Temperance: Since you haven't been annoying, and you have been begging me for one, I will allow you to hug me, just one hug.

Gluttony: For how long?

Temperance: Four to five seconds.

Gluttony: Forty five seconds!

Temperance: Wait no -

Gluttony, already hugging: too late.

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Wrath: Pass the salt.

Kiana: What's the magic word?

Wrath: Or else.

Kiana: Not what I meant but point taken.

#has this been done before i cant remember

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Curse: Oh my God, Dad, Despair and I do not have pet names for each other.

Witchcraft: Okay, sure. What do bees make?

Curse: honey?

Witchcraft:

Necromancy: You're doing it wrong. [kicks Curse in the shins]

Curse: OW YOU RAT BASTARD.

Despair, walking in: Yeah, what do you want?

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Temperance: So let me get this straight -

Diligence: More like, let me run this bi you.

Greed: Lesbi honest.

Lust: Let's pan this out!

Chastity: Shall we ace-ess this situation?

Gluttony: I'm gay.

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Priest: Do you take Akram as your lawfully wedded husband?

Greed: There's been a mistake.

Audience: [gasp]

Charity: Ava -

Greed: Something's not right.

Greed: THE FLOWERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WHITE ACEDIA YOU HAD ONE JOB.

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Kiana: Why haven't you asked Payshie out yet?

Wrath: Because I'd destroy him.

Kiana: Bitch, he would love that.

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Kindness: Okay, so you and I are married.

Envy: We are not married.

Kindness: Relax, it's just pretend.

Envy: I don't wanna pretend.

Kindness: Are you scared you'll like it?

Envy: Okay then, if we're married, I want a house and a kid and to be able to kiss you whenever I like.

Envy: And none of that was hypothetical bullshit.

Kindness: Alright, I accept.

Envy: Great.

Diligence: What the fuck just happened.

Greed, sipping coffee: I think they just got engaged.

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Love: It's how life works. You live, then you die.

Adjudicate: Buuuut sometimes you live, and then you die, and then you live again! I know, I've done it.

Love: Fucking zombies.

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Diligence: Why are you sitting here?

Charity: Well, Greed told me she went to the bathroom so I'm waiting for her.

Diligence:

Charity: She even winked at me and said, 'I'll be waiting,' so I guess she'll be long in there.

Diligence:

Diligence, smacks Charity's head: She's inviting you to fuck her in the bathroom, you idiot. Get in there!

Charity: Oh- OH!

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Thriftless: What if ducks threw bread back at you?

Chaos: You'd duck.

Ignorance: I hate you both.

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Gluttony: Sloth, you need to react when people cry.

Sloth: I did, I rolled my eyes.

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Wrath: You doodle her name everywhere like a bloody lovestruck thot, Envy, just ask her out already.

Gluttony: He can't do it, bro.

Envy: Yes I can, bitch, watch me.

Envy, approaches Kindness: Hey, idiot.

Kindness: Hey, Envy.

Envy: Are you free tonight?

Kindness: Yeah, why?

Envy: [panics]

Envy: im not. goodbye.

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Charity: I suppose you're going to tell me that if I hurt Greed, you'll make me regret it?

Wrath: Oh, please. If you hurt Greed, Greed will make you regret it.

Wrath: I'm just here to tell you I'll gladly watch her tear you to pieces if that happens.

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Serenity: Alright, Courage, give me your perfume.

Courage: What are you talking about?

Serenity: Don't you carry perfume in your purse?

Courage: Have you ever met a human before? Why would you think that?

[Later]

Serenity: Hey, do you carry perfume in your purse?

Love, pulling out three different scents: Of course, I'm not an animal.

#my headcanon is that serenity would be a girl

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Gluttony: have a beer.

Temperance: my body is a temple.

Gluttony: uh, mines an amusement park.

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Rebel: I'm stupid.

Murder: Why?

Rebel: I asked Honesty out.

Violence: That's not stupid, you like him.

Rebel: I ran away before he answered.

Violence: That is the stupidest thing you've ever done.

Murder: May I ask how we're still friends?

#my headcanon is that honesty is a guy #pls dont attack me loves

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Priest: Repeat after me.

Courage: After me.

Priest:

Priest, to Violence: Are you sure you want to marry this one?

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Patience: What are you going to bring to Kiana's birthday dinner?

Wrath: My negative attitude and sparkling personality.

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Rebel: Vibrator is a kind of makeup that many people can use, dildo is a kind of chocolate.

Honesty: I see!

[Later]

Honesty: Hey, Love, are you using a vibrator right now?

Love, spilling out tea: What the fuck, Honey?

Honesty: How about a dildo? Have you ever tasted it? Is it good?

Love: Honey, I'm a lesbian.

Honesty: And I'm gay. Now show me the dildo so I can taste it properly.

#im really exposing my actual headcanons here #jealousy is a girl in my headcanon #rebel is a guy #honesty is also a guy #dont stop me #also honey is a cute nickname for honesty

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Drunken: Only this morning in the courtyard I saw a horse with two heads and two bodies!

Addiction: Two horses standing next to each other?

Drunken: Yeah I suppose that could have been as well.

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Kindness: Do you ever get lonely?

Envy: Of course not, I remain lonely.

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Animancy: Cool cloak.

Mischievous: No, it's actually quite warm.

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Temperance: Gluttony is just always eating, it gets annoying.

Greed: Tell me about it. And Charity always forgots to clean the dishes when it's his turn. Men, am I right?

Gluttony, with Charity: We're right next to you, you know.

Temperance: We know.

Greed: So?

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Chastity: Hey, guys, guess what I got.

Kindness: A boyfriend?

Temperance: A real job?

Diligence: Better clothes?

Chastity: I came here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.

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Humility: I may not have a gender.

Humility: But I have cardigans.

Humility: And that's way better.

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Despair: Good news I'm quitting the human race and becoming a snail.

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Violence: FOUR MONTHS.

Courage: What's he talking about?

Rebel: It's not that big of a deal -

Violence: THAT'S HOW LONG YOU STOOD BY AND WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE PLANT.

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Greed: Has anyone seen my top?

Sloth, not looking up from her Nintendo Switch: Charity's upstairs.

Gluttony: [spits out his Caprisun]

Greed: SLOTH!

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Knowledge: If it's a concussion, you have to keep him conscious. Ask him stuff.

Thriftless: Ignorance, what's seven times seven?

Knowledge: Stuff he knows!

#AHAHAH IDK WHY I LOVE THIS ONE

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Kindness: [goes to get a drink after telling the Virtues about Kindvy's relationship]

Temperance: You even think about hurting her, they'll never find your body.

Diligence: My axe is still sharp, just in case.

Patience: I'll make sure you don't hear from her again.

Charity: We can make your life very miserable.

Chastity: Ruin her body and I'll ruin yours. Involving your blood.

Humility: Kindness is one of us. You hurt her, all of us will hurt you.

Kindness, back with her drinks: Where did Envy go?

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Rebel: Love you, bro, no homo.

Honesty: Love you too, bro, no homo.

Courage, under her breath: So, SO homo.

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Defilement: You have seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Jealousy: Have everyone stand.

Thriftless: Bring three more chairs.

Ignorance: The most important ones can sit down.

Chaos: Kill three.

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Patience: [laughs nervously] Goodbyes are so awkward like do i go in for a kiss or a hug or what.

Pizza Delivery Man: Kid, please just take your food.

#patience is much awkward

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Despair: Completely giving up on life! Starring me, me, and introducing: me!

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Pride: I just realized that 'never' is the contraction of 'not ever'.

Lust: And 'blush' is a contraction of 'blood rush'.

Sloth: Also 'studying' is a contraction of 'students dying'.

Diligence:

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Wrath: Now that I've explained the answer to you for ten minutes, do you understand the problem?

Patience: Yes.

Wrath: Are you lying to me?

Patience, chokes: Yes.

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Mischievous: To answer your question, YES I WOULD die for my friends.

Mischievous: Go ahead, stab me with a knife I'll take it!

Mischievous: Shove poison down my throat, motherfucker, let's fight!

Cowardice, shaking: That's not even what I asked-

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Despair: How come the level of your relevance and the level of your hotness went up at the same rate?

Curse, blushing: w- whAt?

Cowardice, shocked: Despair?

Mischievous, sadly: Despair?

#mischievous just wants his best bro back #mischie: fuck off thot

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Chastity: Shucks.

Temperance: Hey, I'm upset about it too but let's watch the fucking language.

#love me a cussable temperance #also this is from homestuck #i love homestuck

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Demonism: I'm a lesbab.

Demonsim: Lestbee-

Demonism: Lessbean-

Shamanism, sipping tea: That's alright, take your time.

Demonism: BITCHES.

#i hope i dont have to explain

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Diligence: Hey, Sloth, what do bees make?

Sloth: honey?

Diligence: Yes, dear?

Sloth: [blushes]

[Meanwhile]

Charity: Hey, Greed, what do bees make?

Greed: Some stupid annoying sound, what the fuck do you want?

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Adjudicate: I'm crying, you made me cry.

Pride: Baby.

Adjudicate: Now is not the time for pet names.

Pride: No, I'm calling you a baby.

Pride: I'm insulting you.

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Diligence: Hey, Gluttony, I want to ask you something very serious.

Gluttony: What is it?

Diligence: [gets down on one knee] Gluttony, will you make me the happiest man in the world, and become the best man in mine and your sister's wedding?

Sloth: Are you serious-

Gluttony, tearing up: Oh my goodness, yes!

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Lust: I currently feel so ugly you have no idea.

Temperance: You look gorgeous!

Gluttony: We can see you so of course we know how ugly you are.

Temperance: Not helping.

Gluttony: I'm not here to be helpful.

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Envy: Don't talk down to me.

Wrath: Well I certainly can't talk up to you.

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Snickers commercial: You're not you when you're hungry.

Gluttony, always hungry: Who am I?

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Jealousy: You lost a lot of blood and passed out, do you remember anything?

Chaos: I can only remember the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Defilement: There wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

Chaos: But I heard sirens.

Ignorance: That was Thriftless.

Thriftless: I was WORRIED.

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Patience: Hey, guys, I taught one of my chickens to talk.

Kiana: Oh, yeah? Let's see it then.

Patience: What's two hundred pennies?

Chicken: Buck buck.

Patience: Who's the Winter Soldier from Avengers?

Chicken: Buck.

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Greed: I can't uderstand girls crying over cute things. Nothing can make me cry, nothing is cute enough.

Charity: Love, you should sleep, you are exhausted. Let me carry you.

Greed, crying: Fuck you, angel.

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Knowledge: Ignorance texted me saying, 'Your adorable' so I texted him back and said, 'No, YOU'RE adorable.'

Determination: And?

Knowledge: And now we're dating. Weird because all I did was point out a typo, but I like him so I'm not saying anything.

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Violence: [holds up a sign that says 'GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME?' on it]

Rebel, was sitting next to Courage: Holy shit, yes!

Violence: NO, tell Coury!

Rebel, to Courage: Hey, Panther, I'm going to the dance with your boyfriend.

#has this been done before? #violence and rebel is my brotp

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Lust: Hey, so, do you have any kinks I don't know about?

Wrath: Murder.

Lust: okay cool.

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Gluttony: WHY AREN'T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.

Temperance: WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.

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Arbitrous: I'm going to Walmart, do you want anything?

Provoke: I want my friend back.

Arbitrous: Yeah I have like twelve dollars.

#I like thinking the Unrestrained Sins II miss Mischievous so much like #they get shooketh when envy told them hes captured #bitches will fight this old man with blue hair

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Honesty: Knowledge won't get out of her dorm room. I don't know why she is mad at me and I can't get help on our homework if she doesn't come out.

Courage: Well, then say something factually incorrect.

Honesty: Like what?

[minutes later]

Knowledge: Who the fuck just said that their favourite planet is the sun?

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Thriftless: Is there a reason why we're friends with Ignorance?

Ignorance: Is that what you two are?

Chaos: What did you think we were?

Ignorance: My babysitters.

#i mean ignorance is babey #i love this trio

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Greed, drunk as hell: Dili.

Greed: Dili, I like your name.

Diligence, even more drunk than Greed: Thanks, I got it for my birthday.

#brotp

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SMSKSJKSK I DID IT.

2K INCORRECT QUOTES WITHOUT CHASLUST AHAHAHAHahahahahahah im crying this was painful but i enjoyed it nonetheless.