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*Jungkook's POV*

Hmm...

Unnie.

Who could that be?

I shuffled through all my contacts, checking out the people who were in my phone list, with whom I interact or used to interact.

There were barely thirteen people, two of them were my mom and dad, one Taehyung, one was Yoongi hyung, one was Jin hyung, another Hobi hyung.

Most of them are my hyungs.

Other few people were my classmates who asked for my number so I could send them notes.

How pathetic of me.

There was just one girl in my contact list, Yoona.

I don't think she is the supposed 'unnie' of that little girl.

She was my classmate since two years of my college. We barely interacted but she was smart, so I used to ask her for notes and discussions whenever I wasn't able to attend classes.

Would she draw me? Without my consent?

My mind was kind of agreeing but I was denying the thought. Though I remembered her asking me out in the first session, but after that we kind of quarreled and then I never made a single eye contact with her.

The probability isn't less though...

I sighed in frustration, tapping the back button aggressively. My fingers automatically clicked the VoiceStar app, which I used to check ten times a day, hoping for a reply.

But she didn't even read the message.

_______________________________________

17/9/17

-You

Hey, can I ask a question?
(not opened)
_______________________________________

Why won't she reply?

My intuitions were telling me that it was Hana. The same Hana.

I just wanted to confirm it, so that maybe, maybe we could become friends. Because to me, she was my saviour. Not so many people have helped me in my life.

Those who did, held a special place in my heart. A little corner. 

And I guess, she made it there.

She was someone whom I didn't know but felt a connection. Just through her eyes, her words and her actions.

Someone whom I started to cherish in my heart, without even a second meeting....

I remembered her face a little, though it was kind of puffed up...but she was....cute.

I felt a warm rush to my cheeks and my back quavered. It rarely happened when I felt so flustered. And now that Taehyung was not here with me, I could smile like an idiot to myself because he wouldn't tease me like last time.

I stared at my palms, still remembering the time when she held my hand, tight.

I wanted to hold hers back too, but I was too naive.

A yawn escaped my mouth as I stared at my digital clock, which showed half past twelve.

Like always. Nothing new.

I switched my phone off and laid my head on my pillow, but it wasn't helping. I couldn't find a way to fall asleep.

I never did. Every night was a curse now. I was exhausted but sleepless.

It was like wanting to cry but having no tears.

I didn't cry though. I knew crying solved nothing but just gave us a way to let our emotions out until we felt numb, just for a few moments.

So I just kept staring at the ceiling with hooded eyes. Clutching the cuffs of my long shirt in my fists, changing a thousand positions just trying to find one comfy way to let my running thoughts come to a pause. Just for a few hours.

Why did it feel so hard to do the easiest thing? Falling asleep...?

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Next day:

*Hana's POV*

"No, don't talk to me."

I crossed my arms over my chest in agitation, trying hard not to make any eye contact with the girl sitting in front of me with pleading eyes.

"Unnie! Talk to me!"

"No! You told him my secret. I trusted you..."

Actually I didn't. How could I trust a five year old?

"I don't like it when you don't talk to me, unnie," She said in a low voice and my heart swelled at that. "You said we are friends."

Ouch, here goes my heart.

I somehow feel her. She is just an innocent toddler after all.

I sucked in a sharp breathe when she stood up on the mattress and took slow steps towards me. I couldn't help myself so I finally looked at her face, her round eyes were filled with tears.

And once again, my heartstrings broke upon seeing her being guilty.

I embraced her into my arms and cradled back and forth while sitting, her face pressed against my shoulder and her legs wrapped around my waist. She was clinging onto me like a koala and I couldn't control my emotions that were now all over the place.

"Don't cry, Jia." I patted her back, "it's okay... I forgive you."

"You don't." She sobbed into my shoulder and my eyes turned glassy.

Kids at a young age don't deserve to feel so many emotions...

"I do..." With a silent huff I pulled away from her, wiping the stray tears that were glistening on her chubby cheeks.

"I didn't tell him your name." She admitted, "I just said I saw his picture in your book.".

"But still," I frowned but then I shook my head. "It's alright. Whatever happened was in the past. Let it go."

"So you're not angry with me now?"

"Mhm." I kissed her cheek and she giggled, "I can never stay angry at you for a long time. You're my trouble partner."

"We are partners?" Her eyes widened.

"Yes," I winked at her, "we both create troubles but somehow get away without causing any issues. We're smart."

"Yes! We got it from our moms." She laughed and I was in utter shock at her response.

She's so sarcastic... like me.

"Now, let me take my protein shakes and then we will play some games, okay?" I told her and she nodded, getting up from my lap.

My shoulder was soaked. I felt a little disheartened because I made her cry. But now that I looked at her smiling face, all my worries washed away like waves from a shore.

It's all good now.

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In the evening when Jia finally fell asleep after playing snakes and ladders with me, I covered her up in a quilt and silently tip-toed out of my room.

I put on my favourite blue over-sized hoodie, which doctor Hoseok often complimented me about.

It's been four days since I met him.

Would he come to meet me today?

I was just wondering when I came across my mom in the corridor, her expressions were firm with her eyes fixed on my figure.

"Going somewhere?"

"Uh... for a walk. I-It's been a while..."

Stop stuttering, Hana!

"I wanted to ask something." She said and my thoughts flashed to every wrong thing I did in the past.

The pot that Jia broke...did she find out?

"Oh yeah," I looked into her eyes, "I accidentally broke that pot. I-It was a mistake, mom."

I lowered my gaze to the floor, waiting for her to scold me.

"I wasn't asking about that but..." she trailed off and I fiddled with my fingers, "stop lying Hana. I saw that you didn't break it. I was there."

Oops.

I looked up into her eyes and she was smiling. It made me feel uneasy but relaxed at the same time.

"I don't know why are you such an overgiver. Stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?"

"Taking blames over yourself." She poked her finger on my forehead and I rolled my eyes. "This world is mean. Start to stand up for yourself because we are not going to be always there for you."

Are you seeing this now? I've been doing it for ages...

"When I do, you always oppose me." I shot back and she raised a brow at me.

"Well, we always want your good. Since you can't decide what's better for you so we have to take your decisions. After all, you're ours." She said in a rather possessive tone and I fumbled with the sleeves of my hoodie, biting on my lip.

I wanted to say something back, but I argued to myself that it would come out harsher than expected and if I lose it... it's over.

"That's because I missed all my chances when I was capable of doing it. My insecurities were eating me up, mom. I wanted to do so so many things but it wasn't possible because," I took a sharp breathe, "one, yes. I don't believe in myself. Two, I already knew everyone would be against of whatever I wanted to participate in. And three, because I'm yours. How can I do something of my own when you possess me?"

"You could've done that, Hana. We haven't locked you up."

Technically, you did...

You weren't able to give me the support that I needed back then. Now I'm used to bottle it up.

I'm trapped, within myself.

"Just leave it mom. I'm trying to get better. Please don't ruin it now." I shook my head, impatiently tapping my foot against the tile.

"Hana, listen to me." She suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me, making me want to fight back tears. I hated to do that.

The more I talk to my parents about these issues, the more sentimental I get.

"You can talk to us-"

"I don't want to, mom!" I snatch myself away from her grip, my voice now a couple octaves higher. "I'm not used to talk. You know. You know it because you've seen me from the start. What do you expect me to share to you when I know it doesn't bother your perspectives?"

"I know I did a mistake Hana." Her voice was soft, grip firm on my arm. "I wasn't able to understand anything you were going through. I thought it was all because of the devices and-"

"Why do you bring up devices? In fact they're a help to me, mom. It's a source for me to relax for a bit, to entertain myself and to smile. That's the only way I can smile when I watch something on internet. And I'm not watching anything wrong mom... please try to understand your daughter, please..."

My nose was heating, and so were my eyes. My throat was totally clogged and I didn't know whether to look into her eyes anymore. I didn't know if it was worth it.

I did it again... I'm talking back. The thing that all parents hate.

I felt her hand slowly loosing contact with the material of my hoodie, the grip loosening and my arm fell back, dangling by my side.

And before I knew anything, I was pulled into a hug, a hug that I was dying to recieve since forever.

Now I couldn't control myself anymore. I broke into sobs. I didn't care if they were loud or if anyone was hearing me through the walls.

My mom's height was a little less than me, and since I was wearing sneakers, she was short beside me so she was the one to push her head on my shoulder, not vice versa.

I hesitantly grasped the material of her gown in my fists, letting my tears fall on my cheeks, her cardigan and wherever I could allow. I sobbed in her embrace, letting my emotions out. My whole face was heated, my nose was running but I didn't have a care of any of it.

I needed that hug. I needed to let it out.

And this time it wasn't in the form of anger, it was in the form of care.

It wasn't the blade accompanying me today, it was my mother's arms.

The tears weren't wasted, they were invaluable. These tears that begged to fall into the embrace of my dears were finally falling in their place.

I needed all of this. I needed to cherish this time while I was in my mother's arms.

"M-Mom..."

"Don't say anything."

I nuzzled my face into her shoulder, though I had to bend down a little. The heavy feeling was slowly vanishing away from my chest, overtaken by a new feeling of pleasure, bewilderment and affection.

It was about five minutes later that I realised, we both didn't speak a single word. It was like she finally understood that I didn't need any words of wisdom, but actions of protectiveness.

I missed this feeling. I don't even remember when was the last time she hugged me this tight...

"Feeling lighter?" She asked as she soothingly kept rubbing her hand on the fluffy material securing my back.

"So much." I replied, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply.

"You wanted this, right?" She finally pulled away, and I looked into her eyes, wiping my own tears away.

"...What?"

"A hug," her face lacked any emotions and I could feel she was guilty. "This is what you wanted? Reassurance, someone to lean onto, something to grip tightly..."

"Yes," I shook my head, "for a long time. I was always hesitant to ask..."

"And I was always dumb to not notice." She sighed.

"But thank you for this mom, I don't care how long it has been. I'm sorry for all the harsh words I've said on your face. I don't really mean anything, it was just my inner soul. I was tired..."

"So you trust me, now?"

Uhh...

"Yes, I do."

My lips were quavering for the words I wanted to say, but before I could say them, my mom leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I love you."

Finally...

"I love you too, mom."

A/N

Soft hours open.

I don't care how this chapter came out. I always wanted to write this down. I'm feeling so light after finally writing my feels down and heck, I'm proud.

The fact that I went through something similar a few months ago, I just feel everything in my bones that I have written down. It's a dèjá vu for me.

Thank you for reading :)