My head is running around with a list of things that is wrong with me in my mind and it's causing me panic attacks have a problems with picking myself apart everytime but it is really bad habits in my mind.
I'm sitting in silence of my room at two o'clock in morning worrying about my disappointment what if people Whos at my college didn't accept me for who I am ?or maybe my work efforts are good enough and Procrastinating because of overthinking that I'm failure just because I really struggling with my inner internal battles in life or I need to stop letting myself down with a list of thing!
As the clocks is tickling by half past three o'clock laying down in my bed Listening to the list by Maisie peters on Spotify noticing this song definitely describe me perfectly in situations meanwhile I'm texting my best friend Hazel.
Hey I'm going crazy with this anticipation and what if issues are occurring around my mind again- me=E
Hiya don't worry girl honestly you need to give yourself a break and stop picking yourself apart- H
I'm trying not to let myself down and I'm currently waiting for my acceptance letter / offers - E
Listen to Em , you are not letting anyone down or yourself down okay and if it helps we should plan   Our days out to have fun - H
I know but I have a habit of things I can't stop doing to myself- E
Do you know what I'm going to suggest we have our day out today and we should both get some rest.
Just hope you know ily Em because you have the most amazing forgiving kindness of heart and you have a gift for making other people feel happy even when you are sad. So please stop self doubting yourself because you have real potential and talent in all your subjects. Love you too bestie - H
Thank you Hazel for being the most understanding best friend ever ! I feel really bless having someone like you in my life. Bye see you soon because jai is calling me - E
It's fine sis go talk to your man and see you later- H
I'm sitting up on my bed now wondering if I should pick up the phone to Jamie or should I ignore his calls and don't think I'm doing this to be horrible to him because you're wrong with a capital W in this case I'm clearly thinking about him , however I hate the sounds of my own voice.
I'm Shaking off my nerves and decides to answer the phone hearing my boyfriend Jamie voice calming me down.
Have you ever look at someone I ever think woah I'm falling deeply in love with them again and that not even the part of it all is that I'm marrying the love of my life because he proposal to me yesterday afternoon at three thirty pm after one day of our graduation ceremony which take me by surprise since then I'm so excited for me to become Ms Johnson that I can stop reminiscing about how he asks me to marry him and take me to the really posh restaurant with my friends,and family to eat a really after Jamie and I decided to take a small walk without planning our destination and it turns out our walks turn into a one minute mile walk until we saw one of the most beautiful water falls that took our breath away as I could just remember it like it was yesterday which it is really thought the majestic magnificent magical waterfall in the evening around six forty seven pm.
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Flash back
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My friends,family ,Jamie and I were walking in the pizza place where we first have our second date since our cosy restaurant for  our first date is taking a break off from work to spend the holiday with their family in Denver as well for the another employees who are spending some time together with their family and friends.
We choose to go to papa John  Pizza or Pizza Hut celebrate our graduation today with our love ones also friends , and then Suddenly right in the middle of a conversation with my friends Jamie call me to come over to our favourite booth but time it sounds so serious not in a joking way though because didn't even say my pet name he gave me ages ago "hey Emily , comes over here with me to this booth for a second!"he said sounded shakily for a second or two which he never does because he's always confident ninety five percent of the time he's with me in school or visit me to go to our favourite places on a dates but this is really starting to worry me more than before and I'm going to ask him what is he so concern about or something along those lines hopefully he's going to be alright.
I'm walking in his direction right now and bracing myself for the next words that he's going to say to me yet taking a steady breath in and out quickly because I'm uncertain it's going to be like a train wreck or place me on clouds nine neither way I'm going to have to face this head on. "give me one minute to finish talking to Hazel and then I will be on my way" I said to him trying to pull myself together by not showing any signs of weakness.
" don't worry about the reason I call you here and relax love" he said to me with a nervous smile reciprocating his smile when inside I'm just as nervous as him
" Jamie babe are you going to tell why you called me over here ?because the suspense is frightening me" I said worriedly to him somehow He get me to stop stressing out for a second or two by placing his hand onto mine lacing them through " don't worry about what I'm going to say okay ? The reasons for why I want you to be close to me because I got you a surprise for you!" He said to me and I've sighs in relief relaxing myself  when i finishes with managing to calming my heart down i smack on his chest area  lightly even though i probably do deserve it for scaring me like that unbelievable am I right ?

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to give you a fright love" he said admittedly to his wrong to me hoping that i would forgive him for it and we will carry on as normal.
"Please tell me what being on that handsome mind of you then?" I  asks him worriedly and reaches out for his hand underneath the table caressingly as i draws circles on it to take the pressure off of him then later I didn't realise the question  he's going to ask me that'll change our life well more likely mine forever because i have no idea about his surprise.
The surprise he plan out for me is to ask me to marry him of course I've to say yes to him because we have been together through thick and thin times.
His proposal to marry me turn out great in the ends with the impatience crowd of friends, family and workers to what Matteo said to Natalie towards my mum and little sister Ellie except him into our tiny family of threes.
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In the present
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"Emily you have two letters in the mail for you" mom yells out excitedly to me urgently for me to open the two of them because it looks very important and they both feel really thick in both my hands.
" I'm going to call Hazel ,Natalie and Jamie because I've promise them that we will open our acceptance letters together" i explained to her about my friends, fiancé soon to  be husband and mine agreements when I finishes explaining it to her.
She just nodding her understandingly and hug me " it's alright Emily no need to explain it to me because I was young once like your age or so, I know how you are feeling right now" she said in the most comforting way a mother could ever say to her child but now young woman.
" thank mom for understanding and being supportive of me all these years" i said to my mom hugging her tig