Chapter Seven

Duty, Justice, And Survival

I slowly clip the arrow onto the bow string and then placed my fingers above it. I brought my arms up together to my eye level, drive my right hand all the way back to the side of my face and then breath slowly. I relaxed my hands on the bow before closing my eyes. I let out another sigh before finally releasing the arrow from my hand.

Ilang beses akong napalunok pero ang lahat ng kaba at pagod ko ay agad napawi nang kahit nakapikit ay walang hirap kong nasapul ang pinakagitnang kulay pula sa aking target board.

A victorious smile crept on my lips. Muli akong humila ng bala para sa aking pana. I closed one of my eye as I follow a bird flying across the bamboo trees. Napaawang ang aking bibig at pagkatapos ay muling nangisi nang sa aking pagbitiw ay sunod na bumagsak iyon sa lupa.

Ang tunog ng mga tuyong dahon at mga ugat sa gubat ang sunod na namayani sa kapaligiran sa aking pagtakbo't paglapit sa ibong nahuli.

"Fried chicken ka ngayon." nakangisi kong sabi matapos iyong pulutin sa lupa at titigan.

Perfecting archery was the only thing I did since Milev left me again. Linggo-linggo ko siyang in-a-update at masaya ito sa naging progress ko. It took me three more months to be able to hunt and kill with my skill even with my eyes closed.

"Kung uuwi ka titirhan kita masarap pa naman." nakangiti kong sabi sa kanya habang nasa harapan ng laptop na kanyang iniwan para sa akin.

She left me some articles to read. Bukod sa makausap siya at sa mga gusto niyang ipaaral sa akin ay wala ng silbi ang computer. I couldn't even use the internet and even if I want to, wala naman akong idea doon. I trust Milev in everything so when she said that it was not time for me to learn about the world through it, I didn't even bother asking why.

"I don't know when will I come home, Dom. Masyado akong maraming ginagawa ngayon."

"Alam ko. Palagi ka namang busy sa trabaho mo. Hindi mo rin naman sinasabi kung ano talaga at ayaw mo rin naman ng tulong ko kaya nasanay na rin ako. Besides, I'm fine. At least wala akong kahati kay Pocholo." I said while bragging the piece of the cooked bird in front of her.

"Did you really just named your food?"

"He was the best catch I've ever had so yeah."

She laughed at that. Marami pa kaming napag-usapan. She told me about how stressed she was but the reason behind that remained a mystery. Gaya ng sabi ko, sanay na ako doon.

I sat and relax on the living room after finishing my dinner. Binuksan ko ang TV at naisipang manuod ng pelikula galing sa mga CD na nasa aking gilid. Good thing Milev taught me how to use the CD drive. Tuwing bumibisita rin noon rito si Martisha ay marami siyang dalang mga bagong CD at ang iba doon ay hindi ko pa napapanuod.

Sa mga pagkakataong ito ay maaga akong natutulog o 'di kaya naman ay nagpupuyat sa training pero ngayong gabi ay gusto kong magpahinga.

I've never watch a full english romance movie before because I was used to watching spy movies and such so I wasn't prepared with it. Sa umpisa pa lang ay na-hook na ako kahit na ni minsan ay hindi ko naisip ang tungkol sa pag-ibig. Yes, I knew it exists but I always felt like unconditional love wasn't really possible. Suntok sa buwan kung mayroon man.

I absentmindedly bit my lip and got more curious when I got into the steamy part where the characters finally kissed and made love. May kung ano sa aking hindi ko maintindihan. My cheeks were burning just by watching it. Hindi ko napigilang mapaawang ang aking mga bibig matapos maisip na isang araw ay mahahalikan rin ako ng isang lalaki.

The scene was so sensual that it got into my head. Hanggang sa pagtulog ay iyon ang panaginip ko, making me binge all the romantic films the next day.

"Matagal ka pa bang uuwi?"

"Have you finished reading what I sent you?"

"I'm halfway through it."

"Good. I'll send you another one once you're done with it."

"Hindi ka uuwi?"

Natigil siya sa pagbuga ng yosing hawak. Binalingan niya ako galing sa screen. Kuryosong mga mata ang tumitig sa akin.

"Are you being lonely now, Dom?"

Umiling ako kaagad. "I am not."

"Then what's up?"

Nahihiya ko siyang tinitigan. Mas lalo akong kinabahan sa pagtaas ng kilay niya.

"Malapit na ang fifteenth birthday ko."

"And?"

"I was just thinking about you sending me more films to watch."

"Films, huh?"

"It's my birthday, Milev. I wasn't behind on everything that you've asked me to do. I need more entertainment."

"How about finding the river and try catching a fish?"

I swallowed hard at that. Mabuti na lang at sa huli'y naintindihan niya ang pangangailangan ko. I never asked her for anything and that's the first kaya napagbigyan rin ako.

She sent me a cake and a luggage full of movies to watch. It was sent to me via drone. Walang pagsidlan ang naging pasasalamat ko sa kanya lalo pa't nasunod ang requests kong puro romantic films ang ipadala niya.

Imbes na ma-distract rin sa mga bagong pinagkakaabalahan ay mas lalo pa akong naging masigasig sa lahat ng mga pinagagawa niya sa akin.

"Verdict?" Milev asked on the other line.

Katatapos ko lang basahin mga law books na ibinigay niya sa akin upang pag-aralan. Sa tuwing kausap ko siya ang nag-di-discuss kami ng kaso.

"Guilty."

"And what should we do if we found out the accused was guilty? What's the justice that he deserved?"

Napalunok ako sa naisip. Milev move her hand on the screen, urging me to answer.

"Death."

"Good." she answered with a smile on her face.

There was no death punishment in the books that she made me read, but her world has. And that's what people like me need to follow. Hindi ang batas ng gobyerno, hindi ang batas na alam ng maraming tao, kung hindi ang batas na nararapat sa mga taong walang ibang ginawa kung hindi ang pahirapan ang mga walang kalaban-labang nilalang. Death was the only thing so justice could be obtained.

"I'll send you parts of the kinjia that you needed to learn."

"Kinjia?"

"You'll know about it soon, Dom. Kaunting-kaunti na lang."

"Am I ready for whatever life you're about to introduce to me?"

"You'll know the answer to that soon. Even so, know that I'm already proud of you."

Hindi nawala ang ngiti ko matapos ang aming pag-uusap. Hearing her say that every time makes my heart giddy. Wala sa hinagap kong pasayahin si Milev sa lahat ng mga progress ko pero simula ng una kong marinig sa kanya ang mga salitang iyon ay iyon na rin ang naging basehan ng kasiyahan at fulfillment sa puso ko.

Milev went home for two days after another month of being away. I was delighted to see her again. Hindi nawala ang tuwa sa aking puso habang pinagsisilbihan ko siya. Dama ko ring na-miss niya ako at kahit paano ay masayang-masaya ring makita ako.

"Have you ever been in love?"

She almost burst out in laughing because of my question. She was having wine while staring at the moon. Ako naman ay nakatitig lang sa kanya.

Milev was a beautiful woman. Ang mga gaya niya ay sa TV ko lang rin nakikita noon. She was always sophisticated and her presence was always powerful in my eyes. Malayo pa lang ay parang gusto mo ng lumuhod sa harapan nito.

Now remembering what she said about her past life, ako ang nagiging proud sa kanya. She'd come a long way and I couldn't wait to be like her. Powerful, beautiful, and a bit of immortal. Having some knowledge of her world, alam ko nang marami na siyang napatay. Did it scared me? No. It actually made me admire her more.

"What kind of silly question is that, Dominika?"

"Gusto ko lang malaman."

"And why?"

Nagkibit ako ng balikat. "Gusto ko lang malaman kung anong pakiramdam no'n."

She puffed her cigarette. Halos maubos iyon sa ginawa niyang paghithit.

"This is why I'm not really convinced of sending you those films."

"Bakit naman? Hindi ba dapat ko ring maintindihan ang bagay na 'yon? Hindi ba 'yon kailangan sa buhay ko?"

That made her stop and think for a bit. Kalaunan ay tumango siya.

"Love comes in so many forms and ways. Hindi lang galing sa iisang tao o lalaki nagmumula ang bagay na 'yon."

I nodded. "They said loving someone is one of the best thing in the world, is it true?"

"They're wrong. Sometimes love can only get you worst and that's the only thing you need to learn and understand, Dominika."

"But that's also a part of loving someone–"

"Dominika," nahinto ako sa lamig ng boses niyang pumutol sa akin matapos akong titigan. "Love is the least thing you need to think about. We are different than those people you watched in stupid movies and we will never be like them. Perfect love is only an illusion."

Napalunok ako't natahimik. All my admiration, excitement and delusion about the matter were thrown out of the window. I listened to her.

"You know what's the only thing we need to keep in mind? Our duty, justice, and survival. I hate to break it up to you, but love will never have a space in your life. It shouldn't because that will only make you weak. Wala kang ibang dapat mahalin kung hindi ang sarili mo."

"But I love you. You saved me."

Ibinalik niya ang yosi sa bibig. Hindi inasahan ang mga salitang lumabas sa aking mga labi.

"You have to love yourself more than anyone else. Even me. Hindi ko gustong tanawin mong utang na loob ang lahat ng ginawa ko kung hindi bagong pag-asa para sa ikabubuti mo. It will make me very happy to see you change your life for the better."

"So that means you've never been in love?"

Bigo siyang umiling kahit na ayaw nang sagutin pa't balikan ang tanong kong iyon.

"Marami ka pang kailangang malaman at matutunang mas importante bukod sa bagay na 'yan at iyon ang gusto kong mas pagtuonan mo ng pansin. You want to be like me, right?"

Marahan akong tumango.

"Then forget about love and just focus on what I asked you to do."

Hindi na ako nangulit. Naniniwala akong walang puwang ang pagmamahal sa buhay niya pero hindi ako naniniwalang wala siyang minahal kahit kailan. It was too impossible. Gayunpaman, sinunod ko ang gusto niyang huwag na iyong isipin o bigyan pa ng panahon.

I slept peacefully that night, but I was awakened by Milev two hours after. Malakas ang naging pagkalampag ng puso ko nang makita ang kanyang pagkataranta.

"We need to go! Follow me, Dominika!"

"M-Milev–"

"Now!" she shouted!

Sa mga sumunod na minuto ay para akong dahong sumasabay lang sa malakas na ihip ng hangin. Kahit na mabilis ang mga pangyayari, nakikita ko ang mabagal na paggalaw ng lahat. Everything was in slow motion right after she asked me to grab one of the luggage under the sink.

Wala na akong nagawa pa kung hindi ang matulala habang pinapanuod siyang buhusan ng gas ang buong bahay. My head was screaming. Bumaha ng mga katanungan pero ni isang salita sa aking bibig ay walang lumabas. As if once again, I was mute.

Hawak ng mahigpit ang luggage at yakap ang kanyang bag ay tulala kong pinanunuod ang pagtupok ng nagbabagang apoy sa lugar kung saan ilang taon akong nanirahan. Milev was talking to someone on the other line. She was tensed. Nanatili akong tulala at walang nasabi kahit na hinihila na niya ako palayo sa lugar.