Isla stumbled behind Theodore out of the castle they called school. Her foot nearly tripping over the other as she tried to walk steadily in the utter dark.

She could still feel the taste of Draco on her lips as she hauled her wand up, whispering a cleansing spell below her breath — taking away everything she and Draco had done before.

Not a soul in sight at the late hour, and her skin shivered as they kept going down the school property, over the hill before both of them stood in front of the thick treeline, leading into the Forbidden forest.

Slightly peering over her shoulder — she watched as he was already looking down at her, a botherless grimace on his face, and she rolled her eyes away.

The smug attitude the brunet carried wasn't anything that fell upon her easily, and she was almost disgusted with the way he'd been speaking to her in detention earlier.

She shot forward, walking across the treeline without hesitation, but Theodore was quick to grasp at her arm, tugging her back again, ''What the fuck are you doing, are you completely—''

''Then what am I supposed to do?'' Isla frowned, annoyed with him. She yanked her arm back, ''Isn't this why we're here? In the bloody woods in the middle of the night because we're supposed to walk into it? Not stand outside and watch it.''

Her tone caused his blood to fume and his teeth to grit. He always loathed when she spoke to him like that.

''Watch that fucking tongue of yours to begin with,'' Theodore growled out, backing away from her, ''And yeah, we're supposed to go into the damn forest, Clarke. I didn't say we shouldn't, but do you hear that?''

Isla stilled, her arms dropping to her sides as she hushed completely, listening to what he meant. Sounds of animals haunting for their prey echoed along with shouts and other skin-crawling notes.

She gulped, looking back at him.

''Yeah, exactly, so fucking think before you do,'' He muttered, bringing out his wand as he whispered a spell underneath his breath, and an invisible shield formed around them, ''There you go, and you're fucking welcome—''

''Don't even try to make me thank you right now. You called me a whore, Theodore. You don't get thank you's from me anymore,'' She snapped, lowly as they began walking, ''You don't get anything from me anymore.''

''That's not a bad fucking thing, Clarke. I don't want anything to do with you,'' He said, sternly as he felt the warmth radiating off of her body, ''Like I said, I'm done—''

''Yeah, I got that the first time you said it, no need to say it five more times,'' She mumbled, trying to stay clear of walking too close to him, ''But you know what? Now I'm done too, so I guess we're even.''

It held gloom around them, not a light in sight as they marched over roots and branches, searching to see that there wasn't anyone in the dimmed forest.

''Even?'' He hissed, loudly and Isla turned around, slapping a hand on his arm to make him quiet down, ''What the fuck was that for?''

''Are you that foolish, Theodore? We're in the bloody Forbidden forest. You can't just shout—'' She crossed her arms, tired of the boy's audacity.

Never did she believe she'd feel the same way for him as she did when Draco spoke. She was so tired of being made fun of and toyed with.

''I can shout all I want,'' He fired back, knitting his brows as he began to walk again, ''But just so you know, we're not even. You lied to me, and you—''

Exhausted as she was, not wishing to go on with this any longer. Living the lies she'd been trying to keep up with — she didn't see a point in stalling anymore. Why should she be the one to hold herself from speaking her mind, not to step on their toes.

Isla didn't want that anymore. She didn't want to speak lies and holding truths from anyone — she just wanted to be honest, to get some justice, and to come clean.

Inhaling sharply, her fingers grasped at the edges of her sleeves anxiously. She wasn't used to doing this — confronting people, especially not Theodore, whom she cared for, a lot, even if she'd never come to admit it.

''You used me,'' Isla spoke up behind him, and her words caused his spine to straighten. He didn't turn around — he pinched his eyes shut, and he drew a shaky breath. Almost as if he knew what was coming.

He'd been waiting for her, dueling this with him.

''I didn't—''

''But you did. You used me to make your best friend jealous because a girl fell in love with him and not you,'' Isla didn't falter once. She carried too much anger over what befell between them, ''You used me to make him jealous, Theodore. You used me like a disposable toy, something you could use as you please and then throw away.''

He stayed silent.

Even if he'd been standing back — waiting for this day to come. The day she'd tackle this subject, he hadn't a thing to say.

Theodore had been playing this over in his head countless times, yet he couldn't shape a word as it came down to it.

Isla shook her head, beginning to walk ahead of him again, but she stopped, just as her shoulder leveled his, and she looked up at him. Matching his eyes and she could see all the guilt he held.

His pupils dashed in pain and sin. 

''You're no better than I am, Theodore. So stop thinking that you are.''

It took him a moment, half a minute, to grasp what just happened before he stalked behind her, both of them being as quiet as they could be. Not even a sound fled her throat as she nearly stumbled by the roots embedded in the ground.

They reached the far end of the woods, and her hand stroked along with the thin material of her sleeves. Isla always managed to underestimate the weather.

She'd go with bare legs underneath her skirts until she nearly froze to death because she forgot that the temperature lowered during this time a year, and now she did it again.

But she didn't think she'd be out, walking through the woods an hour away from midnight.

The chilly wind breezed around them, and even if Theodore's spell caught the most of the icing wind — it still felt as it stabbed her skin, causing goosebumps to trail down her spine as she shuddered.

''Clarke,'' Theodore muttered from behind her, huskily and low. He didn't want to speak to her more than he had to as they marched back to the safe end of the forest, ''You're freezing, here, take this—'' He was gesturing to his robe.

Hugging her arms around herself tightly, Isla shook her head, leisurely and she made sure to keep the distance between them, ''No, I'm alright. We should get back. No one is here—''

She began to turn around as they passed the treeline, standing safe on the school property again, but the second she did — her feet caught in a branch, and she nearly tripped over him as he got a hold of her.

''For fucks sake, Clarke—''

Theo's face held so close to hers and, for a second if so, only a brief one. She let her body cave into him as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back up on two feet.

An awkward silence echoed between them, even if the sound of creatures mirrored around them. For the first time, since they'd walked through the doors of the castle — she didn't freeze with his arms sheeting her.

Isla blinked quickly. Her lips parted to say thank you, but she withdrew from it. She didn't want to — she didn't want to thank him for anything, even if she, at that moment, forgot everything he'd done to her and every cruel word spoken.

It was a flicker in his eyes. A toss from his sight to hers that pleaded for forgiveness and his touch upon her body didn't seem unwilling. He lingered for seconds just to feel her frame pressed to his.

''I didn't—'' Theodore's hands still coated her arms, and his eyes were begging hers. Asking for something she couldn't quite understand, ''I didn't use you.''

Instantly as she caught him speak those terms, Isla tried to look away. Not to give in to the brunet more than she did by letting his hands rest upon her, holding her steady, feeling as if everything around her crumbled.

Still glancing away, ''You did...'' It came out as a whisper, inhaling a deep breath, ''I know you did, and that's alright. I don't blame you for doing so—''

''But I didn't,'' He said again, letting his fingers brush down her arms, and he sounded uncertain, not decided if he was clear to tell her what he'd been craving to,  ''I know I fucked up at the party, alright? I shouldn't have yelled at you, and I shouldn't have walked out.''

Now it was Isla not speaking a word. She merely stood in front of him, looking questioningly at the brunet as his curls slightly danced in the wind. His cheeks drained of color, and his skin held ashenly.

Theodore looked terrified. 

''I know what you think of me, and I know what it looks like, alright? If you don't think Malfoy has cussed me out already — You're wrong because he has, but just like I told him, I'm telling you that I didn't use you.''

It was a pained pause as he talked, and he chewed nervously on the inside of his cheek.

He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be confessing this to her — it's not part of his plan. He'd mess it all up, but he could at the same time not think of a better way to clutter everything in his life — than for her to know the truth.

His features held emotionless, ''I wasn't interested in Pansy at all. To be blunt, I was the one ending things with her, but that's not even the point, Clarke—'' Theodore began to sound desperate, ever so, he did everything to conceal it, ''I wasn't with you to make anyone jealous. I wasn't with you to have you first or have some fucked up claim on you like Malfoy does. It wasn't like that.''

She looked away for a second, peering out over the forest as the trees held thickly around them. The moonlight illuminated him perfectly — even if she was mad at the boy, she could in no reality look away from him for more than a minute.

Theodore was addicting to look at.

''Yeah, I wasn't too fond of you in the beginning. That's nothing I can lie about. My family has standards, and your blood status isn't doable for them... but I didn't care. I tried to push you away by being with that girl, and damn it—'' He was breathing heavier, getting upset as she noticed.

''I even tried to make you hate me that night at the party by dragging her out, and I know it's stupid, alright?'' His tone lightly ripped, and his hands tugged at the collar of his robe, ''I know it sounds fucking awful, using someone as I used her, and it is, alright? I'm fucking wicked.''

Isla swallowed the thickening feeling in the back of her throat. She could see that he needed to blurt this out — otherwise, he would seal it within himself, and she'd never know the truth.

''I'm a fucking maniac for doing so, I fucking know that! Of course, I knew you were with Malfoy the night of the masquerade, I'm not blind, and I'm not a fool. In that dress you wore, I'd rip it off you in the middle of the dance floor if I had the chance, but I couldn't because he had you.''

She felt a weighty feeling in her chest, and so did he. Theodore had never rambled as much as he did now, and he couldn't stop.

For a week, he'd been walking around wondering how he should approach this — if he was supposed to be honest with her, tell her the truth and live with the humiliation of it or if he was meant to leave it be and have her hate him.

Whichever he decided for was a loss for him — so he went for the thing that would give her some peace of mind.

So she wouldn't stroll around, thinking that he'd done all of this to hurt her — because he didn't. He knew she was better off with someone else.

''I don't do that, Clarke. I don't want to be with someone that belongs to someone else, but then I saw him with Pansy, and I thought — maybe,'' He shook his head, ''Maybe I have a shot now, and I fucking did. I got you, and I had you, serious or not. I got to be with you that short time, but then, as fucking always, reality caught up with me and at that bloody party—''

It was getting harder and harder for him to do this — she could tell. Still, she didn't quite grasp what he was leaking. It didn't fully make sense to her.

She took a step ahead, a shoe closer, and she stared, plainly into the hooded eyes he held, ''Theodore, you don't have to do this. I'm not asking you to explain. I understand that you didn't use me—''

''When I begged you. When I yelled out those words — that I didn't want to fuck you — that I wanted to get to know you, I panicked...''

Theodore held his breath, his chest stilled.

He shouldn't. He shouldn't. He shouldn't. Yet, he did.

''I never thought I'd say those words to you, but I did, and I fucking panicked, Clarke, because it made it real. That this isn't a funny thing or a bloody game,'' He was heaving. She could see his hands as they shook.

''Theo, don't do this. You don't have to—''

Theodore simply ignored her plea for him to keep this to himself. It would leave too many gaps — too many questions, and he couldn't have that.

He couldn't be with her, and he needed this closure before he left her for good. Withdrawing from everything that ever had anything to do with her and leaving her to find happiness with his best friend.

''I was starting to feel something for you, something I can't be feeling because you can never choose me. I'd never let you pick me—'' For the first time since he began confessing his lies to her, he looked away,  ''My family would disown me, Clarke. I can't risk that. I'd rather be alone than without them.''

Isla could feel, even if they stood feet apart, how his heart dropped and pearls began to form in the corner of his eyes.

This was so hard for him to admit and to take responsibility. He never showed this side of himself, not even when they had their heavenly moments together — he'd never show her this, but now — now he did.

Attempting to get a hold of his hand, she yanked forward, reaching for him, but he drew away, ''Theodore, you don't have to explain anything to me. I don't want you to—''

''So I did what I had to do, at the party, in the classroom earlier — I hurt you, and I made sure that you wouldn't want me again.''

A seeping silence hovered them where she looked straight at him, her eyes glinting in tears as he peered away, locking his sight at a tree not to look at her. He couldn't look at her as her eyelids glimmered.

''Theodore—'' Isla breathed, taking another step forward as he caught one back, ''I'm sorry, I didn't—''

''I didn't want you to. I took the time I knew I could have with you, and then I fucked it up because I can't be with you, Clarke. No matter how much I want to, how much I want us to work out — I can't, I haven't had this much fun with anyone before, but I can't be with you. I can never be the person you want me to be.''

He let his hooded hues flicker back to hers,

''I could hide you. I could continue to lie to everyone I care about, and we can have our small moments at the lake, in a closet, in bed late at night when no one is awake — I can look at you in class and make you leave with me, I can do all that and I would, if I thought you didn't deserve better, but you do, Clarke.''

Shuddering as a tear rolled down her cheek. This was more intimate for the both of them than anything they had done — had been.

He was opening up to her. He was telling her how much he wished he could but still, he couldn't.

''You deserve so much more than five minutes in a fucking closet or an hour past curfew in the common room, believe me—'' He swallowed the stinging feeling in his chest, ''I've got to be with you, if only for a little while, and you deserve so much more.''

She was shaking — thinking about all the things the two of them could be. How much fun she'd have with him and how happy he'd be with her, but she couldn't think like that because they never could.

They couldn't be together — she knew that now.

This was never about him hating her or him using her.

It was about Theodore, protecting her and shielding her emotions even if it shattered his.

''What if I don't want all of that? What if I want five minutes in a closet or an hour in the common room? What if I want you—'' She stuttered, her voice breaking at times, ''What if I want—''

His shoulders sunk, ''I tried, Clarke, I tried for a few months, I tried. I tried to be honest, and I tried to hide you, but they still found out.''

She looked up at the castle in front of them, and she still refused to believe it.

Isla wasn't in love with Theodore, but she was as close to that as she could get. He'd been getting under her skin, making her feel special, and the loss she believed to have of him — broke her.

And here she was, shattering to pieces all over again because of the truth he'd been hiding.

''I'm sorry...'' That was all she said, lowering her head as she stared at the ground.

Isla didn't know how to put this, how to speak what he needed her to say.

His fingers grasped at his throat, and he shrugged, clicking the lock of his robe open, and he pulled it off of him, taking that missing step forward, and he wrapped the material around her shoulders.

He didn't quite know if it was love he felt — or simply the urging need of affection. To feel as someone cared for him, to have that attention from another human.

Theo had never done this before, thinking he'd cared for someone as he seemed to care for her, and he didn't understand it, not at all, but he craved for her to know this before he left — before he'd leave this school, uncertain if he'd return.

She deserved to know, even if he wasn't sure what he felt.

''I should go. It's getting late—'' He mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets, and he walked ahead of her. Leaving her at the treeline of the Forbidden Forest, but she couldn't have that.

Isla couldn't let him walk away from her like this. Knowing what she indeed knew now, she couldn't let him go.

Even if everything he'd spoken didn't go through her properly. Even if she needed time to think this through and process it herself, alone, she couldn't let him end the conversation as he did.

''Theo—'' Isla gasped, her hand slid along his wrist, wrapping her fist around it, and he halted, immediately, ''Don't do this, please, don't just leave this—''

He didn't say a word.

Theodore spun around, and in a swift move, he caught her jaws in his palms, and he kissed her.

He kissed her so slowly, savoring every flavor of her he could for moments, and Isla kissed him back, her hands pushing into his chest as she let herself cave into him.

Their bodies pressed together, souls tangled.

His skin felt smoothly against hers, and he couldn't stop. He let his tongue battle hers, their lips moving along the others. His grip on her body broke her heart until he drew back.

Smiling, shyly to himself, as he backed away. His touch falling from hers, slipping down her arm, and he trapped her hand.

''I am going to miss that,'' He whispered, almost below his breath so that she wouldn't hear, ''I am going to miss you, Isla.''

Her lips parting to say it back, to tell him she'd miss him even more, but she didn't get the chance to do so before he reached her hand between them, leaving a soft kiss on her knuckles,

And then — then Theodore Nott walked away.

_____