jeff, who was the dungeon master said.

"Well, I gotta get back to work." Lana said before leaving.

...

"I jump up and slash at the dragon with my sword of a thousand souls." I proclaimed tossing my dice on the table.

The dice landed and I had rolled a perfect 20.

"AMAZING!" Jeff said. "You decapitate the dragon in one strike. Slicing through its neck like butter! But now an army of orcs is descending upon you."

I turned to Lola.

"Now Lola, there's nothing illegal about DND. So why all the secrecy?" I asked.

"Just because it's legal, doesn't mean I want anyone to know I'm into it." Lola said. "Do you have any idea what all my other friends will do if they found out I was hanging out with these nerds, playing Dungeons and Dragons? Uh, no offense guys."

"Offense taken." Jeff said.

"I would be a total laughingstock at my pageants." Lola said. "You really think the judges are going to vote for a girl who spends her nights pretending to be a worrier princess fighting to free middle earth from an evil dark lord? Oh, and I'm gonna cast a freezing spell on those orcs buy the way" Lola rolled her dice and got a 17

"The orcs have been frozen for one turn." Jeff said. "Would you like to finish them off or take this chance to run away."

"Well, they should vote for a warrior princess like you." I said. "If you ask me, this makes you like 110% cooler. By the way I'm gonna attack the frozen orcs." I rolled a 17.

"You shatter the orcs like pieces of glass." Jeff said.

"Thanks Lincoln, but you're not a pageant judge, or the popular kids at collage." Lola said.

...

"So Lola was here playing dungeons and dragons with you guys last night, and the night before." I asked.

"Yes, and we even have it logged into our computer system that she was here both of those nights." Jeff said. "So, you have arrived at the castle of the dark lord... Two massive orcs guard the front gate."

"We sneak around back." I said. "So the rest of you guys can verify that Lola was indeed here at the time of both murders."

The others nodded.

"Yeah, and I was just coming here from home when that Chandler guy was killed." Lola added.

"There is no back door to the castle," Jeff said. "However, there is a window 10 stories above your head."

Well, it looks like I can happily cross Lola off of the suspect list. Now to finish this campaign.

...

I roll a 20.

"YOU'VE DONE IT!" Jeff proclaimed. "You rip out the heart of the dark lord, free the elves, break the dark lord's control over the orcs and save middle earth!"

"Well, I think this has been a very successful interrogation." I said as I got up from my seat and picked up my character sheet and dice. "I must be heading off now gentlemen for I have greater foes to vanquish. Until next time princess Lola." I took a bow and left the building.

...

I was on my way back to my car when my phone rang.

Unknown name, unknown number.

"Hello." I answered.

"detective Loud." A deep voice came from the other end.

I could tell that whoever was on the other line was using a voice changer to disguise their voice.

"Uh... who is this?" I asked.

"The one you've been looking for." The voice said. "I'm the one they call the Scissor Slasher."

"Alright Billy Loomis." I said as a sarcastic nod to the movie Scream. "What you got some kind of vendetta or something. People like you always do. So, what, you think you're doing God's work or something. Are you trying to change the world by cleaning up the streets in a way the judicial system can't? Or did you just see one to many horror movies?"

"I'm here to warn you not to go down this rabbit hole." The voice replied. "You might not like what you find at the bottom." Then they hung up.

"And that was going to be my next guess." I said