EMMA

My eyes followed him as he ran past the barricade of boys and kicked the ball right into the net. The girls sitting beside me screamed, chanting his name loud enough to bleed my ears. The crowd went wild, clapping, hooting. Our team won. He made the final shot. Nothing less was expected from the team captain. We knew they would be winning tonight. I knew he would be winning tonight.

I watched him as his face was up in a grin. His chocolate eyes dazzled beneath the floodlights of the sports field. I watched as his eyes raked through the crowd and then they settled on me. He winked at me and my heart melted. My eyes fixated on him as he moved past his teammates and through the crowd. The girls sitting beside me squealed as he came closer to where I was sitting and I didn’t mind them. He was what we call a heartthrob. Dirty blond hair, chocolate brown eyes, a perfect square jaw, and then a heart-piercing smile resting on his full lips. Every girl would be swooning over the sight of him and him being the soccer team captain was a plus there. 

He stopped right in front of the bleachers, one step away from me. He gently held my chin and closing the distance between us, he pressed his lips on mine. It wasn’t an intimate one, it was more like a sweet kiss. Not too much but perfect enough to melt the insides of me. 

“I got my winning gift,” he smiled drawing back, and then planted a kiss on the bridge of my nose. The girls beside me looked at us and I could sense their furious eyes directed at me. 

Yes. It was true. He was the perfect handsome guy and this perfect guy was mine. My love. My life.

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from grinning. 

“Thanks for coming today, baby!” He grinned.

My eyes shot open and a burning ache shot through my body. I pushed the comforter off me, gasping for air. The clock in front showed two in the morning. I hadn’t had these dreams since the time I moved here. I didn’t have them for four months but now they were back. They were back to haunt me. Again.

My heartbeat was fast enough to hear it against my eardrums and my body was drenched in sweat. I turned on my lamp and with trembling hands and opened my drawers. Where was it? Where was the bottle? I rummaged through the drawers one by one. My lungs constricted in my ribcage and my breaths shortened. I was gasping for air.

Where was it?

I got out of my bed and dropped down on my knees to search for the bottle. I threw the things out of the drawers one by one until my hand caught the plastic edge of something.

Water. I need water. I grabbed the jug and with shaking hands, I poured it into a glass. Opening the plastic bottle, I took out two tablets and gulped them down my throat. I never thought I would be taking them again but here I was holding the white bottle like my life was dependent on it. Two years back, I did convince my parents that I was fine and I didn’t need a therapist anymore but it was just another one of the lies I had told them. 

I lay my head on the side of my bed while my body rested on the carpeted floor. My chest constricted as the memories played through my mind like a movie. Our once-precious moments played before my eyes. His eyes, his smile, his touch. My body remembered it all. 

Tears rolled down my eyes as my mind knew this was just a start. This was how they always started. Began with the happy moments and ended with the tainted ones. That was how my nightmares were. They were fragments of my memories from my past. A past I tried hard to forget. And they played like a movie. On repeat.

When he promised he won’t be leaving me forever, he meant that. These nightmares were proof of that. The remembrances of him won't be leaving me and I knew I couldn’t escape them. He made sure of it.

-----------------------

I took a deep breath before the elevator reached the thirtieth floor. Despite my mind protesting I shouldn’t come today, I came. A part of me agreed with my mind and especially how I acted yesterday, that part wasn’t ready to face the world or my boss, not yet. But the foolish side of mine pushed me through those doors and into this building. 

You are not the same Emma, it whispered. You may not be strong. You may not be who you thought you were but no one has to know that.

And I agreed to that part. I knew where I stood now. I knew that if one word was enough to trigger what I thought was buried deep within me, I was not what I believed myself to be. But the world didn't need to know that. So, here I was, stepping into my office like nothing happened.

I walked to my table and a stack of files welcomed me. I pulled off the sticky note on it and read the words written on them.

'Proofread these and create a report.'

Well, I guess that was a good thing. Everything seemed to be returning to normal.

I sat down in my seat and started my work. I underlined the mistakes and created side notes that I thought were necessary. It took quite a lot of time and I looked at my wristwatch after closing the last file. It was almost one meaning lunch time but I was in no mood to go downstairs and face Violet or anyone for that matter. It was better to stay here and work on the report. 

Minutes passed by followed by half an hour. My phone rang and I picked up to see a message from Violet. 

The sexy devil keeping you up? ;)

I rolled my eyes. What was even the point of that message? Couldn’t she simply ask why wasn’t I in the cafeteria? But no, she had to text me that and also add a wink at the end. Before I could type in a reply, another message came.

I hope I am not disturbing whatever you both are doing but a friendly piece of advice

My eyes widened as the next message popped up.

Don’t forget to lock the doors and yes protection is a must. Enjoy! ;)

What the hell! Heat crawled up my face. Why would she even think of that? And why the hell my face was burning up?

I quickly typed in a reply. 

Don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself. Yesterday I saw Kevin coming out of the storage room. I hope he had the door closed and I hope he used protection.

I smiled as I pressed the send button. I knew I shouldn’t have told her that but it was the only way to get back at her. Besides it was true. Yesterday when I was returning from the bathroom after lunch, I saw him coming out of the storage room located a few steps left from the lady's bathroom. I glanced at him momentarily but I didn’t miss those dishevelled hair and his swollen lips. If he was there with another woman, Violet must know.

My phone pinged but this time it wasn’t from Violet. It was from someone else. Someone whose presence was enough to bring back the events from yesterday right back in my mind. 

Jerkface: Lunch meeting at 2. 

I read the message again, waiting for more details on that. Yesterday when I set his schedule, there was no such thing there. Even if it was added today, I should have been informed. I needed to clear his three pm schedule and adjust it to some other time but he was telling me that just fifteen minutes before. I waited for his next message but none came. No details of where or with whom. He didn’t even ask me to make a reservation. Who could be that important for him to make such plans at the last moment? And he even made a reservation himself?

I was still holding my phone waiting for another message from him when a message popped up. 

Violet: Don’t worry. The door was closed. I checked it twice and yes protection was a must as I said. I'm too young to get pregnant. ;)

I read the message and a slight smile broke on my lips. Well, at least one thing was going as planned. It was true I didn’t believe in men and love but that didn't mean I was stopping others from experiencing it. It was my fault that mine didn’t work, how things ended, and how they scarred me forever. And I was not going to repeat that. I wasn’t going to believe or rely on another man. Not again. 

“Let’s go, Miss James.” His voice echoed through my silent office breaking my thoughts. My eyes moved up to where he was standing. To my surprise, he wasn’t wearing his usual black suit. Instead, he wore a dark blue suit paired with a white button-up shirt beneath. The brown loafers complimenting perfectly with his suit. His first two undone buttons revealed his neck followed by a little glimpse of his chest and I think no tie Edan was going to be my fave Edan. Was it me or he did look a bit handsome today? 

Stop!

Realization hit me as my eyes widened. What the hell did I even think of? Fave Edan? Handsome? Fuck no! He was no more than a jerk face. The perfect name that I had given him. It was all Violet’s fault! She sent me those messages and my mind strayed for a bit. That’s right. I would never think of something like that on my own.

“Miss James?” He called my name and I blinked. 

Curse you, Violet!

I threw my phone along with a pen and my notepad into my bag and followed him out the door. We walked towards his private elevator and as we both rode down to the parking lot in the basement, none of us spoke a word but I could sense the tension in the air.

What happened yesterday?

Why did you leave?

Why did you run?

I was sure he wanted to ask those questions and more but he didn’t. Either he was stopping himself deliberately or he was waiting for the right moment. 

The elevator screen showed B3 as it stopped. The doors opened and I stepped out after him. This area was surprisingly empty other than the five cars that were parked in a row at the left. My eyes instantly recognized the black Audi parked beside another million dollars cars. I was never interested in cars but I think that blue-colored one was a Ferrari.

He led me to his black car and as I sat down, I recognized the driver. He was the same guy from that day, from our first ill-fated encounter. His eyes looked at me from the front rearview mirror and for a split second, I think I saw a wave of surprise flash his eyes.  

My boss, who happened to be sitting just beside me with nothing but a three inches distance between us, gave him the direction as he droved us out of the building and onto the busy streets of New York City. 

I stared out the window pretending to be busy sightseeing when in reality, my heart was steps away from leaping out of my chest. I never felt like this before, not until yesterday. It was true that yesterday's incident did trigger those dark memories of mine but I didn’t forget that treacherous act of my body upon his touch. I hated how my body responded to him and I hated how it went against my mind and my sworn rules.

“We are here.” His cold voice broke my trance. I stepped out of the car and followed him through the long corridors of the building. As I passed through the huge dining hall and towards a room, my nerves kicked in. Why didn’t we go to the dining hall where everyone was already dining? But again, I didn’t know much about business meetings. It was my first time accompanying him to such. 

The woman walking in front opened the door and I relaxed. It was just a private dining area. The room was lighted by the hanging lights just above the round glass table located at the center of the room. Five seats circled the table and expensive china ware rested in front of each.

My eyes widened as my jerk-handsome boss pulled a chair out for me and motioned me to sit down. 

Does he do that for all his secretaries? 

I sat down as he gently pushed the seat back. I sucked in a breath as his fingers brushed past my shoulders and despite the layer of my maroon-colored shirt, his touch sent chills running down my body. 

I hate this...

“Order anything you want,” he whispered as he sat right in front of me. 

“Aren’t we going to wait?” I spoke for the very first time since he came into my office to pick me up. I didn’t know with whom this meeting was or for what purpose it was but I did know one thing. We should wait for the guest.

I think I sensed a glimpse of a smile tipping around his lips but before I could confirm, it was gone. Was my mind playing tricks on me?

“Just order.” He stated. His hypnotizing gaze locked in mine and my heart dropped down to my stomach. Here they were, once again. His steel blue eyes, illuminating under the yellow shades of light, penetrating through my walls and right into my soul. 

Damn it!

I averted my eyes and hid my burning face behind the red velvety menu engraved with the restaurant’s name. My eyes moved around the weird dishes' names and then at the prices. Holy shit! They were expensive! I peeked from above the menu and his eyes were still fixated on me.  

What the hell!

I searched through the cards and settled on one name that looked normal. 

“I will take a plate of this,” I pointed at Fettucine Alfredo and the woman nodded.

“What about you, sir?” The woman asked but I didn’t miss that sluttery touch of her voice followed by her sweet smile. I don’t remember her showing me that smile. But the way my boss didn’t even glance at her, he must have been used to things like this. I inwardly smile, a part of me slightly glad that he didn’t respond. 

He said some words that seemed too hard to even pronounce. The only thing I could understand was wine. The woman left and I didn’t miss that glare she threw my way as she sashayed her way out. What was with everyone glaring at me recently? Was it a new trend or something?

“Emma!” He whispered stopping my mind along with my heart. The way his tongue rolled off my name, it felt weird. Not the type of weird that would make you cringe with disgust but a strange type of weird. A type that would grab your heart, pull it out, squeeze it, and then throw it back right in your chest. 

Gruesome. Right? I was sure that's what I was feeling

The way his eyes stared at me I knew what was coming next. He was going to ask the questions he had been so badly holding back. Questions I was not ready to answer. At least not with truth. I waited for his next group of words and as he spoke, my eyes widened.

“Are you okay?” His words shocked me. That wasn’t a question I anticipated. That wasn’t what I prepared in my mind. It was surreal how such a simple three worded question held so much weight and how such a single line was cracking the walls I took too long to build. 

When was the last time someone asked me that? 

Yes. I could say that. I could lie as easily as I could breathe. That was what I had been doing for the past five years. Lies. 

“Yes,” I whispered, pulling my gaze away from him. The room fell silent as we both didn’t speak further. He didn’t ask, I didn’t answer. A part of me knew he didn’t believe what I said but as long as he didn’t question further, it was good. 

The lunch came and as we both ate in silence, I wondered, where was the person we were meant to meet? And where was the meeting that was supposed to happen?

************

Let me hear your thoughts.

Love,
Anna.