[trigger warning]
"I love our monthly Friday dates", I said, forcing myself to eat a tiny piece of my salad.
Don't eat more - you won't succeed, Kurt.
"Me too! It is certainly a great invention, by me", Blaine said proudly, fixing his bowtie with a tiny smirk. I took another bite, but regretted it as soon as I felt it falling down my throat - a lump of calories. A lump of fat.
You are just so sickly disgusting. Now, you'll get fat.
I put my fork and knife down, with a perfect one centimeter between them. In any other way, it would've annoyed me.
"It's December soon, isn't that weird? Almost one year since Baby it's cold outside, time passes so quickly!", said Blaine, smiling brightly.
"Yeah...", I said numbly. "It's been going really slowly latelt though", I continued, before even thinking about what I said. Blaine gave me a questioning look.
"What do you mean? Why?"
"...Exams mostly", I said shortly, only answering his last question. And he didn't bother to ask why.
"Okay"

My eyelids kept falling down in front of me, but I fought them. I wanted to stay awake.
You need to stay awake.
I kept placing my head on Blaine's shoulder. Maybe I could just take a nap? Just for a little while?
"Hey? Kurt?", Blaine whispered, looking at me instead of the TV, where Hermione was about to tell Ron how to pronounce Leviosa. Blaine loved Harry Potter. As books & films, of course. Although, everyone finds Daniel Radcliffe attractive.
"...Yeah?",  I said groggily.
"You know I love you, right?", he said, almost like he was worried. I looked at him, a little surprised and I smiled brightly. This was new. He'd never said it like that before.
"Of course I know that, silly! You tell me that every single day!", I said happily, still resting my head on his shoulder, where we were laying on my bed watching Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. "And I love you too", I continued. He stared at me, in the eyes, with such love.
"And you know that you can tell me everything?",  I nodded. He sighed, and not in a oh thank you I'm so relieved to know that. Well, I probably wasn't meant to hear it. But I did.
"Wait what are you..."
"It just feels like you're not telling me something"
He knows. He can't ever love you again.
No. No, no, no, no, no. Stop it.
"I'm not hiding anything...", I said sounding like I was about to break down. "And you know that I'd never do something to hurt you. Or hide something from you. I promise", Blaine was crying.
I'd like to so you try, Kurt. Already broken your promise.
"I love you way too much", and I kissed Blaine passionately. Like a waterfall the tears fell down from his face onto my shirt, making me cry. Because I did love him too much. He could just not know abou this. He'll not love me anymore.
No, wrong. He has never loved you.
As we pulled away I could see his eyes getting big, staring at somewhere below my elbow. On my wrist. Blaine gasped loudly, like he just had woken up from a nightmare or heard some bad news. I desperately eyed down my left arm, searching for what he was looking at. And I gasped too. Quietly, though.
No.
Oh, yes.
Stop it!
You are a freak. And he knows it.
There was blood on my shirt. Not much, just a little, but there was three perfectly-shaped forms of blood on my flowered shirt. I quickly covered it with my other hand.
The cuts from last night had bleed through the bandages.
I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, feeling my surroundings twisting in front of me as I started to panic, seeing my boyfriend open his mouth to say something I was so afraid to hear.
I'd almost stopped breathing.
"H-how... What's that?"
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Hi!🌻
Yes. I was inactive and I actually have school to blame!🙈 And because I've had tons of rehearsals for concerts and stuff like that☁️ Sorry!
Anyways, hope y'all enjoyed this lil shitty chapter & please leave a comment & maybe vote?💞
About to go to a concert atm, and you can't imagine how nervous I am! Ugh. And anxious🙁
Friendly reminder: I'm Swedish, which means that English is my second language. That's the reason my writing often isn't grammatically correct🎈
Have a lovely day!🌸
//C
ps. you can find me on other social media like Instagram under the name "Chilnava"