Scour

/ˈskou(ə)r/

verb

subject (a place, text, etc.) to a thorough search in order to locate something

I made my way down the stairs, trying not to remember the various times I had carried Riley down them to arrive at the bomb shelter. The jet black haired girl in my arms hadn't spoken a word the entire trip, but, judging by her ragged breath, she was still conscious, which was all I was concerned with at that moment.

Nerves within my body were singed as the entirety of my being became engulfed with flames while I lost more blood with each step I took. Although I had been speaking reassuring messages to the young girl, I knew that she probably was preparing herself for death as that was what I would have done.

When I finally arrived to the bottom of the stairs, I found myself breathless and attempting to call out for help only to receive odd looks from other members of our society. Finally, a nurse caught eye of my figure holding the tiny one in my arms and she extended hers to take her away. I gladly obliged, knowing that there was little I could do beyond this point.

That was when the flashes resumed. I had been relatively lucky as the entire time I had been descending the stairs I had not seen Riley's face or body in front of me, yet, when the nurse took the young girl away, I caught sight of Riley's body being stripped away from me as the medics rushed her back to the colony under Luke's orders.

Despite knowing the young Irwin was already gone, the troops had not wanted to exhaust their leader's graciousness and took the body back to the colony to be pronounced deceased. I had not gone against Luke's idea as I had wanted to believe that there was something, anything, that could have been done for Riley.

But as I looked at the jet black haired girl being taken away from me, I knew that she would make it and that it was only the flashbacks that were affecting me like this. My body shook as I sat on a bench, not wanting to draw attention to my leg as it was not major and only needed to have it disinfected, which I could easily do once I returned to mine and Luke's room.

My head popped up at that thought, realizing that Luke was supposed to be in here, but as I searched through the people, I noticed that he wasn't within the large group of civilians. Blood pounded into my ears as I lost all sense of hearing due to my rapid heartbeat. Tears were filling my eyes as I struggled through the group and pushed people out of my way in an attempt to find the blonde haired boy.

Nevertheless, my pushes and scouring did me no good as I could not find the boy that I loved in the mess of people. I felt tears pour from my eyes as I thought of the possibility that he was out there in the disastrous areas affected by the bombing, that was until I heard his voice from behind me. He was speaking the exact same words about me, holding one of his men by his collar.

"She could be fucking dead and you dumbasses wouldn't know, would you?" he asked, spitting in the boy's face while I stood behind him in shock. Nothing really registered in my mind as I felt my heart return to its normal beating pattern upon seeing his lean frame in front of me. He was safe and threatening men about my safety as he always did, which set a fire off within my bones that indicated just how happy I was to see the boy before me unscathed.

"Luke," I finally spoke up, causing him to whip around quickly at the sound of my voice, eyes dilating as he took in my appearance before him. He was always reacting this way during bombings since the last time I had been found outside the bomb shelter; however, I knew that he had always been this concerned, just had no reason to react upon it.

"Lissa," he breathed out, his arms wrapping around me before I could fully react. He looked as though he had just found the missing piece in his life when I stood before him, as if he was lost in the world without me being there to guide him. I wrapped my arms around him, rubbing his back lightly as he tightened his grip upon my waist for the purpose of reassuring himself that I was with him.

His nose was stuck in my hair and smelling its scent, which I found to be weird as it most likely lost its flowery scent after I stepped out of the room to the dust filled halls; however, he still acted as though it was the best smell in the world. Meanwhile, I was stuck in my mind, holding him close as I thought of what my life would have been like had he not been down there.

Those moments prior to finding him affected my entire attitude as I assessed my exact thoughts that he was hurt or, worse, was never going to come back to me. He was my life preserver and the only person that I could trust in. He was my shelter when I was afraid, my companion when I needed to laugh, my therapist when I needed to confide in him, and, most of all, my love.

Luke was everything good in my life, which made my mind swirl as I thought that he may never be in my life again. We had not had enough time together. Our time together wasn't filled with complete distaste; however, I wouldn't describe it as happiness fully, which made me want that even more. I craved for our love to, at least for a week, not threatened with loss and death.

However, I knew that was impossible. We were within the largest rebellion against the government, of which my parents were the leaders, and we were currently at war with them. My stomach churned at the thought, knowing that some of these horrid deaths could have been prevented simply by our neglect to begin this war.

Had I accepted Luke's offer to leave, would all of this still happened? Would we have still been targets? As I thought more about it, I began to want that movement to take place: the movement of us and our loved ones leaving the colony so that we would be safe. I wasn't against the Raiders as a whole or the war, but I wanted us to be safe.

When I looked at it objectively, I wanted Luke to be safe and I wanted Calum and Moira to be safe as well, which left me with one option: to run away. My thoughts travelled to the young jet black haired girl and her life that she would endure if the war did not end well and we were all taken captive. She would be experimented on and taken hostage as I had two years ago.

Yet there I was, considering letting the entire empire of the Raiders crumble due to my crippling anxiety and stress due to Riley's death. There I was stuck in the past events that had happened to take multiple of my friends lives.

"Talk me out of it," I whispered into Luke's chest as I tried to fight off the thoughts that were now taking over my mind fully and developing entire life plans with Moira and Calum living next to Luke and I in a handmade log cabin in the middle of the woods as we hid from the government for the entirety of our existence.

"Out of what?" Luke asked, looking down on me with gentle curiosity as he clung to me in the only way he could while looking into my eyes. It was obvious that Luke was just as concerned as I was; however, he appeared to have grown accepting to the fact that either of us could die, which did not sit well with me.

"I want to leave," I finally whispered out as Luke's eyes widened at my statement. His pupils looked to be the size of saucers as I watched him attempt to calm himself only to fall back into his shocked expression. He shook his head, looking as though he were trying to wake himself from a dream, but this was not a dream at all. I was dead serious.

"What?" he asked lightly, not understanding what I was saying as I had expressed my inability to leave here only a few months ago, yet I was attempting to do so now. So much had changed in the past few months though between Ashton's disappearance and Riley's death, I was on edge with every step I took within the colony, which left a bitter taste within my mouth.

"I need you," I told him vaguely, which most likely only made him question my sanity even more; however, in my mind, it made complete sense. I needed him to live and breath beside me. I needed him to be alive and that was not going to happen if I was always scared that he would not survive into the next day. This wasn't living. What we were doing was suffocating, and I wasn't going to let that happen.

"I need you to stay alive," I began again, knowing that this was the best way to describe my fears to him. The only other way I knew how was to show him through my stress driven binging on alcohol, but I had nipped that in the bud with Moira's intervention. "And if we are here," I paused, looking down at our now intertwined hands as I imagined his calloused one not occupying the spot within mine.

"Luke, if we are here, then we both are always walking on eggshells," I explained as I found my hands coming up to cradle his face as I often did when I tried to convince him of something, but this time, he looked as though what I was saying was paining him to hear. I had no idea why he was so against the idea as he had offered it up only a few months prior.

Luke, the boy I loved, was trying to hide something from me, which was why I began to step away from him when his pained expression gradually turned to a regretful one. That was when I knew something was happening, but I had no idea what it was. I had no idea what I would be in for when the time finally came for me to learn what Luke was going to do.

So when he said those four words that I had wanted to hear desperately, I was shocked that I allowed him to switch his demeanor so easily. It wasn't that I was oblivious, I was just trying to find a way to forgive him without causing a scene. I wanted us to leave as soon as we could, and we couldn't do that if I yelled at him for hiding something small from me.

"Yeah, we can leave," he whispered in my ear, pecking underneath my ear lightly as I smiled into his hold and allowed myself to feel at home. Despite the questions I should have asked, I was too caught up in the 'perfect' life I had imagined for us. Had I only realized that he had something else planned, I would not have went along with it as easily as I did.

"Really?" I had asked excitedly, watching as he nodded his head while I jumped into his arms as excited as I thought I could ever be. All thoughts of my previous trauma with the young girl were forgotten as I ran my hands through his growing out hair and found my solace in the arms of my love.