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"This might seem a little awkward but... would you mind going for a stroll at the nearby park?"

I stopped chewing and looked over at Jungkook, his mouth stuffed with food. He was waiting for a reply and I glanced at my wristwatch, the time showing 3:35.

"Uh... I don't mind but, do you have enough time? I mean, don't you have to study?" I asked, poking a broccoli with my chopstick. Jungkook smiled as he picked some kimchi from his plate and turned to Jia, feeding her with his hand.

"Nope, I took a day off tomorrow." He said, and my shoulders relaxed.

"I did too. Jia and aunt are leaving day after tomorrow so I wanted to spend a whole day with them," I said, slurping noodles from another bowl.

"That's good, it must feel nice right?" He laughed, his voice a little low, "I mean being with your aunt? Seems like you're pretty close."

"Yeah," I smiled, thinking of her, "I love her. And it actually feels good when you spend time with the people whom you love, and who love you back. You often forget all your worries and sadness when you talk to them. That's how my relationship with my aunt is. She always took care of me, loved me and protected me. Sometimes I even feel like I like her more than my own mom."

He laughed at my choice of words and I felt a bit embarrassed, feeling like I said too much again. I looked at Jia who was busy on the device, chewing on her food which Jungkook was feeding her every once in a while.

"Little J, you heard her? She said she likes your mom more than hers. What if she steals your mom?" Jungkook elbowed Jia and I laughed, covering my mouth with my hand.

"I won't let her steal my mom!" Jia squinted her eyes at me, "she's only mine!"

Me and Jungkook both looked at each other for a second and bursted into a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny? She is my mom. Go buy a new mom." She stuck her tongue out.

"Wah, if we could buy new parents, it would be so cool and weird at the same time." Jungkook blew lowly on his noodles and I smiled.

"If you could, would you buy new parents, Jungkook?" I asked out of curiosity and sarcasm.

He stopped chewing for a while and looked at me, our eyes locked. Then he blinked a few times, shaking his head.

"To be honest, I would and would not. My parents are not so bad. They like me, they pay for all my stuff and the biggest thing, they gave birth to me and raised me to become a 20 year old man."

"Man?" I chuckled, "you can't call yourself a man while you're still young. You're still a boy."

"Ah, they say once you cross teenage you're a man. Or at least, that's what I was told. Ever since my childhood I was told to study so hard that I become independent by the age of 18," he lightly blew on a piece of meat and fed it to Jia, "but I couldn't. I'm still trying by the way, being the puppet I am."

I frowned at his comment, suddenly feeling confused.

Puppet?

"Are you perhaps...not happy, Jungkook?" I asked him, leaning a little closer.

Jungkook paused while picking on his noodles and looked down, poking his inner cheek with his tongue.

"If I say that I'm not, who would care?" He said after a pause, smiling. "Though I am happy. I always try to be joyful. I am a kind of someone who doesn't let the negativity affect me. I keep myself busy with things so I usually forget what feeling down actually feels like."

"That's so many feels." I tried to be funny, picking at his deep conversation. But he didn't react so I quickly shut my mouth, pushing myself away.

"What about you?" He asked, not looking at me but his plate of food, "are you happy right now?"

I sighed at his question.

I ask this question to myself very often, but I don't know the answer.

"I... I don't know." I whispered, licking my lips, "I don't know if I'm happy or sad or confused or tired. It's very hard for me to sort out my feelings."

"I sometimes feel the same."

I looked up, his dark eyes already staring at me without any expression.

"Y-You do too?"

"Yes, isn't that how most of the people these days feel like? They don't know what they're doing is right or not. They pretend to be fine when they're not. In fact, so many of the smiles we see everyday are fake. They're all pretending. When they get tired of pretending, they sometimes break down. Maybe alone, maybe in front of their friends or partner. That's how it works."

Why do I relate to his words?

He actually says it like he experiences the same...

"You're right. And when they have no one who can lend them a shoulder, all they have is themselves. I-I've felt this so many times...in fact all I feel right now is this feeling. I don't know what is it but there is just this sadness in my mind that doesn't disappear."

It feels so easy to talk with him...

And this is the first time I've opened up to someone other than my therapist...

"I know this...but I won't label it as sadness. Because I know I'm not sad. I'm just tired. Maybe tired of faking myself everyday? Sometimes I miss the old days," he looks over at Jia, who was busy playing games on his phone, "this age. When I was genuinely happy. It doesn't feel the same anymore."

"If I tell you that I feel exactly the same way as you do, you would think that I'm lying." I replied, finishing the last part of the meal.

"And why would I think so?"

"Because everyone does. Everyone thinks I'm lying or faking this for attention. Everyone thinks I'm lazy." I said, suddenly feeling my emotions rushing inside my brain and my eyes beginning to sting.

I took a sip of water to cool down the burning in my throat, blinking profusely.

"I'm not everyone." Jungkook said, placing his hand on mine which was warm. I looked up, and he brought out his other arm to wipe my lower lip.

"Sorry, you had sauce there." He smiled and I stumbled with the tissue box and wiped my lips, feeling goosebumps crawling on my skin.

"You know, you're so oblivious. You're an open book, as far as I've got to know you. But not everyone around you knows how to read."

I lowered my gaze, trying to pull my hand away but his grip tightened on my hand, my heart thumping so loud that I could hear it in my own ears.

"I..." I whispered, but found no words to say.

"You don't have to say anything, I know. As someone who is going through the same phase, it's easy peasy." He grinned.

"You're going through it?" I finally whispered, staring back into his dark brown eyes, which were glimmering under the orange lights.

"Yes."

"H-How? All the times I've met you, you seem happy. You're good at studies, you have a nice lifestyle and you're always smiling-"

"Just because I'm always smiling doesn't mean I'm happy, Hana."

Oh...

His words echoed in my ears and I gulped, breathing heavily through my nostrils.

"You see me smiling here, I can make jokes around you, act like this biggest goof out there but do you know what I feel inside? What's on my mind? What do I want and what do I get? You know nothing... no one knows anything until I actually tell them, and that's my problem, I don't tell anyone."

"I-I never thought about that, I'm sorry..." I gathered enough courage to put my other hand on his, caressing his knuckles.

"There's no need to be sorry, actually it's my speciality that I don't let others know about me, I'm very secretive. And you're quite the opposite, you're open with your feelings, but you don't have someone to talk to, right?"

"Oh...how do you know? Have you been stalking me?" My eyes widened because everything that he said was right. It made me curl my toes with anxiousness.

"I'm good at reading body language." He smiled, pulling his hand away to pick out his wallet. I slowly placed my hands on my lap, contemplating everything.

What just happened? I was here to have a good time and laugh but instead I'm confused...

If he doesn't open up to anyone, why did he tell all of this to me?

He got back after paying and looked at Jia, who was lost in playing games. I was still feeling confused, staring at the wall in front of me.

"Come on, little J. Let's go to the park."

Jia looked up at him and nodded, returning his phone back to him. I sighed heavily before standing up from my chair and straightening my clothes. I didn't look at Jungkook again, instead I clutched Jia's arm and followed them out of the restaurant.

"Why are we going to the park?" Jia asked, as curious as always.

"Because I want to spend some more time with you. After all, you'll be gone soon, right?" Jungkook hummed before leaning down and ruffling Jia's hair.

And I just frowned, still not convinced that Jungkook could be the type to be depressed.

I thought depression shows... but I didn't know you can hide it so well behind that happy face, Jungkook...

I stared at his back, how his muscles flexed when he walked. His giggles echoing in my ears when he talked to Jia. His soothing voice, his persona, everything about him was perfect.

Then how can he be depressed like me?!

"We're here."

I accidentally bumped into his back and quickly stepped away, bringing myself out of my imagination.

"D-Do you want to sit on a bench or would you like to walk around here?" He asked, voice a little wavering.

"I-I'm fine with anything. Let's walk while we um... t-talk."

"There are ducks in that lake, big J!" Jia suddenly chirped and I turned around, staring over the lake at a distance.

"Yes, there are so many." Jungkook smiled and turned to me, "they're so pretty."

"T-They are." I forced a smile, not looking at him but his shadow.

"We can feed them corn. Do you want to, little J?"

"Yes!" Jia jumped, holding Jungkook's hand. He looked around and found a stall at a distance, selling various items.

"I'll get some. Wait here." He informed us and jogged upto the stall. I sighed and started walking towards the lake with Jia following behind me.

"What happened unnie?" She inquired, tugging at my jacket.

"Nothing baby, really."

"You look sad."

Is it that noticable when I'm sad?

If it is, then why can't others see this? A toddler can understand me, but adults can't...

"I'm tired, Jia..." I said, burying my face in my hands and exhaling deeply.

"Do you want to go home then? Big J wants to talk to you." She looked back where Jungkook stood, his hands stacked with corns and ice creams. "Look how cute he is, right unnie?"

"He is..." I smiled absent-mindedly, looking down at Jia who started giggling when Jungkook dropped the corns down accidentally.

"He is so clumsy. I like him so much, unnie."

"You do?" I questioned, raising a brow. It was very rare for her to like strangers, especially men. She was very choosy when it came to make friends, just like me.

"Yes, he is caring. He talks about anything and makes me laugh. He is much better than boys at my playschool."

A hearty laugh bubbled up my throat at her words and I patted her head, staring back at Jungkook who smiled at both of us, walking very slowly so the items in his grip don't fall again.

I quickly darted in his direction to help him, carefully taking some items in my hands. I realised how much food he bought once again and this time, I lost control and slapped him.

On his butt.

"Ouch." He was taken aback and I looked at him with firm eyes.

"You bought so much food again. How much do you think you can eat? It can affect your health!"

"You care about that?" He stared back into my eyes, lips curling up into a sly smirk.

"Of course. I don't want you to get sick. It's exhausting." I puffed my cheeks, just realising what I did when he rubbed his butt with his free hand.

"O-Oh, did I hit you hard? I'm sorry..."

"Why are you being sorry? I deserved it, didn't I?" He laughed, and I felt my cheeks burning with humiliation.

I have that habit because I often slap Jia playfully... I didn't even realise when and how hard I hit Jungkook...

"But you shouldn't waste your expenses on these." I frowned, the chilled ice cream cones turning my hands numb.

"I just wanted to get everything that makes you both happy."

I couldn't help but feel a little light hearted when these words left his mouth.

Someone cares about my happiness too...

It makes me...feel special...

A/N

Uwuwuwuw so much cuteness :')

*Conveys both my personalities as Hana and Jungkook's characters*🤡

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