Evoke

/əˈvōk/

verb

bring or recall to the conscious mind

The day came too quickly. It was when I stood in the mirror within mine and Luke's room that I realized that thought, smoothing out the imaginary wrinkles in my dress as I took a deep breath. Luke stood in the corner of the room, speaking to Calum in whispers as Moira stood next to me, telling me small things that were meant to calm me while I stood in silence, simply trying to hold back my tears.

"Okay, look," Moira finally spoke, grabbing my attention as I caught onto the sadness in her tone. While I appreciated the way she tried to look on the bright side, in that moment, I wanted her to be as twisted as I was and be wondering the same things that I was. Nevertheless, she stood wearing her black dress with her dark skin tone blending slightly with the fabric as her blue eyes gazed at me with sympathy.

"I know that you don't want to think about the happy memories you had with Riley," she began, looking into my eyes as she spoke every word. She wrung her hands together as though she were unsure of what to do with them. Since Riley's death, I had been less open to the thought of affection between friends, taking her off guard as she had only met me a few weeks prior to the young girl's death.

"But right now you are about to bury that little girl and she deserves so much better than you standing beside her grave feeling sorry for yourself and what you have lost," she told me in a low and threatening tone. While I recognized the hostile tone, I saw the sympathy and pain within her eyes as she said these things to me. She didn't like doing this at all, but it had to be done.

"So you don't get to stand there thinking only about yourself," she continued, handing me a tissue as tears began to stream down my face. I nodded half heartedly as I calmed my emotions in order to retain what little hope I had left that this was actually going to mean something in the end.

While I stood there taking in the words of advice Moira had offered, Luke came over, wrapping his arms around my small frame as Moira moved away in Calum's. Nothing was said as silence encompassed the whole room, creating a sound that was easily determined to be louder than any bombing or attack made upon the colony.

I had always found silence to be a funny thing because there were times like these when silence was blaringly loud while other times it provided the solace needed to continue on with a terrible task. As Luke guided my stiff body down the hallway, dozens of citizens of the colony forming rows in the hallway and joining the procession after our small group of four past, I remembered all of the memories in my mind that attributed to the peaceful silence I spoke of previously.

All of those peaceful moments when I found solace in the absence of sound involved Riley as she ran through the halls of the colony or walked so quietly into my room during nights when she could not sleep. Therefore, my attempt of calming my emotions only caused them to skyrocket as I tried to hold back my tears.

The casket was open when we approached, allowing the front people to receive one last look before it closed and led the large group toward Riley's final resting place. As my eyes met with the young girl's frame, I noticed the impeccable job of all of the people involved with her burial. Her makeup made her appear a bit older and less pale as her brown hair fanned out around her head like an angel's would.

A gasp emitted from Moira as she noticed the final touch I had made on Riley's outfit: the flower crown that Riley had made only moments before the bomb struck. Tears formulated in my eyes as I saw the flash of light reflect in my eyelids any time I attempted to close them; however, when I came to face Riley, I could only see a peaceful girl lying as if she were asleep.

My hand, which had been attached to Luke's the entire trip, detached from Luke's as I made my way toward Riley. Shakes took over my body as I found my eyes being met with the uncontrollable movement of my hands when I moved toward Riley. I could sense all of the eyes on me, but nothing seemed to matter much to me as I brought my hands down to hold her cold one in mine.

A breath released from my parted lips as I tried to recover my sanity while feeling the unusual coolness of Riley's skin. My lips quaked as I brought them down to place a small peck upon the young girl's forehead: a gesture that I had often done in the three years I had known her.

"Say hi to Mikey for me, yeah?" I asked her quietly, obviously in tune to the fact that she was already gone, but my mind wanted to believe that she still heard me. My heart and mind wanted desperately to have one last conversation, one last moment, with the young brunette before me. In all honesty, I don't think I would have settled for one last moment because I would have pleaded for more and more after that.

Instead, I wanted her whole lifetime. I wanted to have been able to watch her walk down the aisle toward the man of her dreams while Luke held her arm in a ceremonious fashion. Selfishly, I wanted to be able to have people walk up to me and claim that I was a fantastic sister for being able to step into a role that was never supposed to be mine with elegance.

Most of all, I wanted to hear her ask her young questions. I wanted to be able to help her in all of her studies and future endeavors in a way that no other person could have. Some part of me was connected to her far more than it should have been, and for that, I was grateful. However, in a way, I was annoyed with the way my heart insisted on becoming entwined with those that leave too soon.

Luke's arm came around my wrist soon after I placed my last kiss on Riley's forehead, pulling me away from the casket as the top was lowered over her frame and secured while the sound of music began to fill the surrounding area of the hangar. Determined steps were made as the large group made its way toward the familiar willow tree, my heart aching with each passing step.

The casket swayed with each synchronized movement, causing my heart to beat widely in my chest as I thought of what would happen if they were to drop her. Despite Riley's absence from her body, my emotions still remained attached to her small frame that was hidden within that block of mahogany wood.

Luke's hand tightened on mine as tears streamed down my face with each beat of music that passed. The dreary melody of 'Amazing Grace' filled the air around the entire group of colonists as we stopped next to the plot of land that was located directly beside Michael's gravestone. While Janice occupied the area to the right of Michael, Riley's tombstone was already placed to the right.

Snot rolled from my nose as I wiped it away quickly; however, Luke noticed and provided me with tissues quietly, not asking a question. I muttered some sort of gratitude under my breath as I watched the officiant assume his position and begin to carry out his duty.

Statements of Riley's eternal happiness were thrown around as if they would help the grieving hearts present at her funeral. While I had picked out the ceremony and knew exactly what to expect, I couldn't help but ball my fists at the officiant's assumption that his general statements about heaven being Riley's final resting place would help to clear all sadness from her family.

"From the gospel of Matthew we learn of the Lord's blessings for those of us who cherish Riley's life as it states, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted,'" the officiant rattled off, causing my eyes roll while I stared at the ground in a vain attempt to hide my pain from the afflictive glances of others.

The notion that some Bible verse was going to make me feel any better for losing a loved one was a bit mocking as I felt the hole in my heart increase with every second that we stood in the summer weather. In drastic comparison to Michael's funeral, which was ten months prior to Riley's, the sun was out and the highest temperature was warm enough to make me want to walk around in a tank top.

However, as I stood by the gravesite, watching Riley's body slowly being lowered, I felt too many chills filling my being. With the rate I was reacting, it might as well have been in the middle of winter with snow flakes falling and gracing my blonde hair. The man before us spoke his final remarks before praying and asking the Lord to comfort us as His word promised.

As the service continued, I found myself zoning out, looking around the field surrounding our 'gravesite' for a piece of nature to distract me. When I finally came across something, I noticed quite quickly that it was not a thing of nature that was standing upon two legs, leaning against the stump of a tree about five-hundred yards away.

My body froze, half expecting some sort of attack; however, when nothing came and the shadow simply stood there, most likely staring at the massive group of people and lowering casket, my heart felt a tug at it. I shook my head, thinking that the black shadow that was far off was a mirage as it held the same stature as Ashton.

I told myself that it was all wishful thinking that Ashton, the boy that had disappeared so long ago, would be back for his sister's burial. However, when I turned back, the shadow was still there, looming against the tree as though he had a certain purpose for being, which was obviously not to harm the large group of colonist.

Suddenly, a nudge of my arm caused me to look away from the shadow and toward Luke who made a face as though to ask if I was okay. I nodded before noticing that we were supposed to go forward for the last portion of the ceremony.

The final segment of the funeral consisted of Luke, Calum, Moira, and I dropping a lilac into the ground to cover the top of her casket. As I found myself approaching the hole in the ground, my eyes came across the calligraphy covering a cement stone, which ironically cemented the date of Riley's death in my mind for all of my later years in life.

Exquisite handwriting spelled out the beautiful name of the angel lying before us in her place of burial, closely followed by her date of birth and death. My breath caught in my throat as I read the lines one after another.

Riley Felicity Irwin

30 August 2151

30 August 2162

The words inscribed under the dates was picked by Luke and simply said, 'The eternal princess.' Luke's hand came to rest on my back as I found myself jumping at his slight touch. He furrowed his eyebrows at this, not knowing why I was in such deep thought in that moment; however, I knew exactly why I was zoning out as I stared at the gravestone in front of me.

Her birthdate was stated twice upon the stone, each one set eleven years apart as I closed my eyes in fear that I would lose control of my emotions in front of the large crowd. My sweet, princess-worthy, younger sister had died on her birthday and I could not have saved her.

Never before had the notion settled into my skin, even after receiving copies of her birth and death certificates to keep for our own personal use, I still never felt the full impact; however, as I looked down at the mahogany casket and back up to the stone, I finally realized the full effect and was grappling with the idea of it as I held the lilac tightly in my hand.

While the others dropped theirs ceremoniously, I remained still, silently pleading for this to all be a dream, but when I would open my eyes, I still was faced with the cement stone in front of the willow tree.Taking another deep breath, I saw all of the memories that I had been battling before leaving Luke and I's room.

The moment Riley and I met, her first adventure with me in the halls as we attempted to find the storm shelter, her confidence in me as she shared her personal stories, her ability to calm me as I worried as to where Luke was in certain raids, her willingness to remain by my side despite my instability, her happiness with my crude way of parenting.

All of it was there as I stared down into the hole before me, knowing what I had to do; however, I knew that I wasn't entirely ready for the repercussions of dropping my last close resemblance of Riley into the grave to be buried with her. I wasn't ready to let go of her just yet.

"It's okay," Luke whispered into my ear as I cried silently, tears streaming down my cheeks. My eyes found his, the blue of his shining through the lost gray color of mine. With my instincts kicking in, I looked over my shoulder to find the shadow still standing against the tree, careful not to move much as they remained in the same spot for the whole service from what I had seen.

The lump in my throat grew larger and larger as I looked at the stone one last time before holding the lilac out and dropping it with a small cry escaping my lips. Moments later, dirt was being shoveled into the hole to cover the casket while the crowd dispersed to return to their normal duties; however, as I looked back over my shoulder, something was surely different about the area where the shadow was standing.

The manly shadow that reminded me so much of Ashton wasn't there. A chill ran through my spine as I thought of all the possibilities, but when nothing took place, I began looking at my trustworthiness. Had Riley's death really caused me to begin hallucinating? I shook my head at the notion; however, when I thought of it later that night, it made complete sense. But then the question still remained:

Was I really crazy?