"So.. what's the deal with you livin' in Stark's place?"

We'd been sitting in a grassy patch at the park for a while before the question came to mind. I was curious.

Steve chuckles as he leans back on the grass. "The decision was made for me. Tony wanted all of us in one place so it would be easier to mobilize during an emergency. Plus, I don't have to pay a dime of rent." He glances at me. "What about you? Got a place of your own?"

I smile nervously. "Yeah. It's.. uh... just an apartment, but it works."

I didn't go into much detail, hoping he wouldn't ask. I feel like he somehow knew based on the way he furrowed his eyebrows at me.

"Are you doing okay? I'm worried about you living alone."

"Steve, I'm fine." I reassure him, though it came out sharper than intended. I try to laugh it off. "I'm not made of glass. I can take care of myself."

"I know, I know. It's just..." He pauses, then lets out a sigh. His blue eyes were stoic. I knew he was serious about this. "I don't want anything to happen to you. You've already been through enough." He reaches over with his hand and gently squeezes my shoulder. "I feel like it's my duty to protect you, y'know?"

I couldn't help myself.

"You're such a sap, Rogers." I say, giving his shoulder a playful punch

"Only for you." He teases as he jabs a hand at my stomach.

I get a hold of his arm and pull him into a playful headlock, rubbing the top of his head with my knuckles. It takes me a while to realize that my metal arm was curled around his throat.

"Hey, take it easy!" He laughs, trying to pull his head away. "You're messin' up my hair!"

When the realization finally hits me, I'm horrified.

I immediately release him. Images of past events flash through my mind. Those people weren't so lucky.

I can still hear the sound of their necks snapping like twigs.

I can still imagine the blank expressions on their faces as they lay dead on the floor, blood pooling beneath them.

Steve is still laughing. He doesn't notice something's up until he looks at me. His expression falls and he tries to put his hand on my shoulder, but I flinch away.

"Bucky? You alright?" He asks, concern written all over his face.

It felt like my throat had closed up. No words could escape.

I swallow hard and try to calm down, but to no avail. Panic swells in my chest as it progressively gets harder and harder to breathe.

"Hey, Buck. Buck, look at me." Steve takes me by the shoulders and turns me so I'm facing him. He looks scared, but seems to know what to do. "Breathe. Like this." He draws in a breath and slowly lets it out. "You can do it. Breathe with me, okay?"

It takes a little bit, but I'm finally able to match his breathing. Once I feel the attack pass, I relax.

Steve looks relieved, his blue gaze soft upon me.

"Better?" He asks, smiling reassuringly.

I nod, forcing a small smile. I had to resist the urge to press my head against his shoulder. I didn't want to make it seem like I was seeking comfort from him.

"Yeah.. where'd you learn that?" I ask him.

"I..." He seems hesitant to answer. "It was just something I picked up."

I narrow my eyes at him. There's something he isn't telling me and I know it. However, I don't press him further. I don't have the energy for that right now.

He blinks and looks away, as if he knew I was onto him.

"Hey, are you hungry?" He changes the subject. Honestly, I'm glad he did. "I know somewhere we can go for lunch."

"Okay. Lead the way, Captain America." I try to joke, but it falls flat.

Neither of us were in the mood anyways.

I take his hand when he offers to help me up and silently follow him.

Things were awkward again because of me.

Back to square one.

•
•
•

After lunch, Steve brought up the idea of going to a historical convention that was being held downtown. He said they had an exhibit about us that might help me remember some things. I wasn't so sure about it, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He was only trying to help.

There were more people there than I thought there would be. I stayed close to Steve, afraid of potentially getting separated from him. Once we got away from the crowds and entered an area where everyone was more spaced out, I felt more relaxed.

I had to admit, the place was pretty cool. I've always enjoyed learning about history and seeing all these new advancements amazed me. I've missed out on a lot.

I'm sure Steve felt the same way.

"Crazy, isn't it?" He speaks up, glancing over at me as he pushes his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah. The world moved on without us." I slow my pace when he does so I can follow him through another hallway. "I feel so out of place."

"You and me both." He sighs while shaking his head. "Anyways, we're here."

The first thing I see when I look up is the American flag painted on the back wall. There were several glass panels with words and pictures on them that separated each section. Towards the back of the room, several displays were set up. It was so much to take in. I didn't know where to start.

"Want me to stay with you? Or do you want to explore on your own?" Steve asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

I think about it for a moment. "Stay with me, please." I say, curling one hand into a fist inside my pocket.

I wish I could hold his hand.

Steve smiles gently and nods. "Alright, I will. Don't be afraid to ask questions."

I return the smile, then begin making my way towards the first section. The glass panel has a picture of a man printed on it and a brief biography below the image. His face looks so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time.

James Buchanan Barnes.

How could that be me? He looks nothing like me. As I scan his biography, I feel like I'm reading about the life of a stranger. I just can't comprehend that this man is me.

I hear Steve come up beside me and glance over at him.

"Have you ever looked at an old picture of yourself and wondered how you used to be that person?" I turn back to the panel, sighing softly.

Steve sighs as well. "Yes. There aren't very many pictures of younger me, though. At least not before the serum." He shifts his weight and looks at me. "You're staring at a picture of yourself. Who's staring back?"

"Someone else." I mumble, frowning briefly before lowering my head.

Steve pulls one hand out of his pocket and lays it on my shoulder sympathetically. "I know it's hard to believe, but you're still that person in the picture. You are James Buchanan Barnes, not what everyone else has been calling you. You are not the Winter Soldier."

My lip quivers as I struggle to keep my emotions at bay. "But what if I am? What if everything I've ever heard about myself is true?"

"Buck.." Steve begins softly, but trails off.

I feel his arms wrap around me as he pulls me into a hug. He holds me close, allowing me to have an emotional moment without anyone seeing.

I push my face into his shoulder and let out a shaky sigh, my hands gripping his shirt. I slowly breathe in, then out. He smells faintly of honey and rain.

I wish I could stay there forever.