★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★

It was hard. Too hard to believe everything. I was on the verge of tears again. These days were passing by too fast, not giving me any time to consider if I even wanted to live this life.

Everything seemed to make me mad. I was locked in, under the CCTV surveillance, the round cameras keeping an eye on me all the time.

Dr. Kim visited only once. No one visited me ever since. It had been about a week. I missed Jungkook. I missed Dr. Hoseok, I missed the segment of life I lived a few days ago, which I considered the best part of my whole life.

Meeting Jungkook was fate, but I couldn't decipher how I didn't remember him after meeting him in doctor Hoseok's clinic. Was it the medicine's side effects?

I wanted to go out. I wanted to feel something. My body had been numb. My mom told me that they were fixing another appointment with Dr. Kim at our house today, but I refused to come out of my room. I stayed in, staring out of the window most of the time, in my pyjamas.

I got an urge to lift the blade once again, but what would I use it for? I wasn't brave enough to take away my life, knowing it wasn't all bad, but there were circumstances which affected me and pressed me into thinking that life isn't worth it. But I knew, somehow, there was a hope that I could feel something. I could also make friends. I could be happy. I could fall in love too.

Love.

I sighed heavily, staring down from the window, hot tears now rushing down my face. It was cold.

I checked the time, it was late 7 in the evening. I parted my lips, feeling a warm blow of air escaping my mouth. I somehow knew I was getting ill. My face was pale, my cheeks red with warmth.

My mother entered the room to check up on me again. I didn't respond. I placed my head on the glass of the window, closing my eyes.

"Hana, why is the room so dark? Why didn't you switch on the lights?" She tapped all the switches on in my room.

What's the use of lights when there's darkness all along in my head...

I clicked the window shut, turning over to her.

"Look at you, all skinny and pale. Eat something, please?" She looked worried. I shook my head.

"I-I don't feel so well."

She rushed over to me, placing her hand on my forehead. I leaned against her cold palm, and she gasped.

"You have fever! You should've told me."

"I just noticed."

"Want to go to the doctor with me? Dad won't be home for two days. All the responsibilities are on me." She said, more like ranted as if it was all my fault.

"I don't think I can walk right now. Do you have any medicines at home?"

"I don't, plus seeing a doctor is the best thing to do right now. Come with me, Hana."

"B-But I can't even move, mom!" I yelped, feeling my throat thicken, bile rising up my foodpipe as I covered my mouth.

"Are you o-"

Before she could complete the sentence, I gagged, standing up from the chair by the window and ran towards the washroom, but I couldn't even make it to the toilet. The vomit escaped from my mouth as I bent over, pressing my hands against my knees and threw up in the middle of my room.

"Oh God, Hana!" My mom quickly rushed over and rubbed my back. My throat felt tight and bitter as I blinked severely, reaching out to clasp my mother's hand.

"I'm sorry, I will clean this up-"

"Don't say rubbish, come with me," she walked me over to the bathroom, splashing warm water over my face as I rinsed my mouth thoroughly. My legs felt like jelly as I walked back to my bed but because of the puddle of vomit in the middle of the room, I felt nauseous again.

"Take me to the other room, mom." I whispered and she followed. We walked over to my parents' room and I sat down on the bed, feeling nostalgia filling my heart.

I miss the times we all used to snuggle up together in this room and sleep. I haven't been inside this room for so long. Mom wouldn't allow me...

I glanced at the monitor in the corner of the room, the size of the ventilator. It was shut off. I didn't ask my mom anything about it.

I thought the CCTVs were working all the time, but I don't think they're working these days.

"Lay down here, I'll make you some soup. And when you feel better, I'll call a cab and we will go to the doctor, okay?"

I nodded, pulling myself up the bed until my head rested against the headboard. My mother pulled the blanket over me and I closed my eyes.

They are not so bad, then why do they act to strict with me at times? If they care, then why don't they openly show it so I can feel that they're with me?

I lowered my head on the plush pillow and fluttered my eyes, staring up at the ceiling.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

When I was done slurping the tomato soup, fed by my mother, I felt good. My heart fluttered with warmth at the familiar taste of the soup. It was my favourite dish as a child, especially when it was made by her.

"Ready to go to the doctor?" She asked.

"Yes."

"I'll get your cardigan, do you want to wash up before?" She asked before leaving the room.

"Yes, I can manage now. Thank you mom."

"You're my daughter, you don't need to thank your mother for doing what she needs to do, do you?"

I stayed silent as she smiled a weak smile and left the room. I lazily slipped out from under the warm blanket and made it to the bathroom connected to the room. I washed my face, my eyelids heavy and dark bags under my eyes.

"Here's your cardigan," she made me slip into my yellow cardigan as I wiped my face with the towel. I urged to say thanks again, because it felt like I didn't deserve to be treated like this. As a burden. As...a daughter.

"The cab is coming by in 5 minutes. Remember when you taught me to book it? This was my second time booking it. I almost put the destination in another city!" She laughed, my lips curving up just a little at her words.

"Let's go–oh I forgot," she took out something from her purse, "your phone, it came back yesterday but I forgot to give it to you." She handed me my cell phone and I looked at the new, polished screen.

"Oh, alright."

"Let's go now." She grabbed my arm as I ruffled my hair, wearing a beanie to hide my tangled hair.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

While we were on the way to the hospital, I switched my phone on, not surprised as there weren't many notifications. Of course, there weren't people who cared about me.

I smiled at a text sent by Jia. It was her selfie with her tongue sticking out. I giggled, clicking on another picture with a crying filter on her face, captioned with 'miss you, unnie'

I was about to type a message for her when I noticed so many other messages sudden pop up altogether on the singing app.

I almost forgot about it. It must be Jungkook...since I didn't even use my laptop to communicate with him.

I tapped on it, my mouth curving into an automatic wide smile, reaching close to my eyes as I coughed a little to hide it from my mother.

3rd September.

-JK
Can I ask you a question?

-JK
Are you mad :(

-JK
It's okay if you don't want to talk, I just felt alone so I texted. Sorry.

4th September

-JK
Are you okay? Well, if it's because of me I'm really sorry. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable! (╥﹏╥)

18th September

-JK
I know now! It's you Hana. It is you~~

-JK
I know you told me your phone broke, seems like I'm talking to myself here keke

-JK
I went to the museum today. It was boring. I saw a painting of a young Queen. It reminded me of you.

20th September

-JK
I feel lonely.

-JK
-After dropping you and Jia home, I felt so bad. I wanted to spend more time with you.

-JK
You and her are almost alike, just the difference in age, you see? You act like a child most of the time but I like it.

-JK
I act like that with Taehyung too, but when he does aegyo, I want to puke lol.
And you don't even have to try.

-JK
Hmm... I don't think I even want to see you doing aegyo. Your personality is enough to make me like you more keke

24th September

-JK
I don't really know how to say it.

-JK
Of course we talk a little through e-mails but I don't like it much.

-JK
I don't even like to text...or call. I hate both. I like to meet people in person and hang out with them.

-JK
Do you like that too?

4th October.

-JK
Oh my God, Hana.

-JK
Why is it taking so long to fix your phone? Ever since I dropped you home an hour before, I can't stop thinking about you.

-JK
While you were here, I was feeling so good. Taehyung has gone to his hometown for a few days. I'm all alone again (╥﹏╥)

-JK
If you were here, the lonliness you be a little less, right?

6th October.

-JK
It has been 2 days. Why aren't you checking your e-mails?

-JK
You're okay right? Do I need to come over to your house? Did you get your phone back?

-JK
I'm so worried :(

8th October.

-JK
I hope you know, wherever you are, however you are, I'm with you.

-JK
I'm still with you.

-I came to your apartment today, saw your dad leaving so I hid behind the wall. I don't think I can visit your house. I feel scared.

-JK
Like in horror movies, you know? When the main character has to go to the witches' palace to get his princess back?

-JK
I'm not calling your mom a witch though! I'm sorry!!!!!

-JK
But you are a princess keke, no doubt :]

9th October.

-JK
I think I should stop texting here. But I feel very lonely and I miss you! I miss Taehyung too, since I only have 2 friends.

-JK
The song I told you about, it's almost finished! I'm thinking of recording it someday but I want to do it in front of you.

-JK
Hana... I miss you.

"Oh God" I blurted out.

So many texts...this boy... he's driving me insane.

I miss you too, Jungkook. So much.

My thumbs danced a little over the screen but I didn't know how to reply. His last text was 2 days ago.

"We're at the hospital, Hana. Come on." My mom's voice brought me out of my trance as I quickly locked my phone.

"Okay..."

As I stepped out of the cab with my mom, the cold gush of wind made me shiver. It didn't even feel like autumn. Winter was about to start in a week or two.

My legs were still wobbly, but I managed to stand still as I put my phone in the pocket of my trousers. My mom offered her hand to me as I grasped onto it, her warm palm somehow soothing me internally.

Suddenly I felt nauseous once again. I tried to soothe it down by gulping again and again but it felt hard to focus on walking as I clutched onto my stomach.

"M-Mom..." I barely whispered.

"What happened?" She quickly rubbed my back and that was all it took to bring the bile back up to my throat.

And I threw up again, there, on the road.

A/N

Hi! Too many requests T_T
I'm sorry, I just couldn't get enough motivation...idk how to say this but I never expected this book to blow up, much less get 10K+ reads when it is not even finished!

I'm so so thankful for all the people who are reading this. I will try to update frequently, I just need to keep my focus.

Stay safe everyone!

Love.
Unns💜