"Because...if I were able to, I'd have already stood up and wrapped your legs around me, so I could carry you upstairs to my room."

She looked absolutely terrified.

~♡~

You had returned from the barn, only to find Taehyung sitting exactly where he'd been when you left. Not that you expected him to move, you wanted him to rest his foot. But the look he was giving you had you a bit concerned. You couldn't tell if he was in pain, or just lost in thought.

"Tae, are you okay?"

"Fine." He said flatly.

You weren't sure you believed him.

"What's wrong? Is it your foot? Do we need to go to the hospital?"

You took your coat off, stuffing your hat in the sleeve and hanging it up. You walked up to him, getting ready to ask him if you could look at it.

"My foots okay."

Something was wrong. He hadn't smiled, and he sounded emotionless, cold almost. You couldn't figure out what might have happened in the time you were out taking care of the horses to have caused him to be acting like this.

"Okay...then why do you look so..."

You weren't sure how he looked, honestly.

"Why do I look so what?" He snapped.

Only one word came to mind.

"...angry?" You hoped he wasn't angry with you, but you had no idea what could be wrong.

He closed his eyes, and you considered backing away, and just leaving him there, in case you had done something to anger him, not wanting to provoke him in any way. You were a little frightened.

But before you could move, he had grabbed your wrists, pulling you closer, as close as you could be without being on top of him. In the next second, his hands were on your hips and you felt yourself being pulled forward. You did the only thing you could do, your hands flying to his shoulders to catch yourself as you were pulled onto his lap, your legs on either side of his hips. You stared at him, completely shocked, fear threatening to take over.

"W...what are you doing?" You just wanted to get up and go to your room at this point, and hide for the rest of the night.

But suddenly, his expression changed to one of questioned confusion, and he looked into your eyes.

"I don't know, y/n...I really don't know."

The fear that had been creeping in disappeared just like that, and you felt yourself relaxing into him. He pulled you closer, if that was even possible. Then he did something you didn't expect at all. He slid his arms around you, leaning his head against your chest, his ear pressed to you, and he just held on. You were so surprised, you forgot to breath for a few seconds.

You didn't know why he was holding you, but you thought maybe he was hurting. Maybe he was being haunted by memories that only brought pain. Even if that wasn't it, he had helped you, so much, and you weren't going to let him suffer thru whatever this was without trying to help.

You lifted your hand, threading your fingers thru his hair, jealous at how soft and silky it was. Your other hand went to the back of his neck, squeezing gently so you could try to release some of the tension you knew was there. You played with his hair, very much enjoying it, and you were pretty sure he dozed off for a few minutes, he seemed so relaxed.

Suddenly, he was moving away, and you had to admit you were disappointed.

"You didn't have to move." You let your hands rest on his shoulders.

"We didn't drink our milkshake yet. It's probably all melted by now."

You had forgotten all about the milkshake. You turned and reached for it, bringing it between the two of you, and wiggling the straw around to see if it was completely melted.

"It doesn't look too bad, just a little melted."

"Then I guess we should drink it before it melts completely."

You leaned in to take the straw between your lips at the same time he did, but you were higher than him, being perched on his lap, and you ended up bumping your forehead against the top of his head. You groaned, rubbing your head, as you saw him smile. He took the glass from you, putting it back on the table.

"I guess we probably need to change our seating arrangement if we're going to share, huh?" He looked like he was trying not to laugh.

You didn't really want to move.

"It seems that way, unfortunately." You couldn't believe you'd just said that out loud. You went to get up, a bit embarrassed, but he grabbed your hips, holding you there.

"Unfortunately?" he asked, looking into your eyes, his becoming a bit shadowed..

You looked down, avoiding his gaze, letting your hands fall to your thighs. You didn't know what to say.

"I...um...it was nice, I mean...my boyfriend never...he..." you trailed off, embarrassed.

Nothing could have prepared you for what happened next. His hands were on your cheeks, lifting your face so that you had no choice but to look at him. His thumb slid across your bottom lip, and then his lips were on yours, for just seconds before he pulled back, looking into your eyes. You looked back, part of you wishing he hadn't stopped

You didn't have time to think anything else, because he was kissing you again. Your eyes fluttered closed and you quickly wondered if this was right, but then it didn't matter.

He kissed you hungrily, and you enjoyed it. You never thought you'd enjoy being kissed, because it had never been nice. It was always forced, and you couldn't wait for it to be over with. But this...this you were enjoying.

He sucked your bottom lip in, gently biting it, and your fingers tightened into the fabric of his sweatshirt. To your disappointment, he pulled away, but you took the opportunity to take in oxygen, almost afraid to open your eyes, afraid of what you would see. But when you finally did, he was looking right at you, and you wished more than anything that you knew what he was thinking.

You didn't have to wish long.

"I think you may be glad that I dropped that piece of wood on my foot earlier." He said quietly, his voice cracking slightly.

You licked your dry lips, and tried to ignore the fact that you could suddenly feel his erection pressed against you.

"Why would I be glad that you hurt yourself?" You whispered, the sound catching in your throat.

He stared deeply into your eyes, and you almost looked away, so intense was his gaze. You swallowed, feeling a lump in your throat.

"Because...if I were able to, I'd have already stood up and wrapped your legs around me, so I could carry you upstairs to my room."

Your stomach twisted in fear for a brief moment. But then you remembered, this wasn't your boyfriend...this was Taehyung. This was the man who had been nothing but nice to you, the man who had listened to you, and shared some of his own struggles with you in order to help you. He'd gotten you to see things differently, made you realize that you hadn't deserved the hell that you'd gone thru, and that maybe it had had nothing to do with you at all.

He'd done nothing but take care of you. He fed you. He bought you clothes. He had even sat by your side while you were sick, worrying about you and sacrificing sleep. He'd insisted that you stay here until you felt ready to leave. He didn't have to do any of that. He could have taken you to the nearest bus station and left you there for someone else to deal with.

You knew this man would not hurt you, and you couldn't deny that your heart was beating out of your chest...not because you were scared anymore, you weren't. At least, you weren't scared of him.

What you were scared of was what would happen if you let him carry you to his room, if he were able to. He wasn't, of course, but regardless...the question still lingered.

Two emotions were ruling you right now. Fear...and curiosity.

At the moment, the fear was stronger, but the curiosity was there, persistent and unwavering, threatening to overtake the fear that had become a constant when it came to situations like this. No, you couldn't even think of it in that way, because you didn't really experience situations like this. You'd never sat on a mans lap, and felt him get aroused as he kissed you. You'd never wondered if a man wanted you.

The first time, with your boyfriend, you weren't experienced enough to be afraid. He told you to trust him, and you did. But it had been painful, and something you would rather forget. The second time, you were petrified, because you expected the pain again. There hadn't been pain, at least not in the same way, but aside from that, it had been no different than the first time, nor had any time after that. And there were many, many times. He had eventually taken you to the Dr. to get an IUD put in, so that he didn't have to worry about you getting pregnant, claiming he was tired of having to buy condoms, and having to take the time to put one on before he fucked you.

You remembered, unfortunately, how he would grab your breasts roughly, squeezing painfully, occasionally kissing you with his cigarette breath, while you did your best not to gag as he forced his tongue into your mouth. You would lie there, as he rammed into you forcefully, grunting, until he stopped, obviously satisfied. It never lasted very long, five minutes, give or take, but every five minutes spent like that was another five minutes of your life that you wished you could die.

So the fear wasn't because you were afraid of being hurt, it was because it was something you didn't enjoy, something you had no reason to look forward to.

But Tae's kiss had been different. It awoke feelings in you that you'd never felt. It had been soft, but intense. He hadn't forced his tongue into your mouth, because you had welcomed it. He tasted sweet, like strawberries. He left your lips tingling, wanting more. He made you feel breathless, your heart pounding with something that wasn't fear.

So if his kiss was like nothing you'd ever experienced, how could you not be curious about the rest? You never believed it could be something you might enjoy, because it had always been the same. But what if it was different? What if it was nice, like his kiss?

You shouldn't assume that if he took you to his room, it would result in sex. But judging by what you felt pressing against your pelvic region, it was hard to imagine what else he could have in mind.

"Maybe...I want to come upstairs to your room..."