Prostrate

/ˈprästrāt/

verb

(of distress, exhaustion, or illness) reduce (someone) to extreme physical weakness

The day of Riley's birthday came so soon, causing me to become a bit maternal in instinct and cry over how old she was getting; however, once Riley entered the room, I became overjoyed with an instinct that should probably only be for an older sister as I was properly happy to see the girl I considered to be a younger sister become older and grow into womanhood.

Over the past few weeks, Luke and I tried to determine what type of party Riley would want as normal parents would, but we were struck with little to no ideas as the days drew shorter and the time grew less. Luke suggested a party within the city, allowing only the five us to travel into the city and give her an experience there; however, I shot down his idea rapidly, stating it was too dangerous.

Meanwhile, Riley grew adamant about only wanting Moira and I at her party, neglecting to invite any of her friends her age. Luke wrote it off as a preteen angst, but I was worried about her as she had never expressed disinterest in her friends like this. When I finally got around to confronting her about the issue, she seemed insistent about not allowing her friends of younger ages.

"They only talk about stupid stuff like boys and kissing, and I don't like any of the boys my age," she told me with a disgusted look covering her face. I had to laugh at her statement, understanding her reasoning completely as Janice and I had gone through the same complications within the lab.

When I explained this to Luke, he laughed and stated that he was proud of his girl for knowing that boys are off limits until she was thirty; however, with that statement I slapped his chest and found myself rolling my eyes. Since becoming Riley's guardian, Luke seemed more protective over the eleven year old, but I shrugged it off, knowing that she needed him to be like that if Ashton wasn't here to.

"You know that I am never going to allow you around that girl's boyfriends, right?" I asked him late at night the day before Riley's 'party.' He merely chuckled at my statement and said that he accepted the challenge before placing a chaste kiss onto my cheek and lying down to sleep.

When Moira and I were finally able to lead Riley away from the colony for a few minutes, we brought the eleven year old to one of the only places we thought she would love. While most children requested stuffed animals or games for their birthdays, Riley never really made demands, always stating that she felt blessed with all that she already had.

As I took the eleven year old's hand in mine, leading her blind frame through the woods as a blindfold covered her closed hazel eyes, I found myself in awe of the young girl's maturity and perseverance. I had never been able to find the strength she held within myself, even when Luke had rescued me from the clutches of that laboratory.

The feeling within me to protect the brunette standing beside me was overwhelming in all aspects of the word. I could acknowledge and accept the fact that I would never resume a mother-like position in her life, but I felt led to inhabit the sister position to her, hence my dramatic change in character since the moment I met her when she was a young six year old.

"Can I open them yet?" she asked calmly, blowing a piece of hair out of her face as she continued walking in time with Moira and I. Despite the cuteness of her question, I found myself at odds with Riley as I tried to control my temper that she had been trying since we left the steps of the colony. Apparently, the young girl thought it was funny to annoy me by asking if we were there yet every ten minutes.

"Not yet," I told her, following it with the assurance that she would get there soon. As we approached the field that had struck me as the exact place a child like Riley would want to go, I smiled widely and looked over to Moira who held the same expression despite only knowing Riley for a few days.

Riley was one of those people that could come into your life and take it over without you voicing a single complaint. She was a rose in a garden full of weeds as she reflected the light of the sun off brighter than any other flower or thistle in the world could.

"Okay," I said finally, removing the blindfold as she jumped in excitement. "Open your eyes," I whispered into her ear, having to bend down to do so; however, the outrageous cry of joy was well worth the minutes of torment as we walked out here. Her small voice carried throughout the expanse of the open air as I tried to keep up with her running and jumping figure through the flowers.

A field filled with lilacs and daisies covered the expanse of the acre, leaving the trees along the outskirts barely visible as they were beyond the hills surrounding parts of the area. Cries of joy and laughter seeped into my veins as I found tears welling within my eyes, finally being able to pat myself on the back and tell myself that I was doing this right.

When Ashton had disappeared, I thought that I would ruin Riley due to my personality and overall disposition about life; however, Riley had changed me through this process. Somewhere along the way to becoming Riles' guardian and soul sister, I had made room for her hazel eyes in my heart as well as my soul. She was the only living one, besides Luke, that had a piece of my heart entirely.

"How did you know?" she screamed from across the field, still dancing within the sunlight. I had to laugh as I found myself lying in the grass within a few minutes of running around, my entire body worn from the planning of this and the secrets having to be kept from this young child. My eyebrows furrowed at her, clearly not understanding her question as she approached me.

"How did you know that my favorite flowers were lilacs and daisies?" she expanded, moving to sit near myself and MOira as she sighed heavily in exhaustion. I laughed lightly at her antics, recalling the time when I was that young and willing to run around the expanse of an acre for as long as she had just done.

"A little birdie told me," I mumbled into her ear, placing a kiss on her cheek after doing so, to which she laughed before rising from her feet again and continuing in her escapades around the field with jubilous laughter still emitting from her lips while she performed cartwheels and other gymnastic talents she had learnt when I took time off to teach her.

"What are you going to do when all of this blows up?" Moira suddenly whispered from beside me, taking me by surprise as my entire body reflected that. "I know that you and Luke are only trying to do the right thing," she began, patting me on the shoulder in a friendly method of an attempt to calm me down from previously hyped state of mind.

"But what happens when that little girl wants to know what happened to her older brother?" she asked me once again. I felt tears prick my eyes as I thought of the way I would be forced to place such a heavy burden upon the girl that I took so much pride in protecting. She didn't deserve any of this was all that I could think.

Nevertheless, I responded to Moira's question, looking her straight in the eye as I did so. "I will tell her as much as I know when the time is right." Her expression remained stoic as I looked straight ahead once again, observing the fearless moves of Riley as she danced around. "She wouldn't understand what happened to him right now," I whispered finally, seeing Moira nod in my peripheral vision.

Riley was still focused on picking flowers and bundling them as I heard the sound within the air. My heart stopped in that moment as I didn't dare to look behind me or up to the sky. Everything about the situation was inopportune as I began screaming for Riley to get down, which she thankfully did without question.

"Stay there," I yelled back at Moira, who was lying on the ground with her hands over her head as though that would protect her from the incoming fierce attack. The sound of fighter planes surrounded the entire expanse of the field as I continued screaming orders at the two girls and running toward Riley's position.

Although I was grateful not to be the target of their raid, my heart stopped suddenly in my chest as I thought of Luke's position on the front lines as the air raid took place. Luke. The only person that I cared about and couldn't save in this moment was also the only person that mattered to me more than the two girls lying flat in that lilac and daisy infested field.

"Riley!" I screamed as I closed in on the area where I knew the eleven year old was gathering flowers. My throat burned and my heart broke as I caught sight of the latest buddle only a few feet away. The whooshing of airplanes and firing of artillery within them was infecting the air surrounding me as I hesitantly made my way toward the region where Riley was.

My mind raked over the current situation with endorphins running through my entire body at above average rates. We were out in a field with no type of medical attention, and the only close medical attention was locked within the confines of the bomb shelter in that moment. The thought of that alone made my stomach explode within itself as I ran at my fastest speed toward Riley.

All I can remember from the scene was the absence of color from the brunette's face that had been so full of life only a few minutes before all of this. Blood covered her beautiful gown that she had been wearing as I saw the source marring her stomach as though we were running within a minefield and someone a few feet ahead had stepped on a trigger unluckily, causing her to be hit with a mass of shrapnel.

However, we weren't in a bomb field by any means and this would was not by accident. Maybe it hadn't been the enemy's intention of killing an innocent eleven year old, but the wound covering the expanse of Riley's stomach spoke to a much higher degree of savagery. Tears welled up within my eyes as I tore off the sweater I had been wearing over my tank top, wrapping it around Riley's waist and tying it tight.

"Lissa?" she asked weakly, her hand coming up to hit my arm as she struggled to breath. Something within kept screaming that I couldn't blame this on myself, I couldn't blame another person's mistake on my negligence. However, when I looked into her eyes, I broke apart inside and found myself accepting full responsibility for all of the pain overwhelming this girl.

"I'm so sorry," I repeatedly told her as I found long stems and attempted to tighten the makeshift tourniquet around her torso, hoping to decrease the amount of blood seeping from the wound; however, that only seemed to be laughing at me. Slowly, the blood seemed to stop dripping from the wound, but I knew that was never a good sign because no one would ever stop bleeding randomly.

"I need you to stay with me Riles," I told her gently, running my hands through her hair once before attempting to resume my work, but the young girl's hand came up to stop me, causing my entire body to freeze with a memory. I looked up, finally facing her dilated hazel eyes.

"Hold me?" she asked softly, causing me to release the dams I had created within as I moved my body closer to hers with a nod and held her tiny frame in my arms, hands running through her brunette hair to calm her nerves. To be honest, I seemed more nervous about this than her considering she just looked at me with a dazzling pair of eyes and a wide smile to match.

"I'm gonna go be with Ashy," she whispered happily, taking my lame hand in hers and squeezing it purposely. I nodded sympathetically, watching as she winced in pain every now and then, but she was being a trooper throughout as I whispered solemn apologies and happy thoughts into her ear.

"Will you tell me something?" she asked suddenly, taking me off guard as I stopped recounting one of our escapades abruptly and nodded profusely.

"What would you like to know, love?" I asked her, squeezing her hand even tighter in mine as I saw her slightly daze off before waking up again.

"Why did you want to be my big sister?" she whispered softly, wheezing from her hard time of breathing. "You didn't even know me, yet you chose to be my big sister," she managed to get out before swallowing a large lump in her throat. I nodded, obliging as I recalled her bouncing pigtails from the first day we met.

The hazel eyes I loved so much remained trained on my blue ones, her hair trailing off with the blowing wind as her pale skin shined in the sunlight. No tears altered her vision, but they did mine as I choked back sobs. Her soft question had caused my perspective to inherently change as I found nothing holding the wound within my heart together.

Similar to the way Riley's tourniquets were not sufficiently stopping the streams of blood from escaping her small body, the makeshift stitches I had used to fix my broken heart were insufficient as I found the sight of my younger sister dying on the field of lilacs to be too much to bear.

"I think it was your cute little face that convinced me," I joked, bringing my hand up to place a small boop on her nose, which caused her to smile widely at me. Her teeth held blood on them as though she were holding back her coughs of blood to avoid scaring me, little did she know that I had seen it all and I just wanted to be with her in her final moments.

"Riley, you were the only person I connected to when I first arrived here," I told her, truthfully, wanting her final memory of me to be as honest as possible even though the tears streaming down my face may not have been. "And you were the only one who understood me, so I found myself wanting to connect with you." She sighed at the mention of her ability to relate to me.

I could sense her body growing tired from fighting back the unconsciousness as she dozed off now and again, allowing her eyes to drift shut in peace as I found my hands weaving in and out of her hair over and over again as though it would bring back the times before when she was still six years old and scared of the monsters under her bed.

"I am always, always, going to be my little sister" I whispered out the last words, recognizing the slackened look on her face as I leant down to kiss her forehead while tears soaked her entire face. Time stopped in that moment, causing my heart to stop with it as I looked up only to find myself surrounding by the damn lilacs that brought the dead girl so much happiness.

I cursed myself, telling myself that it was all my fault that the young girl who was wild and vibrant at the beginning of the day was now lying in my arms dead. I cursed myself for ever suggesting we come out here in the first place, knowing that a war was happening and that this could have happened at any time. But mostly, I cursed myself for it being Riley and not me.

After all, I was her older sister, and older sisters were supposed to protect their younger siblings, right?