You - Regard, Troye Sivan Tate McRae

"What are you doing?"

Ten twitches a smile as he still texts on his phone, just as Felix slumps on him, "Talking to Soyeon. You know, that skater from women's speed skating team."

Felix heavily sighs, slowly rolling off him, "You guys been getting pretty close lately."

Nonchalantly Ten shrugs, "She's pretty cool. Besides, having you been getting close to that girl? Um.... Ryujin? That new hockey player?"

Felix didn't respond back and when Ten looks back to check on him, he sees him on his phone laying beside him.

There he goes.

On his phone again.

Lately these days that's something the two have been.... Doing a lot, just be on their phones and barely even have a second to ask each other how they are doing.

Ever since Felix been getting closer to Ryujin, it's just been.... Distant between them.

They don't even cuddle up to each other as they use to or even give each other pecks of kisses, it's just.... Like they're roommates or something?

It's been even more tense after the whole thing happened between Jeongguk and Jimin. Some of the teammates think the two had a thing while others assume they just don't get along, whatever the case is.

The point is, the team aren't really fond with Jimin at this point in time.

Except for Felix, for some reason.

He always speaks out for him while everyone gets in their zone of recalling that night, meanwhile Ten being the way he is just stays silent and observes the mess.

Maybe that has something to do with how they are now? Who knows.

Ten just stopped ripping his head about it, after all that's not his problem.

Whatever happened is between Jeongguk and Jimin, that's it.

Felix giggles suddenly snaps him from his thought process, going back to texting Soyeon when she asked about if he's available this Friday to hang out since they just finished up with the events and have three days to enjoy the rest of their week.

Well, not like he has plans these days so, why not?

So they planned to walk by the beach and perhaps go into the city for a while. Would be a nice distraction since she's actually great company.

Perhaps not as good as Felix, but she's cool.

Pushing himself up now after settling the plan by the elbows to stretch, Ten tilts his head to see Felix still smiling to his phone.

"Can you go to your bed?" Felix snaps his eyes to him, "I'm about to head to sleep."

Felix stares at him for a moment, his smile slightly flattering before nodding, "Oh yeah. Sorry," And he sits up, but stops when he gets a message and smiling before typing back.

Oh for fuck sakes.

Ten rolls his eyes but fixes his eyes to his phone, telling Soyeon he'll text back later before putting his phone away and letting his head rest on his arms. He can still hear Felix typing like crazy before it finally stops, leaving them in this blissful silence.

A silence that lasted a bit too long and it kinda nagged Ten a bit, making him turn his head a bit and opens his eyes. Felix is still sitting there, staring at the large wings tattoo on Ten's back. There's nothing glittering in his eyes, he just stares blankly at the designs, before Ten twitches a soft smile as he observes him.

Gosh, he misses him like crazy.

"You do know you can touch it."

Felix looks at his face, forcing a small smile before shyly looking at his hands, "Oh um.... No it's fine-"

"Felix," The boy looks at him, "I want you to touch it, it's okay."

This was the little nudge of motivation he needed, since he wasn't so sure how Ten felt about it since they've been in a little.... Weird area.

So with a shy smile, Felix reaches a hand over and gently caresses his soft hand over his skin, right where the tattoo is. Ten softly flutters his eyes closed, the smile still on his face with this content warmness in his heart to the physical contact.

He really likes this.

He can physically feel his heart grow happy with it.

Especially when Felix leaned down and rested his cheek his shoulder blade, a soft peck against his skin, "I missed you."

Well, glad to know Ten wasn't the only one feeling like shit without him.

Heavily he sighs and flutters his eyes open, "Yeah, me too."

Felix lifted his head and perks his chin on his shoulder blade, perking his lips. This made Ten giggle a little and leans, pecking his lips. This made a broad smile for Felix's lips, happily laying his head back on Ten's shoulder blade.

Ah.... Fuck it.

Ten slowly rises up and turns around, making Felix lay on his chest now but Ten grabs his cheeks and kisses him again, making him giggle a little before chasing after Ten's lips when he pulls away and this time - surprisingly - he parted his lips, deepening the kiss.

That caught Ten off guard.

Woah.

They've never.... They've never kissed each other like this, since.... It's a bit too intimate and it'll make it a bit... Real.

You know.... Them, like this.

Or maybe not and Ten is overthinking it. They just never took it too far.

Well whether he is or not, that thought slowly drifted away the deeper Felix began to kiss him, the sound of their lips parting and coming together echoing the room that was giving Ten a bit of a.... Hormonal.... Boost.

He got so into it.

A bit too much because he ended up towering over Felix and gets on him, a hand tracing the silhouette of his waist with another hand to the side of Felix's head to not crush him with his body.

But seems like Felix didn't give a fuck.

He tugs him down, hands on Ten's neck he hungrily kisses his swollen lips, sliding his tongue in his mouth that reacted with a moan coming out of Ten's throat, his hand now sliding under Felix's shirt to caress his bare skin.

But then Ten suddenly remembered something.

Felix is...

Well..

Ah, shit.

Without thinking it, he pulls back from the kiss, panting heavily and grunts when Felix goes in for it again but Ten had to hold him back with a finger to his lips. The two are catching their breathes, heavy eyes staring into one another.

And Ten gulps, "Felix.... You don't have to do anything to please me. I know you're asexual, feeling sexually attracted or aroused like how I am right now isn't.... You know.... Ugh, point is that I don't want you to do something if you don't want or feel like doing it, okay?"

Felix is still panting, staring back at him with his wide eyes before he sinks it in what Ten had just said, and he nods, "I... Um, I-I know that," He whispers, gulps, "But I want to do this. With you."

"But.... I don't get it-"

"Asexuality is a spectrum, we all have different experience and it's not just about not feeling sexually attracted to someone," Felix says, much calmer now, "Some people are asexual who likes to have sex because it's enjoyable, or others just prefer not having sex at all. Others don't think about sex and the list goes on. We're a large spectrum, not just one solid generalization, you know?"

Ten slowly nods, biting his bottom lip, "Sorry if I sounded rude or something."

"No no you're fine," Felix chuckles, shrugging, "I just wanted to inform you for a bit. So um... Well, to be honest I haven't had sex so.... I don't know how that'll go, but I want to do this... With you."

"Are you sure?"

"I mean I don't feel the... You know... Need for it, but doesn't mean I don't want to try it," He says, smiling now, "Could be fun? Maybe?"

Ten suddenly chuckles to his, burying his face to Felix's neck before raising it back up and looks at him, "Fun, wow, definitely. I mean I've never.... Had sex either so...."

Felix continues to stare at him with his soft gaze, leaning up and clasping their lips together softly before pulling away, "Then let's do it, together."

"I just don't want you to do this just to please me-"

"Shhh," And Felix molds their lips back together, this time the kiss deepening once again as Ten holds onto his precious boy.

Knowing that after tonight, things will definitely not be the same again.

And maybe not in a bad way either.

Heaven - Troye Sivan

Scrolling on his phone, Woosung looks through his social media with a wide grin to all the good comments being said about him in regards to his performance out there today. He really enjoys going on social media often to see the stuff they say about him, more so the good things they say.

It feeds into his push to grow better, becoming a great skater, and go over and past his limits.

Sure, there's a few negative comments here and there, but he quickly skips over it because he knows himself how badly he gets when he's faced with criticism.

Now he squeals a little, twirling on his bed so he's laying on his back with head hanging on the edge, grinning to the the praises of how fast he is or how adorable he looks with his suit.

Well, he knows that but like - Aw, makes him feel good inside!

"Can you not look like that while looking through your phone? Look fucking crazy."

Woosung happily ignores the grumpy red haired man on the other bed beside his, but perks his middle finger up so he can kindly shut the fuck up. Right now he's on a cloud and there's definitely no way he's getting off of it now.

Karma evidently snarls his teeth to him, rolling his eyes before laying back on the bed while the speaker kept playing music in the back ground with his phone connected to it, now scrolling through some pictures on his phone. He doesn't have social media, so there's not really much he could do. And Taehyung's not answering so isn't not like he has a lot of options on what to do.

Small twitches of smiles flashes his lips as images with his twin flashes his phone, a few of him with his parents - that actually made his smile shift a little to a frown, especially to the picture of them with Taehyung when they went to church and there was Karma holding a bible in his hand with a small smile.

Yeah, didn't expect his family to be religious right?

Well, they are, and so is he.

He's been a believer while growing up, but not because his parents forced him into it, but because he has faced challenges and moments where he felt like he's had a connection with God. He strongly believes someone is out there, looking after him, taking care of his soul and guiding him to whatever path he's in; whether it be good or bad, but never abandoning him.

The irony, since he does or says things that aren't what you would expect a 'good Christian boy' would say or do. He's easily angered, swears like a damn sailor, and doesn't even go to church often anymore as he use to.

But he still does believe.

Maybe somewhere in between..... He just stopped believing in the church he went to.

Not like it was a bad church, everyone was pretty welcoming and were just minding into their own business while praising God. Karma liked it there while growing up.

Then somewhere in between those years, he felt more and more distant with it. He started to feel more uncomfortable and odd while standing there, whispering the words over and over again to how God is good and is forgiving and loves him, even while under those words lays a string of confusion and doubt if that's even true.

He just felt like he was someone else, that wasn't him.

And it all trails to the other image that Karma landed on beside that one, of him and a familiar brunette haired boy smiling to the camera.

He was another member of the church as well, around the same age Karma was, but new compared to how long Karma and Taehyung has been there. He first made his appearance at the youth service when he was seventeen by another member of the church who brought him there. Karma was maybe more nicer at that time, something he always was in church, and he did get along well with the new kid.

With the youth group, after the ceremonies, they would go out to eat, have movie nights, or just go out and spend a nice time together. When the Sunday services came to tide, Karma and the new boy were side by side while they would sing to the music and listen to the pastor preach.

It was perfect.

They became close friends.

Karma met the new kid's parents and they got along well, and the new kid met his parents and splendidly got along together. The two grew closer to the point they would see each other almost like lost long halves of each other, like a soulmate or some twin flame kind of thing.

Taehyung would be close to him too at that time despite being so shy, but not as much as Karma was.

They just had a special connection.

Until one night, while sleeping over Karma's house, that's when things got complicated. They were just talking about foolish things, whatever seventeen year old's talk about these days but obviously a little more censored since they had this saint view about each other since they do go to church.

From one moment they were laying side to side, talking hushly while facing each other in darkness and giggling to some ridiculous jokes. And then the next, the new kid kisses Karma with a hand to his cheek.

And even though Karma should've pushed him away, the warning signs blaring in his head, he didn't stop him. Instead he let the new kid kiss him. Slowly, weakening to it and kissing him back too.

As Karma goes through the pictures on his phone, seeing more and more of him and this kid, the more memories became vibrant in his head. Of the two sneaking off during mid service to kiss in the bathroom or at some random storage room. Sleepovers no longer were about just talking, but with doors locked and growing deeply intimate on discovering every inch of each other's skins or done things they've never imagined they would ever do.

One of those nights including losing something they never expected to lose to another man, but it felt right to them.

It risky, this forbidden and hidden romance, and the more it went on, the more uncomfortable Karma began to feel in church. Services began to feel like he was betraying his own beliefs and his own word against God. He was molded to believe that being with another man was a sin, a big sin, especially sleeping with one. Not directly by his parents but just by hearing it from other fellow Christians too.. So he was holding onto that guilt, no matter how right it felt in his heart to be with this kid.

This went on for a while until the pastor at one point took the two to his office for a talk after his service. He mentioned he has noticed them sneaking off often together or whispering and giggling to each other while being seated together, and mentioning how that's a little disrespectful of them to do while he would be preaching. In the midst of him just talking, Karma felt more and more like a sinner, he couldn't take this overwhelming doubt any longer.

So after that, he put an end to things with the new kid, breaking his heart right there before leaving. From there, he would ignore his calls, his texts, even would tell his mom to say that he's asleep or sick when the kid would stop by to see him. When service came around, the kid took him aside and begged Karma to not give up on him.

And Karma flat out, told him these words that was like a dagger to his chest.

"If we continue to do this, how will I ever get to heaven?"

From there, ever since that day, the kid stopped coming to church. The youth were all questioning his whereabouts, even the pastor too because he was so involved in it, even his family. At one point during a youth service, the youth leader made Karma reach out to him to see where he was.

He thought he wouldn't get a response, but he did.

And it was something that really made him feel a hole in his chest, that never disappeared to this day.

"If I can't be accepted by God for who I am and it's considered as something as sinful, maybe I don't want to go to heaven."

Since that point, Karma has stopped going to church often. Thankfully speed skating came to his talents and him and Taehyung were so hung up on practicing, so that was a perfect excuse not to go. Even when he did have free time, he just didn't go unless his parents asked him to.

He just didn't feel comfortable going anymore.

Yet he still has pictures here of the boy, even though things were never the same again-

"Can you change the song?"

Karma snaps his eyes up upon hearing the sudden voice, hiding the phone to his side immediately and glances to Woosung now sitting up on the bed while he's still on his phone.

"Huh?"

Woosung fixes his gaze up, perking an eyebrow with that smile of his gone before glancing at the speaker, "I said if you could change the song, please."

For a moment Karma didn't even realize what song was playing, but once he did he changed it into something else that's still a little softer to hit the night. Woosung didn't seem to complain about it, only lays on his side on the bed while putting his phone down with eyes closed.

Karma was going to continue looking over more pictures, but going down memory lane isn't exactly something he wants to jump into right now, further more than he has already. So he just sets his phone to charge and goes to pick up his bible from under the pillow, puts on his glasses and starts to read where he left off.

He doesn't always read the bible, but he sometimes does just for some spiritual advise or healing whenever he feels like a mess. Like said before, ironic since he's the most aggressive player on the team with a temper that even God would frown to.

He's working on it.

So silently he continues to read, not noticing Woosung's eyes on him from the other bed who's looking from him and the bible.

Then he sighs heavily, turning so he's on his back, "What chapter on you on?"

"Peter."

Woosung twitches a smile, eyes closing now, "Hm," And then he whispers, "Any verse that stands out to you?"

Karma looks over the ones he's reading now, finding one, "1 Peter 5:10, And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you, and make you strong, firm, and steadfast."

This made Woosung hum a little once Karma was done, fluttering his eyes open to stare at the ceiling, "Do you believe in it."

"Of course."

"Yeah, you always did," Woosung then rolls to the edge of the bed, getting to his feet and makes his way to turn the lights off, but then he pauses and looks over to Karma, just as the man was already looking at him.

And the corner of his lips twitches up, "Want to know my favorite verse?"

Karma gulps, but only rolls his eyes and leans his head back with eyes still hooded to him.

"1 Peter 4:8," He says, and he flickers the lights off, leaving them in the darkness with only the windows outside source of light, "Continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitudes of sins."

The words made Karma's stomach swirl a little, but he only closes his book, just as Woosung trails his feet to go back to the bed. Still feeling that odd sinking feeling in his chest Karma just puts the book back under the pillow and his glasses aside, laying himself down, staring at the ceiling in silence.

It was quiet, too quiet for a moment, but that didn't last long before Woosung spoke again.

Saying something Karma did not expect him to say.

"Do you still want to go to Heaven?"

Karma didn't have to think about it, "Obviously."

"Even if you have to lose a part of yourself?"

"If I have to, yes," He responds, despite how his heart is already betraying him by how it felt as though it sunk, "Do you still not want to go to Heaven?"

Woosung didn't respond instantly, so Karma turns his head to see him staring at him already as he lays to his side, frowning.

When their eyes met, Karma could see the unease filling them and then he slowly whispers, "Why would I want to go somewhere that doesn't want me back for who I am?" He pauses for a second, letting out a low sigh, "Ephesians 2:10, You are God's masterpiece. If you are so perfect for him, why would you have to lose a part of yourself?"

"Ephesians 4:24, Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

"Lamentations 3:32, Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love," Woosung responds back, eyes narrowed, "He will love all of you, because of his compassion and love towards you. Why can't you do the same."

Karma clenches his teeth, tearing his eyes away from him, "1 John 2:16, For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life isn't the father's, but of the world's."

"Is that your excuse?" Woosung drily mumbles, "That it was lust? You're seriously saying that to me?"

"Yes," Karma snaps back, closing his eyes, "Just.... Lust."

Woosung didn't say anything back anymore, only turns to his other side, slicing the conversation off completely, and tries not to let the emotions hit him so deeply with a heavy frown on his lips while forcing his eyes to close.

While Karma already starts to pray for God to forgive him.

Because he was lying through his teeth when he said it was only just lust.

_________________________

A/N:

I have risen from the ashes.

Well, we got a little more insiders of the team. Perhaps on things we didn't expect lol

Don't worry we'll see more of them soon, this is just what's going on now.

Up next we'll see what Jikook is up too!

I PURPLE YOU! <333