Apparently during the night I fell asleep.

I woke up to the feeling of the cold body of Mark Fischbach, his hand still attached to mine. Frozen. His touch compared to mine was freezing.

"Mark?" I whispered quietly, leaning up a little bit. I pulled my hand away and placed it on his cheek, "Mark? Sweetheart... Please wake up.." I choked on my words, the heart monitor was still beeping normally. When I looked at my other hand, I realized that the pulse ox meter was on my finger. Mark must've put it on me... But why ?

'So he wouldn't wake you up. He knew what was coming,' My subconscious told me, tears welled up in my eyes.

He's gone.

With a shaky hand, I put the pulse thing on his finger, and immediately the heart monitor went flatline.

This is really it, he's really gone.

"Mark!" I cried out, holding on to him, "No! You can't be dead! Please! You can't be gone, you can't go!"

I thought I was prepared for this, but I guess I had too much hope in my heart that he'd survive.

"I love you, baby please! Wake up!" I cried, nurses and doctors rushed in, pulling me off the bed, off away from Mark.

"Mark!" I screamed, bawling my eyes out, shaking my head in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. For that moment, everything was slow motion. I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything. I feel like I lost every part of me, the happiness I had of me. My mouth was open, so I presumed I was screaming. It felt like one of those movie scenes where the people were pulling the other away, the screaming was in slow motion, and quieted down, I didn't know this would ever happen. I was sent to another room, where I was put under watch by another doctor. All until long after that when my panic calmed and relaxed, when I was asked to leave the hospital and forced to go home.

~~~

It was a week later Mark had his funeral. People from school, who I don't even understand why came. They barely even knew Mark, in fact, they were some of the people who used to talk shit to him. Why would that be here?

Anger grew in me because of that.

His mom was here, and it took everything inside of me not to say anything. I had a feeling inside of me that it was her fault. It was her fault why he was gone.

I stood by his closed casket, staring down at it with a blank expression. Despite the thick lump in my throat, I wouldn't dare show my tears today. I wouldn't show that in front of everyone. A part of me wishes that his casket was opened, but I knew by his condition I, and everyone else wouldn't want to see that.

When we were all told to sit down, the priest came up to preach. Letting us know that God decided it was Mark's time to go.

I wanted to say something, to go against what he said, but I knew this was wrong. I knew going against ones belief was wrong. I knew saying the words I wanted to say in front of anyone would only get me in trouble.

I started spacing out, not listening to the religious talk anymore. It made me even more angrier.

Time seemed to go by slow, but when he finally stepped down it was people's turn to do speeches on Mark's behalf.

People from school, who I didn't even know, stood up, explaining how much Mark will be missed and yada yada yada.

Bullshit. You'll forget about him by tomorrow.

I balled my fist and took a deep breath. How dare these people try to act like they knew him? How dare they continue on like they didn't treat him like shit? I wish I could say something to them, maybe later today.

Yes, later today.

His mom came up, and by the looks of it she had been crying. Sobbing even. She got up there, and started a speech, "I.. As Mark's mother I have to admit, I haven't been the best mom," no shit, "I will never be able to forgive myself for what I've done in my life, Mark was an extraordinary child, he was smart, and just.." She sniffled,  "I don't know what to say, I never got to know him very well, I was always at work, and I was never home when he was," Liar. "If I could tell him anything now, it would be how I'm sorry, and that I love him, very, very much. I never got to tell him that, please keep him in your prayers," she said, before walking down from the podium.

My turn.

I stood up slowly, and begun walking up. Every step I took was hesitant, I felt like I should just turn around and sit back down but I knew what I needed to say, and I knew what I had to get out. When I got up there, I looked at everyone, and took a deep breath, and smiled softly at everyone, "I know today is a hard day for everyone, even for those who don't even know him at all,"I couldn't help but contain the slight bittersweet tone as I look towards the students but then back to looking at nothing in particular, switching my glances occasionally, "Someone comes into the world, and they're not here for that long. They have to go through so much suffering. You get to experience, love, and appreciate this person, and they're taken away from you so fast," my voice cracked slightly, and I cleared my throat," Mark wouldn't want us here crying our eyes out, he was all about making everyone happy, and keeping everyone happy. In my few weeks of knowing him, I got to know everything about him. We did everything together, we hung out together. I got to know his good side, " I paused and took a deep breath, "And his bad side." I couldn't help but look at his mom when I said that, mainly because I got to know him, and she didn't. She even said so herself. "Mark will always be in my heart, and I hope in all of yours," I turn to the casket, and stepped towards it, leaning over it and kissing the white wood, "I love you, Mark. I'll see you in the afterlife. Wait for me. "

It wasn't too long after I sat down when everyone was starting to leave when Mark's mother grabbed my arm and pulled me to her. It was just me, her and the casket in the church.

"It should've been you. Mark would've been better without you. "

~~~~~

I woke up with a start in the presence of a white room and bright lights. Breathing heavily. Where was I? I looked around, a hospital? Did something happened after the funeral? I felt a warmth on my hand, and looked down. A hand was holding mind, and a familiar red head had his head on the side of the bed, passed out.

Mark..