-that video is by AngelDove on YouTube, they make all sorts of SPN music videos. Love them all.-

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 END IF YOU'VE SEEN IT I NEED TO TALK I STILL HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS

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Dean-

I could hear Sam saying my name from inside the house, but I couldn't move from where I knelt next to Cas.

Rowena

I didn't care for the witch but it's still the same.

Crowley

He hadn't died trying to save his own skin. He had killed himself so Lucifer couldn't raise his son to be evil.

Mom

If she wasn't dead yet, she would be soon.

Cas

I blinked back more tears, but it didn't help. The full on power of Cas being dead on the ground was catching up to me. This was the first time I had seen him dead with a body on my hands. First he had been exploded, then washed up into a river. The he had been killed by April, but resurrected before I could really process it.

"Cas.." I muttered, grabbing the sides of his stupid trench coat.

"Dean! We need to go!" I could feel Sam pulling on my arm. "It's Jack! Uh, Lucifer's kid! Come on!"

"He's upstairs?" Didn't take my eyes off Cas.

"Yes! We need to go!"

"You go, Sammy."

"What?"

I stood up, still not looking at Sam, and turned around.

"That son of a bitch is going to bring Cas back."

I shoved Sam out the way before he could try to stop me and stormed through the door and up the stairs. I found the creature curled in a corner in his bedroom. It looked like he had aged a lot. I mean, he was like a teenager or young adult. He also was smiling.

"Bring him back!"

"Who?" His voice was smooth. Too much like Lucifer's

"You goddamn well know who, don't play games with me."

"I can kill you right now."

"WHY DON'T YOU?!"

He stood up, still completely concealed by shadow.

"If I bring him back, what do I get in return?"

"You get your life."

"Really? You can't kill me."

"Try me."

I heard Sam run as stop in the doorway, but I didn't care. He could hear this if he wanted too.

"You kill me right now, or you bring back Cas."

"Or?"

"Or I hunt you down and I slaughter you."

"I killed a prince of hell from inside the womb! I can take you out."

"I've already told you to do it."

"Dean. Let's go."

"Not without Cas alive or me dead."

"I don't have enough time for this. I've got people to kill. Clothes to find."

And he was gone.

"COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD!!"

"Dean. Dean!"

Sam grabbed my arm and dragged me out the front door. I was still screaming anything I could think of as Sammy pushed me into the passenger seat of the Impala. I sat in shock as he went around the back. When he came back around the corner, he was holding Cas. I flung the door open and stopped dead at the sight of Cas' body hanging limply in my brother's grip. I got into the backseat, biting back more tears. Sam didn't argue when I took Cas in my arms. He got in the front seat and started driving.

Cas was gone cold by the time we reached the bunker.

"Dean." Sam spoke for the first time since we got in the car. His voice was hoarse.

I shook my head. If I opened my mouth I would probably cry. Sam sighed and opened my door, pulling Cas out first. His skin was blue and his lips were chapped. His eyes were closed, his hair was mussed, he was lifeless. I got out of the car and didn't look at him again. I couldn't take it. I rushed to my room and grabbed a bottle of whisky. I heard Sam start to follow me, but I shut the door and locked it. I tipped the bottle to my lips and let the alcohol seep into my veins.

Pictures.

I chugged more as I dug through my desk, looking for any sign of pictures of the angel. I found a stack.

The first one was from the apocalypse, with Bobby and Ellen and Jo and Me, Sam, and him. The next was from the other universe, the one where Sammy said yes. The picture was from Dad's journal in that time, and had a picture of fallen Cas. One of them was Cas looking into the camera very confused, and I can remember him asking me what a selfie was, the next was blurry, from when Cas had dropped the Polaroid after it clicked and scared him. My favorite was a sneak picture I had taken of him trying to work a toaster in the kitchen while he was healing. Most of the others were in black and white, but this was in full color. A tear dripped onto the picture. I hadn't even noticed I was crying.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I have some stuff from.. From his coat. A lot of it's yours."

What could possibly be mine that was in his trench coat?

"Slide it under."

Sam sighed and slid a few things under my door. Cas' mixtape, a picture, a necklace, and his phone.

"I'm hanging the coat on your door. I know last time.."

"Thanks, Sammy." My voice cracked.

It's a gift. You keep those.

When I heard Sam's bedroom door shut, I opened mine and grabbed Cas' coat off the door. I slid the Zeppelin mixtape into my player and closed my eyes. I had originally given this to him when we went after Lucifer in the rock star suit. I had been meaning too for a while and I didn't know how long it would be until I saw him again after that.

The picture was the same one I had pulled out of his trench coat when he went I tot he river. It was still yellow and wrinkled, and it was clear that it had been folded over a few times.

I had never seen the necklace before. It had a green stone pendant on a gold chain. There was a note wrapped around the chain. I unfolded it. It said, very simply, FOR DEAN'S BIRTHDAY. It was a birthday gift. Cas had been running wild with the mother of Lucifer's child, and he has picked me out a birthday gift. I thought about hanging it on my wall or my lampshade, but I changed my mind and clipped it around my neck.

I pulled his coat towards me, feeling the familiar fabric in between my fingers. I ran my hand over the inside to search for anything hidden in   the inside pockets and my hand hit a soft, fluffy, thing. I pulled it out from a where it was stuck in the back of the jacket. It was a feather. A jet black downy feather.

There were about seven more, varying textures and sizes, going from pitch black to very dark blue. The one I found at the way bottom  was particularly long and the darkest. It was about the length of my elbow to the tips of my fingers. I took another swig of whisky, slipping the pictures into my pocket. I slid my hand down the feathers and sighed. The Zeppelin song changed to "When the Levee breaks."

I put my head in between my knees and took a deep breath.

He was gone.