(I'll just label the song within each part.)

I Need Some Sleep - Eels

If there's anything specific that Jeongguk could just ask to do right now, it's to take the deepest nap of his life and not wake up for years.

Since the figure skating meeting till now, he hasn't entered his room. He has been with his teammates, even after their own meeting with the coach Hoseok on things to expect for practices moving forward. There's a lot expected of him, since he is a very quick and a smart skater, so now there's a lot of pressure being pushed onto him about his performance.

His team obviously spoke out for him, stating the baggage he has carry, but there's really nothing much they can do about his current status. He's a speed skater and now a figure skater, and he has to do well in both of them whatever happens.

Pushing that dilemma aside, now he just wants to sleep and not over stress himself too much about tomorrow if it hasn't came yet.

So with a heavy sigh, he opens the door to his room and steps inside. Darkness is all he's met with, not a single noise of anything besides the air conditioner working itself to keep the room cool.

Thankfully Jeongguk knew how to manage himself in the dark after his eyes adjusted to it, wordlessly going to his side of the room and picking out his clothes before going to the bathroom for a quick shower. He didn't stay so long there since all he wanted was just to close his eyes, so he was quick in handling his hygienic needs and drying his hair.

In the midst of that, all he could think about was how stupid that message he sent to Jimin was, and it wasn't helping that Jimin didn't even bother to respond back to it. Okay, maybe he felt a little too confident or was going too blindly over this.

Hopefully Jimin didn't get the wrong impression of it either, he meant it as a partner thing so he won't be stressing so much learning sign language. Whatever way they can help communicate the better.

But that sounded way to cringe and Jeongguk wants to actually let the ground eat him alive right now.

He was just trying to be nice!

A deep pout forms his lips as he puts the towel aside and was just about to leave to maybe scream against his pillow, but he noticed something on the ground right when he was close to stepping on it.

A phone?

Jeongguk's eyebrows nit together, reaching down and grabbing it before the screen suddenly brighten up to the contact.

Few messages from Taemin.

A lot from Jihyo.

Another from Jackson-

Jimin's phone?

What is it even doing here?

Holding it still in his hand, Jeongguk just exits out of the bathroom and enters back the darkness of the room without questioning it so much. He moves past his bed and towards Jimin's side, gently putting the phone on the night stand while carefully sending the bed a subtle glance.

To realize Jimin isn't here.

Oh?

Well, knowing Jimin he's probably practicing ballet with Taemin right now or at Jihyo's room to complain about the figure skating meeting.

With that in mind, Jeongguk turns around and almost has a fucking heart attack when he sees a body laying on his bed that he didn't even notice earlier.

Soon enough he recognized Jimin's facial features as he lays on his side facing him, the moonlight from the window glowing kisses to his face, curled up in a little ball with lips parted in a deep sleep.

Oh.... There he is.

Every cell in Jeongguk's body relaxed, not even wondering why Jimin is even on his bed right now instead of his own. He probably was exhausted doing something and just fell asleep without realizing where he did.

Because if he did then best believe he wouldn't be here right now.

But Jeongguk needs his bed so....

With a hand nervously scratching the back of his neck, Jeongguk goes to Jimin's side and squats down to study his sleeping features.

He feels a little bad having to move him. Jimin looks way too comfortable right now, but Jeongguk knows that if he sleeps on Jimin's bed then the man will throw an actual fit because of it. Jimin likes keeping his personal space his, not like Jeongguk that could care less.

Shit, what can he do?

So nervously, Jeongguk places a hand to Jimin's shoulder, softly shaking him, "Jimin."

The other man didn't wake up instantly but he did hum a little, not opening his eyes.

"My....... Bed."

Jimin didn't move, but his features did look troubled as he held tightly to the sheets.

Can Jimin even sleep these days?

Last night Jeongguk noticed that he kept turning a lot in the middle of the night, and it's definitely not because the bed is uncomfortable because it's so cozy.

Hm....

So Jeongguk places his hand to the side of his head, patting his hair carefully while still keeping his eyes on him, "Sleepy?"

Jimin nods.

Jeongguk slowly nods back, "Okay."

So Jeongguk rises back up and just goes to the other side of his bed, picking the side of the sheets up and sliding in while making sure him and Jimin are a great distance away. Just out of comfort.

Time passed on while being like this, where Jeongguk was just left into his thoughts. He wasn't thinking of anything specifically, but those reminders of his day tomorrow was like a heavy brick in his chest.

He's definitely going to have a long week ahead of him, so he has to stay focused mentally and emotionally. Without any distractions from the outside.

Something that Lalisa has stated too, and now he gets it more as to why.

Pushing that aside, Jeongguk was sure he was getting close to his sleep after counting sheeps to fifty - until he heard a whimper.

A soft, quiet whimper.

It sounded almost like an injured puppy kind of thing, so it did startle Jeongguk a little to snap his eyes open. He waits to make sure he wasn't dreaming or something, but then he hears it again and this time with a ruffle of movement.

He turns to his side, seeing Jimin now facing him. He's still sleeping but sweating with a quivering frown and tears gliding down his cheeks. He's shaking feverishly with legs jerking from time to time, or himself even flinching out of no where.

Nightmare.

He's getting a nightmare.

Jeongguk frowns to the realization and slowly turns to his side, seeing how relentless Jimin is getting all on his own. It probably wouldn't be wise to wake him up right now because then he won't be able to go back to sleep, or it'll probably even scare him a little too much - At least that's the case for Jeongguk.

Damn it, what can he do?

Usually when Jeongguk gets nightmares, which is often, he literally deals with it alone. He doesn't know how to.... Snap out of it.

So he doesn't know what to do.

Worriedly he sits up when Jimin whimpers again, much more painfully than before. He's sweating so much; perhaps being covered in bed sheets wouldn't be the greatest idea if he's burning up.

But then again that would wake him up right?

Shit.

Nervously Jeongguk scratches his head and lays back down. He stares at Jimin, noticing in the way he's hugging himself with trembling arms before he thought of something a little bold.

That would perhaps lead to Jimin slapping him across the face.

But it'll help a little at least!

So pushing his doubts aside, Jeongguk carefully scoots closer to him. The stuttering hiccup that oozed out of Jimin's lips was enough motivation for Jeongguk to very slowly slide an arm under Jimin's head, gently adjusting it so he's laying his head on his bicep as a pillow. Carefully he curls his arms so he can bring Jimin closer gently, letting his hand caress his shoulder in hopes to calm him down.

When Jimin still didn't wake up, Jeongguk goes and wraps his other arm around his waist and brings himself closer to him. Chest to chest now if it wasn't for Jimin's arms still crossed to his chest as a failed attempt to comfort himself.

So Jeongguk rests his chin to his shoulder, eyes closed while his hand caress his spine like gently guitar strings.

"C-Come...... Back."

Jimin was still whimpering and quivering, but his arms hesitantly falls from his chest in a twitching mess the more he feels the gentle caresses in his back. Jeongguk pulled him even closer now that the barrier isn't there, caressing the back of his hair softly.

"Jimin," Jeongguk whispers, his throat once again squeezing but he only holds Jimin tighter, letting it be like a delicate push, "You..... N-Need me."

That faint whispers was like a trance that eased Jimin out of this horrid nightmare, or at least not let him face it alone. His shakily fingers traces up Jeongguk's neck, wrapping his arms around his neck while squeezing him close to him.

Jeongguk traces his arm that was under his neck to his waist, making sure he was secure against him. A small whimper once again came out of Jimin's lips, but his body slowly stopped from quivering.

Affectionately Jeongguk nuzzles his nose to the soft shell of Jimin's ear, "Protect...... P-Promise."

Who knows how long time has passed of Jimin still facing the blaze of his nightmare, but that slowly began to fade away as Jeongguk continued to comfort him from the outside while assuring him that he's not alone.

And not once did his throat ache, maybe because he was so focused on Jimin's mental being.

This position brought Jeongguk the comfort that he hopes it's giving Jimin. Something about it felt like they were alone, private, and that no one would come in and interrupt them.

Like a harsh little secret, only between them.

Is it wrong to hold another man like this?

Jeongguk doesn't know..... But it feels..... Good.

Protected, and having someone to protect as well.

It's weird and hard to explain, but Jeongguk just..... Feels so at peace.

If he goes to sleep now, he knows he would last in a deep sleep for a long time.

Once again closing his eyes, his fingers digs against Jimin's back to feel grounded, "Behind the faint smile that looked at me, I will draw a beautiful purple shade. Though our footsteps may be out of step, I want to walk this path with you," He softly sings, leaning towards Jimin's breathing as an anchor, "Still with you."

It was a tender lullaby his mother use to sing to him when he would fall asleep. He didn't know back then why she would cry whenever she did, but now as he held Jimin like this he began to understand more why she ended up divorcing his dad and marrying someone else.

He was too young to understand the intentions between her and her close friend, this girl that Jeongguk doesn't remember well her name. He didn't understand why he would see them sometimes hold hands or exchange some soft giggles, but then stop when his dad would come in.

"Though our footsteps may be out of step, I want to walk this path with you."

Was something his mommy's friend would tell her, all the time. Jeongguk liked how that sounded, but if only he knew the deeper layers under those words.

Now, his mother became a clear crystalline glass. He always hated her for leaving his dad, for being with someone else and doing something immoral like being with a women as a secret affair. And because he hated her for it, she had to make it up, and marry Namjoon's father since his father wouldn't take her back.

And her lover was never seen again.

She couldn't be with the person she wanted to be with because of him..... Because he was a stupid and immature teenager who didn't understand.

Now he does.

Those soft lyrics of her lover now is engraved in his heart, understanding.

It's time he speaks with him mother, after so many years since he ran away.

The arms around his neck suddenly tightens, drifting him back to the world to this moment of Jimin hugging him with his face nuzzling against his neck; letting out a deep exhale.

"You should stop using your voice so much, it could hurt you."

He's awake.

Good, he's not long in that terror anymore.

So Jeongguk softly smiles, snuggling his cheek to the side of his head, "Hm - Helps."

"But it's triggering for you," Jimin slowly leans his head back, meeting Jeongguk's gaze, "Only when you feel like you can overcome it, okay? Take your time."

He can be a caring little idiot when he wants to be, and now since he's freshly awaken then it could be just his vulnerability to the dream.

Now Jeongguk will take care of him.

So he raises a hand and gently caresses the side of his hair, running his fingers through it, "Okay," Studying his eyes now, he takes in a deep breath and carefully nuzzles their foreheads together, "Trust."

Jimin gulps, tracing his hand to Jeongguk's jaw and softly glides his thumb against his skin, "Yeah..... I trust you too," He whispers, closing his eyes, "It's weird..... I usually don't like physical intimate contact, and you slowly helped me face it. Erm.... Thanks."

A small smile once again forms Jeongguk's lips, moving his hand back to his waist to carefully grip his side in a tender comfort to his little confession.

"Strong," He whispers back, feeling his heart skip a beat when he feels Jimin's soft breath against his lips, "You....... Make m-me strong Jimin."

Unloved - Sigh (AL. C Refix) Killing Eve

[Headphones recommended, trust me :)]

Impulsively Jimin grips Jeongguk's side of his face and leans, capturing his lips with his own in such a hard and much needy kiss.

Both sober.

Both aware of what's going on.

And they make a move to pull away.

They needed this. In some way or somehow, they desired for this moment.

And they don't have any one barging in on them anytime soon.

Jeongguk grips his hips tightly, deepening the kiss so hungrily that Jimin gasped a little but reacted back with possessively clasping Jeongguk's jaw with both hands. The heat fed to Jeongguk's lust, drowning deeper to Jimin's raw lips that he could fight the temptation from bitting his bottom lip and sucks it into his mouth.

"Ah - Jeongguk," Jimin husky whines, clear desperation pitching his voice, "Don't tease me."

A dark chuckle came out of his throat, pressing Jimin down on the bed while he settles between his legs but leans back upright. He reaches the end of his shirt and tears it off his body. Jimin sits up and his tongue finds the skin just obvious his waistband. He glides up, spreading shivers and goosebumps up Jeongguk's body, especially when his teeth snags against a muscle from his toned abdomen. Jeongguk drops his head back, panting heavily and in anticipation as Jimin's swollen lips moves up higher while leaving gently bites to his collarbones and up his neck.

But Jeongguk lost his patience.

He pushes Jimin back against the bed and with an aggressive shove, yanking his shirt off and possessively bites his neck, right where he likes it.

Jimin was losing his self control. His back arched, legs now wrapped around Jeongguk's torso and pulls his hips down to grind against him. Jeongguk is a good boy, and obedient, so he gave Jimin what he wanted and rubs himself against him.

Just as he slams their lips back together.

This time Jeongguk whines horribly, eyebrows twitching to the pleasure of the friction of his pants rubbing and pressing against his dick against Jimin's pelvis. Jimin wasn't even helping the slightest bit because he was moving his hips up, fueling both of them for this to go further.

To feel more.

And right now they're wearing way too many clothes.

"Jeongguk, listen to me carefully," Jimin pants out when he pulls away, his hands hard on Jeongguk's cheeks to hold him back because he kept leaning to clasp their lips together, "I-If we continue...... Jeongguk just think about it okay."

Jeongguk stops trying to kiss him, staring down at him with a hooded gaze as Jimin tries to gather his thoughts before facing him, "Look.... If we continue this, I am going to take advantage of it. I won't stop, okay? What I'm trying to say is.... We can stop, but that time has to be now. Because the second your dick goes inside me, you're just not kissing a guy but also having sex with one. I don't want you to regret this later and for it to be frustrating you - Just.... Tell me what you want to do, whatever you decide is okay with me."

Jeongguk is left staring at Jimin, seeing this unfamiliar nerves slowly coating his features as he looks and looks away from his piercing gaze.

And Jeongguk was slowly brought back to what was happening.

Him and Jimin.... Just..... Ugh, again.

They're doing this again.

The first time this happened, they were interrupted when they were so close to passing some dangerous zones blindly. Now no one is around, they can do it, and that's.... That's just a little scary now.

It'll make it.... Real.

And Jeongguk isn't even sure yet of who he is or if he's ready to even handle all this.

Ugh.... It's frustrating.

So he continues to stare at Jimin's sparkling eyes, blinking softly to his features.

"I..... Don't erm... Know who or um- W- what I am....... anymore."

Jimin frowns, a more comforting one and nods, "No, I get it. I don't want you to be confused that's why I stopped-"

"But," Jeongguk cuts in, this time placing a delicate hand to Jimin's cheek, "I.... Want you.... T-That's..... The only t-thing I'm sure about."

That frown is still on Jimin's lips, slowly leaning to Jeongguk's hand with his own hand placed over it, "You know that we.... An us can't happen. I just can't handle commitments right now with a lot going on and you..... Ugh.... I know you won't be able to handle it either with the other things happening."

Jeongguk instantly shakes his head, "N-No...... Relationship..... I can't-"

"You're literally making me nervous with you forcing yourself to talk right now," Jimin grunts, rubbing a hand down his face, "I get it, I just want us to be on the same page here. So let's just..... Stop, yeah?"

There's a moment where Jeongguk doesn't say anything, thinking it over carefully and what his next move should be. Jimin is right, neither of them are going to accept being committed into being something more and Jeongguk won't handle himself now if they even do have sex since he himself is a confused mess about what it is he wants with Jimin.

He just knows he wants him, he just doesn't know in what way.

And before he makes a decision that will frustrate them out in the morning, it's better to stop now.

So, Jeongguk nods, making a soft smile flash Jimin's lips. It was hard to resist the small little gesture and Jeongguk molds their lips back together, forcing a deep inhale from Jimin through the nose as he brings him back closer to him.

Just because they agreed on no sex, doesn't mean they can't explore on other things, right?

The heat that was put on a little pause before returns back, much more intensive than previously. Jeongguk was finding a hard time stopping from kissing him, to feel his lips pressure against his and their tongues having a time of being two alpha wolves tearing each other apart.

That's the thing with the two, Jimin doesn't like to be submissive, he likes to be forced into submission. He's a dominant kind of guy, obviously as a bottom, but he likes having control.

Just like Jeongguk.

Jeongguk doesn't like being submissive, at all, and nothing could convince him otherwise. So best believe him and Jimin were like fire and water right now, seeing who would give in first.

Jimin actually got frustrated, badly, and he forcefully turns them around so he's straddling Jeongguk's pelvis.

This position drives Jeongguk absolutely insane.

From the last time to now, the feeling is still the same, if now probably worse because of the sexual frustration.

Jimin is grinding against his dick, moaning desperately when he feels Jeongguk's rock dick glide against the line of his ass through his sweatpants.

And Jeongguk likes hearing him whine.

"I think I found your favorite position," Jimin snickers, seeing how Jeongguk was like a puddle on the bed with hands gripping tight to his thighs, "Or maybe just like the way I move."

"N-No," Jeongguk groans when Jimin's hips snaps abruptly against his, making him tremble on the stop, "J-Just.... You...... Favorite."

"Dont try to flatter me while I ride your dick."

Why does Jimin like to talk so damn much?

Fuck!

Jeongguk sits up, angrily now, and practically lunges to his body. Jimin's back crashes against the bed, Jeongguk unable to control the way his hips moves against him aggressively to feel any type of friction, and almost screams to when he did and was unable to stop.

This had Jimin squirming and moaning so pathetically that his fingers were digging clawing against Jeongguk's bare back, so tempted to just yank their pants off and feel his dick inside him.

But Jeongguk wasn't going to leave him that desperate.

He wants to satisfy him.

Just his Jimin.

While his lips trails down Jimin's neck, sucking against the candy scent that drives him crazy, two of his fingers trails up Jimin's jaw and slips into his mouth.

"Lick."

Jimin whimpers a little but runs his tongue against the pad of Jeongguk's fingers, pulsating his cock to be practically throbbing in his pants.

Jeongguk was most definitely losing any sense of restraint he had left.

And Jimin was having a fun time teasing him with his tongue movements.

Impatiently Jeongguk yanks his fingers back and uses the other hand to lower Jimin's pants, along with his boxers, lowering his hand down and to his-

"Woah back up," Jimin suddenly mutters, "How do you even know what to do-"

"Shhh."

Jimin blinks, suddenly twinkling a smile, "Don't tell me you asked Minho for some advice-"

"Shut up!" And Jeongguk with blazing red cheeks clasp their lips together, right when he rubs his rim with his wet finger.

Jimin is tense now, more in anticipation than uncertainty, and he grips his Jeongguk's hair tightly as a sign that he's ready.

So Jeongguk presses his finger inside, slowly so he can prepare himself to pull out when Jimin shows an uncomfortable sign.

And that..... He did.

Truth Untold - BTS (Really fits well)

He was holding it back to not make it obvious but when Jeongguk pulled away from his neck, he could see how Jimin was holding himself back with tears beaming his eyes; trying to take it with every strength he has.

And that worried Jeongguk, a lot.

He's not ready.

Just as Jeongguk isn't, and it's definitely not because of some self conscious doubt.

Something happened him.....

To the sudden realization, Jeongguk pulls his finger out of him gently to not hurt him and just hugs his body without doing anything more.

"I'm sorry."

Jimin is quivering. Panting his breathes in little quivers, "W-Why did you stop? I'm okay."

No, he's not okay.

Jeongguk recognizes that look.

It's the same look he has whenever he hears loud noises.

Terror.

Absolute terror.

That he's trying to fight back.

Jeongguk only bites his trembling bottom lip and just held Jimin in his arms.

Someone hurt him. Touched his body in a way he didn't like.

Now he's traumatized..... Utterly traumatized to be touched by another man in private areas.

Hm that's something Namjoon mentioned before. As in, Jimin was a little different when it came to sex. He didn't want anyone to prep him, or to be smothered by soft caresses, he just went for the dick in his body and that's it.

Not like Namjoon could tell what was going on, but those are just things he mentioned without thinking.

They both assumed it was just preferences.

Jeongguk is doing too much to him as of now. From delicate touches, too much kissing and roaming hands, lastly to fingering him; Jimin's fighting against everything to let it happen because he wants it to happen.

But he's not ready for that.

Shit, Jeongguk has to be more careful-

"Are you crying?"

Is he crying?

How far into thought was he?

Jeongguk pulls back, pinching the bridge of his nose by his eyes to stop the tears but he lets out a childish whimper, "S-Sorry."

Jimin's eyes widen.

"Ah shit - No, don't cry, please," Jimin slightly panics, both hands on Jeongguk's cheeks now to awkwardly wipe his tears away, "Why do you cry so much - You didn't do anything wrong-"

"I-I did," Jeongguk whimpers, rubbing his eyes now with lips parted in a wheeze, "Too...... T-Too much......... F-For you."

Jimin face falls, grimacing with a heavy heart, "Noo, I'm okay. Don't worry. I could handle it Jeongguk."

Once against Jeongguk shakes his head, getting off him to sit on the bed with legs crossed, trying to control his anxious hands, "W-Wait..... Must.... Wait."

He feels horrible now.

He should've been thinking about what Jimin would be feeling about this rather than just assuming. Those traumatizing teary eyes won't leave his head, and the worst part is that it was coming from Jeongguk doing something to him.

He caused it and just.... He hurt Jimin.

The pain of guilt was so horrible that Jeongguk could burst burst into sobs right now.

He wasn't trying to, he didn't know!

Dammit!

He always ends up disappointing him somehow!

Jeongguk grips his hands together, trying hard to control his anxiety, but a hand is now over his with a gentle thumb over his knuckles.

He refused to look up at Jimin, he didn't want to.

But Jimin wasn't going to let him drown in this sorrow like this.

"Jeongguk...... Can you please look at me?"

He still didn't want to, but he also didn't want to trigger Jimin even more so he looks up with his teary eyes.

Jimin studies his face, glancing between his glossy eyes with a heavy sigh, "How I felt or remembered wasn't your fault, okay?"

"B-But...... Eyes-"

"I know," Jimin cuts in, squeezing his hand tighter, "I have past problems okay, it has nothing to do with you. But you're right.... We do have to wait. Maybe I wasn't as ready as I believed I was."

"N-Not....... Bad," Jeongguk sputters out, moving his hand to clasp it over his, "Time...... Heal..... Patiences."

This actually made Jimin twitch a smile, nodding, "Yeah.... With time," And he carefully moves to him and sits on Jeongguk's lap with thighs on either side of him, hands on his shoulder, "This position calms you down, right?"

Jeongguk actually manages to smile too, hands around his waist to clasp his hands to his spine, "And....... Other t-things."

Jimin pats his shoulder with an eye roll to his smug comment, but he ends up leaning in and gently pecks Jeongguk's lips, "Silly boy...... My silly boy."

For tonight that is, because tomorrow will be a different story.

They won't be this tender and careful with one another as they are now. No that's only for tonight because when the day light breaks, this will only be like a dream, again.

They'll just be partners, not someone who they can't find themselves holding back from kissing or who they can act like the world was infinite only for them.

This moment is just a stolen moment, that will never feel enough, but there's nothing more they can do about it but continue to hide..... And act like it didn't exist.

Because they're hopeless.

That's just.... How it is.

Yet despite that, they're smiling to each other as their foreheads nuzzles together with wobbling lips because for this single moment, they feel so happy.

And they love it, so damn much.

_______________________

A/N:

Wow..... A lot really did happen..... I wasn't planning on making it be the way that it ended up becoming, but ah, just went with the flow.

Okay so now next chapters will definitely be a little intense but then we'll have a soft moment up ahead, you'll see :)

I PURPLE YOU! <3