Chapter 37: Unknown fear

Khushi was laying on the bed with her hand gripping the soft pillow. There is so much fear in her eyes that made him shaken. Doctors were trying hard to control her but she is struggling and moving her head left and right not in a situation to cooperate.

His eyes get watery seeing the intensity of pain she went through and still suffering. He wanted to hold her, embrace her, but more he come near her, more she flinch and step back in fear.

Khushi: ''Cho..le do mujhe..choldo...main Arnavji ko batayungi...mujhe mat chuna..'' (Leave me..i will complaint to my arnavji..don't touch me)

She close her eyes tightly in order to vanish the image of this man in front of her.

Her words trigger directly to his soul. A dreadful fear arise her just by seeing him. She get hyper and began to throw things whatever she get on the floor. Not getting any calmness, she scratch herself through her sharp nails and in the process hit her stomach. Unknown pain cause to her stomach and scream more.

Nurses came rushing there and grip her both hand and tied her through the rope. More tears filled his eyes. He can't see her like this.

Arnav: What are you doing..Leave her..I said leave her got dammit!!!

When they won't stop this act, he move forward in a fast pace to stop this non sense but the moment khushi heard his footsteps, she inch back and hug herself leading him to step back again.

Doctor: Mr raizada, please leave this room..I think she has some fear from you.

Arnav: What? He look on shocked.

Doctor: Your sudden appearance made her situation out of control. We can't give her electric shock, it is dangerous for her unborn. This is what i feared the most. Till now she never reacted like this. I will suggest you to be away from her as much as possible and don't come in front of her at present. YOUR PRESENCE IS THE BIGGEST THREAT FOR HER LIFE..she can slip in coma..please go..

Due to sedative effect, she get conscious again.

''Khushi..'' He reached her and remove the rope from her hands.

Arnav: Why she is afraid of me? Say clearly. What had happened to her? Why she reacted like this seeing me?

Doctor: She is mentally ill. Some moments from the past capture her brain. She think you are her enemy and wanted to harm her. Right now i can't say much not until her reports will come.

Arnav: He stood up in rage seeing her reddening skin. How could you hurt her?

''What about that hurt you impose upon her?'' A mocking voice heard to him. But before he make any movement, she grab his hand and took him out of the room.

Anjali: HOW DARE YOU STEP NEAR HER..I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM KHUSHI..

Arnav: Di..

Anjali: Just shut up Mr raizada. Last time you get escape from my gun but if i again i find you anywhere near her, i swear i unfill all the bullets to your head..

Arnav: ''Do whatever you like i don't care about myself.. i won't leave her at this condition..'' He switch to go inside, but she block his way.

Anjali: Ofcourse! Why would you leave, after all you love playing with women, right? He stop on his track and close his eyes.

''You are only sole responsible for her condition. Now what do you want? Aren't you satisfied damaging her? Why you wanted to kill her more? She is completely damaged and no amount of your redemption going to cure her..(He is feeling like thousand of needles pricking his heart. )

''You know what doctor said there are only 40% chances for her to get back to normal and if this continue she been like this life long..'' He turn and face her in retaliation.

Arnav: ''No..this is not true..Khushi can't punish me like this.. She can't be like this..She is fine..once she will wake up she will be alright..'' He said not ready to accept the reality so does Ananya who just arrive there and get shocked seeing her in a miserable state.

Anjali: This is the true Mr Raizada. Your betrayal made her mentally ill. You are responsible for this condition of hers..(She said pointing her finger to Arnav) You made a happy and cheerful khushi- a dead soul. A MENTALLY RETARDED CHILD. She don't even realize a small innocent live is dependent on her. Along with her, that innocent unborn also suffering. How can a father so mean and cruel to his child. Her own lover cheated on her. You brutally crushed her dreams leaving her at a point when she had been needed you the most.

At this stage, when a women needed love and care from her husband, you tag a permanent mistress tag on her modesty instead of putting sindoor on her. Just imagine how she had felt when her own lover accused her being a characterless, slapped her and engaged to another women in front of her. You call her child a wh*** how can anyone expect her to act normally. At a early age, she lost her mother, lost her family. Her only support system, her fiancee too deceive her selling her to YOU on marriage day. I admit she made mistake by not accepting your love at first time. But she wasn't at fault it was only me who send her to you that night. She carry your first baby, unfortunately she wasn't aware of that tiny creature presence inside her, which later get killed by Rishab and kavya. When she found out everything, she admitted her feelings and what you did? You made mockery of her feelings, played with her emotions, with her honor, with her moral values and humiliate her.

Ananya cried hearing the truth. She pressed her mouth to stiffen her sob. The reality tore her. Then she show him letter which she had got from payal.

He recognize her handwriting and saw his name written to it.

Anjali: Read it.

Arnav: No.. (he shook his head negatively and step back.)

Anjali: What happen now? You deserve to know to what extend your actions wounded her. She handed it to him forcefully. His hand tremble to hold it.

Taking a sharp breathe, he lifted the letter he is holding and started to read the content with millions of unsteady thoughts in his mind.

''Dear Arnavji..''

She wrote the first two letter and then cut the word DEAR and write only Arnavji

''First of all i wanted to congratulate for your marriage. I hope that girl keep you happy.. Although i feel bad to say this but one thing i noticed she really love you and I wish and pray you won't break her heart like me. Uff i am such a stupid! How can you break her heart. You love her right? This hatred and rejection only for a mistress like me.

Arnav: ''Khushi..no.. please don't say like this..You are not mistress..you are not..you are my life..my love..'' He wanted to say this louder so that his voice reach her ear but sadly it's not. Somehow he calm his breathe and managed to read it further holding his painful breathe.

''I tried Arnavji..I tried to change your hatred into love. At last your hatred defeated my love. You won and i loose. How many times i try to make you believe that I... Anyways it useless now. I will not spoil that girl's life by telling you the truth. I am okay with it even if you hate me entire life. No problem. I think you are right..I killed everyone you loved..I don't deserve to be called as wife..to be a mother..to live a normal life..I know you don't wish to see my face..You hate me and i am okay with it. May be you won't like my presence. Its completely fine by me. But still after everything happened, i can't hate you. Your love rushed in my veins..

You know Mumma always been very protective toward me. Since the start she restrain me from talking to boys. She used to tell me that love give only pain and dreams are made to get broken but i retorted her saying one day i prove her wrong as i believe my rajkumar will come and protect me from all evilness. That's why she fixed my marriage to Rishab in a early age to secure my life. At that time i was so naive to understand and asked her many times why she don't believe in love? Did anyone cheated her? Did anyone hurt her? She never say anyone just hugged me tighter and cried for a longer time. But now i realized what that tears meant. She wanted to warn me from trusting a fairy tale love story. Definately someone had broken her heart. I saw the same pain in her eyes which i am immune to it. Thanks to you, Your cheating prove her biggest fear into reality. Her all hopes to see me a bride shattered by now. It's my biggest mistake to think a mistress can ever dream for a man who will love her. So i decided to never see any dreams, to never believe in marriage. I am a mistress and everyone acknowledge me that. You made me so popular in public.. (Tear tripped on that word. )

You said your desire..your satisfaction..your revenge is over and you don't need me anymore but the culmination of your betrayal still growing inside me. What about that? I don't want to cause any trouble in your married life but i can't carry this seed of yours. It made me feel dirty and awful. It will always make me remember your hatred. I have no one in this cruel world that is mine except this child. But what if one day he or she cheat me like his father did? I can't carry this burden all my life neither i can kill your child for the second time otherwise you again accuse me a murderer. Upon that i gave you promised i return back everything you lost- your child and Di.

You will be very happy to know your Di is alive, she will come back to you very soon and regarding this unborn, if you have any soft corner or attachment to it, then come and take it back i will send you my address to you. After that, You can kill him, throw him to garbage, keep it to yourself or do whatever you want to this child of yours. It's completely your choice. Because Khushi Gupta not in any term to face another cheating from a flesh as his father. Probably you won't accept a mistress child as yours. No man will ever accept it. It has no future So i come to only one conclusion. [he noticed some strains of tears on the paper) Sorry to break your promise but i have no option rather than to end my life. If by any chance your child survive, keep him miles away from my bad shadow. Never tell him know how bad his mother was. A mother can bear anything, can't see her child to hate her.

I love you and always be happy..

-Your Khushi

He sank on the ground after reading it. Each and every word cause piercing hole to his heart. His sins made her mentally ill. How badly he had killed her, he realized it now. He wanted to kill himself for this.

But all he can do is too curse himself, nothing else. It is too late to do anything. He wanted her to punish him, hate him, reject him. Never in any wildest dream he imagine she will torture him like this by torturing herself. This punishment is worsen than anything. He lay there in a paralyzed state, not knowing what to do and how to reduce her pain. He get numb, so numb didn't realize what Si and Ananya were saying. His breathe almost died after knowing the intensity of pain she had went through.

He lifted his gaze hearing her voice and stood outside staring her from glass. Tears rolling down wetting his face and his eyes fixed on Khushi who is crying like a small baby calling out only one name- ARNAVJI.

Why do you love me so much, Khushi? Why?

Everytime he was wrong..he was wrong in judging people. He was wrong about kavya..he was wrong about khushi.

Anjali: ''Now why you are feeling bad? This is what you had planned for her. You wanted to break her..your wish get fulfilled. Now go and have fun..'' He close his eyes fighting with himself blindly. Panic filled his senses when he heard her scream from inside the room.

Unable to bear her pain, he left from there.

Ananya clutch her mouth unable to believe her eyes. She wanted to met her and about to go inside but Anjali put her hand on the handle.

Anjali: You can't meet her. (She said in a strict tone.)

Annaya: Di please let me go. She is my sister.

Anjali: Sister? Ohh so Aman was saying true. You are her elder sister..that's great. Congratulations the biggest hurdle between you and Arnav is removed..Now you can easily marry Arnav without any interruption. Don't worry about her..she never create problem in your married life henceforth. Sooner Arnav will forget her and move on. But being a women, i wanted to give you one last advice. I know my brother and his habits of using women like tissue paper. Like Khushi, once he get bored of you, your condition will be same as hers.

Ananya: Mujhe maaf kardo..mujhe nahi pata tha ki khus.. (Forgive me please..I didn't know before she is..)

Anjali: What do you mean you are not aware of it? Even if she wasn't your sister, how can you destroy any women life by putting false accusation and let her down. This is what your father taught you? Don't you feel ashamed? How can you do this to your own sister? I am glad Khushi never knew she had a mean and selfish sister like you. (She shouted on her face making her to close her eyes.)

You know I have seen her crying many times for her loved ones..She used to tell me Anju, what is my fault that everyone i loved left me? She always wanted to build a perfect family. Thanks to you, her only wish to become Arnav's wife has been shattered by her own sister. What an irony of destiny, till now she has no one and when she got her family, her elder sister, she is not in a state to understand the meaning of a FAMILY...have no value of a sister. What will be her condition that day? How she will face another bitter reality that her own sister break her home? If you had ask her once, she sacrifice everything for your happiness. This is how Khushi is. She always ready to die for the person she loved. do everything that make her them happy. See today how her unconditional love for him become the reason of her destruction. But i will not blame you. Somewhere i am also reason of it. I should have tell the truth before. I was so blinded for my brother, i never thought he can ever become a rapist..''

After a while longer, doctor came out and she went to his cabin accompanied by Aman.

Ananya: I am sorry Khushi. Please forgive me.

~~~

He drive the SUV in a super fast speed. Her painful cry keep haunting him. He become so wild in his guilt that he couldn't think about anything just keep applying the gear and increases the pace.

Arnavji..

Her voice brought him out of trace. His eyes widen to see himself going toward the edge of cliff. With a sudden jerk, he apply the brake but his car come crashing down the cliff and it fell inside the depth. He found himself falling down as the death approaching him.

At present only thing he knew to save Khushi. With that thought in mind, he grab the wooden log and struggle to move upward upward. her face came before his eyes. It's like she giving her hand to him asking him to come up. He smile and went up. But the moment he reached at the edge she disappear.

Khushi..

He breathe harsh as the memories of past came alive to him. This is the same place from where he had pushed her and left her to die. She cried for help but he never give mercy to her. This is what i deserve. He punch his hand. Her voice still vibrating to his ears. He make her fall from there, how can I do this to her? It made him feel terrible.

Ahh..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He screamed in pain not finding any means to let out this frustration..

~~~

In a old bunglow:

Nani: Chotte what happen? She asked caressing his hairs but get no response. His head laying on her lap and his eyes swollen.

It's strange. Never in the entire life, she had seen him so much broken. Not even after he witness the dead bodies of parents. Whenever he get upset he come to his Nani's place and keep his head on her lap for a while longer. Her peacefully warmth give him power and motivation to face any tough situation. But today it is completely different tale. None of her words able to sooth him. Instead he is getting more restless. For the outside world, Arnav Singh Raizada is a tough and ruthless man. This side of his only aware by Nani..

She getting really worried now. His silent tears were more dangerous than anything. It makes her really worried.

Nani: ''Tell me what is bothering you?'' She asked making him to lift his head and urge him to speak out.

Arnav: Nani. I lost her..i lost her..My stupidity made her life hell.

Nani: So my grandson is in love. Who is that lucky girl..?

Arnav: She is the most unlucky women to love a monster like me..she is broken..all because of me. I need to be punished but why god again punishing her? (Pain stinging his heart..) I never believed in your idol but she believe her..tell your god to heal her..she is innocent and fragile..Her heart is made of glass..But i am unable to collect those broken pieces of glass..I am helpless Nani.. I promise i never trouble her whatever punishment god give me, i am ready to pay for it but please made her alright..i can't see her like this..

Nani: We cannot change the past. All we can do is to make future better. Go and heal her. She needed you. (He look at her tearfully not having courage to face her again.) You know the person who cause the pain should only become the medicine..I am telling this from experience..don't you know what your nana did with me?

Arnav: I can't..she will hate me more..my deeds are too grave to get healed.

Nani: Then let her be. you do your cause and leave everything on DM. If you are truly regretting for your deeds and your love is pure then DM will hear your prayers. You have to become her strength, not weakness..'' She said and gave him courage to fight.

Nani: Be prepared. Your mission has just started. Don't give up. He nodded weakly and gently wipe his tears before give her blessings.

Arnav: You said it right nani..I can't give up. (He said hugging him and she lead him to the door.) Thank you nani and take care of yourself.. With that he ran out of patience and put the ignition and drove to the destination.

In the hospital:

Slowly he open the door after making sure she is asleep. He reached to her bed making sure his footsteps won't break her slumber. He sat next to her and saw her cuddling to herself cutely.

At first he panic hearing his name from her. But then he realized she is mumbling in her sleep. He sat next to her and hesitant to touch her when his eyes fell on her heavy stomach.

Arnav: I am sorry to make your mum cry..I really don't deserve both of you..because of me, she try to harm you today..Don't get upset on her..she is not at fault..i am responsible of it..Your father is a bad person but see the brighter side, you got an angel like mother. She love you very much. I cannot ask anyone who can help me into this..Will you help me to heal your mother? I promise i never hurt her. We will together heal her and made her to recover from this trauma.

Tell me will you help me? Suddenly he felt some movement from her side. He get alerted and proceed to go but before he move, she grip his hand. His eyes widen, all he pray she won't see his face and get scared again. He wait for a moment. By getting no response, he turned slightly to see her face. To his relief, she is still asleep. Very tenderly, he remove her grip from his shirt and went from there.

To be continued!

Precap: Khushi went missing from hospital.

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