"I thought I might find you here." Leah said. She sat beside me on a broken log abandoned on the shore of the beach.

"Mom and dad are worried sick." That didn't make me feel any better.

My fingers felt raw from where I had picked at them until they bled.

"I didn't mean for that to happen. I just....." I breathed a weary sigh. "I couldn't stay. I had to get away."

"I know. But after everything that has happened, you shouldn't just take off like that. We are your family Bella. We are here for you if you would let us. "

I tensed feeling the emotion crawling up my throat.  Not again, please. I begged.

I felt like I had shed enough tears to hold me over for an eternity.

"The pack is okay, by the way." It felt like my heart splintered inside. They had needed me and I hadn't come to their aid like a child who needed to be consoled.

I let my fear consume me and if something had happened to the pack it would have been my fault for chickening out.

"Whoever was out there got away." Again. They weren't going to be found until they wanted to be.

"How did you find me?" I wasn't surprised to find my voice as hollow as I felt.

Leah paused before answering. "I helped mom and dad search when I got home and found out what happened to no avail.  We couldn't find you. It wasn't until we were almost home that I remembered when we use to come here together when we were younger.  It was when mom and dad would get onto us for messing with Seth. He would tattle on us and we would run here where they couldn't find us to avoid punishment. " She laughed and it was as infectious as the happiness of the moment she was recalling.

I warmed at the memory.

That was right. This had been our safe haven when we wanted to run from our problems.

One I still clung to.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"What happened is that I'm a coward. I failed my pack and tribe by leaving them to fend for themselves against the enemy. I felt paralyzed in the moment. I just couldn't move to run to them. My body wouldn't budge. It told me to flee but it wasn't to the pack. I ran away to here, as far as I could get from the pain I wanted to leave behind." I choked on the words.

Leah's face fell in anguish. She pushed some hair that was falling in my eyes back behind my ear. I didn't even need to see it to know my hair looked a mess. I was a mess.

"I don't mean out there. I mean in here." She tapped my temples. "What is going on in there.  It's not like you to run away, not even when things get tough. You have always been one to stand up to the challenge and to be there for those in need."

Great, just more things for me to be ashamed about.

"I've tried to imagine, " She went on. "What it has been like for you, being the only female werewolf.  At first I was glad because it meant Sam wouldn't be alone out there. He would have someone to watch his back and I knew he would protect yours. I also had someone to finally talk to about it."

"Yeah, I could never believe Sam told you. He totally broke the rules by doing that." And so had I when I told Seth. I leaned forward to pick up a stick and started drawing random designs into the sand.

It gave my hands something to do.

Leah smiled. "He didn't have to tell me he was a werewolf. We were making out when suddenly he pulled back and next thing I knew he had phased into a wolf right through the bay window of his parent's living room. It became kind of obvious then." I bet.

Hell of a way to find out though.

"I also envied you though." My head jerked upright as I looked at her.  Her cheeks flushed at her confession.

She nodded as if to confirm. "Here you were, given this gift just like Sam. You two have that in common. In a way, you share a connection that I could never understand."

She gently pried the stick from my grasp and replaced it with her hand wrapped around mine. "I know you are struggling right now with things you must face that I can't even begin to imagine. But just know you have shown remarkable strength through the storm and that this one too shall pass. You won't feel this way forever Bella."

It felt like my face wanted to tear apart. I pulled my hand free and stood, turning to walk down the beach

I could hear Leah quick on my heels. She was as stubborn as I and not willing to back down on something she felt strongly about.

"Stop running Bella. You have to face this. It's okay to be afraid, to be sad or angry about what happened." My chest tightened as if it was being squeezed under my skin.

I bit the inside of my cheek hard as tears welled. I was so damn tired of feeling this way.

"But it's not okay to keep walking away. You have to deal with this." She said closer now. "If you don't, you will continue to feel broken inside. It will destroy you. Let it out so you can move on."

I whirled on her. "I don't want to talk about this. Just go away Leah." I screamed.

She wasn't fazed, not even as the tears poured like rain down my face.

"I don't want to discuss what an utter failure I am for not being able to get back out there after almost dying." I snapped.

Leah, calm as ever at my outburst closed the distance between us. "That wasn't what I was talking about either.  This has nothing to do with the attack or your hesitancy to join the pack. You are embarrassed of what YOU are. That is where this self hatred has always originated. It all goes back to you turning. You aren't ashamed of being a werewolf, you hate that you have been the only female to do so because it makes you feel like something is wrong with you and because of that, you hate yourself."

I broke and fell like a tumbling line of dominoes.

"You didn't join the pack when they howled, not just because you were scared but because you didn't want to. You don't think you deserve to be out there with them. I know you Bella, you hate what you think you've become. You've never accepted that part of you. It's why you are so hard on yourself."

I closed my eyes as a shudder rippled through me.

"This is who you are now. Who you were meant to be. Being different doesn't have to be a curse. No one else sees it that way and the pack doesn't treat you that way. You distance yourself from them, from all of us because you feel inferior for your differences." She tilted my head up toward hers and I opened my eyes. Leah stared into mine. "But those differences are gifts. They are what make you special and an asset. And I think it's time you quit looking for acceptance in others when they can't give it to you. Because the acceptance you seek is within yourself."

I felt like I had tried to run through a brick wall repeatedly.  My head hurt, my chest ached something fierce because it felt attacked.  And Leah's words had hit home.

It made me defensive because I felt exposed; called out.

I wanted to lash out, to tell her it wasn't true.

But it was. My knees trembled. And I was so tired of fighting it.

She was right. I didn't want to be a werewolf, not because of the responsibility or the danger it brought, but because I felt like a freak for being a female werewolf.  And not only that but my mind was silent to the pack.  I seemed to have these gifts the others did not share only making me stand out more as abnormal.

All of these traits singled me out. Everyone thinks they want to be the center of attention until they are. And it is never as glamorous as you imagine it to be.

Deep down we just want to know we aren't alone and that we have a place of belonging, a place to call home.

And I was never going to find a place I fit in when I fought it every step of the way.

Leah's hand came up and pinched my cheek. She smiled. "You are learning the hard way that what you are never mattered.   You have abilities that could turn you into a killer but it is how you choose to use them that is important." Didn't everyone deserve that same respect.  Didn't the vampires.

"You have chosen to use yours to save others even at the expense of your own life and even despite how you feel about yourself, at the end of the day, you still step-up and do the right thing. I'm proud of you." She gave a little laugh. "It's actually a relief to see you break. It shows me that underneath this supernatural gene you were born with, is still very much my little, human, sister that I remember. "

My smile was small but it was there.

"I love you Bells. I want you to come back to us." I knew she didn't mean just physically.

I took a deep breath. It was jarring how relieving it was as it raced through my veins.

My head was still messed up with feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.  I felt embarrassed by my differences. But I also knew that no one had purposely made me feel that way except myself.

I wasn't where I needed to be yet. But for the first time since this all began,  I felt like I was finally on my way.

Self love was hard but I owed it to myself and it was time I start believing in that and in me.

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Thank you so much for all the support.  Vote and comment if you like.

Shoutout of my favorite authors:

RJS416 (His incredible story is the Radiant Warrior and the Revelation of the Chosen.  Seriously, if you haven't checked it out, you definitely need too. It's so much fun.)

Lavender_allium (The Rings that Bind our Souls)

Cordeliaflow (The Commanding Illusion)

And many more to come.