Quintessential

/ˌkwin(t)əˈsen(t)SHəl/

adjective

representing the most perfect or typical example of a quality or class

The world seemed to stop spinning for a few weeks after the burial. While I was trying to breath and find a way to carry on with the gaping hole within my body supersizing with each moment I realized that a particular memory that was made with Riley still being there was no longer accomplishable as she would never be here to help heal my wounds.

Luke seemed to continue on with life quickly after the funeral, taking increased devotion in his job as the new leader of the colony. Although I could see the tired look within his crystal blue eyes, I knew that he was continuing his duties for the sake of Riley and his untying emotions. While Luke claimed that he didn't consider himself much to Riley, I saw through his facade of confidence to his broken form.

I had been present all that time when Luke would kiss Riley's forehead, assuring her that he would never leave her and would always protect her from anything and everything. Despite all of his protests and claims that he was only trying to make sure Riley was not affected by Ashton's disappearance, I knew what I had seen in those private moments had been love.

Luke, although he tried to hide it, was an incredible softy and had a large love for children, especially those he got along with well. And that was the definition of Riley. She was a beautiful young girl that always seemed to be the object of Luke's unadulterated affection when he was not entranced by myself. Riley was the only girl I could ever imagine Luke loving more than me.

Throughout the past few weeks, I felt isolated, not only from the outside world and Luke but also myself. I felt as though I was stuck in a time when Riley was still present while everyone else was simply moving along with their lives. However, every time I tried to come back in touch with reality, I would find myself sinking into the despair of losing Riley again.

It wasn't until that night, weeks after Riley's funeral whenever Luke mentioned children that I broke down fully and allowed him to see every broken piece of my soul. Nothing had triggered it per say, only Luke's words had gotten too close to the piece of my heart that Riley had permanently shifted and I was not sure if it could be fixed.

I saw his frame walking into the room after a long day of planning, his shoulders rolling forward slightly from the weight of the world being placed upon them. He barely spoke as his feet maneuvered him toward the bed and allowed him collapse onto it. For a mass amount long minutes, we just stared at each other, his blue eyes holding compassion while my gray ones most likely appeared cold and unmotivated.

"Are you alright?" he asked lightly, his entire body moving as he sat up in order to peer at me from his seat on the bed. I opened my mouth to respond, only to close it due to a feeling of inability to speak with potentially breaking down in front of the man I loved.

It wasn't that I was too proud to reveal my own faults to him because I had proven numerous times that I was more than willing to speak to him about the several issues clouding my life and judgement; however, the issue overcoming my emotions was not light in any way. The issue wasn't something that he could potentially resolve or fix with the snap of his fingers.

The problem was not Riley's death alone, it was a perfect storm of circumstances that caused me to find life difficult to live within. My being was aching as I thought of the way Luke looked at Riley as though she were his own and the way my heart felt overwhelmed with joy in every little thing Riley was allowed to do. It was in Riley's death that a small circumstance was realized in my heart: I would never be able to provide that for Luke.

Something within me broke when I realized that fully. Not that I was not saddened by Riley's death and still feeling partially responsible for it, but deep within myself I knew that I would be able to get past this moment and be able to remember Riley with a smile; however, I knew that the issue at hand about my inability to have a child would never be taken care of- Luke would never have children.

"Lissa," Luke began, grasping my attention as I looked up at him with tears staining my cheeks. His eyes softened more than before as he noticed the look of desperation painted across my features, instincts of rushing to my side kicking in as he walked over and held my body within the confines of his.

Peace was the only word that could describe my feelings as I stood in Luke's arms, taking in the love that was radiating off of his body. The problem with that moment was that I was unsure of how long it would last. Despite growing closer to Luke over the last few years, I still didn't understand his devotion to me.

When I had first met the boy before me, he was a quiff haired mess of problems that claimed he would never love a human being. Everything about Luke in those days was dangerous: his demeanor, his ability to take out an army with the help of one or two other highly trained men, his apparent brokenness. From the moment I met him, I knew getting involved with him would lead to trouble.

However, as time went on, I never would have imagined that the trouble would stem from myself. Every bad thing that happened to us could easily be blamed upon myself, which led to questions and deceptive thoughts clouding my mind. My heart kept whispering that Luke would always love me, but when my mind was involved, it would tell me that he would always hate me.

Why would he want a woman that can never give him what he wants in life? That question loomed my mind over the weeks after Riley's death. Every time it would appear within my mind, I would ask myself why I was even considering this after I had just lost the only girl that I could ever consider to be a sister or daughter figure, which was exactly the answer.

After losing Riley, I realized that the only child that could ever duplicate the imaginary child Luke and I would have was gone, which caused my mind to begin questioning Luke's affection for me. In turn, my thoughts continued in their downward spiral and created a mass amount of doubt, which when piled with my grief, was causing me to become an emotional mess.

"I can't give you what you want," I mumbled into his chest, finding that sobs were racking through my body as I confided in the only person that could comfort and take care of me during this storm that was overcoming my whole soul. It was a tsunami of emotions constantly rolling through me as I tried to recover only to be pushed down once again by another rolling in tide.

"What?" he asked incredulously, pulling my body away from his to look into my cold eyes. His blue eyes burned bright like the fiercest fire as I tried to keep myself pulled together despite his eyes staring me down as though I was the craziest person in the world. Luke was furrowing his eyebrows during those moments of silence, trying to find some sort of reasoning behind my words; however, he found none.

I sniffled, trying to find a way to explain my pain and contempt to him. Luke was perfect due to his attributes that made him the kindest and brightest person I had ever met, which made the impact of the realization even harder on me. Nothing made me realize how much I did not deserve Luke than the knowledge that I could not give him everything he wanted in life.

"I can't," my voice stopped as sobs covered my airway and my entire body collapsed into Luke's once again, trying to find the same peace as before so that I could continue in my speech. "I couldn't protect Riley - who thought that you were her father-  and I know that you saw yourself as her father in a way, and," Luke's voice cut me off in my rant as he pulled me away once more.

"Lissa, no one could have protected Riley," he spoke gently, reassuring me with small traces filling my back. "It was a bomb, and no one could have saved her from that." Tears formulated within his eyes as he tried to appear strong but failed miserably. From the little emotion I saw in that moment, I was positive that Luke's feelings toward Riley were exactly as I predicted: paternal.

"She was like your daughter," I said with a sigh, shaking my head as more tears fell from my eyes. It took Luke a moment, his instincts failing him; however, when he did realize what was happening, he stopped my thought process completely, making my face turn up to meet with his. But my thoughts had already formulated by that point and I was sure of what I had only assumed beforehand.

"You want a child," I whispered out, trying to get out of his hold as he fought to keep his hold upon me. In that moment, our position was comparable to our previous fights when I had threatened to leave and he stood there begging me to stay, but this time there was nothing he could have done to prevent my threat from developing within my mind.

"Melissa, I want a forever life with you," Luke spoke, fighting against my arms with every bit of self control he held within his body. It was obvious that he was attempting to keep me from leaving without causing any type of pain on my body; however, the more I fought back, the harder he had to hold my arms before he finally gave up on that approach and pulled me back into his chest.

"I want you," he murmured into the ear not pressed against his chest while the one that was heard the hard thudding of his heart against his chest. Tears still escaped my eyes as I thought of repercussions of his decision in that moment. Did he realize what he was agreeing to when he said that he wanted me?

His words caught me off guard as I tried to maintain my tough exterior; however, when I heard his next words, I lost all of my composure. "I want everything," he spoke softly, almost as though he were nostalgic in considering the options of our future. As he spoke, I found myself wondering when he had considered any of this. When had Luke, the strong soldier that cared for no one, learned to care so much for one person?

"I've imagined the small apartment size starter house." My eyes widened at the thought as Luke's thumb came up to wipe away my tears without another thought as though it were the most natural thing to do. "I dread the big fights, but I can not wait for them to end in us cuddling." Water fell from my eyes as I tried to keep it within my eyelids.

My heart swelled at the thought of Luke wanting all of this with me. With the thought of Luke not minding the children I may not be able to give him in life, new thoughts and options were born and they all gave me life as I imagined living out my life with Luke when we were both old and gray.

"I want the long nights when you don't want to sleep in the same bed as me," he stated with a smile as I laughed and shook my head in delight as I thought of the stupid arguments we would have to cause those type of situations. "I can't wait for the amazing moments when we get lost in each other's eyes," he whispered as his face came closer to mine, lightly placing a kiss to my lips before pulling away and continuing.

"I've imagined the children we will adopt, and I've thought of the playground in the backyard that is way too dangerous and should never have been installed but you wanted the kids to have everything they ever wanted so they got it." There was a brightness in his eyes was illuminating as I saw his dreams unfurl before me in a way that I had never imagined I would see them.

I blinked back tears as I thought of how many nights this must have taken him to develop in his mind and the effort that went into designing this fantasy within his own brain. However, I knew better than to think that this was all by coincidence. Despite my efforts to leave him in his own time of grieving, I had noticed his silent pondering and connected it to these thoughts, but I could never hold any of these plans against him.

These plans, while they had been developed at an inopportune time, were everything that I had dreamed of in life. He was the man that I had imagined all of my childhood. The man that would develop plans for our home before we were even married and ask me about children before even proposing. Luke, despite his faults and mistakes, was everything I ever wanted.

His voice trailed on as I smiled at him with a look of satisfaction painted across my face the entire time that he spoke of his plans and thoughts of the future. "I can already hear the arguments over how protective I am of our children," he stated with a smirk. I struggled to keep a straight face at that comment as a laugh burst from my lips soon after hearing it part from his.

"And I am ready for the endless changing of your personality and all of those amazing moments when you boss me around and tell me what to do," he stated with a warmth in his blue eyes that showed his genuineness. I struggled to breath as I took in his words, knowing that by the look on his face that all of it was true, and that was enough for me to be committed to him for the rest of my life.

"I want all of it." His frame led me over to the bed, allowing me to take a seat next to him as he struggled to find a way to close this confession of love and never ending excitement for our future together. My heart was overjoyed at his ability to encompass all of the things that would happen to us. Instead of only focusing on the positives as most cheesy confessions of love do, he was straightforward.

Luke was never one to consider things irrationally and determine that we would be the best couple in the world; however, he was never quick to discredit our love either as he took both viewpoints and stuck them together in the most beautiful way possible.

"I love you Melissa Bea Jennings and I want my life with you." Tears finally fell past the dams holding them within his tear ducts as he stared at me with love and all of the emotions that I had grown to be accustomed with in the years I had been attached to him romantically; however, this time they were holding such emotion within them, something that had never happened more than a handful of times previously.

"I want to die happy and old and knowing that I loved you the way no other man could love his wife." His whispered words affected me more than I would ever know as I found myself silently in awe of his determination to be the only person to love me in the way he described. Luke Hemmings was truly the only man to ever love me in the way he spoke of, but that didn't stop the feeling of love from swelling within my entire being.

"I want to know that you were the most loved woman on earth because you had all of the love I could store for you," he whispered into my ear, placing kisses upon my cheek and across my entire face before carrying them down my neck and causing me to let out a giggle from his childish display of affection.

He smiled into my neck as he one last kiss upon it before rising his head to look into my eyes once more. While his blue eyes burned into my gray ones, I found myself on cloud nine, not really knowing where this was going to take me but enjoying every second of it.

"I want everything." With those words, I was taken to a moment that I had dreamt of so many times. My body floating down an aisle between two sides of guests and Luke standing at the end looking as dashing as ever, beard clean shaven and his hair grown out and fixed properly while he stood in his tuxedo waiting for me to approach him.

Despite the past hurts and tensions that covered and marred Luke's relationship with me and mine with him, we had made it this far and we would both be damned if we allowed it to define our entire existence. However, in that moment, I knew that we would make it because we were both far too committed to allow a love like this to go to waste.

Author's Note:

Hey guys! So I'm going to just give you all a little update on my life to hopefully make up for my absence for the past few months. School has been hectic! I have been getting straight As but it's taking every bit of me to do so.

Secondly, I have had some major devastation in my life this past year. A mutual friend of mine died earlier this school year. I tried to make it through without fully accepting and coping with the loss. Although we weren't close, it is a rough patch to get through when anyone in your school/friend group dies.

And lastly, as of recently, a close friend of mine was in a car accident. He is in critical condition and touch and go at times so I don't want to reveal too much (especially for his privacy). So I hope you all understand that writing has been put on the back burner.

However, I hope to finish publishing this book in the next month and ask for all of your opinions on my future plans. LOVE YOU ALL!!

-dani