i still remember the anger i felt that night as i stormed out of the room and went to the place i always knew would keep me warm.

the night wasn't that cold surprisingly. lights around the city was bright as usual but it wasn't the same. the color of the lights had changed. they were a darker shade. the rooftop wasn't bright like the city. it was quite dark with no light source nearby.

i liked it.

the stars above me twinkled in the sky as they always do. i cried hard that night. nothing mattered anymore.

nobody understood how hurt and angry i felt and nobody came after me. he tried to but he got stopped my his mother and my mother as well.

he called my name as i left his house and his voice still echoed in my ears as i sat on the rooftop with my bottle.

didn't matter what i was drinking either. all that mattered was the silence.

the silence calmed me down and told me everything would be okay. that one day, even if they didn't understand, i would still be able to pursue the life i wanted.

i took sips from my bottle and laid down on the mattress. it was my hideout.

every time i felt down, sad, angry, or just needed air, i came to that rooftop.

it was the rooftop where most of my memories were alive. my almost first kiss, the place i confessed, the rooftop i cried on, all these memories.

the drink was something i always bought along with me too. some sort of tradition. 

i let everything out and let myself go but not my senses. just my feelings. the rooftop was the shoulder i cried on, the angel that protected me from the monstrosity of this world.

the breeze swept across me once again but so did something else.

it was a blue butterfly with a pattern i've never seen before. i found it unusual to even see a butterfly where i lived. there weren't exactly an abundance of them but just enough to see on spring days.

but it wasn't spring. it was winter.

even so, i was on a rooftop. it settled on my finger and twitched it's wings. i didn't know what to do but i admired it's beauty. it's not everyday i saw one of these. even if i did, they wouldn't come near me.

i think i shed a tear or two at how it even survived a winter night and managed to fly up to a rooftop of a building with three floors. not that many floors but, i mean, a butterfly, not a bird.

a colder breeze hit us and it flew away.

that's when i knew that i had to be more honest with myself because if i wasn't, the cold would sweep me away.

footsteps neared me and he approached me while stepping on the rocks on the floor. not like he could avoid them. they were everywhere.

he climbed up the bunk bed and sat on the mattress i was on. he wrapped a jacket around me and placed his arm around me. my head was against his shoulder.

we didn't say anything for a while. i savored the peaceful silence and how i could have sworn the wind got warmer.

he wasn't my boyfriend. he was my best friend. him being beside me felt warm. is that what the universe wanted to imply?

he said it was time for us to head back o his house since my mom was worried but i didn't want to go.

so we didn't.

he wasn't treating me the same way he usually did. on a normal occasion he would tease me and call me overdramatic but this time he was more protective-like. it's as if he was indirectly trying to be there for me since he sucked at it.

i pointed out how the moon was full and we talked. as we did, the butterfly came back and rested on the edge of the mattress. he didn't see it but i did.

for once, the fantasy where he treated me normally came true.

morning came and the sun was starting to rise again so we headed home.

his parents weren't as mad as we thought they would be. they were kind of happy.

they pointed out i was wearing his jacket and called us love birds.

i could feel the discomfort grow between us and returned it to him with an apology. he smiled and said it was fine, that i shouldn't be sorry.

but i did feel sorry.

especially since he was the one to get blamed. as soon as i left he was scolded but he didn't seem to mind.

the next day came and i stood by the window pane of my classroom to see the blue butterfly once again. in the midst of the green from the trees, there it sat on a branch.

the day was soon to pass as it came. i went to go visit him but he was back to his normal self. i knew he would be but i just wanted that night to happen again. what did i have to do for him to acknowledge me the way he did that night?

my worries were washed away as life hit me and soon we drifted apart. we did see each other a lot but we didn't have deep conversations anymore.

i was kind of thankful but kind of depressed. i lost a best friend, regardless of my romantic feelings and i fucking hated that feeling. the person i used to lean on became the person i couldn't talk to anymore because i didn't mean that much to him. 

it hurt.

i didn't see the butterfly again until it was the day i met someone else.

i've seen this guy before but not enough to know how he was like. i was interested though and planned to talk to him later.

my mind drifted off to other thoughts as i sat alone on a bench.

and there it was. a blue butterfly, with the exact same patterns, resting on my leg.

i smiled and watched its wings flap. the color of its wings turned darker. or maybe it was my imagination.

i looked up as it flew away to see my rooftop best-friend-person standing in front of me. it turned darker from his shadow i assume.

"hey", he smiled.

"hey", i said and stood up.