[ A/N thingy: Hi! I hope you'll like this fanfic, although I do want to tell you that it might be triggering. Read it on your own risk]

Kurt's POV
I looked over at Blaine, who smiled at me. I faked a smile back.
You don't deserve him, Kurt. He's perfect. You're not.
I love him. With his hazel eyes, black hair with too much gel in, handsome body, lovely smile & amazing voice. I just don't deserve him.
Rachel had gotten the solo this week. As always. But I couldn't care less, because why would mr Schue give it to me?
Yeah, why would mr Schue give it to you, Kurt?
The bell rang. I stood up and started going.
"Kurt?", mr Schue said. I stopped.
"Yeah?", I looked at him surprisedly.
"Can I talk with you?", he said and gave Blaine a look, who stood behind me. "Alone?", Blaine nodded, mouthed something to mr Schue and went out from the choir room.
"So?", I said, while Blaine left.

Mr Schue looked at me with a worried smile.
"Um, Kurt. For the last few weeks you've been really silent, and you've looked sad... Is something bothering you? Cause' you know we're here for you, everyone in glee club are if somethings wrong...", said mr Schue. The question hit me hard. I panicked.
You're not hiding it enough, Kurt. Everyone's gonna think you're disgusting if you don't keep on doing it. You need to hide it better.
"Oh. No, mr Schue. I've just been a little stressed. School stuff. You know, I wanna get in to NYADA", I lied, trying to hide my eyes. I was on the verge of crying. I just needed a bit more and I would have a breakdown. "But thank you, for caring about me", I said, leaving the room. "Have a great weekend, mr Schue!"
As soon as I got out I ran out from the school. Luckily, glee club was the last lesson today. I could go. I needed to come home. I needed to be by myself.
You need to punish yourself, Kurt.
I sat down in my car and drove the fastest way home, crying.

I ran upstairs and looked through every drawer in my room looking for razors. After a little time I finally found it, hidden behind some books in my bedside table's drawer. I locked the bathroom door, crying. I took of my shirt, and frowned at the look of my body.
You're not thin enough, Kurt. You need to try more. Don't even try. Just do it.
I leant over the toilet. Put the fingers in my throat, over and over again, until I vomited. Over and over again, until there was nothing left in my stomach.
I sat up, looking at the razor on the floor.
Do it Kurt. You need to do it.
I grabbed it, shaking.
I needed to be perfect.
But I'm not.
I cut. I looked at the blood, running out. Red as roses.
I sighed in relief.
One for lying.
One for being fat.
One for not hiding it enough.
One for being me.
Every scar represent something that's wrong with you, Kurt. A lot is wrong with you.

Suddenly I heard the door open, and two loud voices fill the, before silent, house.
"Kurt! I'm home! Rachel's with me!", I heard Finn cry from downstairs. I panicked.
"O-Okay!", I shouted back, stuttering. I looked at my arm, the blood was dry. I stood up and started pouring water over the cuts, in a desperate action to get away from the bathroom, so they wouldn't find me here.
It hurt so much. But it was worth it.
I deserved it.

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Hello world!💕
This is my first ever Klaine fanfic, and I hope you'll like it!🙈
I've been reading sooo many Klaine fanfics the last month, and I thought, well, why not write one?🌚
I'm sorry if my grammar is wrong sometimes,  but I'm Swedish and English is not my mother language😅
Please give me feedback and vote❤️