Preview: ~FUTURE BOOK~
Why? I'm a decent kid and I really do try to keep my grades up. So why? Why did He do that?

Warning: Rape, emotionally abusive father

Ship: None (ShinKami in the future book)

~Prologue~

I walk down the street making sure to keep my distance from everyone. My head hangs low with my glaze just ahead of my feet. My hands clutch tightly to shorts. The booty shorts match perfectly with the fishnets underneath and with the black crop top that has the word happy on it in yellow cursive. I used to love this outfit. It was my favorite one to wear. Now I hate it. It shows too much skin. It's gross. I'm gross.

Someone bumps into my shoulder and I jump and spin around. The guy gives me a weird look. "I'm sorry, geez." I don't reply and stand there frozen with fear. He shakes his head and mutters "What a jerk." He is long gone before I regain control of my body and walk faster to my home. I just want to be home. Because once I'm home, I'm safe.

It takes me too long to get back home but I finally do. I step into the house and quickly lock the door. I let out a breath. My eyes scan over the kitchen that is only a few feet from the front door to find it empty. I then check the attached dining room, then the living room and the office that I'm not allowed it. I don't have to check the guest bathroom on the floor since the door is open. I go upstairs next. I check my dads room, the laundry room—even though he's not the one who does laundry, I do—, I check my room and both the master bathroom and mine. He not there either. I take two steps at a time down the stairs and rush to the basement door. I push it open and go running down the stairs no mater how many times my father had scolded me for doing just that. The entire basement is open—so I don't have another room to check in down here—, the floor scattered with discarded toys and a few couches, a TV, and bins full of my stuff. He isn't there either.

That's when I fall to the floor and break down.

I want my dad. Need him. But he's at work. He is always at work. He has to be. He is the only one who can take care of the family—of me—since my mom died giving birth to me. He worked from the ground up, starting as a part time worker and now one of the head of marketing. I should be proud but I don't actually care. I just want him here with me now. The house is too empty. I'm empty. I'm alone. I need him. I need someone.

I don't know how long I let myself cry but once I run out of tears one look at the clock tells me it's nine. That means I'll have to wait till at least eleven till he's back. I force myself to stand on my weak legs and walk all the way upstairs and to my bathroom. I don't look at the mirror because I'm sure the sight of myself will be enough to push me over the edge and end it all. I start to strip down but once I slip one arm out of my shirt I freak out. I start shaking and quickly put my arm back through my sleeve. I take several deep breaths and grip tightly to the counter in front of me. I stand up properly and start the shower. The only article of clothing I take off is my high top converse before stepping in to the warm water. The water beads roll down my back and flatten my hair to my face, my clothing sticking more and more to my frame every passing second. I just stand there for several minutes before my knees buckle and I fall until they hit the hard bottom of the bathtub. The pain doesn't even register in my body as I sit down. I shift so my knees are to my chest and hug them. I just want to be... just, just- less gross again.

My father finds me in the shower fully dressed and sitting on the ground hugging my knees. Of course the first thing he comments on is my clothing and how wet the floor is. "Are fucking kidding me?! I come home after working over 12 hours to this! You're lucky the water isn't leaking through the floor! And what the hell were you thinking going in the shower fully clothed?! They are going to have to dry before washed now! Just what we're you thinking?!" He shouts and tears find there ways to my eyes.

"I'm s..sorry. I j-just couldn't take them o..off. I'm sorry-y." I hug my knees tighter as the cold air attacks me now that the shower is off.

He slams his hand into the wall making me jump. "Stop crying! Real men don't fucking cry, got it?!" I nod my head as fast as I can while wiping my cheeks to the point my skin feels raw. "And what!, Are you a fucking baby now who needs his parents to dress and undress him?!" I shake my head just as fasts as before. "Then you could have fucking undressed yourself!"

Anxiety hammers my chest and I quickly look up at him in his eyes. "No! D..Dad, I-I,"

"You, what?" He spits out clearly mad at the amount of a mess I had made.

I attempt to swallow away the dryness that made my way to my throat but fail. I can't breathe. I don't want to tell him but I have to. "I-I, dad! H..He told m-me to stay a..after class. A-And grabbed m-me! A..And touched m..me and," I wipe away the new round of tears that found my eyes. "H-He r..r, r-r..raped me!" I finally get out before a new round of sobs find there way to my lips. I clutch at my knees and shake repetitively.

My father squats down next to me and sighs. He places a hand on my head and I flinch. He doesn't move it away and starts to pet my head and brush through my hair. I move quickly into the touch and grip on his arm while moving as close to him as I could. "Stop crying." He demands and I try to stop but it's too hard to. "I understand wanting attention from me since I'm not home a lot but really? You could have come up with a better lie."

My eyes widen and I shake my head. "D-Dad! N..No! It's-"

He cuts me off quickly. "What did I say about crying? And I know it's not true because, really? A guy getting raped? That's not something that actually happens. And let's say we are in this pretend world that guys actually do get raped, have you looked at what you're wearing?" I look down at what he asks and see the skimpy and revolting thing that I wear about once a week. I recoil at myself and he chuckles. "You see what I mean. I promise I'll try to free up sometime, uh, maybe next month? I'll do it when I can but it will be difficult since I don't have the time son." He chuckles a bit. "Just don't go telling people lies like this for more attention from now on, got it? And stop crying, you're not a child." He says to me before standing up and walking out the door. I sit there heartbroken and think about everything he said. He's right, I'm not a child, I'm 10. I need to grow up and start acting like a man.

This is the prologue for the next book I am going to publish. It will be rated mature and is really angsty so be prepared.

Give me your opinions! I love hearing what you guys have to think about my writing!

Till Next Time
Meowz~