Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars

*Slightly unedited*

It's silent.

No, not a sweet silent.

Nor a gentle one with the only sounds of breathing and the faint patters of rain to fill in the empty ambience. Maybe the rain did some justice to not make it feel so suffocating but that still didn't change anything.

Jimin still felt unbearably uncomfortable.

And it was because of that thick silence spreading the air between him and the man behind the wheel on the driver's side of the car. For a while now the car has been off, parked outside Jimin's apartment, yet no one made a move to get out or even say anything.

The words just didn't seem to be coming out.

Since they knew they needed to have this talk.

It came off as a surprise to Jimin that after practice at the studio that Taemin offered to drop him off home. The two haven't spoken since their last fight probably a week ago, and Taemin never came back home after that. Not going to lie, Jimin did say some fucked up shit to his face and Taemin clearly was not able to handle the impact of the vocal daggers Jimin threw to fragile soul.

So they haven't spoke for that long.

Until now.

And to say it's this silence is unbearable would be a pitiful understatement.

It's fatal.

Jimin for a moment did consider speaking up first but he didn't know what to say to him. He didn't know whether to apologize straight out like that, explain why he said what he said, or just say some bullshit excuse like how he used to do.

He didn't know.

And it seemed like he didn't have to since Taemin spoke up first.

"You know..... This right here, is so ironic," Taemin says quietly, his voice small yet weak with no doubt a fragile smile on his lips, "We went from talking about our days, being able to hold each other when we were in need, saying our 'I love you' with a smile and now.... Shit, you're sitting right next to me, and we can't even breathe the same air."

Jimin's jaw clenches to this, staring out the window to the blur of the world, lips tugging to a frown to how those words scarred a deep wound in his heart.

Knowing how true those words are.

"And now I see that you're close with Jeongguk again and I'm just-" Taemin pauses, clearly taking a deep intake of breaths to gather himself together, "I'm scared to lose you. I don't just mean as whatever it was that was going on between us, but as your instructor and your friend. I just don't fucking know how you see this. I want you to be honest with me and tell me what to do?"

The scar in Jimin's heart deepens and he grunts under his breath, "It's not your fault for the fight okay. I wasn't taking my medication and I had a relapse....... I'm sorry that..... I told you that you didn't mean anything to me. You do mean a lot to me."

"I know about the relapse," Jimin slowly turns his head to where Taemin's voice came from, just barely making out the frown on his lips with his focus on the wheel of the car, "Known you for a while now, not hard to tell these things apart."

Jimin sits up now, perplexed eyes trying to see him, "Then why didn't you come back?"

Taemin was silent for a moment, sniffling a little, "Because I was gaining feelings for you, and I wasn't being sincere about our friendship," He admits quietly, making Jimin's heart softly drop, "If I were to have stayed or came back, this would've just drowned us in a toxic spiral. So I did what I thought was best and distanced myself, just so I can be able to look at you and not think of how I want to be with you for the rest of my life."

His confession was something Jimin did not expect.

Sure, they did get close and cozy with each other. Because of Taemin, Jimin was able to start to tolerate being affectionate and wanted by someone. To be cared for and really feel what it was to be domestic with someone and have it feel normal. He owes a lot to his recovery to Taemin.

But he never thought that Taemin was just growing affectionate by it in return.

Just like how they use to when they were young.

And Jimin would be lying if he said that at moments he didn't consider wanting to be with his first love again.

Right now though, he still is recovering. The idea of relationships or being so affectionate with someone is still not clear waters he feels comfortable crossing to. That's why with Jeongguk he prefers not even putting a label on it, since the thought of being tied down to someone just doesn't settle well with his emotional state.

The best thing he can do for himself is look after himself right now, handle his own shit, and the rest will come along the way.

He just.... Isn't emotionally stable right now for something serious.

So Jimin's frown twitches and he raises a hand, leaning it forward to ended up finding what feels to be Taemin's arm. Softly he trails the hand down and finally finds his hand, gently holding it tightly.

"I appreciate your honesty," Jimin whispers, rubbing his thumb on Taemin's knuckles, "You more than anyone know that I'm someone who can't handle emotional relationships right now-"

"I don't want you to want me Jimin," Taemin says quietly, no doubt now looking at the other male, "I just want us to still be okay. I felt like I had to tell you this because you needed to know, but that doesn't change how I still see you as my student and my best friend. I don't want that to change either."

Jimin's heart continued to weigh heavy in chest, but his lips now shifted to a smile, gripping tightly to Taemin's hand, "I don't want to lose you either."

Even if Jimin didn't see it, Taemin smiled.

A relieved and relaxed smile after so long of holding those words in his chest, and having Jimin take it in and understand him means more than words combined.

Jimin brings their interlaced hands to his chest, right where his heart is, smiling, "Willing to be my instructor and help me get this performance done properly?"

Taemin smile widens and he nods.

The two were just about to get out of the car until Jimin's phone suddenly rung.

Of course he would recognize his ringtone after all.

"Mind getting that for me?"

Jimin can just barely see Taemin ruffling on the coffee holders between them with the phone in hand, "It's Hongjoong."

Hongjoong?

That's weird - Shit did they finally get the news about the conference!?

Jimin quickly sits up, "Answer it!"

Taemin quickly answered, and for a moment it was quiet.

Like actually quiet.

Did he call by accident-

"Hello?"

Jimin's eyebrows furrowed to the raspy touch in Hongjoong's voice when he spoke, fragile and so sensitive as though he's walking on clear thin glass.

Oh no, it's bad news.

They didn't accept it, dammit!

"Hongjoong?" Jimin calls out, "You're on speaker, Taemin is with me. What's up-"

"You both need to get here, now."

Jimin did not like Hongjoong's sensitive and fragile tone at all. The little bean is always so happy and joyful with his positive enthusiasm.

Hearing him like this is definitely wrong.

Taemin must've sensed Jimin's worry, probably noticing the same thing too, so he asks, "What's wrong Hongjoong? Did you get the news of the conference?"

Once again did it get painfully silent, and Jimin was just about to ask Taemin if he hung up until a sudden shakily choked of a small sob escaped the other line.

"It's um...... It's Felix," Hongjoong whimpers, forcing the air out of Jimin's lungs, "He.... He c-committed suicide."

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A/N:
Oh no.....

I PURPLE YOU! <3