[ trigger warning. if you're easily triggered, this is not for you ]
I was helping Carole in the kitchen when Blaine called for the seventh time this evening.
"Hello Blaine. Again", I said as I answered, laughed inside and nodded as Carole mouthed a is it him? AGAIN?!
"Yup. Sorry. Hi Kurtsie. You still okay with me being away from tonight's Friday family dinner?", he asked nicely.
"Yes, as all of the other times", I answered politely, but inside I was screaming. I wanted him to be here.
He's better off with Sebastian.
He actually likes him.
"...you're not a little scared that I'm going to an only boys party?", he asked, joking. I laughed.
"Nope. You spent a year at a just for boys school and just look at how that ended...", I took a dramatic break, just to hear Blaine's sighs of regret "Gap", I ended and chuckled a little, just so that he couldn't hear my shaky tone.
I'm so afraid that he'll go off with Sebastian. I'm petrified of pure fear.
You're not enough, Kurt. Sebastian is.
"Ugh, Kurt. I've tried to forget that! Thank you for reminding me", Blaine said sarcastically. "Wait - bye! Sebastian's here to pick me up. See ya!", he said happily.
"By-", and he hung up. I didn't even finish.
He doesn't care about you.

At this point, Carole was finished with dinner. I took the last bowl, and carried it to the table where everyone was talking cheerfully already.
I took a tiny amount of chicken and salad, silently trying to eat petite bits slowly. Almost choking on every bite.
Don't eat, freak. It'll affect your result on your NYADA audition.
So I stopped, moved around the portion on my plate once in a while. To make them suspicious was the last thing I needed right now.
"So how's glee going guys?", my Dad asked casually. I went quieter than before, if that was possible. I became numb, not really moving at all as I heard the question. Finn shrugged his shoulders.
"I guess it's going well, we're preparing for regionals at the moment", he said, but turned to me almost directly. "But it would go so much better if you still were with us. Everybody misses your voice"
Both Carole and Dad turned to me with big eyes.
"What, Kurt?", Dad said, sounding of disappointment. He looked so confused. Carole too. "WHAT?", Finn looked from person to person, a little concerned.
"What? You didn't know?", he said, surprised. They both shook their heads, still staring into my soul. "Kurt quit glee about a month ago!"
"...why, Kurt? Why?", my Dad said, still in chock.
Fast answer. No one will know, Kurt.
"Well, just because I have other stuff. I have to focus on my studies", I said, a slightly shaky voice. Not remarkable for them to progress though.
"But you love glee!", Dad shouted, like he was trying to prove something.
Hide it. Hide it. Hide it.
"No, I don't!", I snapped.
Good.
They all stopped their actions. Looked at me, like I was joking.
But I wasn't.
I was lying.
And you're hiding it. And they still hate you. Just a little less. Because that means you're less extreme gay. You're a little more normal for them now, Kurt. But you never will be.
I was shaking now, on the verge of crying as the voice,
you,
became angrier, shouting at me.
In your head. You're not normal, Kurt.
"I-I only started there because you told me to do so!", I said with a desperate tone to it, desperate to hide me.
You're a freak.
They looked at me. Blinked a few times. Like they couldn't believe what they were seeing. Or hearing.
"WHAT? then what the hell are you doing when you come home at 7 pm? or in the early morning?!", he said fiercely, Carole trying to hold him back.
"I... I do my homework. I-I go to the dance studio. I train my vocals", I said, spitting out words in order to make them believe me. Clearly, neither of them did. My dad grabbed my wrist, my wrist. I quickly tried to get away, but without any success.
"Do you actually think we believe that? Do you think we're stupid?!", he shouted, Finn looking at me, not even trying to help me.
They know, Kurt. They know that you're a miserable human.
"Do you actually think that we can't see that you're not fine? Because that's your answer, every f-cking time", he paused, trying to get himself together. I was crying. Hysterically. Dad loosed the tight grab around my wrist, but not enough for me to get away.
"Didn't you think we'd realise at some point? Because it only took us a few days. You're barely eating! You don't look happy! Of course you're not fine", he said it so precisely, like he'd imagined this talk in his head.
You're a freak.
I shook my head, denying everything my Dad had just said. Carole going into the conversation now.
"If you need to talk Kurt we're here for you. Everyone is", she says.
"I'm perfectly fine! Why is everyone saying I'm not? I am!", I shouted back, sounding aggressive. Keeping the tears inside.
You are disgusting.
"Then why aren't you eating? Why do you look pale? Why does everything you put on look too big?", my dad said, confronting me. And the crying started, again, as I looked down on my plate.
Eat it.
Make them believe. Or you'll always be seen as I see you. You aren't worth a thought from someone. Because you are a bad human being.
"Look! I do eat!", I cried.
And I shuffed everything in. Choking. Chewing. Just wanting to barf. The food grew in my mouth. I've never tasted something so disgusting. It took me about three minutes to swallow. Choking, trying to swallow, choking again. And so on, over and over, until the lump was down. Growing bigger and bigger in my stomach. Making me fat. "Are you happy now?!", I cried, seeing only a blur in front of me.
You're a sickly disgusting human being. You just got so much more disgusting by eating that.
Everyone just looking at me, inspecting me, like I was some sort of rare animal in a zoo.
You're unwanted.
"Kurt, you've got to understand, we never wanted you to do that, we just...", Carole began, but I quickly cut her off.
"Just leave me alone! I'm perfectly fine, and you can see that!", I said, running up the stairs, into my room. Locked the door.
You need to get it out, Kurt. You're perfectly disgusting as you already are. Don't make more of it.
I looked around in the room. I couldn't go to the bathroom, they'll get suspicious. They'll know. They'll get how a freak I am, but they'll know that I'm trying to make myself more normal.
But they'll get that you're a freak.
You can't go out there.
You'll lose your family.
You don't want that, huh?
I desperately inspected my room.
I can't wait anymore.
I grabbed my rubbish bin, put two fingers in my throat and let out a relieved sigh.
Threw the trash bag out of the window.
Good work.
But they know, Kurt.
They think you're a freakshow.
That you're disgusting.
I put my hands to my head, my back against the wall as I sat in fetal position, begging the voice, me.
"No, no, please stop, please stop it..."
Where's your razor, Kurt?
-----
Hello humans(or aliens)(or amything)!🐝
So, this chapter was quite an emotional roller coaster. Sorry about that☔️
But stuff are actually happening now!⚡️

And I'm sorry about not updating, but I've been planning this chapter for a long time and just didn't have the will to write...🙈 so I hope you like it!💓
Next chapter will be happening right after this, so stay tuned!🌄

So I've also written a kind of very short Whouffaldi AU. Would any of you want to read that? Shall I post it on here?👀

Plus, don't forget to vote and comment!
They make me want to write more and always makes my day💖
So please tell me about what you think of the story? Is it too complicated? Is something missing? Everything helps🌻

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day whatever you're doing,
C

PS. here's my Instagram where I post Doctor Who edits: @chilnava
It would be lovely if you could check it out!🦄