when mark woke up, he was in his office, but he wasn't surprised about that. for some reason, sleeping in his bed felt wrong.

like maybe when he woke up, there would be nothing.

but in his studio it was fine, there was something, and that something was his phone.

opening his voicemail, he saw that there was one from donghyuck.

funny, the phone hadn't rung.

"hey mark," the voice said softly. "i know you're not happy with me right now because i have to go. but i will be back five days after our tenth anniversary, and we'll spend a whole week together." mark froze, trying to remember why donghyuck would be apologising.

then he remembered. donghyuck had a surprise trip that had overlapped directly with their tenth anniversary, and when mark had heard about it, they had had such a blow out fight that the neighbours said they might file a noise complaint.

but he'd left this morning. and mark was mad, but something in him screamed not to be too mad.
"i'm so sorry mark, and i'll make it up to you, i promise on everything. i am so sorry my love. i love you." and then the voicemail ended.

mark knew hyuck was sorry, but it didn't help the hole in his heart mark felt like was consuming everything.

he called hyuck back, but the phone didn't even ring before hyuck's voicemail answered.

mark didn't leave a message.

he didn't know why, he always left a message, but he didn't this time.

mark rang his brother instead, and jeno picked up the phone. "mark?"

"hyuck had a trip."

and jeno sighed like he knew it was coming. mark, for the first time, feels like he's in a loop.

as a writer, he knows what a loop is, he knows the proper human emotion right now should be anger but he feels like someone is poking holes into him like a pin cushion.

mark doesn't know why.

"so you'll be coming out with us?" jeno asked, and mark hummed yes as a response. "alright, we'll see you at four." mark already knew where, because it was where jisung worked, and their entire friend group loved to tease him by showing up randomly.

mark worked until three thirty, then stepped outside. it felt like the sun was laughing, and mark felt like he should know why.

but he didn't know.

after all, everything was okay. hyuck was on a trip, and he would forgive him when he came home.
everything was okay.

right?

mark made his way to the café and stepped in, seeing jaemin waiting in a booth, and he slid across the seat. "hi."

"mark." jaemin sounded tired, and Mark smiled wanly.

"is my brother driving you mad again?" jaemin's eyes finally met mark's, and mark could practically see the sorrow tearing through his pupils.

"no, i'm missing him."

"who?" mark asked innocently, and something flickered in jaemin.

just as he was going to say something, renjun slid into the booth.

and holy shit, renjun looked like he'd been dragged through hell. "are you okay?" mark asked, and renjun had the bitterest laugh escape his lips.

"no." and that was that. mark felt like he should know what was wrong, but he didn't.

he felt out of place as the rest of them filtered in, each looking terrible.

"are we going today?" chenle asked thickly, and jeno bit his lip.

"i don't want to," renjun sighed. "i'm sorry but i'm so drained i just want to go home and watch movies with you all there."

"i agree," jisung murmured as he sat down next to chenle. "but please, let's not watch anything to remind us of him."

"that's gonna be hard, he's everywhere," jaemin managed with a sorrowful smile. "hell, he's even here."

mark was lost. who, besides hyuck, was missing? they didn't have a friend who was gone, or anything dramatic.

they didn't have anyone who was nothing anymore.

"then let's go home." jeno sighed. "let's get drunk, and let's say goodbye to donghyuck in our own way."
"wait, he's just on a trip?" mark asked, and everyone stilled.

"no." renjun muttered. "no he isn't. mark, donghyuck is dead.

he has been for seven months."

-

did you know grief often blurs the lines of reality and time? the testament of a grieving person is often inaccurate - and the timeline never exactly adds up the way it should.