Kartik sighed in relief as Kairav finally went to sleep. Kartik slowly came out of the bedroom to clean the kitchen. Kairav had wanted to stay awake longer, considering the next day was Sunday, but Kartik didn't want to spoil his routine of sleeping early. Kairav had thrown a temper tantrum, but Kartik had handled it very well, considering he always dealt with the temper tantrums thrown by vansh at the Goenka house. Kairav's temper tantrum was nothing, compared to the ones thrown by vansh.

It was the third and final day of Naira's sickness after which she would start feeling better. It always followed the same pattern ever since Kartik had known her. She would get sick for three days, with the third being the most severe and then she would start recovering.

For the first two days, Lisa had helped Kartik to take care of Naira. She had taken Naira to the doctor and had gotten medicines and also helped in taking care of household work, but then today in the evening, she had to go out for some work, so Kartik had taken full responsibility. He had done all the chores of the house while simultaneously taking care of Kairav.

He had even made food. Over the years, Kartik had also started cooking. It had started because of vansh. Kartik always wanted to do something special for vansh, so he had started learning how to cook, to make vansh food from his hand. He had eventually started to like the activity. Kartik in no way was a great cook, but he did make some good dishes.

Naira had asked Kartik ( more like she had asked Lisa who had told Kartik ) to make Kairav sleep in the guest bedroom room till she was sick. Naira didn't want Kairav to get sick because of her. Kairav had not wanted to, but had caved in for his sick mother. He was happy because at least his father slept beside him.

Kartik came out of the guest bedroom, took his medicines and started cleaning the kitchen. Kartik had made vegetable soup for Naira and had given it to her earlier. For a moment they all seemed like a normal family, husband and wife with a kid, but the reality was far from it.

Kartik hated seeing Naira sick. It was true then, and it was true now. He thought that his feelings, his concern for her might have changed, because of their current horrible circumstances, but that hadn't happened, but that also didn't mean that he had suddenly forgiven her. Was he angry at her ? Yes. Was he concerned about her health ? Yes. Did he want her to be okay ? Most definitely. But did that mean that he had forgiven her ? Not a fucking chance.

But seeing her sick, his old feelings had resurfaced. He remembered the past time, how he used to take extra special care of her, whenever she fell sick, the way he would stay awake all night, feed her food and medicines with his own hand, make her lie down with her head on his lap and then press her head, hug her throughout the night, would show her even more affection than usual......

Kartik shook his head. Now was not the time to loose himself in something which was now lost in the past. As he cleaned the kitchen, he suddenly realised that he hadn't checked on Naira since he had given her dinner and medicines, which was quite some time ago.

As he came near her bedroom door, a sense of dread filled him. It was the first time he was going to be alone in her bedroom with her. The first 2 days Lisa had taken care of Naira, and even today after lisa had gone, he had entered the room once, to give her dinner and medicine, and even then also Kairav was with him.

Kartik calmed himself down and steeled himself. He would simply ask her, if she was okay and then would go to the guest bedroom, to get some rest.

He slowly opened the door and poked his head inside. Naira was lying on the bed, she groaned as she twisted herself to look at him. Kartik slowly moved toward the perch of the side of the bed.

Kartik :- hey, how do you feel ?

Naira :- vaise hi, i know ki kal se better feel karoongi. Thanks, mera khayal rakhne ke liye.

Kartik nodded :- it's ok. Maine Kairav ko sula diya hai. Ussey khaana bhi khila diya, uska homework bhi karwa diya and sone se pehle teeth bhi brush karwa diye the.

Naira slumped back against the pillows.

Naira :- sachi!!??

Kartik looked taken aback considering how teary she sounded.

Kartik :- naira, are you okay ?

He didn't mean the cold. He meant emotionally, the way she was looking at him, her expression so fragile and open, it surprised him. He wasn't used to her looking at him with so much emotion, not since they have met again.

Naira :- you are so good to me Kartik, itna toh main deserve bhi nahi karti. Tum abhi tak yahi ho.

Naira turned her face away. Kartik was puzzled. Why was she behaving this way ? Was it the cold, or the medicine ?

Kartik :- of course, main iss halat mein tumhe akela kaisa chodta.

Naira sniffles, reaching for a tissue, and Kartik was startled to realize that she was crying.

Kartik :- Naira, kya hua ? Tum ro kyun rahi ho ?

Kartik sits down on the bed, and helps her in sitting up. She slumps against his side, Kartik wraps his arms around her, as she sniffles quietly.

It strikes him, then. This was the first time, where he was properly holding Naira in five years. She felt so warm and soft against him, her head fitting right into the crook of his neck like muscle memory. Kartik wanted to be furious with himself, for losing control of his emotions, for crossing the line, but not when Naira was in a condition like this, instead he rubbed her back smoothly.

Naira :- I feel sick, Kartik.

Kartik :- of course, tumhe cold hai.

Naira :- nahi, vaise nahi. Ye sab jo ho raha hai, uski wajah se I am not fine.

Kartik :- naira, mughe kuch samajh nahi aa raha.

Naira :- I am sorry Kartik.

Kartik stilled.

Naira :- I am so sorry. For leaving. For never telling you about Kairav. For all of it.

Naira shivered, Kartik's other hand also comes up to her back, as he holds her closer to warm her.

Naira :- jab bhi main tumhe Kairav ke saath dekhti hoon, mughe bas guilt mehsoos hota hai, Kairav aur tumhe mile bas kuch hafte hue hai, jabki tumhe uski zindagi mein bahut pehle se hona chahiye tha, and it's my fault ki tum uske saath nahi the.

Kartik was left speechless, unsure of what to say. Lisa had told him many times that Naira felt terrible for keeping Kairav a secret from him, but he had never believed it, but now seeing her like this, so vulnerable, so full of guilt, the anger, the rage he had felt towards her, dries up. He had wondered, vaguely, if she really felt sorry. But now he couldn't deny, what was in front of him.

Naira :- aisa kitni baari hua, jab main tumhe Kairav ke baare mein batana chahti thi. Mughe aaj bhi yaad hai vo din, jab Kairav paida hua tha, maine ussey apni baahon mein pakda hua tha, aur jab maine ussey dekha, vo bilkul tumhari tarah lag raha tha, main andar se toot gayi thi, baar baar bas ek hi baat mann mein thi, ki phone karoon aur tumhe bata doon. Par jab bhi phone karti, kabhi himmat hi nahi hui, kuch bolne ki.

Kartik asked softly :- kyun Naira ?

This wasn't the best time to have this conversation, but Kartik couldn't stop himself.

Naira :- kyunki main bahut darr gayi thi, tumhara poocha sawal, har time mere kaano mein goonjta rehta tha, mughe dar tha, agar Kairav ko dekh ke, tumne phir se mujhse vo sawal pooch liya, toh main poora toot jaati, par jab tak ye ehsaas hua, ki aisa kuch nahi hoga, tab tak bahut der ho chuki thi.

Kartik :- naira, main.........

What the fuck was he supposed to say ? Naira mumbled something incoherent into his shoulder, her body shaking again. Kartik instinctively began to stroke her back, an engrained motion that he does without even considering, learned from too many years of loving her.

Naira :- par phir bhi maine jo bhi kiya, vo bahut galat tha. I know ki tum mujhse nafrat karte ho, and sach kahoon toh I can't even blame you for it.

Kartik said softly :- nahi, Naira. I don't hate you. I can never hate you. Na kabhi nafrat kari hai, aur na kabhi kar paunga.

Maybe he should. But there's something in him that rejects the idea wholly. The idea of hating Naira makes him sick to his fucking stomach.

Naira :- you should, main tumhari jagah hoti toh main karti.

Kartik :- nahi Naira, tum bhi nahi Karti. Hum dono kitna bhi ek dusre se lad le, naraz ho jaye, par hum dono kabhi bhi ek dusre se nafrat nahi kar sakte.

Kartik's not sure what compels him to be so honest with her right now, maybe because of how vulnerable she was feeling, finally talking her heart out or maybe the weeks and weeks of anger and bitterness and bottled up emotions were finally dissipating, leaving room for old memories to resurface or maybe the fact, that holding her while she cries, comforting her in her pain, reminds him of a time when they had loved each other more than anything.

Maybe some part of his heart desperately yearns for that feeling again, of having someone who wants him so completely. Naira sniffles again.

Naira :- shayad tum thik keh rahe ho, itni problems ke baad bhi I couldn't hate you. You gave me, the best thing in my life.

Kartik closed his eyes, he understood what she meant. No matter how furious he was with Naira, no matter how much rage he felt, nothing will ever outweigh the fact that she is the reason he has Kairav at all.

Naira :- par kabhi kabhi mughe khud pe gussa aata hai, I feel really guilty, kaash mere mein itni himmat hoti, ki main tumhe sach bata paati.

Kartik let her words sink in. The raw honesty of her words shakes him, he never would have guessed that Naira was grappling with so much self loathing, almost drowning in guilt. No wonder she's pouring all this on him now. He knew better than anyone, what's it like to drown in guilt, day and night, after all he had suffered from that guilt for five years.

But it was strange as well. Naira had always been the bravest person he knew. Did the thought of facing him, telling him the truth, honestly terrify her so much ?

Kartik :- I wish you had.

Naira :- you are such a good dad Kartik. Main hamesha se jaanti thi, ki tum bahut ache father banoge. Tumhara dil hamesha se hi bahut bada hai. Main jab bhi Kairav ko tumhare saath itna Khush dekhti hoon, mughe bahut khushi hoti hai, but agle hi pal, ye guilt aa jaata hai, ki tum hamesha se uske saath nahi the.

Naira shudders in his arms. Kartik rubs her back and soothes her hair. Something inside him twisted like a knife in his gut seeing her so upset.

Kartik :- naira, i won't deny it, I am very angry at you for hiding Kairav, aur pata nahi, ki shayad maaf kar paon bhi ya nahi, lekin jo hona tha vo ho gaya, hum kuch bhi karein, vo paanch saal ab kabhi vaapas nahi aenge, we need to accept the reality and try to move on, hum bas aage badhne ke siva aur kuch nahi kar sakte. Bhale hi main, Kairav ki life mein pehle se nahi tha, I am still glad ki ab main uski life mein hoon. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me and nothing can change that.

It's been so little time that he's had with Kairav, and yet Kartik finds it impossible to even consider his life without Kairav in it anymore.

Naira :- oh god, I am such a mess, I am sorry for dumping this all on you, you have been so nice to me, taking care of me and Kairav.

Kartik :- it's okay.

Naira :- no it's not, kabhi kabhi I just pretend to forget it all, ki ye sab kabhi hua hi nahi, ki hum kabhi alag hue hi nahi, ki kabhi kuch badla hi nahi.

Kartik's heart races at her words. He knows it's impossible, but right now, holding her in his arms, it's hard to deny how much he wished for them to go back to the time before she had left. If he had the chance, he would make sure that he didn't lose her, he would make sure that the cursed night never happened.

Naira whispered as if she was confessing :- i just miss you so much.

Kartik admits :- I miss you too Naira.

The words stick in his throat, because of how true they were. It's a stupid thing to say, especially when Naira's already upset and vulnerable, but he can't help himself. They don't say anything else, Kartik just holds her, stroking patterns across her back, trying to soothe her soft cries. Finally they die down, and he realizes it's because she had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

Gently, he eases her back down into the bed, resting her head on the pillows and tucking her hair out of her face. Her cheeks are still shiny with tears, so he swipes at them softly, running his thumb across her cheekbones. She looks angelic laying there, even with puffy eyes and a reddish nose.

Memories hit him like a truck, waking up with her next to him, the feel of her body wrapped in his arms, the two of them curled up in their bed together. His heart yearns for it, for him to climb in next to her and pull her close underneath all the blankets. To go back to how they used to be. To feel her soft body against his own, let her warmth and her scent pull him under.

Kartik blinked and shook his head. What the fuck was he doing, thinking like that ? He stands, even though his heart is screaming at him to stay, to lay beside Naira. But he can't. That was a dangerous path to go down. He can't just forget everything that has happened because of a few golden memories. Slowly, Kartik made his way back to the door. But even so, he couldn't help but take one last look.

Kartik retreats down the hall to the guest bedroom where Kairav was sleeping. The moment he was alone in the dark, that longing melts away, replaced with common sense.

What the fuck was he thinking, dreaming about being with Naira again, getting lost in good memories? Things won't suddenly go back to how they were, and the sooner he memorizes that, the better. Entertaining ideas of how they used to be will just cause him more pain in the end. This is where they are now, and nothing can change that.

Slowly he moved towards the bed and lied down beside Kairav. Looking at Kairav's innocent face, he is reminded again of the terrible pain and guilt he had suffered for five years. He can't ignore everything that had happened. He can't let Naira's confessions erase their past.

He just can't.

A/N :- So guys, how was it ? Please vote and tell me in the comments.