Allair

I heard the slight creek of a door.

My heart beat hard in my chest and blood rushed in my ears. My hand clutched around the dagger I had hid under my pillow ready to defend myself.

My bed dipped and I sprung into action. I discarded my sheets and rolled my body across the bed, reaching for the limbs of the intruder, pinning them down with my body and bringing the dagger to their throat.

Black startled eyes met mine. "Jonathan?" My breath was shallow as my blood pulsed through my muscles.

There was a small smirk twitching at the corners of his lips. "This reminds me of old times."

The memory tugged at my mind. The night I had first spent with Jonathan in that tent in the war camp barely a day after he had set selected Western kingdoms on fire in his attempt to retrieve his mother's chest. The chest I now knew contained clues to his true heritage, and his curse. I had pressed his own dagger to his throat that night. I sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I hadn't of hesitated. If I had of killed him then. I would have been dead before his blood cooled.

Do it. He had said to me in tent. Lesson number one.You should never hesitate.

What if I was to kill him now? I could trick myself into thinking it was a mercy. Better a dagger now than the curse later on. It was a kinder death. But old habits died hard. My hand shook and I hesitated, letting my hand retreat from his very vulnerable throat.

Jonathan took the dagger from me and placed it on the bedside table. I rolled my eyes and turned over, giving Jonathan my back and trying to ignore him as he stretched out next to me. It had been days since we talked. I had heard him in meetings with Tristan and Arthur but I didn't let myself think about them much. I didn't want to know what new scheme he was hatching.

He took a deep breath.

I sighed.

It was like a stand off. Neither one of us wanted to break the silence. I had questions, he clearly had an agenda, but we let the silence stretch out between us. The full moon cast a blue glow through the window and the stars were out in a bright display in the clear sky.

Jonathan sighed, finally giving up on the silent stand off. "I'm scared." His voice was so low, lacking the deep sinister edge I had come to know all too well. His words caught me off guard. So vulnerable. So small. It reminded me of the small boy, standing on his bedroom porch staring out at the horizon watching the sunrise and waiting for his dead father to return home.

I turned around. "Of what?"

Jonathan didn't face me, his face was blank as he stared up at the ceiling. He sighed deeply, his eyes slightly rolling. "You're going to make me say it?"

I didn't respond.

"Fine." He repositioned himself in the bed, looking somewhat uncomfortable with what ever he was about to say. "I'm scared because for as long as I can remember hate has been the thing that drives me. Hate, and revenge. It was the only thing I knew. And then your father died and when I didn't get to avenge my father I got angry. I don't know anything else." He turned to face me then. His eyes were black as the sky outside. "I want to hate you."

I believed him. I could feel it, the way he tried to hold onto the hate, the way he channelled his other emotions into that hate.

"I feel like that's the only way I can show my father how much I still care." His voice went softer now. "But I don't hate you."

I didn't realise how much I wanted to hear those words until they were spoken. But now, now I still wanted more. I wanted him to tell me that he cared, that he loved me, that he didn't want me to leave him. I wanted him to need me too. Till the end of my days, no matter how short that time might be.

"But I'm scared," he continued. "Scared that if I accept this, what it will mean. Things will be different and I have no idea how to deal with that. And this baby will change things. I don't want to share you. I don't want you to choose a child over me."

I reached out for him then. I let my palm cup his cheek, holding him in my hands. "Not a child. Your child. Our child."

The lump in his throat moved shakily. "It still scares me."

"It scares me too." I whispered, the words so true they made my heart ache. I was scared of what the future would hold for me, and for my family. I was scared for Jonathan, his curse loomed over his head and without his charm, he could die any day now. I was scared for my kingdom, for what this fragile peace between the West and North might mean.

And I was scared for myself.

There was a dark shadow that hovered over me now. I could feel its presence, the heavy weight of it slowly crushing me. It was sucking the life out me, bit by bit, and what I feared most was what would happen when it finally consumed me. Was it death that had its grip on me now? Slowly squeezing until I had no more to give. Or was it another force pulling me under?

I didn't dwell on it any further. I couldn't.

Instead, I curled into Jonathan's arms, letting him hold me through the night.

I did not sleep, fearing the darkness that waited for me.

--------------------------------------

Super short but I'm neck deep in work and assignments.

I have also noticed chapter 52 is missing. It will be posted once I find where I saved the document - I have so many USBs it is becoming ridiculous.

Stayed tune :)

Please vote and comment.