CHAPTER 13

I arrived in Manila on time. But I was losing myself, ni hindi ko namalayan na nakarating na pala kami ng Manila.

Sa sobrang lalim ng isip ko lumabas ako ng eroplano na lutang. Ni hindi ko napansin si Angela na panay ang tanong kung okay lang ba ang bakasyon ko.

My mind keeps on sailing. Tumatakbo sa kung anong napag-usapan namin kanina ni Sky. Hindi ko alam... wala din akong nasagot, umalis na lang siya sa harapan ko pero nakatunganga ako.

I know I like him. I was attracted to him. But... am I ready to love again? Am i ready for commitment? For another pain?

I'm scared.

Im scared to be hurt again. I'm scared or what if... what if he'll hurt me? What if I can't handle to be in a relationship again? What if he'll cheat on me too?

There's a lot of what if's. Natatakot ako na baka hindi ako yung masaktan, baka si Sky naman yung saktan ko.

Ayokong tumuntong sa isang relasyon na hindi ako sigurado, I might be infatuated. And then one day I'll realize that... I don't love him. I'm just hurt and attracted to him when I said yes to him.

Takot ako sa lahat ng pwedeng nangyari, kaya ko pa ba? Hindi ko alam. Masyado pa naman kaseng malalim ang sugat na dinala sa akin ni Andrew, I don't want Sky to be my rebound.

He's so lovable to be hurt to. My guilt can't handle it to see Sky hurting because of me, and I also don't want to give him some hope that I'll be his.

Marami pa naman sigurong babae sa buhay niya diba? I'm sure he can find someone better than me.

But... why is it so hurt to think that Sky would love somebody else? My heart clench thinking he would unlove me and love someone else.

"Nicole to earth! Hello!"

I help my chest and I look at Angela with wide eyes. She was looking at me weirdly, ngayon ko lang din naisip na nawawala na ako sarili. I didn't even know how I manage to get out of the airport and get inside the car.

Nasa harapan na pala kami ng bahay hindi ko man lang alam. Did I think took much?

"What happened? Nagbakasyon ka lang lumutang ka na ah. May problema ba?"

I shook my head and unbuckled my seatbelt before going out of the car. Mukhang nag-iisip nga ako ng malalim.

"Okay... let's talk tomorrow, I'll let you rest for now but I won't stop pestering you until you'll not talk to me tomorrow Nicole. Get some sleep, you look like a walking zombie"

I sighed and just nodded at her. I felt so tired thinking about his confession, ang sakit sa ulo mag-isip.

I went inside my house and drop myself on the bed. I wasn't planning on having a shower, parang ayaw gumalaw ng katawan ko. Pagod din ako sa biyahe kaya sumasakit ang katawan ko.

I didn't even realized I dozed off because of too much thoughts. I just wake up because of the sunlight coming from the sun, bumangon ako at saka dumeretso na kaagad sa banyo. I felt so sticky, hindi pa naman ako naligo kagabi.

After having a shower i just wore a simple dress before storming out. I'm planning to visit my mom's company, even Xander qas taking care of it I shouldn't be so careless leaving it to someone. Ako parin dapat ang magma-manage ng kumpanya.

As I went out my car the guard immediately welcomed me with a wide smile, I smiled back and wore my eyeglass. The staff and employee's greeted me and I just smiled at them.

I went inside my office and immediately saw Lara and Xander. Lara is sitting on Xander lap, my mouth agape and immediately gasp because of the scene. Napababa naman kaagad si Lara ng makita ako, her cheeks are crimson red.

Xander doesn't even affected, he look enjoying how Lara's face filled with embarrassement.

"Wow ha... dito pa talaga kayo naglampungan" I sarcastically said and sat on the single sofa.

Xander pulled Lara closer to her and let her sit on his lap and hug her from behind. I bitterly smirk at them.

"Mahiya naman kayo, single here oh?"

Tumawa lang ng bahagya si Xander. "What are you doing here anyway. I thought you'll stay there for awhile?"

I rested my head on the sofa and shut my eyes. "Malapit na Christmas, hindi pwedeng doon lang ako lagi nakatambay"

Lara laughed nonchalantly. "Akala ko pa naman hindi ka na sisipot sa party natin. How's the moving process?"

I opened my eyes and smiled at her. "Good"

Right, I'm already good. Not totally fine but good is enough, I should forgive them for fooling me. Even they did not asked for my forgiveness, parang nakahinga ako ng maluwag habang iniisip na nakalimutan ko na ang kasalanan nila.

I know I won't be able to face them because it's still hurt and my trust for them vanished. It's not easy to trust anymore, iniisip ko na lang na baka lokohin din nila ako gaya ng ginawa ng pamilya ko.

That's also the reason why I'm having a second thoughts of pursuing Sky. It's not easy to have a trust issue.

"Mabuti naman" Lara said.

"How's the company by the way? Do I need to go back?"

Xander just shrugged his shoulders. "Well not really, aside from too much papers to sign... wala naman"

"Eh yung sayo? Buhay pa ba?"

"You know my company still stand even without me, I'm cool yeah?"

I just shook my head, the first time I met Xander he was cold and serious. Pero ng maging magkaibigan na kami hindi ko lubos maisip na makulit at mahangin rin pala ang isang malamig na lalaki.

"Ang hangin naman" Komento ni Lara at akmang aalis sa kandungan niya ng higpitan pa lalo ni Xander ang pagkayakap sa kaniya.

I suddenly felt so bitter. Naku naman, sa harap ko pa talaga naglampungan.

"Oh please! Ang lalandi niyo! Huwag kayong maglandian sa harap ko, nakaka-bitter"

Lara laughed and just hold Xander's arm. Napailing na lang ako at saka tumayo, I can't stand seeing them. Para namang pinapamukha nila sakin na single na ako forever.

I bid my goodbye to them before going out of the company, it still doing well. But I need to handle it soon, well I guess I'll have a short vacation before that. Gusto ko munang bumalik doon ng isang Linggo bago bumalik dito at gawin na ang trabaho ko.

I went to the hospital to visit Andy and Vien,  magagalit talaga ang mga yun at magtatampo. Knowing them, they always wanted an attraction from us. Ayaw nila ng kinakalimutan sila, of course I do too.

I gulp when I saw how busy Andy was, people are running and rushing. Is there's any accident? Well I guess so too, I can't stand seeing some people screaming while holding their wounds so I run towards Vien's office.

Nakita ko siyang nagmamadaling naghahanap ng kung ano at ng makita yun ay napatalon siya sa gulat ng makita ako sa harapan niya. She even held her chest because of the shock.

"Nicole naman! Kinakabahan na nga ako ngayon dinagdagan mo pa! Gusto mo bang multuhin kita ha!?"

I sighed and raised my two hands as a surrender. "Too busy?" I softly asked.

She sighed too and nodded, she look stress and worn out. I maybe not know how to cure people but I know it's hard to be a doctor.

"Okay... I won't burden you two"

She smiled at me and tapped my shoulder before running out. Wala naman akong magawa ngayon, saan naman ako pupunta?

I grip my bag tightly when I thought of Andrew, why can't he fucking leave my mind?

I already want to forget him, I can slowly cope up. But... why does it still hurt whenever that scene replaying inside my mind? Him kissing Charmee passionately makes my heart clench.

But... I don't want to lose my self-love for him. I want to be selfish.

I shook my head, ayoko na munang isipin pa ang mga bagay bagay. Focus na muna siguro ako ngayon sa buhay ko, sa mga taong bagong dating.

I went out in Vien's office, I wanted to run away from the wounded people but the hospital look so full. Ang daming dumadaan na sugatan kasama ang mga nurses and doctors.

I can't believe Andy can handle this kind of situation, hindi na talaga ako magtataka kung bakit mukha siyang multo sa tuwing umuuwi siya.

I was walking when I saw an familiar built, nakaramdam kaagad ako ng kaba ng makita ang daddy ko na naka-upo sa isang upuan. He was holding his foot like it was hurting, it has a bandage.

I sighed, kumuha ako ng lakas ng loob para lumapit sa kaniya. He seem shock when he saw me approaching him, I stopped and faced him.

"What happened?" I asked without noticing the worry in my voice.

His eyes soften and tried to stood up but his feet began to ache so he stopped. "Nicole... how are you anak?"

It feels nostalgic hearing that from him. It's been awhile since I last hear him calling me 'anak'.

"That's not the answer to my question" Matigas na sabi ko sa kaniya.

He sighed before roaming his eyes. He looks so guilty while looking at the people.

"Nasunog ang pangatlong palapag ng kumpanya natin, I don't know what happened but I seems to be intentional"

I felt a pang in my heart, kahit naman umalis na ako sa kumpanya nila ay napamahal na din ako sa mga empleyado. I work there since I graduated, doon ako nagsimula kaya hindi na ako magtataka.

Then I suddenly remembered a woman with a sophisticated look, is she the one who did that? My anger rose up.

"Who the fuck tend to do that?"

My dad sighed and look away. "Maybe some... business partners or kalaban ng kumpanya , I don't know"

I curiously looked at him. "Anong nangyari? Why would they do that?"

"The company is falling Nicole, nagsimula yun ng umalis ka. I can't tell you because I know you're still mad at me, and I don't have the face to do so. One by one our major investors pulled out, hindi ko nga din alam bakit ayaw na ng ibang branch mag supply pa ng mga materials sa ibang bansa"

Napaisip ako ng malalim, this is too much. I don't know what to do, should I help them? Hindi ko alam. But... I don't want to meddle with them anymore, I'm sure Charmee, Charlene and Chad will help him. They're all successful and can help dad with the investors. I think he doesn't need me anymore, sapat na siguro ang mga anak ng asawa niya ang tumulong sa kaniya.

I didn't react nor say anything. Tumalikod na lang ako sa kaniya na para bang wala na akong pake alam kung ano pang mangyari sa buhay niya.

"Do your best not to lose your company dad, ask for help from your son and daughter's" I bitterly said before walking away from him.

Nakita ako ni Andy at lumapit sa akin saglit, looks like she saw how devastated I am.

"What happened? What the hell is happening in your dad's company? Bakit May sunog? Nasaktan ka ba?" She asked as soon as she get close to me.

I smiled softly. "A-aksidente lang" I lied. "And I'm okay, hindi naman ako nasaktan"

She sighed and nodded. "I need to go, I still have a lot of patients"

Tumango na lang din ako sa kaniya bago lumabas sa ospital, hindi ako makahinga ng maayos habang nakikita ang mga empleyado ng kumpanya na nasa ganitong kalagayan.

I went inside my car and drove to the company, my mouth agape when I saw how it worn out. Yung nasa third floor lang ang nasunog but it still had a big damage, bakit naman kailangan pa nilang sunugin ang kumpanya kung malapit naman tong mawala sa kamay ni dad?

Well... dad still hold a big shares in the company, I do too.

I went out inside my car and looked at the building closely, there's still a fireman's but there's not fire anymore. Madaming tao pero nakatutok lang ang tingin ko sa malaking gusali.

Akmang pupunta ako palapit pa ng may humawak sa akin, a fireman.

"Ma'am hindi po pwedeng pumasok sa loob delekado pa po" He said.

I just nodded at him and asked. "Okay lang po ba sa loob? Wala po bang nasaktan?"

Tumango siya sa akin. "Wala naman Pong namatay, pero maraming nasaktan. Maayos pa ang loob pero marami kaseng nahulugan ng mga kagamitan kaya maraming nasaktan"

Tumango na lang ako sa kaniya at nanatili na lang sa kinatatayuan ko. Then I saw an familiar woman.

She was standing away from me and she have this devilish grin. She was looking at me, I shivered because of her looks but I ignore it.

Lalapitan ko sana siya ng bigla na lang siyang tumalikod at naglakad papalayo sakin.

I sighed and just stared at her back, whatever she wants I'll let her. Just like what I said, dad doesn't need my help. Sapat na ang mga tinuring niyang anak.