Two weeks after I'd come home from California, said goodbye to Dylan, seen Megan and recruited Allie for her help with a lifesaving mission, I felt. . . renewed. Not free of the hollow ache that kept me awake at night but it was enough to pull me out of bed and eat and smile and pretend that I have my shit together.

"So Megan has already started moving?" Allie slides the next book across the floor so that I can tape it closed. It's Friday and I'm moving in with Megan over the weekend.

However, she'd decided that we should move into something a little bigger. She figured even if I did end up moving out in the future, she'd need the space for her and her daughter. So we'd decided to rent a two bedroom apartment about seven blocks over. I didn't tell her, but it was probably the best considering what was going to be going down between Kevin and I. If I needed to hide, it'd help that he couldn't find me.

I think Megan wanted a fresh start for her own reasons. Maybe she figured it'd be better that Kevin couldn't just show up unannounced if he tried to. She knew that he wasn't pleased about her keeping the child and assumed she was going to be after child support soon enough. She might have been scared that he'd attempt to bully her into getting rid of it.

The apartment wasn't as high as the last one but it still had a decent view, an enclosed patio, a decent wall of shelves for Megan's books and one of the bedrooms had a window seat. Megan graciously allowed me to have that room and it was such a simple thing that made so much difference. I'd have a window seat again. A place for my throws and cushions. I couldn't wait to use it.

"Yeah most of Megan's stuff is at the apartment now," I blow out a breath and wipe the back of my hand across my brow. The last box was taped up. Not that I'd had a lot to pack considering I left most of it in boxes to begin with. But I'd been lugging boxes out into the hall for the movers to collect all morning. I needed a shower.

"Are you sure about this?" Allie asked as I pushed the box with my foot, out of the room and across the living room. She followed me with her own box being toed. "This is. . . a big deal. You'll be living with a pregnant woman and helping her raise a child. It's a big role."

"It's no big deal. We're just gong to be like lesbian couple who don't have sex and my wife is carrying my sister."

"As you do," Allie waits while I open the door. "I just want the best for you girl, you know that, right?"

We added the boxes to the existing pile and walked back inside, I nodded and fanned my shirt in and out. "Yeah, I know that. But this is. . . this is good. I feel good about helping and being there for her when my father is refusing to be. I couldn't— I couldn't help mom. But I can help Megan."

Allie didn't looked convinced that this was a good idea and I understood where she was coming from. I was barely functioning as it was, never mind stepping in as a support person for the woman who was carrying my little sister. Complications could arise. Set backs could happen. But I felt good about this and it was the first thing that I'd felt good about in a long time.

The first thing that didn't involve Dylan anyway.

"You know, I thought that you were moving to the beach," Allie and I wandered toward the kitchen, I needed a water.

My gaze narrowed at her as I grabbed a glass off the shelf. "Who told you that?"

"I was in contact with Dylan while you were gone. Don't be mad at him. I just wanted to know that you were okay. He mentioned the beach plan when he said you guys were heading home."

"Oh. Yeah. Well, I was going to move to the beach. But I changed my mind. I mean, I'd ask Megan to move to the beach with me, but she has her research thing here."

"How long have you guys known each other?"

I swallowed my mouthful of water, thoughtful for a moment. "Um I met her just before Christmas."

"Hell, Bea. That's not even two months. You barely know the girl." Allie opened the dishwasher door when I finished my water and gestured at it before I could put my glass in the sink. "Ho hates it when you leave dishes in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher."

"Oh," I shrugged and slipped it into the top rack. "Yeah well who cares how long I've known her. She's a good person and we're friends. I like her."

"Just— be careful."

"Of what?"

"She might be using you."

"She has her own money, Allie. She's not using me. You met her. You know that she's nice."

Allie ran her hands over her face with exasperation. "Bea, meeting someone is not the same as living with them. You'll get to know each other more and more and what if you don't like certain things about each other."

"Look, if anyone gets annoyed with the other person here, it's gonna be her getting pissed off with me. But I'll do my best to put the dishes in the dishwasher," I grinned. "Stress less."

She shook her head with mild amusement, leaning on the counter top. "No wonder you show your vagina to four different people a month. Too trusting."

"It could be four a night. I don't think I'm doing too terribly."

She laughed and started filling up her mini watering can so that she could feed the plants on her kitchen windowsill. "Have you and Dylan slept together?"

"Not sure," I mumbled, reading a text message from Megan to let me know that she was at the new apartment and I could come over whenever I was ready.

"You're not sure?"

Slipping my phone into my pocket, I looked at Allie who was the epitome of confusion. "Shit. I haven't even told you about what happened in Vegas, have I?"

She set her watering can down with a loud thud. "What happened in Vegas?"

"Sorry. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"Bea!"

"Relax," I laughed and proceeded to explain the whole marriage scare, the drugs, Howie. "So when we woke up, we were both naked. But we couldn't remember a thing. I don't think we had sex. Just because . . . I don't know, there was no swelling or stickiness between my legs. And there was no condom around. So if we had, had sex, there would have been stickiness. My guess is that we were going to but we were too wasted. Not too sure. I've decided that we didn't."

"You are an actual mess."

"Yeah," I nodded. "I wouldn't argue with that."

"Is that what the cheap little ring is all about?"

I looked down at my finger and smiled. Yep, I was still wearing the ring. As odd as it might have seemed, it gave me hope. Hope for a more stable future. I liked to imagine that it was a fill in. And one day, I'd have a real one in its place.

An hour later, I'd showered and changed into a pair maroon sweat pants, a black turtleneck, boots and a coat. I imagined that we'd be spending the rest of Friday organizing the apartment, most of the weekend even. But I did have to reserve time to visit a certain someone and carry out an extensive take down plan. Allie met me at her apartment door in her work attire. She had client meetings for the rest of the day but she wanted to be around to see me out.

"It was nice having you, Bea," she adjusted her bag on her shoulder and smiled, her ringlets framing her sharp features.

"Is that because I wasn't here all that much?"

"No," she stuck her tongue out. "It's because it was fun having girl time in the evenings. And watching movies and putting our heads together over this . . . mission, was fun. Nerve wrecking, but fun. Do you have everything?"

"Yep. All of the paper work is safe and sound. I owe you big for that. And I swear, if I go down, I go down alone."

"We both know that isn't possible," she exhaled and I could tell that she was nervous, however strong she tried to be, I knew that she was worried. "I'd end up right there with you, in jail. That's where we would go."

I swallowed, smiled and took her hand in mine. "It's not going to come to that. I've got this."

"Do you?" She stepped closer and squeezed my hand a little tighter. "I feel like I should go. Or Ho. Someone should go with you. It could turn nasty."

"Ho?" I tried not to laugh but I couldn't help it when I imagined Ho being confrontational. "What's Ho going to do? Offer to water the house plants? He's not all that intimidating, Allie."

"That's my man you're talking about," Allie tilted her head and I grinned. She really could be the scariest woman that I've ever met. Perhaps she's the one that I should take. "And fine, Ho wouldn't be the best protection. What about Dyl? Or even Brecken. I don't like the man but he's got a good— you know— his figure is stro— he's built well. He—"

"He's got a hot as fuck body, Allie. Sheesh, you're not going to burst into flames if you admit it."

She rolled her eyes and shifted. "Whatever. The point is, he'd probably be able to look after you if shit went south."

My lips pursed and I held in a devious, dirty joke. But my smile must have tipped off the thoughts going through my head.

"Gross, Bea. Focus! You should take him with you just in case Kevin gets violent."

"Yeah. I'll think about it."

"Don't be stupid. Don't be too proud to ask for help. I literally hate the thought of you being alone with Kevin when you tell him what you've got."

She was right. I didn't think Kevin would be capable of murdering me and hiding my body. But I also never thought he would hit me across the face. So, perhaps asking Brecken to go with me tomorrow, wouldn't be the worst idea. I nodded at Allie and smiled.

"I'll call him."

"Good," her shoulders relaxed and we embraced in a tight hug while I thanked her for taking me in at such a vulnerable time. Not to mention her part in this plan. It was huge and I would never be able to thank her in words, what I felt.

She told me to call her tomorrow and let her know what happens and I could tell that she was teetering on the edge of her seat over it. I couldn't blame her, I was worried too. I was just hiding it well. For now, I wanted to focus on the new apartment and getting settled in.

The sun was beginning to set when Megan and I decided to take a break and figure out what we'd have for dinner. She was in a pair of flannel PJ bottoms with an ice-cream pattern on them and her hair tied back, wisps of loose strands clung to her damp forehead.

"What about burgers?" She suggested. "We could order Uber Eats. I can't be bothered going out."

"Yeah, that sounds good," I said, peering through the view finder of my camera. I'd been snapping photos of our progress. The apartment when we first got here, after we'd put all of our boxes in the middle of the living area. The kitchen and bedrooms as we started putting our things in their place. Most of it belonged to Megan. She had an entire apartment worth of stuff, all I had were clothes, photos and some keepsakes.

She told me not to feel of it as mine verse hers. She wanted me to feel like it was just as much my home as it was hers. And I guess, it was, we were splitting the rent. But I still felt like it wasn't mine. Hopefully I would get there soon. I sat in the dining area on a bench seat and snapped a shot of her placing a mason jar of flower petals on the breakfast bar. She turned around and tipped her head back.

"Bea, I'm a sweaty mess. No more photos. Of me."

I looked at her for a moment and thought about the fact that she was carrying a little piece of me. Just a little one. That was my family growing inside of her. It blew me away when I stopped and thought about it like that.

"I have an idea," I said, beams of orange evening sun were coming through the timber window that covered almost the entire living room wall. It wasn't floor to ceiling but it was big. "Stand in front of the window."

I stood up and weaved through a few boxes that were spread out on the living room floor. Megan watched me with her brows knit as I stood in front of her and reached around, tugging her hair out of its bun.

"Fluff it out," I instructed and shuffled her back towards the spot that I wanted her to stand in. She had no idea what I was doing and I couldn't help but giggle as she stared at me with her frazzled hair framing her face. "Oh and take off your pants."

"Alright, what is going on?"

I backed up until I was a few meters from her and grinned, she was in the perfect spot. But she still wasn't cooperating. "Come on, just trust me. Whip the PJ pants off, fluff the hair and then turn side on."

Her expression became knowing and she covered her face with her hands. "Bea, I'm sweating and gross and the undies that I'm wearing aren't that cute."

"Relax. You won't see them. Or your face. Just do it. I want to document your body and how it'll change. We don't have to show anyone and I won't post them anywhere."

She sighed and whipped off her pants. I don't know what she was talking about, her undies were basic white shorties that left the bottom half of her perfect ass hanging out. No doubt she was never seen in anything but lace thongs. She fluffed her hair and stood side on, lifting her top a little bit.

"It's a bit of a shame that I'm already showing. We didn't get one earlier."

I lowered my camera, which had been up, aiming and assessing that the shot was looking good. "Showing?" I stared at the tiniest, tiniest bulge in her lower abdomen. "Bitch that's what I look like after smelling fried chicken."

She giggled and waved me off. "Alright, how should I pose?"

I peered through the view finder again. "Raise your arms," I mumbled. "Put them in your hair and tip toe and bend your knee on the right leg, just a little."

"I feel ridiculous," she giggled again, like she was nervous. "Who do I think I am?"

"Girl, shut up. You look like a lingerie model. Yes! Don't move," I smiled, the camera shuttering over and over again. We moved through a few different angles and poses but it wasn't hard to get something gorgeous.

As I sat on the sofa, flicking through the shots, Megan came to join me after she'd pulled her pants back on. She rested her chin on my shoulder and gasped. "Those are incredible."

The image had turned out how I'd imagined it. The sun was coming through the window in full force and Megan was a silhouette. Her figure was black and the light behind her, created a halo circling her entire body. Her hands were in her hair, head angled upward.

"If we take one of these everyday or perhaps just once a week, I can create a time lapse of the pregnancy and then, in the last one after she's born, we could do it in the light, revealing both you and the baby."

She squealed and threw her arms around me. "I love that idea. I'd have never thought of it. Can I have a copy of those now though? I might put one on Instagram if that's alright?

"Yeah," I nudged her. "Of course."

Megan and I said goodnight to each other at ten. I'd given her the photos and when I sat down on my window seat, checking social media, there she was at the top of my feed. It was a great photo. The caption read, '17 weeks and counting. Blessed to have the beautiful girls involved in this photo.' I smiled and tapped the screen twice until the little red heart appeared. And then I exhaled and looked outside. It wasn't a clear night, the clouds were low and the lights below were almost invisible. It had been raining too. Thank goodness that it didn't start until after our boxes had been dropped off.

My room was nice, not as big as the one at Kevin's. But that was no longer important to me, I was just glad to have a bed and roof. There were still boxes all over the floor, the closet door was open, clothes were haphazardly thrown at hangers and my bed wasn't made but that didn't matter. I tugged the window seat throw onto my legs and squeezed my cellphone in my hand, staring at the empty urn on top of my dresser. Another item that Megan had loaned to me.

For a while, all I did was stare at the photo of Dylan and I on my screensaver. And then I slid to one that I'd taken of just him. Just him in his restaurant kitchen, in his happy place, concentrating on his love of food. A slight pinch in his brows and his lip between his teeth while arranged the meal on a plate. That might have been the one thing that I'd envied about him as we grew up. He was sure of himself, secure and enthusiastic about his future. I wanted that.

I sucked in a deep breath, blinked back tears and quickly tapped through my phone until it was ringing. Somehow, I suddenly felt exposed under the bedroom light, so I stood up and switched it off just as Brecken answered the phone. The first thing that I noticed, was the piercing scream going on in the background.

"Brecken, what the hell is going on over there?"

"Lily didn't want a pink pacifier tonight. But Lizzie can't find the blue one. So, the entire world is falling apart."

I winced and wondered if that's what it would be like when Megan had the baby. Screaming fits over pacifiers? Meh, I'd had screaming fits over less.

"What's up?" He asked after a moment and I realized that I'd been imaging what it will be like to cart a small person around on my hip while we search for her pacifier. "You good?"

I swallowed and sat down on the window seat again. "I need your help, Breck. It's to do with. . . Kevin."

He was dead quiet for a beat. "What'd that bastard do? I'll use one of the cars on the lot if we need. Put his body in it. Burn it. I could erase the car from existence."

"That's. . . great," I blinked and wondered if he made a habit of handing that threat out. "But it's not quite there. I just need you to come with me tomorrow. I'm going to see him to confront him about some dirt I dug up. I just. . . I'm— ugh. I'm—"

"I'll be there," he interrupted before I had to tell him that I was scared to be alone with Kevin. "I'll be there, alright? Don't go alone. What time and where?"

I filled him in and warned him that he wasn't to breathe a word about this to Dylan. He agreed but it was reluctant and he had a lot to say about the fact that I need to snap snap with this self discovery bullshit so that I could scoop his brother out of the dumps. It hurt to know that Dylan wasn't coping without me. But I knew that once I had closed this chapter, I could go to him. We'd have to go slow. But it would be a start and I wanted a fresh start with him. So much.

"Alright, whatever, I'll keep it quiet. But you owe me a kiss below the belt."

I was about to hang up until I heard Lizzie in the background. "Who the fuck are you talking to?"

Lizzie?! Shit, I'd barely heard that girl raise her voice before but she sounded like she was about to pop him one.

"It's just Bea," Breck laughed.

"Oh, okay."

"I'll kick you below the belt," I said. "Don't be a pig. I almost like you until you start on that shit again."

"You and Dylan still haven't fessed to each other. I'm keeping a promise."

"We kissed and tried to get married, Breck. I think we've fessed enough."

"Woah, what the fuck? Excuse me? Married?!"

"Well, I've got to go. Tomorrow. Four in the evening."

"Bea, wa—"

I hung up, giggling. It didn't surprise me that Dylan hadn't told him about Vegas. Brecken got on his nerves when he started pestering him for more details. And Brecken would definitely pester him over this. I wouldn't be surprised if he was calling him right now. I sighed and curled up with the blanket so that I could watch the clouds drifting through the building tops, focusing all thoughts on their movements so that I could drift off without the truth of tomorrow turning my stomach over and keeping me awake.