Ring ! Ring ! Ring !

I press my alarm clock that just rang seven o'clock.

I get up, yawning and stretching. I swing my legs out of my bed, down and open my curtains. The soft rays of the sun come to illuminate the interior of my room. This day is very sunny for a April day. My name is Muzelina MacGregor and I am 17 years old. I live with my parents and my two brothers in New York, not far from Central Park. 

- Sweetheart ! My mother asks me.  

- Yes ? I reply.

- It's not your turn to go take a shower?

- Uh .... Yes! I said, opening one of my drawers and taking my toilet bag. I go !  

I leave the room, close the door, go downand leads me to the bathroom. On the way, I meet my brother, Noah. He is shirtless, his white towel tied around his waist and he has a toothbrush dripping with toothpaste stuck in his mouth. 

- Rooh ! Noah ! I grumble. You could at least put on a bathrobe ! Mom did not buy you one?

- Yes, but I don't want to put it.

- Ah! And why ? I said, crossing my arms.  

- Because ! he says, showing his chest with his hands. I have a body beast ! I have to show it.  

I rolling my eyes.

- When will you stop showing yourself ? We did not punish you enough like that?

- Yes, but on the contrary it gave me an idea about the choice of my future job : I want to be a mannequin  

I burst out laughing. Noah ? Mannequin ? Ah, the good joke. 

- I don't see what makes you laugh. He resumes.

- You're not serious, right ?

- Yes I am ! he exclaims visibly upset. Why I would not be ?

- Daddy will never let you make that choice.  

- Why not ? What do you know about it anyway ?  

- Daddy has too much..... Principles to let you do that. I said, looking for my words

- Yeah but, maybe we should stop living for others. It's my life and I do whatever I want !

- In the meantime, it's not me who will be scold.

- When will you stop being like this? He sighs.  

- To be like what ? I ask.

- To so "pernickety", "meticulous" so stuck up, bruh !

I stifle a scream. Me ? Stuck up ?! But for what kind of macho does my brother take himself ?  

- I don't allow you to say that ! I'm not stuck up at all !  

- Stop that, Muz. I'm not dumb, ya' know ?

- Are you sure what you're up to? I said, looking him straight in the eye.  

- Of course. For proof,  you still haven't t brought any boys at home.  

- Ah ! You lie ! Adam and Stiles are boys until proven otherwise !

- Yeah, but you're buddy nerd doesn't count. And Adam neither. he said, giving me his ugly dimpled smile. I'm sure you don't even know how a guy is formed.

- I have an example right in front of me. I quipped.

- I mean, below  the belt. he said, giving me big eyes and smiling again.

I open up my mouth but no sound comes out so I'm shocked by the words of my brother.  

- Holy shit, Noah !

I throw him my toilet bag in the face.

- Mom ! he calls. There you're stuck up girl who just said a nasty word !

- Stop that ! And for the last time: I'm not stuck up !

- Come on, Muzelina. You know that I'm right !

- Shut up ! I say, getting into the bathroom to avoid seeing his beautiful face pervert. I lock the door and let it slide against it.  

He's unbelievable !

My brother is unbelievable ! No, but who he think he is? Who is he to dare to judge me ?

I get up and post in front of the mirror. He sends me back the image of a girl with a face and features. I don't look very tall for my age. I am average height. I have hazel eyes that sparkle like pearls when I'm under the sun, long light brown hair pulling a little on the red-brown, a dimple on the cheek right and luscious lips. Many people tell me that I have a beautiful face but it stops there : except the face,  I don't have much things attractive about my physique. Medium-sized, I'm not muscular and I still have less velvety shapes at the hips, thighs of the chest or others : for sure I'm not Beyoncé.

I'm just me actually: a banal girl, with a banal body and no great attractions ! ......  

I utter a big sigh and take my toothbrush, wet it, apply toothpaste and calmly start brushing my teeth. My friends and my mother constantly tell me that if I paid a little more attention to myself, I would be irresistible. It's true that I have a face.... Pretty adorable and I'm cute but it stops there : I am not at all interested in all the stuff around beauty, makeup, boys........ Boys aren't my priority at the moment : I'm 17 years old, but I'm more focused on the end-of-year exams and for my choices of faculties for my future studies than on banal love stories. I rinse my mouth, undress and enter the shower. I let the hot water slide deliciously on my skin.  

Properly speaking, Noah is not my big brother : he's my twin brother. I know : it sounds odd but it's true. Noah and I have been were designed the same day, were born from two different cells but shared the same belly. The only difference is that Noah was born premature. He came out of our mother's womb at seven months while I finished the nine months of pregnancy. I was born in May and him in February. Which is why he will be eighteen years old. I know that he was born before me and that it makes him my "big brother" by the date, it will remain none the less my twin brother : he is a part of me and I am a part of him. He knows everything about me even the most intimate secrets and the same for me. It is as if we are one and the same person but in two opposing bodies.

I close the water tap, put the shower head back in its place and leave the shower, cool and rested. Twenty minutes later, I'm here again but this time in the kitchen, sitting at the table and vainly trying to make Benji drink his bowl of milk.  

- Come on, Benji ! You'll see. Milk is as good in the bowl as in a baby bottle.

- No ! I don't want ! he said, shaking his head.  

Benji or rather Benjamin is my little brother. As his name indicates, he is the smallest of the family. He is 4 and a half years old.  

- C'me on, Benji ! Wood ! It will not hurt you, I assure you !

He shakes his head again.  

- No. I want to drink in a ba-by bot-tle ! 

- But baby bottles are for babies and you're not one! I ventured.  

He shakes his head again. I try to put in his mouth a spoonful of milk but he pushes her arm. A refusal is a refusal.

- I'm give up. I said to Noah who has just entered the room. This little one is only 4 and he already doing crazy whims !

Noah takes Benjamin in his arms and starts to makes him tickles on his neck. Benji immediately starts laughing.  

- Yes, but in the meantime, he didn't have breakfast.

- If he does not have breakfast now it doesn't matter I will give 'im some food later.  

- Oh yes ? I asked. And you'll give him what ? 

Noah shrugs.

- I dunno : candies, lollipops, chocolate.....

- Lollipops ?! To a kid of 4 years ?!

- Oh come on ! Everyone loves sweets !

- Yes, but giving too much sweets to a child can be dangerous for him. Hyperglycemia ya' know ?  

- Oh yeah ? That much ? He asks.

- Yeah "that much".  You're so irresponsible. I said, taking Benji back from his arms. I'm going to bring her to mom. She will at least get him to eat.  

I'm about to leave the room when Noah reminds me :  

- Hey ! Muza.

- Yes ?

- I plan to go out with friends later. You want to come ?  

- Where do you plan to go?  

-Oh ! he do with vague gestures. We're just going to do some tricks, go to the park, walk around a little enjoy our Saturday, ya' know ! So ? Ya' comin'?  

- Who will be there?

Noah blows.

- There will be.... There will be..... I dunno ! Some friends of mine, friends of my friends and some girls too... Anyway ! Do you gonna come or not?  

I'm thinking. His idea seems very tempting, especially since I do not want to spend my Saturday quietly. Yes, but the problem is that I have other obligations. I shake my head.  

- You're sure ?  

I nod.  

- It's a shame, you know

- A shame, why ?

- Because there would have been a lot of guys.

I shrug.

- And what that can do to me ?

- Nothing. Nothing. he said, scratching his head. It's just that I could have introduced you some guys you could have met and then who knows.....  

- Who knows what?  

He does not answer. Instead, he makes me his ugly dimple smile that makes all girls scream.

- Who knows what? I pressed him.  

- Who knows ! Maybe you would have met the "Great Love".  

I roll my eyes.

- Or with a little luck the guy or the guys make you more cool but I don't believe it too much : you're too stuck for this. 

- Whatever ! I exclaimed, climbing upstairs.  

- Duh ! You know there is only the truth that hurts!  

- Shut up !

- Mommy ! He called. There you're "too much stuck" girlwho just said a very nasty word !

I go upstairs and try to ignore my brother's remarks, but his sarcastic laughter reaches my ears. Ah! What he can be annoying sometimes!

***

- You think that pink top would go well with my skirt green water?  

Cynthia struts in front of her tall mirror.

- What I believe, advance Margo, is that we're not at the international modeling agency here.Cynthia rolls my eyes.

- I know very well that this is not the agency here. What I am asking you is your opinion. Although..... I ask rather that of Muzelina : you have horrible tastes in clothing, Margo.  

- From you, I take that as a compliment, Cynthia Donovan.  

I laugh and pick a pretzel in the box next to me. Cynthia Donovan and Margo Tucker are my best friends. We know each other since elementary school.

Cynthia is like me : medium size for to not say small, and thin. She is blonde, has short curly hair and her curls reach her shoulders. She also has very pretty blue ocean eyes. The only difference between me and Cynthia is that she knows how to show off, while I don't. Cynthia is of a natural generosity. She always has a smile, she is bubbly with life but she is also very sensitive.

Margo, it's the opposite : she is selfish, pessimistic, grumpy..... Anyway ! She has a bad temper ! But that doesn't stop her from having good sides : she can be just, understanding, frank and honest. She is tall, has auburn curly hair and her eyes are as hazel as those of Cynthia who are blue. My two friends are like the day and the night : they are both different and that's why I love them.

- What are you thinking 'bout, Muz ?  

- Mmh ? I said, turning to Margo.  

- Dunno. You look lost in your thoughts.

- No, I was just thinking that I'm very lucky to have you that's all.  

- Oooh ! But we too love you, see! exclaims Cynthia, sending me a flying kiss.  

- Of course. After Muz the student, here is Muz the philosopher. Margo quipped. Tell me, you still want to change your personality because it starts to do a lot of them.  

I laugh and send her a pillow in her face.  

- I love you too. I anwser.

- Well ! Not me, you see......

- Good then, girls! exclaims Cynthia to demand our attention. Would the skirt green water go well with the pink top yes or no?  

- Yes. But everythings is good on you, Cinci. I say, calling her by her diminutive. Whatever you wear, you are beautiful.  

Cynthia gives me a big smile and turns to Margo.

- And you ? You have nothing to say ?  

- What do you want me to say to you? She sighs. Muz is right whatever you wear you are beautiful. And anyway, I don't see why you ask me my opinion since I remind you : I am no level mode, remember ?  

Cynthia shoots her tongue and hands him a finger. Margo gives it back to him.

- By the way, I ask at Cynthia, why you bought you new clothes ? You have already a lot of them in your dressing room.  

- Yes, it's true but I wanted to make me beautiful.  

- Why ?

Cynthia doesn't answer just after. She takes a deep breath and declares in a breath :  

- I'll ask Chad if he wants us to go further in our relationship.

I stifle a cry.

- No ! Really ?!

- Ah. You finally decided. Sighs Margo.  

- Yes, and it was not easy. But thanks to your many advices and encouragements, I decided to take my courage with both hands and go ask him! she exclaims, perky.  

- When you gonna do it?

- Well, wednesday. Since we'll both go to the cinema and we'll be alone.  

- Ah ! You'll tell me, huh ! exclaims Margo unsheathing his phone. I want to know everything.

- Don't worry. You are even the first on my list.  

And they start laughing. Me, I'm not here anymore. Physically yes, but psychologically, I'm somewhere else.  

That's what makes me different from Cynthia and the other girls: boys. All the girls I know or have met when I talk to them, there's only one subject that keeps coming back and it's this one. What do I have to tell?

Nada. Niente. Nothing.  

And that boyfriend did that to me, and that tall brown guy did that to me and many more ! I feel alone among all these girls : I feel like a cactus in the middle of a bouquet of roses. Irresistibly, I can't help thinking about the discussions I had with Noah this morning. And if he was right ? And if I'm really a stuck girl ?

Seeing that I do not participate in their delirium, my friends turn to me and ask me:

- Muz, you're alright ?

- Do you think that I'm a stuck girl ? I asked them blankly.

I know from experience that the truth comes out when you surprise a person. Like that, they wouldn't be able to lie to me. They look at each other and don't answer me right away. And their silence hurts me as much as a punch in the heart.  

- So you think that too, right ?  

Cynthia and Margo look at each other, embarrassed.  

- O... Of course not. Who....Who put that in your head?  

- Nobody !

- Liar !

A heavy silence is needed between us. Tears of rage and spite bead in my eyelids.

- It's Noah, right ?

I nod.

- Oh ! I knew it ! Margo swears. Him, the next time I see him, I'll ....... But damn ! How can such a cute guy like him can be so stupid ?

- Don't listen what he says. Cynthia advises me. It's true that you haven't known the thrill of love,  that you haven't kissed a boy, that you've never been able to make the Big Step....

- Is that supposed to cheer me up ? I asked sarcastically.  

- Yes ! she exclaims. Because at the end: no matter your age, the place, the time, the year.... One day, you'll fall in love and that day believe me, you will be happy not to have fallen in love before because the first time is magic : we can't forget it. So yes, Muzelina MacGregor you are 17 years old and you still haven't fallen in love, and ? There is a time for it and I promise you that it will happen to you when you least expect it

I look at Cynthia who hugged me just earlier. I hug her back and say : thank you.

- Wow! Can you repeat your long tirade? Margo asks. Because I think I'm going to need it in philosophy. With that, I can't have under a A or a A+....

We laugh together and we hugged each other, promising to not separate. Because it's true ! Why we want to live too fast ? Why do we want to make things too fast ? What does it allow? To feel bigger? To feel adult? To feel loved? Me, anyway, I know one thing is that I'm in no hurry to fall in love: everything comes to those who can wait.

***

When I get back home, I put my purchases on one of the chair of the dinning room and going to get myself a big glass of orange juice.

My father, who is sitting on the sofa in front of the television, sees me, smiles at me and looks up from his computer.

- Where were you ?

- At Cynthia's.

My father frowns.

- You weren't with Noah?

I shake my head.

- Oh, he says.

He restarts typing on his computer. I conclude that the discussion is closed. I go up to my room with my purchases to arrange them in my wardrobe.

- Where did you go ?

I turn around. It's only Noah.

- You scared me ! I exclaimed

He shrugs.

- I was at Cynthia's.

- To do what ?

- To go shopping.

That's true. A few hours after Noah came out, Cynthia called me and offered to go out shopping with her and Margo. Since I had finished everything I had to do and I didn't want to be bored to death, I accepted.

- Pfff! he puff. You girls with the clothes.....

- And otherwise it went well in the park? I ask, changing the subject.

- So much ! Too bad you didn't come!

- Good for you.

- Besides, he says, I think you caught the eye of a guy.

- Oh yeah ? I exclaimed

He nods.

- Yes. He was very upset that you didn't come. Besides, he's frustated if you know what I mean.....

And he winks at me.

I sigh and roll my eyes, tired of my dumb brother's dirty jokes.

Two hours later, I go downstairs to help my mother prepare dinner. On the menu: lasagna and chocolate mousse. As I browse the net to find the best chocolate mousse recipe, I jump 'cause I just remembered one thing.

- Shit ! I exclaimed. 

- Muza! scolds my mother. How many times have I said it: no rude words or insults at home!

- Sorry mom but .... I just remembered something.

- What's that ?

- I completely forgot that today was the last day.

- But what are you talking about Muzelina ?

- Registrations for universities after graduation. Registration had already started and today is the last day!

- Yes, but they'll take place in May and I'm almost sure that there'll be no more places in the faculties that I requested.

My mother thinks.

- I understand sweety but.....

She look at her watch.

- It's too late.

- Please mom ! It's very important for me !

- I know lovely, she said taking Benji who was getting too close to the oven, but I can't take you there.

- And dad ? I hazarded

My mother shakes her head.

- He's way too busy with his job.

I bite my lip. It's imperative for me to go there, otherwise there will be no places anywhere! How but how could I have forgotten that? How could it get out of my mind ?!

That's when Noah comes into the kitchen. 

- Mmmh! It smells good ? What are we eating ?

He goes to the fridge, opens it and takes a can of Coke. My mother looks at him, looks at me and suddenly, his face lights up. 

- I know ! You just have to go with Noah!

- What ?! we exclaim at the same time.

- Of course ! I know Noah just got his driving license, but he's the only one willing to go with you.

- You want to kill me, do ya ?! I exclaimed.

- Accompany her ? But accompany her where ? Noah asks.

- Noah you will accompany your sister to the registration desk for the choice of universities.

- What ?! Why me ?!

- Because you're the only one who doing nothing. So you can accompany her.

- But it's at fifteen thousand miles from here.He sighs.

- C'me on ! It's only fifteen minutes.

- Exactly !

He takes a sip of the Coke and looks at our mother.

- And if I refuse ?

- I will deprive you of all high-tech things and outings for a month.

Noah thinks.

- Ok, he sighs. Take your Muz jacket, we're leaving.

A huge relief comes over me.

- Oh ! Thank you ! Thank you so much Noah!

- Yeah yeah ! he grumbles. You'll owe me one day.

Ten minutes later, just enough time to put on our shoes, take our jackets, and my documents, we gather on the doorstep.

- You are back in 30 - 40 minutes. It's clear?

We nod. We say goodbye to her, go out, take the elevator and go down.

- Why don't you do it in May? It's only a month to wait.

- I know. But I prefer be sure that I'll be taken in one of the faculties that I have chosen.

Noah rolls his eyes.

- You girls..... he growls.

I shrug my shoulders.

- I'm just being safe.

We arrive on the ground floor, leave the duplex and arrive in front of the car: a beautiful red Audi. Noah unlocks it and I open the door in the back. Noah takes the driver's side. We buckle up, Noah puts the ignition on and we start in this cool and sweet April night.

That night, I should have enrolled in the faculties of my choice.

I should have go home.

I should have woken up in my soft bed, in my beautiful room, in my beautiful house.

I should have seen the sweet faces of my family members.

I should have continued to suffer the dirty jokes of my brother.

I should have seen my two best friends again.

I should have finished high school and passed my end of year exams hands down.

I should have continued to live.

I should have......

I should have......

But I didn't do any of this.

For the simple reason that I left this world.

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Author's comment :

Hehe !That's it ! The first real chapter of the book is finished. I know I know it's very long and I'm sorry (😢😱😣😞😳)But I hope at least that you liked it or,  that's aroused your curiosity.Don't hesitate to vote and comment to say if you liked it or not.Happy reading to all X)

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Translator's comment :

I took so long to translate that ! And at a moment I just stopped ! (I know you wouldn't even notice it now.. But I'll continue ! I promise ! ^-^

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