Sleep - Poets Of The Fall (More towards the end of this chapter)

Jungkook has never felt more nervous in his life until now - standing here, outside of Jimin's apartment complex, precisely five minutes before eight.

He didn't really think he would've pull this off in being able to be that bold in telling Jimin for them to meet up tonight - more so expecting Jimin to reject him - but to his surprise Jimin didn't.

He's changed, in some way at least.

Jeongguk can't really pin point in what, but he's definitely not the same man he once was before.

Truth is, Jeongguk didn't exactly know what to do the second Jimin walks out of that door of the main entrance of this building, he didn't really expect it to get this far.

But one thing for sure is that Jeongguk wants to try is to convince Jimin in skating again.

No matter how thrilling and nice speed skating is, he genuinely enjoyed more learning figure skating, since it felt like everyday he was being taught something new and reaching new levels of skating he never thought he'd reach.

It was exciting, even if him and Jimin sometimes would get off on the wrong foot.

Yet when they were practicing, it's like everything flowed and made sense. As in they were in sync. Sure, maybe miss a step here and there, but they felt connected to the music and tried to incorporate it into the dance.

Jimin really taught him a lot, aside from Jackson, and Jeongguk wants to continue to learn more from him.

Especially after his performance last night.

The bittersweet memory was the inspiration and pulse Jeongguk needed to feel confident, believing that this is what he wants to do.

To perform with such an incredible and amazing dancer.

Only Jimin.

And hopefully after tonight, Jimin would reconsider.

Just as the thought processed Jeongguk's head, the front doors of the building eased open and out comes a familiar man in a long pea coat and soft brunette hair caressed back and away from his slender face.

Somewhere deep in Jeongguk's heart he felt his soul twinkle a little more, ascending from the deepest darkness of his heart to not feel that heaviness of his anxiety and fears; but to feel light and eased.

It wasn't just by seeing Jimin he felt this way. He remembers how before whenever he saw him, Jeongguk would feel hesitant or cautious because he wouldn't know how Jimin would behave around him, so it always left him on edge.

What makes this so different wasn't just because by how relaxed Jimin seemed the second he spotted Jeongguk standing there, waiting for him. Nor was it because of the calm ocean waters behind his eyes with not a single twitch of the intensity he use to gleam in intimidation.

It was the small smile that formed his lips, just as he stood in front of Jeongguk.

Jimin is smiling.

Now who knows if that was from genuine happiness or just a small act of sincerity, but he's smiling.

He never does, for anyone so easily.

That's what made Jeongguk's nerves ease down completely to nothing, only staring at the man who caresses the tender guitar strings of his heart with just the melancholy twinkle of his gaze, and the rare solstice of his smile.

Maybe this time away did him good, way more than if he would've stayed back in Brazil.

Or so Jeongguk hopes-

"So," Jimin quietly whistles, snapping Jeongguk from his mind, "Are we just going to stand here or...."

Oh right, they're going somewhere.

Jeongguk for a second panicked because he still has no fucking idea on what to do. Okay, maybe he wasn't expecting for Jimin to actually come out and join him since Jimin tends to get a little impulsive sometimes. To be fair, Jeongguk was already planning a plan B in case Jimin backed out or never showed up, so he wasn't really prepared for things to run smoothly.

This is so embarrassing.

Standing there for a second or two, Jeongguk finally decided on going with the safest option.

Getting dinner.

Wait, but did Jimin eat already-

Oh wait...

Flashbacks to what happened in Brazil with the food incident flew Jeongguk's mind, immediately crossing that out-

"Are you hungry?" Jimin suddenly asks, the uncertainty practically screaming in his expression but that small smile covers over it, "I haven't ate anything. Let's go, I know this nice place not too far from here."

And at that moment, Jeongguk felt so fucking relieved by Jimin's bold personality because he probably would've stayed awkwardly standing there without knowing what to say or do. Him and Jimin have never been in these calm waters, not without a fucking tsunami ready to wreck it all.

But this, this is definitely new.

Jeongguk doesn't really know what to expect from it, but he just hopes Jimin remains content and relaxed just like how he is now.

And Jeongguk will make sure that happens.

Initially Jimin was going to drive them there, but Jeongguk only geared them to the sidewalk instead - just to enjoy the view a bit more and for them to spend more quality time around each other, even if they aren't uttering a word to each other.

The place wasn't a long walk away either, so they didn't dwell in that heavy and awkward atmosphere as they got to this cozy café in fifteen minutes; just as it began to snow outside. There wasn't much to go into details about from there. The two just ordered, got their food, sat down by the window and were left in this.... Silence.

It wasn't so awkward, strangely, but it did feel a little.... Tense. Obviously back then they weren't use to just sitting down and you know.... Go out, since it all surrounded on being professional and skating.

Wow, they were definitely a little too intense.

They really did need that time apart.

The only reason Jeongguk would say it's tense now it's because they're not communicating, just sitting there... Eating. It's clear that there's a lot of things they want to say to each other, from what happened in Brazil and how they've been since Jimin got out of the program.

There's just a lot of blank space between them, but it's difficult to just... Conversing about it.

Jeongguk's vocal capacity could only reach a certain length, and he doesn't want to get his emotions triggered while they're out right now. It's probably easier to just get a tablet or his phone and have the voice app speak for him while he types out what he wants to say. But doing that in front of all these people here, who could possibly know him, is a little too risky.

For years Jeongguk has managed to hide his speech deficiency from the crowd. Sometimes when he would have quick interviews, such as after skating, he would only respond with one word answers - Earning the title on being cold when it came to the press. Either that or sometimes one of his teammates would be with him and cover for him.

No one questioned it, they just thought he was shy or really anti social, so it was never traced back - thankfully.

But now at this moment, Jeongguk is getting a little anxious because he just wishes speaking wasn't an issue for him and to have just a casual conversation with someone.

It's so frustration.

And Jimin wasn't blind to Jeongguk's little dilemma about the evident space between them due to the silence.

He puts his mug of coffee down, focusing on Jeongguk, "So..... How was the friendly competition?"

Jeongguk wants obviously relieved.

"G-Good."

Jimin slowly nods to this, shuffling a little awkwardly on his seat, "Any first place?"

Jeongguk nods, "Um.... Mhm! All."

Now that made Jimin's lips gap, "All of your events?"

Okay maybe Jeongguk felt a little cocky to the reaction.

Not to brag but.... Hehe, all of his events.

So he tries to bite back the smile, his cheeks burning, "Yes."

It's hard to impress Jimin, ever. He's never impressed by anyone, or even by things such as these that doesn't involve him or his activities. His focus is ballet, his dancing, and that's it.

Yet he's here, wearing another small smile in clear pride. Not one that reaches his eyes or showed his crooked tooth, but one that was still enough to offer his joy for the ravenette and his success.

Now it's definitely clear that Jimin has changed, but obviously recovering on his mental and emotional traumas won't occur within three - four weeks of therapy. However he's in the process, and every second is a progress to how he was before. The fact that he took the step to even seek therapy in the first place takes a lot of gut, and he should feel proud of himself to acknowledge that he has an issue and is looking for help on how to overcome it.

So this small smile, that may seem like nothing, really is all of Jimin's efforts to really move forward and break that chain of monotonous death behind his eyes.

For his own peace.

So Jeongguk's smile softens, leaning forward and with twinkling eyes, "Umm.... Ballet?"

Jimin's face relaxed a little, eased about entering waters he's more comfortable talking about or diving into, "Good. I have another show, the big one, coming up soon. So.... Well, if you want to come, hope you know you're invited.... Or something."

Now Jimin got shy, flickering his eyes down to his lap with lips pressed firmly together in a tint of humiliation to how unease his tone sounded. Jeongguk really tried to suppress his emotions to the genuine reaction, but he had to look away as well to hide his burning cheeks or evident blush crawling up his neck.

The thick steam of tension oozes between them even more, letting it choke up their throats in suffocation to the loss of words they feel at the moment.

They didn't have to say anything from there, not even did Jeongguk have to respond back to the suggestion.

They knew he would go even if he wasn't invited.

Their little moment at the café didn't last so long once they finished up their food and beverages, now stepping out to the soft snowing weather with bright lights from the city surrounding them.

From here, Jeongguk didn't need a guide.

He only walked down the sidewalk, wordlessly, with Jimin following in tail holding onto this soft stare while just captivating the world around them. Jeongguk did slowed his steps just to match Jimin's pace, also looking at the world with a more open heart.

He's trying to see what Jimin sees, what he's probably thinking; How long will it snow for? Do these buildings ever turn off their lights? Are these people out here right now coming to enjoy the snow, or are hurried in finding their own purpose in life?

Maybe Jimin isn't even thinking at all with those curiosities. Perhaps he's just.... Breathing.

Feeling.

Seeing.

Letting the world sink in.

With a small glance to the side, analyzing the the dazed stare from the tender features of the ballet dancer, Jeongguk absorbed him in. Just as Jimin is taking in their surroundings, staring as though he's never found something so captivating before, Jeongguk does the same.

But with him.

As though he hasn't memorized already every single detailed of it yet.

Long moments like this lasted, much to Jeongguk's luck, all the way until they arrived to the destination Jeongguk wanted to take them to.

Standing in front of the building, Jimin's eyes seemed to shut off. The once relaxed composure shifts to tense squared shoulders and this unease expression that conquered over every edge and soft lines of his face like a sudden slam of a hammer against a brick wall.

He's definitely not happy.

Jeongguk frowns, carefully moving to stand in front of him. Jimin's eyes shifts from the building and up to Jeongguk, not saying anything.

So boldly Jeongguk takes one of his hands, forming his fingers to a sign - To which Jimin lets him with soft fingertips against Jeongguk's skin that sent goosebumps to spread all over his arms.

"Trust," Jeongguk whispers, creating the motion with his own hand as well.

Jimin looks at his hands, twitching a frown. He stays still for a moment, thinking it over as though Jeongguk just asked him to walk the plank, but after a few moments he looks over his own hands and forms the motion as well, slowly and carefully.

"Trust."

They trust each other.

It's going to be okay.

That was all the reassurance Jeongguk needed to take Jimin by the hand and guide him into the skating rink. It's quiet, empty, and chilly. The thick scent of fresh ice caresses their noses, making Jimin shuffle a little in unease but regardless still following after Jeongguk to the locker room.

The air is stiff between them, this edging nerve as though they're about to present in front of an audience, even if it's just only them here.

Jeongguk went to his locker and, to Jimin's surprise, he pulls out his own figure skates.

Jimin's figure skates, that he left back in their shared hotel room.

His lips ajar, glancing between the freshly sharpened and polished skates and then back to Jeongguk; who smiles and edges the skates closer to him.

Jimin was clearly hesitant about this, maybe even scared to what he may feel out there about, but with Jeongguk only in mind he carefully wraps his hands around the skates, feeling like an electric magnet finally being connected together after so long of being apart.

Complete.

A feeling he didn't know that was a void in his chest that he's been avoiding for a while..

Feeling a little more anticipated, the two changed into their figure skates and quietly makes it out of the locker room to the main benches, where Jeongguk opens the small opening and enters inside the ice rink.

But Jimin didn't move.

He stayed frozen by the entrance, just as Jeongguk breathes in when he takes a few strides forward in relief to the satisfying glide of these familiar skates. But he stops once he noticed Jimin wasn't following him and turns around, seeing how Jimin's staring at Jeongguk's skates with that monotone stare and a deep line on his lips.

Is he scared?

No, why would he?

But he doesn't seem so..... Sure to say the least.

So Jeongguk began to grow a little nervous that he probably made Jimin feel uncomfortable, since that obviously wasn't the intention he had.

He just wants to feel that again; The feeling when they danced together.

When they performed, and are out here in this ice.

To feel that same high as though they are flying and the world fades away in the back ground.

Where it felt safe.

To be who they are.

A little bit desperate now, Jeongguk skated towards him and was about to gently take his hands but hesitated before doing so.

Crossing boundaries won't exactly be ideal right now, or pressuring Jimin into doing something he may feel unsure to do.

He has to let Jimin choose for himself.

And that means Jeongguk has to let him do it on his own.

So trusting in his and Jimin's bond, Jeongguk slowly retreats back. His eyes still burning into Jimin's slightly confused gaze, before he stands at the center of the rink and does a twirl. It was a lazy and horribly done spin, but it still came out effortlessly before facing Jimin again

The other man is still standing there, staring, reluctant. So Jeongguk began to do more careless and sharp spins, gliding easily around the center circle of the rink, not losing sight of Jimin's stare. He then would do simple jumps, still not mastering to land just yet, so he was a little rusty but still kept going. His moves were flawless, clear that he's been practicing hours upon hours to get better when he was in the program.

But something is missing.

Something is incomplete about his moves and space in the ice.

Empty.

Something is empty.

And that being the man that stepped a hesitant skate on the ice, attentively pushing himself forward with arms crossed over his chest.

Jeongguk still spun and moved in smooth moves, enchanting Jimin farther more and more closer to the center - struggling here and there due to the lack of practicing his skating skills, but that became more firm the closer he grew to Jeongguk.

It was that one final spin that Jeongguk suddenly spun and got to his knees, right before Jimin, staring up at him with this sparkling eyes and a slight tint pink pecking nose.

Jimin didn't physically react, but his eyes did dilate and his breath wavered with the fog oozing out of his lips from the cold. He's frozen once again, staring down at Jeongguk and to the way he raised his hands and reluctantly reaches for his own.

He's reluctant, perhaps even pauses a few times, but still slowly reaches towards Jimin.

Out of some pulse nerve in Jimin's body, or perhaps some hidden desire, he eases his arms from his chest and his hands slowly falls to meet Jeongguk's half way.

The genuine stare that filled Jeongguk's stare was a direct line to Jimin's heart, feeling the rhythm skip yet ease tenderly just by Jeongguk's soft palm caressing his with thumb gliding over his every finger; studying every single one to engrave in his head of Jimin's soft hands.

Jeongguk's gaze flutters down to their hands, and it was as though fragile glass just shattered in his eyes yet he still softly smiles, bringing their hands forward and leaning his forehead against them in relief.

Feeling.

Communicating.

Expressing how this moment, right here, is healing him.

Without words being necessary.

And judging by Jimin's soft way of caressing his hand back while easing closer to him, he felt it too.

Healing.

The two healing, not only from their past but from their previous unsteady 'relationship'.

They had their time apart, starting the process of healing individually, now they can perhaps heal together.

As a team.

Jimin flutters his eyes closed for a second when Jeongguk pressed a soft kiss to his hands before getting to his feet, fingers now interlaced with each other and eyes meeting one another.

Where it felt safe, and the world was finally rotating around them.

A soft moment so pure, that shifted abruptly when Jeongguk suddenly takes one of Jimin's hands and twirls him roughly, just as how he did when he was teaching him how to spin the first time.

Jimin shrieks, clutching to Jeongguk's hands when he made it back around, "What are you-"

Jeongguk spins him again, resulting with a murderous glare from the tiny ballet dancer but that soft smile twinkles his lips when he sees Jeongguk's teasing orbs - who quickly skates away just as Jimin chases after him.

Free, this is where they felt as though they were finally free.

From the eyes of the people, responsibilities, past traumas - it all fades away.

To fill themselves back into this paradise.

Soft giggles and squeals echoes throughout the entire rink, filled by childish chases and mischievous teases that would send the two youthful men into fits of laughter before proceeding to enjoy this moment, right here, together.

Where they felt as though they were in their own utopia.

Eventually teases turned to practices and they began to catch back up into performing spins and attempting jumps, nothing serious as one would think because even when they failed they would still giggle and guide each other easily through every gesture and tender movement to perfection.

Jimin would guide Jeongguk on the smoothness of his hand gestures caressing the air, how delicate and fragile it should be yet wide to demonstrate the move perfectly. And Jeongguk would correct the leg placements with soft touches on his abdomen to linger the feelings of strengthening his core strength.

Private and quiet moments like those were where the world felt as though it stood still. They still know things can't be completely okay unless they communicate more about what had happened in the past, but this weightless moments like this together felt as though things were okay.

That Jimin wasn't a complete fuck up in the past, or Jeongguk wouldn't have anxious fits around him due to his unstable emotions. Or the frustrating fights they would have and the inability to properly communicate what they truly mean inside. Moments where they were deeply broken and filled with pride; it all seem to have disappeared in the background.

Healing.

Healing, slowly.

A process, definitely a process, but now they are allowing to let the stitches in their wounds close instead of putting a bandage over it - not acting as though it's not there.

They let the fresh wound burn, and sting, and ache.

To feel.

No matter how much it hurts.

Yet right now, as they glide in twirls and practice the leaps in the air, the wound cooled down.

Leaving it be to only smile, and not be scared to fall again.

Because they got each other to not let one another face the impact alone.

"Jeongguk! Stop!"

Jimin is giggling, dizzy as the taller male spins him in his arms, seeing the room whirl before his eyes while he shrieks. Jeongguk is giggling too, but to not torment Jimin so much he puts him down, still keeping his hands on him to steady his balance.

They stared at one another, mirroring a smile that they haven't formed in months. Breaths panting, delicate gazes capturing every detail of each other's face - letting this moment weigh down to them.

They missed this.

Skating, learning, depending on each other in the rink.

No matter how toxic they were outside practice, they always found this as a safe haven from the cruelties of the world outside.

Where they could finally breathe and not be afraid.

They're safe here.

Together.

Right then and there, Jeongguk would stare at Jimin a bit more longingly while Jimin's cheeks blushed a light pink, and for a moment he really wanted to be bolder and kiss him. A lot. Just once. But he knew better than to do that so soon, or even now.

He doesn't want to cross boundaries, especially if he doesn't know what Jimin even feels for him or in general. Sure, in the past they did get a little carried away, but now everything is different.

Jimin is healing, willingly.

Jeongguk doesn't want to be an obstacle in that process, or make him feel uncomfortable due to a urge that he couldn't control.

And it seems as though Jimin might've sensed this, or something about this shift in mood because he suddenly breaks their eye contact and awkwardly looks down to his watch.

"I um... I have to start heading home soon."

Jeongguk would've felt bad about Jimin leaving so soon, or about not wanting to be more around his presence so much, but instead he just smiles.

Taking it slow.

That's perfectly fine too.

So without further more being said, Jeongguk nods and the two gets off the ice. The air wasn't as thick as it was before, it's eased and calm, much more softer than how it was before. Even as they make it to the locker room, they still wore that small smile to themselves to that moment of freedom they felt not too long ago.

After leaving the skates and gathering their stuff, they maybe walked a bit more closer along side each other or have their hands accidentally brush against one another while making it outside. It's still softly snowing and the night feels cold, yet they somehow still felt warm.

They remain wordless walking back toward Jimin's apartment. Jimin didn't say anything about this, and Jeongguk perhaps wanted to believe that Jimin wanted him to accompany him home.

And maybe Jimin did.

It didn't take so long before they made it in front of the familiar apartment building, now face to face with this shyness creeping in. It wasn't awkward, just very.... Quiet.

They stayed like this a while, not saying anything, and it seemed to have scared Jimin off a bit because he shuffles uncomfortably between his feet and hums, "Well... Thanks for today, it was nice.... I guess. I should go, get home safe-"

Jeongguk stops him from moving away with a hand to his elbow, making Jimin stop talking and let himself be guided back to stand in front of ravenette. They remain in fragile silence with Jeongguk's careful gaze taking in the snow softly landing to Jimin's eyelashes before fluttering away and the fresh pinkness from the cold on his cheeks.

His heart grew heavy, feeling it ache in a strain in such longing that he couldn't stop himself from raising his warm hand and slowly caress an arch of his index finger along side Jimin's cold skin on his soft cheek. Yet despite it being so cold, Jeongguk felt the warmth underneath, spreading and reaching to his touch.

He can feel the heat of Jimin's breath feathering his thumb when he softly glides a cursive touch against his bottom lip. See the almond stare of crystalline glass twinkling parting stars that mimics the careless snow of the night sky. With every touch against his skin, he can read the twirls of the veins and arteries connected to his heart, thumping to the pulse of the delicacy to the soft pad of Jeongguk's finger tips.

It all flashed Jeongguk's mind of that moment in the rink. That chemistry still there. The connecting and binding of two souls with a passion and yearn for one thing that they love to do, yet so scared to pursuit because of the reality that lies underneath the ice.

The only place that knows their true intentions of the heart.

The truth that they've tried to hide from the world, and from themselves.

And it was at that moment, right here, where Jeongguk had this moment of epiphany.

It was as though something just struck him; this realization, enlightenment or just a moment of awe that came so sudden that it left him completely breathless and momentarily shocked.

With his own soul blossoming in his chest and the faint thumps of his heartbeat now finding it's peace with no longer any anxious skips, he exhales a breath of his fears no longer attached to his aching heart.

It was a moment where he finally knew..... This is it.

This is it.

Simple as that.

"Um... Sorry," Jimin suddenly spoke, easing Jeongguk back from the high in the clouds to face the coldness of his fingertips when Jimin softly pulls away, "I have to go.... But I'll see you around, yeah?"

And Jimin quickly left, his skin still softly burning to the warm touch on his skin while Jeongguk remained there, dazed.

And with a tender hand to his chest.

___________________________________________

A/N:

Man it's been a while.

Like a long while :')

How everyone been? Any stressful moments with classes yet?

As for me, I'm kinda in a depressive low at the moment and writing really has been helpful in easing it away. Let's see..... Classes has been decent, thought I fell in love but.... Ah, doesn't matter anymore haha umm.... So far just trying to get through, you know?

Thank you for being very patient with me lovelies, I hope to be back with more updates soon enough!

I PURPLE YOU! <333