"I know I'm a mess right now, my hair being especially lovely..."she mumbled, her hand going up automatically to smooth the matted lump down, "but would you, kind sir, mind sharing a milkshake with me?" She asked, wrinkling her nose up and pouting.

~♡~

I pretended to be thinking, sighing for effect, and she tilted her head to one side, her lips pressed together in a straight lipped smile, her eyes lighting up as she waited for me to answer. I glanced at her, and she batted her eyelashes at me.

My hand came up to cover my mouth, as I tried to hold back a smile, and she giggled.

"Honestly, how could I turn down such a request, especially from a lady as pretty as yourself? I'd be delighted to share a milkshake with you."

She looked at me for all of 3 seconds before she snorted with laughter.

"Um, thanks, but pretty is the last thing I would call myself, especially at the moment."

She leaned forward, her lips closing over the straw in front of her as she tried to get the milkshake to travel up it to her mouth.

"I don't know, personally, I think chocolate chips and ice cream look pretty good on you."

I leaned up, my forehead touching hers as I closed my lips around my straw, sucking hard but only managing to get the thick liquid to come up halfway. Her eyes had met mine, and I could tell she was smiling even as she tried to suck the milkshake into her mouth. I stopped trying, feeling slightly dizzy.

"Woah, I'm going to give myself a headache if I keep doing that." I muttered, leaning back and closing my eyes for a second.

She sat back and looked at me. "Maybe we should let it sit for a few more minutes, so we can drink it without popping our eyeballs out of our heads while trying to suck it thru the straw" She crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out.

I couldn't help but to laugh at her. She was a lot of fun, I was sure I hadn't laughed so much in quite some time.

She stood up, looking towards the back door. "I  think I'm going to go get the horses in now. I know it's probably a bit earlier than you would do it, but I don't want to wait until it's getting dark, since It's my first time doing this by myself. Plus, I clearly need another shower, and I would rather not have to go outside after I take one."

"I wouldn't allow you to go outside after your shower, not with wet hair in this cold weather. I think it's a good idea to take care of the horses now.  I think they'll be happy to see you." Her lips curved up happily at hearing that. "You can throw them each an extra chunk of hay, since they have no grass to eat with all this snow. But please, be careful going out there, the snow is pretty deep. I kinda...swept a path, so you shouldn't have too much trouble." I sighed worriedly. " I hate that you have to do this on your own."

"Swept a path?" One eyebrow quirked up.

I shrugged. "I didn't want to take the time to shovel this morning, I just wanted to let them out and feed them, so I could get back inside to check on you. I didn't want to leave you alone for too long."

Her eyes softened with gratitude.

"Thank you. And I'll be fine...  don't worry. Should I carry them water, since I'd imagine their water source outside is probably frozen?

"Actually, there's a small stream just at the edge of the trees that may not be frozen over since it's pretty quick moving water. Even if it did freeze, I'm sure they would break thru the ice with their hooves to get to water. But there is a spigot sticking up from the floor in the barn. It's kind of hidden, I didn't even realize it was there at first, I found it by accident. It must be piped from the house pretty well under ground, because it hasn't froze yet. It's behind the ladder to the right, on the side where the beam comes down. The bucket just fits under it perfect. But don't fill them full, only halfway, in case they freeze."

She nodded and walked to the coat rack, taking her new coat and laying it over the back of the chair before grabbing the boots. She stuck her feet in, zipping them up. She reached for her old coat, pulling her gloves and hat from the sleeve and pocket, putting the hat on her head and making a face as her matted hair refused to do what she wanted it to.

After pulling her gloves on, she stuck her arms thru the coat sleeves, straightening it out and getting ready to zip it, only to realize she couldn't do so with her gloves on. I saw her small pout as her eyes lifted to catch mine, and I raised one eyebrow at her.

"Come here, pipsqueak, let me help you with that."

She rolled her eyes at me, which seemed to be becoming a habit lately, and walked over to where I sat, arms crossed over her chest.

I looked up at her. "Are you going to drop your arms so I can zip it?"

"Are you ever going to stop calling me pipsqueak?" She asked, dropping her arms, the annoyance  unmistakable in her voice.

"Probably not." I said, and zipped the zipper all the way up to her chin, pulling her hood up over her hat, the fur framing her face.

She frowned and glared at me, huffing out a breath thru her nose and turning to walk to the door. As she opened it, I could hear her mumbling under her breath. All I heard was "I'm not a child...or a pipsqueak, and he better stop calling me that if..." and the door closed behind her.

I chuckled to myself, and leaned in, trying once again to get a taste of the milkshake, still not managing to get it all the way thru the straw. At this rate, I'd be using a spoon.

I sat back in the chair, and my mind immediately went to the kiss we shared earlier. I wanted to kick myself. I have no idea why I did it, or why she kissed me back. But apparently, she decided to just forget it even happened. At least that's how it seemed. I wanted to apologize, but I also didn't want to bring it up.  

Of course, there was the fact that I had already tried to apologize, and had been cut off by her kissing me back.

Honestly, I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted to pull her onto my lap, and hold her. I wanted to bury my face in the curve of her neck, smell the scent that was her, press my lips to her skin, taste how sweet she was. I wanted to let my hands travel over her body, see if her skin was as soft as I knew it would be, touch all her secret places.  I wanted to show her that all men weren't bad, or selfish, that men did exist who always put a woman first.

Shit...what the hell was I saying?  I leaned my head back, my eyes staring at the ceiling as I realized where my thoughts were heading. No, no, no...this shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't be wanting to kiss her, or hold her, or touch her. But I did.

I could try to fool myself, and keep telling myself that it was just loneliness, that it was due to the fact that even though I'd technically had a girlfriend, there hadn't been affection of any kind, not for quite some time. I was being honest with myself when I said I didn't want to have these feelings, but I would be lying if I tried to say they weren't there. I was painfully aware of how much I wanted to kiss her again, and just leave the rest to fate, but then, maybe I didn't want to trust fate.

Fate is unpredictable...but destiny...destiny is determined by the path you choose. Did I know which path I wanted to take? Did I want to try to determine how this played out in the end? Do I accept the feelings that had been trying to consume my heart for the past few days, or do I keep pushing them away, and stick with the plan to help her get someplace where she can make a new start?

I thought about what it would be like if she weren't here, if she left tomorrow. It was funny, how if I tried to think back to a particular day before Y/n had shown up, tried to remember every thing that happened, I couldn't. But I remembered every day since she'd been here. I remembered details, little things, things you wouldn't think to even try to remember. But I did, without trying. And I knew that I didn't want to imagine a day without her here. I knew I would be even more lonely than I had been before she got here, even though it would just go back to how it was then.

So why was I still asking myself what I should do? Why was I still doubting that her being here may just be as much for me as it was for her. Why couldn't I easily accept that maybe, just maybe, she had chosen the path that brought her here because I need her, just as much as she needs me?

I knew why. I believed in fate. I believe that everything happens for a reason. But I also felt like what was unfolding in front of me, what could end up being my future, should be something I could picture. I had been able to picture a life with Sunhae, we were similar in many ways, had a lot of the same interests, and were often told we looked good together. Maybe because I had been in the public eye 98% of the time, I felt that that was important. Not so much anymore.

It was hard to picture my life staying the way it was now. Not because I thought I was above this lifestyle, I wasn't a superficial person, I never tried to hide who I was, or be someone I'm not. I had grown up on hard work, and although some may say it was hard work with little reward, I would have to disagree. My childhood was very rewarding. Having little money doesn't make you poor. Having no pride in what you've accomplished, no matter how small it is, is what makes you poor.

I knew that I'd been very fortunate to make it as a trainee for Big Hit Entertainment. I wasn't better than anyone else, just because I didn't have to worry about money. I was very thankful that I'd be able to live comfortably for the rest of my life without financial worries. But I guess I hadn't planned to live here, in the USA, forever. I imagined that eventually, I'd move back to Seoul. Alone. So picturing a life with Y/n in it was a bit unsettling, because  the picture was blurry, and it was hard to tell up from down, or right from left. Would she be willing to move to Seoul? Or would I have to be willing to make this my home forever?