Taehyung's POV.

My heart is heavy after I see the members having dinner without me.

Even Jungkook.

He is smiling without any care of his crying hyung who is watching sadly across the street.

I can't believe I had thought that maybe, just maybe, he felt genuinely sorry for treating me like he had. I had been so wrong.

I had been the dumb blonde in the group, an American man had even once told me that.

And I hated it.

I hated being the 'dumb blonde' of the group. I wanted to be the best in something. Anything.

I wanted to appreciated.

But the thought is even laughable. The members would probably pummel down the dream before I could even speak out loud my ideas.

They always stopped me from doing well in something. I wasn't sure why, but a part of me loathed them for it. For stopping me from reaching my goals.

I remember when I had written a song for the band, and had been absolutely delighted to present it to the others. When I had shown them they had turned up their noses at the song, tossed it carelessly in the bin and added in a few colourful comments to both me and the lyrics. A few weeks later, however, the song was published and labeled under Yoongi's name.

I had thought it was a mistake.

Now however I feel as though they had it had been done on purpose. I clench my jaw, my teeth grinding harshly together as I walk down the streets, eyes set heavily on the signs that would lead me to the house.

It was never my home.

It had never felt like a home.

The place was just a house where I would have to fulfil my needs. A place where I was forced to stay.

The anger towards the members consume me now.

What have I ever done to them? I had never acted with harshness nor spoken ill of any of them so why, why did they hate me so much.

No, no. They love you. V drawls sarcastically. Honestly Taehyung, what's there to not hate?

I can't help but let the tears that I have been so desperately holding in fall.

I am not enough.

I was never enough.

I will never be enough.

I am always the second choice. The boy that lingered in the background, hoping to be noticed. The member who was only appreciated for his looks, and teased for his alien-like personality. The extra baggage.

I was never wanted. Not even needed.

Choked sobs tumble from my lips, silvery liquid tricking down my cheeks as proof of my breakdown. My body is quivering like a leaf in the raging storm, and every step is a struggle.

I want to be back in my bed. In my own room because of the members absolute disgust to share one with me. I wanted to be in the stone like surface of the bed with the equally hard pillow, paired with the thin sheets that were little help during the icy winters.

I never complained though.

I never complained after seeing the other's fluffy pillows, large quilts or queen beds. I never complained after being handed a bowl of cold cereal while the others were fed grand meals that I could only dream of having.

I always kept my mouth shut. Silent.

But now I am wondering if it is the right thing. To stay silent. I do deserve a chance at happiness, don't I?

Selfish.

What was I thinking? My wellbeing shouldn't matter.

I am one out of seven.

I am not important. I am useless. I am worthless.

I am nothing.

________________

I am shivering, goosebumps coming to life over my exposed arms. The wind is whispering quietly around me, biting at my ankles.

My back is pressed against the rough wall, knees drawn to my chest as I try and conserve as much body heat as possible.

My foolishness to not take any of belongings after fleeing from the studio was now showing its colours.

I had forgotten to take the keys.

So now here I am, the day slowly drawing to an end, huddled next to the door as I await the member's arrival.

For anyone walking by I would've looked like a beggar in the too large shirt and faded, ripped jeans.

I am freezing, the tips of my fingers now becoming numb as the wind howled once again, screaming over the small city.

My eyes are drooping but I know better than to fall asleep. Who knew if Namjoon was still angry with me? I knew that the moment I heard them arriving I would have to hide, slipping in after all of them had filled in.

______________________

It is 4.37 in the morning.

My eyes are bright red and ache from the lack of sleep. The action of blinking hurts.

I cannot feel the cold around me, my body completely numb to the temperature. My muscles are stiff and every moment would send sparks of pain shooting up my side.

Where could they be?

Somewhere without you. V sneers. They don't want to see your ugly face.

The familiar burn in my chest returns at his words, and I blink back my tears, internally wincing from the simple gesture.

Then I hear them.

Quiet groans and curses that grow as they draw closer. My eyes widen and I scramble to my feet, grimacing at the pain, tucking myself under a large plant that stood a few metres away.

"Ah fuck."Yoongi grumbles, rubbing his forehead as the group emerges into view,"I knew we should've booked that stupid hotel."

Jimin nods, resting his head against his shoulder as he closes his eyes,"Damn right. I'm spent."

Jin is the only who seems normal, face slightly pink from supporting a drunk Namjoon who was slurring incomprehensible sentences into his ear, making the older flush a brilliant shade of red.

"I told you guys not to drink."Jin tuts,"It's your fault that you ended up like this."

Yoongi only scowls, flipping him off,"Shut the fuck up."

"I'm your hyung! Show some respect!"

Yoongi only mumbles a string of curses that Jin purses his lips to, acting as though he had not heard anything.

"Hurry up and open the fucking door."

My heart jumps at the sound of the familiar voice, palms beginning to become clammy.

What am I doing? He doesn't care. He hates you just like the others.

I smile sadly from where I am hiding, the obvious truth slamming against my chest.

Die, you worthless bitch.

Go kill yourself.

No one cares about you.

Freak!

Retard.

Alien.

Fat.

Chubby, ass bitch.

Mistake.

I am suddenly craving for the rusted metal hidden in the depths of bathroom drawers.

______________________

Few more days till our baby's birthday! >.<

Hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas!