"It was just easier. She probably would have found me if I'd stayed in Korea, and continued her sick games. She's probably still looking for me. But she won't find me here, unless she's stalking my friends, and they inadvertently give something away."

~♡~

"But why did she treat you so badly? I'll never believe that you could have done anything to deserve being treated that way."

I looked at her, and in that moment, I wondered if she thought she deserved to be treated the way she had been, maybe she believed that she was doing things that justified what she had gone thru.

"It wasn't like that for the first year and a half. We had a great relationship, and were very happy together. I was going to propose to her."

I thought back to the day I'd bought the ring, how happy I'd been. I couldn't stop smiling, and I imagined that she would be as happy as I was when I asked her to marry me. But I never got the chance. The day I bought the ring  was the first day that she started acting different. Every day that passed after that, had me questioning myself, until I put it off indefinitely.

"What happened, to change things?"

I looked up at her, and shook my head.

"Honestly, I wish I knew. I went thru a difficult time, had some things happen that I never imagined would happen, and it changed some things about my life. I guess she wasn't happy about it. But in a way, I suppose it's a good thing it happened when it did. Otherwise, I wouldn't have seen her for who she really was until it was to late."

"I'm sorry." She was looking at me sympathetically.

"Don't be. I'm glad that I found out before I married her that her love for me was anything but unconditional. I'm okay."

She picked up her sprite and took a sip, setting it back down. I watched her eyes look from the floor to her hands, then around the room.

"What about you, Y/n? Tell me how you ended up here...what happened before you finally decided you'd had enough."

"I told you, he hit me. I couldn't break my promise to my daddy. I just couldn't."

I nodded. "But you were with him for 5 years. He put you thru so much mental abuse, yet you stayed. Why?"

She stared at the floor in front of her, her lips pressed into a thin line. Her hands curled into fists, and I knew she was going back in her mind.

"Do you think you deserved to be treated that way?"

"I...must have. I couldn't do anything for myself. I was weak. I couldn't take care of myself. I had nowhere to go. No money, no job. I was lost...and useless."

"No, you weren't. You were heartbroken, because you'd lost the last person you had that you knew without a doubt loved you" I watched as her eyes glazed over, tears threatening to spill over. "Am I right, Y/n?"

She sniffled, and nodded, the tears falling, rolling down her cheeks.

"Tell me what happened. I think it'll make you feel better if you talk about it."

She shook her head. "I...can't. It h-hurts to much. I...I j-just wanna turn back time, to when I was a kid, I would do things s-so much differently."

"I know it's hard to talk about things that hurt us. I tried to keep everything in, and not burden my friends with my problems. But my best friend helped me to see that it wasn't good to hold things inside. He said I needed to talk about my feelings, and tell someone what was going on, because if I didn't, those feeling would just keep growing, and eventually, they would consume my heart, and close it off from everything, and everyone else. If you don't share how you feel, no one can help you. I want to help you, Y/n. Please let me."

She looked at me, our eyes meeting, and I watched the tears build up and fall, creating two wet spots on the front of the sweatshirt. She nodded, barely, but I saw it.

"I just wish I had been better to my parents." She sniffled, and reached for a tissue from the box on the nightstand, wiping her nose. "I wasn't a bad kid, but I didn't appreciate them enough. I took them for granted. When my mama got sick, I knew she wasn't going to last long. I don't know how, and I wished I was wrong...but I just somehow knew. I think my daddy knew too."

She stopped talking for a minute, staring into space, and I knew she was remembering.

"Even though I didn't appreciate them as much as I should have, I understood how much they loved each other. I hoped for love like that one day. I didn't know if I deserved it, but it didn't stop me from wishing for it." She smiled softly at the memories of her parents. "My mom did her best to be strong, and she tried to keep going as if nothing was wrong, but I knew she was getting weaker every day. They didn't have money to go to a doctor, so she was never actually diagnosed with anything, but she told me one day that she was pretty sure she had cancer. She made me promise that I would take care of daddy after she was gone."

I felt my heart breaking for her. She looked so sad, but for now, I could only watch her as she wiped her tears away. I was afraid that if I moved to comfort her, she would stop talking. I wanted her to get it all out, all the pain and heartbreak, all the tears and sadness. I wanted to know everything, so I stayed where I was, blinking back the tears I could feel threatening to fill my eyes.

"Six months...that's all I had to try and show my mama that I loved her, that I appreciated her, and everything she had done for me. I hated myself for waiting until I knew I was going to lose her. She wouldn't let me take care of her. I tried. She struggled to do everything, and I felt even worse. But she told me that it wasn't because she didn't need me. She said there was no hope for her, because she knew she was going to die. She didn't want me to spend my last months as a teenager taking care of her, because I should be able to continue being young and carefree, not burdened by her and her failing body."

She cried, her face twisted in anguish as she remembered. I wanted so bad to hold her, but I didn't. I stayed where I was, watching her. But I stopped trying to keep my tears from falling, because it was futile to do so.

"The day before she passed, when she finally didn't have a choice but to let me help her, she told me that she was sorry, that because of her, my childhood was about to come to an end. I didn't understand what she meant, but she only apologized, holding my hand. I remember her trying to squeeze it, her grip was so weak and I knew she didn't have long." She reached for another tissue, wiping her tears away, even though they continued to fall. She sobbed, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as she attempted to keep talking. "S-she passed the next day."

Her shoulders shook as she cried, and it took every ounce of resolve I had not to get up and go to her, pull her into my arms. I sat there, and watched her, tears running down my face. But I didn't move. I waited, wanting her to finish before I said or did anything. After a few minutes, she took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut, ridding them of the remaining tears. She wiped her face, and blew her nose, straightening up in the chair, and trying to look as if she was fine. I still didn't speak, only looked at her, and waited, knowing she would keep talking, because she didn't want to keep it all inside anymore.

 "It was only when I realized what her passing had done to my daddy, that I realized what she meant. He had lost his will to live, and my days were spent taking care of him, trying to get him to try, to move, to live. But I understood, she was his love, his life, his everything. He wasn't whole without her. He wanted to die. He never came out and said it, but I knew." She nodded, no longer crying, just staring into the space in front of her.

"I hated to say that I understood, but I did. As much as I didn't want to lose him too, I understood. I was 14 when my mama died, and daddy lasted 3 years without her. I did the best I could to take care of him. I did the best I could to try and make him smile. He told me he loved me, but that I would be okay without him. He said...he wished he could stay, and take care of me, watch me grow up, get married, and have kids. He said he'd always wanted to be a grand-daddy. Then he made me promise not to settle for anything less than true, unconditional love, and to never stay with a man who raised his hand to me. He had told me many times that the only time love should hurt is when you lose it."

I looked at her, that last sentence playing over again in my head. I'd never thought of it that way, but hearing her say it, I realized how true it was.

"I really didn't have anywhere to go after my daddy died. I had no family, no one that could help me. I was homeless for a month, I think, until he found me, and brought me to his apartment. He was nice at first. I honestly thought that I'd gotten lucky when he found me. But three days later, I realized how wrong I was. By then, I was afraid to try and leave, because I didn't want to be homeless again. I thought maybe things would get better. But they never did. They just kept getting worse."

She sighed, closing her eyes, her lips pulled tight.

"I think I convinced myself that I had been a terrible daughter, and that I deserved every bad thing that came my way. My parents were gone, and I didn't deserve happiness. So I accepted it, decided to live with it. I believed that all the things he said about me were true. I couldn't do anything right. Besides, It could have been worse, he wasn't abusing me physically. Until he did. A-a part of me wishes he had hit me sooner, because I would have left then. Maybe I wouldn't have dealt with him for five years."

Her shoulders slumped, and her head fell. I knew she had said everything she needed to say. I hoped so much that talking about it, getting it out, would lighten her burden, at least somewhat.

"I'm so sorry Y/n, that you lost your parents, and at such a young age. Life isn't fair sometimes, unfortunately. My grandma once told me, after I'd lost a good friend at a very young age, that God only takes the best ones back early. I know that probably doesn't make you feel any better, but I thought I'd mention it."

I saw her head come up slightly as I got up and stood in front of her. I squatted down, and pulled her hands free of the knot she had them in, holding them gently in mine.

"Look at me." She raised her eyes, once again filled with tears, to mine, drawing in a shaky breath.

"You didn't deserve any of what you went thru, Y/n. It had nothing to do with you. If it hadn't been you, it would have been whoever had been unfortunate enough to get involved with someone who only knew how to push all the negative thoughts, and self hate onto someone besides himself. If you hadn't come along, and become a scapegoat, it would have been someone else."