Trigger Warnings: Flashback of the rape. 

Jack's POV

1 week later : Friday

After the kiss we had a week prior, it's been different between me and Mark. The atmosphere between us as changed and...It's my fault. I guess I was consumed my fear. I was scared that our friendship would be over when romantic feelings got involved.

I was scared of everything.

During this week, my father had came to see me once. It was a weird experience, he wasn't drunk and he acted nice in a way, He wasn't calling me names, putting me down, and most of all, wasn't hitting me. This was my first time seeing him like this since we left Ireland. I had a feeling though he was only like this purely for the fact he was in a hospital, where if he tried to do anything he would get caught and more than likely sent to prison.

Right now I was alone, still in the hospital. It was apparently a lot worse than I thought, but on a good note, I was being discharged today. I had to be put on strict rules though, I couldn't do any physical activity, I had to be careful of what I did, and some others. I was still in a shit ton of pain, but I would be fine. I guess. I don't know. Physically, I'd be fine. Mentally? Not so much. Every night, I've had nightmares. Not just the normal ones I usually have, no. They're about what dad's friend did. When I wake up from them, it's a constant state of panic. I think it's happening again, and it feels so real. It feels like it's happening again, and it freaked me out.

Unfortunately, when I wake up in that state of panic, Mark isn't there. He had to go to school of course, but always afterwards he'd come and visit me, bring my school work, and yeah. It was nice of him. It really was. It was nice to have someone there with me, but now I'm not sure how I feel about it. I get the nonstop feeling of anxiety, especially at the time that Mark is supposed to come.

I've realized that I'm depending on him, and I don't know what to do.  I have two things to pick between. Either completely distance myself from him, or continue on letting myself depend on him for my life. That wasn't a healthy lifestyle, I knew that. But it felt right. Sort of. Whatever, I didn't want to think of this right now.

I waited for the day to pass, when Mark would get off of school and come meet me at the hospital to walk me home. Which should be any moment now.

Within twenty minutes, a knock was on my door, and in came my red headed friend. I smiled faintly, and stood up slowly. I was able to finally change into my clothes, and out of this terrible hospital gown.

"You ready to leave?" He asks me. I hesitated a little, before nodding, "You okay?"

"Yeah.." I said, inhaling deeply, "I'm a bit anxious, but it's okay. "

We both walked out, already having the okay from the doctors that I could leave. We had the discharge papers and everything.

We were walking a bit slowly, I knew I was just wasting time in order to in a way avoid going outside, but I knew I had to. I didn't know if I was making it obvious that I was internally freaking out, knowing me I was, but Mark grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. I could feel my body relax a little, but the panic was still there. With Mark holding my hand, we had picked up the pace just the slightest. 

When getting outside, it was sprinkling just the slightest, which was good. For me at least. I mean, it wasn't that sunny, but even then I still needed to squint my eyes just the slightest until my eyes adjusting. I squeezed Mark's hand, and I felt the panic increase in me. 

I was outside. Anything could happen. Someone could come out and attack, someone could... Could do anything! What if father came out and see me? What if that friend of his came out and took me somewhere private to.. I couldn't stop thinking of it. It was trapped in my head. At first it all started off as shock, but know that its all reality, it freaks me out. Fuck, what if it happens again? What if I can't stop him?  Everything started replaying in my head, and suddenly, I wasn't part of reality anymore. 

He threw me on the bed, feeling someone mess with the button on my pants, tearing them off, 'Stop,' I whimpered, trying to move, but he pushed me down roughly, turning me over where I was lying on my stomach. Everything was blurry, but I was still awake. I felt something tie around my wrist, the pressure getting tighter and tighter. Cutting off some of the circulation. I felt tears brim my eyes when I heard a belt being undone-

"Jack!" Mark's loud voice brought me out of my thoughts, we had stopped walking and he was in front of me. He was no longer holding my hand, though his hands were on my shoulders, "Calm down, okay?"

"H-Huh? I am calm!"

"Jack, you stopped all of a sudden. Your eyes were wide and you were breathing heavily.. You're crying.."

I widened my eyes at his words, wiping my eyes. He was right, I was crying. Quickly i wiped my face off, looking down at my feet, "I'm sorry.."

"Don't apologize, you went through some traumatic things and-"

"Don't.. Don't mention it.. Please," I didn't want what happened just now to happen again. "I don't even know what happened, I-I just started thinking about it then all of a sudden , it was happening! It happened!" I actually felt a pain in my chest, and the panic grew, "It happened! I feel it still, I feel the pain, it feels like it just happened again and-" I choked on my words, and started shaking uncontrollably fuck. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. I felt Mark's arms engulf me in a hug, "I'm so sorry. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to cry like this. I don't want to panic. I can't get the panic feeling out of me. I'm so scared, Mark," I rambled on, why was I talking so much. Mark only listened to me, tightening his arms around me. 

"Hey, I'm here to protect you, remember that, okay? We're gonna go back to my house, since my mother is at work. We'll talk it out, and you can cry as much as you want okay? Let's get out of public," His voice was soft, and he pulled back slightly so I could see his face. He smiled softly at me, and for once I couldn't return it. He must've understood. He didn't say anything. He moved to my side again, holding my hand. He was closer beside me than he was before. I felt a bit safer, but the panic still was growing inside of me as we continued. I tried putting my attention on nothing but Mark, but it was hard. 

"Mark, can you say something?" I asked, god dammit I sounded so fucking weak. I hated myself so much. 

"Of course," Mark's voice was incredibly soft, "We should go to the park sometime soon again. We had fun those few times we went," He said, looking at me. I nodded. Granted I really wanted to, but the thought of going out where father's friend could find me, freaked me out, "Or we can play games. Later tonight wanna play games?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I'd really like that."

While we walked to Mark's house, we talked about random stuff. Though I still had a bit of panic inside of me, it was distracting to talk to Mark about random things. 

When we got to his house, we just went and sat on his couch. We were sitting beside each other, once again talking about random stuff before deciding we'd watch a movie. We put in Star Wars: Episode IV, which was nice to watch as well. 

Granted it started off so well, but I could feel my mind start to wonder and I couldn't get it out of that area. I chewed on my lip. Moving slightly. Mark looked at me, not even having to say anything. His arm was around me and pulled me close. Feeling the warmth caused me to relax. Very little. I had to keep reminding myself that it was Mark, he wouldn't hurt me. I trusted him, and that was good. 

For the rest of the night, it went decent. Every time my mind would go off into a negative thought, I would just have to do something small, and right away Mark was able to help in some way. Whether it was by bringing up a random discussion, or simply by movement. At one point he'd gotten up and pulled me up along with him. Just trying to make me laugh.

It worked. Despite how horrid my mood was, he made me laugh. Little laughs, but it was better than nothing. 

When it was getting late, we were back on the couch. Mark was sitting down, and I was lying down with my head in his lap. 

"You should go to sleep," Mark said quietly, and I hummed quietly.

"I guess.."

"If you need me, I'll most likely be asleep, but wake me up. Okay?"

I nodded again as a response, I moved my head to look up at his face. He was smiling faintly, leaning down. I felt his lips press against my forehead. 

"Goodnight, Jack."

"Goodnight, Mark," My eyes closed, "Thank you so much." 

~~~~~~

A/N Hey everyone, I just wanted to say I'm sorry if this chapter is bad. I couldn't get myself to reread it with a fear. So I didn't get a chance to edit it. I hope you understand.

-Jake