With a pouding heart
The next morning my stomach was upset. I slid out of the bed, but then sat on the floor for a while. Had he worked out his lusts on Patty Park last night? Was everything going back to normal now?
Normal? I corrected myself. Even if he had come to his senses, I wasn't thinking about him any less. Suddenly I panicked, what if he did and he decided to tell the school I was into him? I had to admit that no one else put butterflies in my stomach by making a blunt comment.
The thought of Draco with Park made me sick.
"Ah Joanne, you're up", Hermione entered cheerfully. She closed the door, turned back to me and then frowned: "What's wrong?" I shrugged as I got up from the floor.
"I'm not feeling well", I mumbled. Her eyebrows lifted and she asked: "You can go to class later, right? Tomorrow is the weekend, then you can be sick."
I sighed at her typical comment.
"How was detention? You were back late!" she now followed and I once again shrugged.
"I think that's why I'm ill!" I replied. She looked at me with obvious pity for a moment and then rushed me so that I wouldn't miss the breakfast table. I slid in between George and Ron and subtly searched the Slytherin table.
Malfoy was not there and neither was Park. My heart sank into my shoes and yet I was somewhat relieved. Never before had I been so confused by my own emotions and feelings.
Moments later, I quietly followed Fred, George and Leo out of the great hall on my way to Muggle Studies. The day slowly progressed and my friends started to worry.
"Hey, Joanne. Maybe you should go to the hospital wing after all?" Leo suggested during the Transfiguration lesson.
"Oh, I can handle it for another two hours",I answered faintly. I knew that Madame Pomfrey would immediately know that I was not ill at all. The only trouble was that the very last hour was History of Magic. That meant Draco Malfoy and Patty Park would be within my line of sight.
They could have been the newest couple now. I slowly sauntered through the corridors and for a moment considered going to Madame Pomfrey afterall. I arrived last, but Professor Binns was already used to that.
He knew I had to walk a lot farther than the others and probably assumed my lesson had just been a little longer today. I walked right to my seat next to Hermione and took my things out of my bag. It wasn't until the whole class was taking notes that my eyes drifted to the Slytherin side of the room.
A spark of hope bubbled up in my head when I saw that Malfoy and Park were each in their own place, not next to each other. I turned my eyes back to my paper and noticed that there was nothing meaningful written on it. Hermione was sitting next to me writing fiercely and I decided to give up for this lesson. I scribbled on my sheet and let my eyes slide back to Malfoy.
Maybe I looked at him too long, because suddenly he looked up. I quickly turned my gaze to my paper and cursed myself in silence. As if I had no control over them, my eyes shot back for a moment. For a second I looked straight into his eyes. The corner of his left mouth lifted for a moment and he turned his gaze back to Professor Binns.
My body no longer felt familiar. Heat tickled all my limbs from that one curl in his lips. Stop, I thought to myself Don't let him get you so crazy!
When class was over a little later, Hermione looked at my empty parchement and frowned.
"You really are sick today", she concluded. I shrugged and to my relief, Hermione decided to copy her notes for me.
As Slytherin streamed out, I watched Park arrogantly walk past Malfoy. Could she have turned him down? I could hardly imagine that. For a Slytherin, Malfoy was a catch.
I joined my friends in the hallway on the way to the great hall. "Some food in your belly and then you can go to bed!" Hermione said pedantically and I left her be. I didn't feel like commenting.
"Oh Hermione, it's the weekend, she better..."
I didn't hear the rest. While my friends argued about what I should or shouldn't do, I had been looking around more than they did and, unlike them, hadn't looked over the blond boy.
Malfoy was half hidden in the hallway and looked at me.
"Hey, guys", I heard my own voice "you go on, but I have to go to the toilet first." I put my hand on my stomach and grimaced. They gave me looks of compassion and walked around the corner.
I quickly looked around to make sure no one else was there. Then I walked up to him.
"What...?" I started, but he interrupted me.
"I could not do it", he confessed. I stared at him for a moment. He took my arm and pulled me into an empty classroom. "I tried," he wailed, once inside "but I just couldn't."
I stared at him again, thinking this was not really happening. He didn't wait for an answer, but stepped in closer and kissed me, so passionate, so sincerely. I had abandoned the idea that this was part of a silly joke. Still, I pushed him away.
"Malfoy .. uh..Draco... I ..", I stammered, but he put his index finger to my surprised lips.
"Be quiet", he whispered. I closed my eyes and felt a burning desire to put my arms around him. Instead, I pushed it away again, a bit more gently this time.
"what?"
"Draco ... I don't know if this is a good idea."
"I kissed Patty yesterday", he said and I couldn't keep a straight face. "When she got into it, it was very clear to me that I didn't want her."
"That's why she's..."
"Yes," he interrupted "but that's not important. I didn't want her. I want you, only you."
He took my hand and I did not pull it away.
"What do you want?" he asked, now taking my second hand.
"What do you mean?"
"Would you like to kiss me?"
"I don't think it is possible."
"Not an answer to my question, Joanne. Now don't think about our , parents, friends or the rest of the world. It's just you and me, here and now, may I kiss you? "
His eyes squinted into mine so tenderly that I almost lost the feeling in my legs. I let my hands gently be pulled towards him.
"Yes" I whispered quietly.
"Then why wouldn't it be right?" He whispered back, his hands now sliding down to my hips.
He leaned forward and I put my forehead against his chin. "No", I whispered weakly. "The rest of the world ís there." His strong arms closed in on me and pulled me closer.
His jaw pushed my head gently against his chest and a warmth engulfed me. I never wanted to leave this lovely embrace again. He said nothing, I said nothing. We didn't have to say anything to understand ... Love is complicated.
Moments later, I pulled myself back out of the warmth of his embrace.
"People are waiting for me." He nodded and gave me a gloomy look.
"Joanne", he whispered. "I don't think I can make it without you."
I knew what he meant. Now that we had admitted to ourselves and each other that we had feelings for each other that were stronger than the fear for the rest of the world, things just got more difficult.
I pressed my lips against his and whispered : "We'll find a way." I left the room to go to the great hall, where I ate in silence. Then I listened to Hermione and got into bed.
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